Marriage

[bernard]

Has anybody any advice to give as to what is the polite Thai way of saying you do not agree to paying the 100,000 + gold to the parents of your intended bride?

[dutch]

first look at some previous topics about dowry.

If more questions,then specify a lttile bit and you will get plenty of reactions (again)

There is NO golden rule

[mouse]

Actually the amount is to be negotiated by the Mother of the bride and an elderly person that represents you.

[KevinN]

I don't know what you are going to do.

But my way of a polite refusal would be to say very firmly,GOODBYE. with a smile on my face and thank my lucky stars that I was smart enough to get out while the gettin was good.

[Bluecat]

first look at some previous topics about dowry.

If more questions,then specify a lttile bit and you will get plenty of reactions (again)

There is NO golden rule

This topic has been discussed and discussed and discussed,...

Touchy subject, to say the least,...

[bernard]

Thanks for the advice. I've viewed all the previous replies on the topic and I get the picture. Thanks especially to you dutch and to Dr PP's consolidated remarks. I'll consider this to be closed now. I know it is an exhausted subject. However, us newbies may not have come across it before. To you senior members it maybe boring old hat stuff. Please have some patience with the newbies.

[Bluecat]

Please have some patience with the newbies.

We have, not only with the new ones but with everybody.

You will notice that the ones surviving on any forum are the patient ones,...

[bernard]

Thank you bluecat for your patience.

[markt]

Has anybody any advice to give as to what is the polite Thai way of saying you do not agree to paying the 100,000 + gold to the parents of your intended bride?

Mai hai krap!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Thanks for the advice. I've viewed all the previous replies on the topic and I get the picture. Thanks especially to you dutch and to Dr PP's consolidated remarks. I'll consider this to be closed now. I know it is an exhausted subject. However, us newbies may not have come across it before. To you senior members it maybe boring old hat stuff. Please have some patience with the newbies.

Bernard...put the topic into search and you will find bulk information. I think the won't pays outnumber the will pays somewhat. It is quite often a big face thing for the family and the money is returned to the bride and groom after the public display of your largesse. Talk it over with the bride to be as well. Be aware that this won't be the first family attack on your purse. Good luck with it all.

[Khutan]

I would be asking of the 100k how much is coming back after the wedding.

[Up2U]

Be aware that this won't be the first family attack on your purse. Good luck with it all.

Won't be the last, either . Not by a long chalk

[Mig15]

Can’t someone do up some kind of sliding scale on Excel to work out the appropriate amount?

[organic]

How about:

Mai mee satang

[chanchao]

> what is the polite Thai way of saying you do not agree to paying the 100,000 + gold

Here you are: ¿Ñ¡ ÍÍ¿¿ì

Has this women been married before? Then it becomes real easy. Perhaps less so if she's young, virgin and has a university degree.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[meemiathai]

The best way is to marry a farang lady.

[sbk]

my Thai husband agreed.

[Boon Mee]

Please have some patience with the newbies.

We have, not only with the new ones but with everybody.

You will notice that the ones surviving on any forum are the patient ones,...

Does that statement include "The Gentleperson"?...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Where are you at Bernard ? What are your thoughts right now, and what do you propose to do ?

[Mac_39]

100,000 B is very cheap , you tight arse.

Mac.

[Yohan]

100.000 Baht? and some gold ring?

Maybe most will be spent anyway for the marriage party.....

I think, you should only marry, if you are financially stable and if you can afford some expenses. You should study a bit about Thailand and the customs and culture, if you take a girl from there. Thailand is not like the USA.

Thai people take marriage seriously in their lives, especially parents are often worried about the future of their daughters and the own future too, as often nobody cares for the old ones in Thailand.

100.000 Baht and some gold ring sounds me very modest. Maybe you can tell us more about yourself and the girl and the status of her parents.

You should offer some care about her parents, like a regular monthly pay to them, if they are old and have no own income. This is the custom in Thailand, especially the oldest daughter has the duty to consider the old parents!

If you cannot pay anything for the marriage and if you are unwilling to pay some regular support for their parents, then you should consider, not to marry this Thai girl.

There are however many Thai girls who do not have any firm connection with their parents, or for other various reasons do not expect any payments from the husband. Maybe such an independent girl fits you better.

Johann

[bernard]

Thank you all for the varied advice. I have spoken with the head man in the village and he basically agrees with me. As do all the monks in the temple. The fact that I have built a house for my wife to be and her children from her previous marriage. Enabled her children to go to a good school. Built a house for her mother and father and bought a pickup for them too. Oh yes, and my intended and I have a lovely daughter together already, seemed to do the trick.

Mind you before any of you get the wrong idea, this was all done previously because I truely wanted to do it. Not, to be like many farang I see who are just showing off.

Maybe, I have put the cart before the horse. But, that's just me. The amount doesn't matter, it was the principle. Her parents have not asked for any money. Now my future wife has agreed as well. She still thinks I'm keeniow. But, I can live with that.

[markt]

She still thinks I'm keeniow. But, I can live with that.

I do hope that was a joke Bernard.

She sounds quite fortunate to be marrying you.

Good luck!

[bernard]

Yeah! I know she is only joking.

[marto]

The best way is to marry a farang lady.

Do you know how to understand if a farang man has spent a lot of time in LOS?

1. He always drinks his beer on ice.

2. He always eats his pizza with sticks.

3. When he meets farang lady on the street he always gives the woman an eye and moans unhappy.

[marto]

100,000 B is very cheap , you tight arse.

Mac.

Hmm... How many buffalos you can buy at this money?

[meemiathai]

So.... you have bought them 2 houses and a pickup already...

And the problem now is the 100000 baht and some gold?

The amount doesn't matter, it was the principle.

I don't understand the principle???

And for, Yohan, very nice input. "kau jai mak mak"

[chanchao]

> So.... you have bought them 2 houses and a pickup already..

> And the problem now is the 100000 baht and some gold?

What I find remarkable that the Mrs. still dares to call him 'khee niow' after that!! Some mouth-washing with soap and water would definitely be in order after that.

>> The amount doesn't matter, it was the principle.

> I don't understand the principle???

I don't know where you're from, but in my culture it's distinctly not-done to buy a wife. Massive loss of face for me. I'm from Western Europe.

BTW: For any woman who's been married before (or even has kids!), dowry HAS ALREADY BEEN PAID. People who are claiming "it's Thai culture" in this case are lying. No Thai man is his right mind would pay dowry for used goods. And why are the parents looking to milk this cow twice, so to say??

Cheers,

Chanchao

[meemiathai]

It is fine to say

in my culture it's distinctly not-done to buy a wife. Massive loss of face for me. I'm from Western Europe.

but then you say

BTW: For any woman who's been married before (or even has kids!), dowry HAS ALREADY BEEN PAID. People who are claiming "it's Thai culture" in this case are lying. No Thai man is his right mind would pay dowry for used goods. And why are the parents looking to milk this cow twice, so to say??

At one point you choose not to follow a culture but at the other when it's of self benefit, you use it? Double standard?

used goods

Really sad to hear that!

[meemiathai]

What I find remarkable that the Mrs. still dares to call him 'khee niow' after that!! Some mouth-washing with soap and water would definitely be in order after that.

It's the couple's own business.

Pay some respect to other people's wife, guys!