My partner does not communicate

[AnotherOneAmerican]

It's not working.... yes.

Moving on is sometimes tricky. You think you will find better then you discover 10 different issues you didn't have with a previous girlfriend. I am thinking now that I am in Thailand what crap I am going to have to deal with if I "move on". Crap like girl in debt, girl sending money to her family, girl cheating, lazy gf with no job, stupid, worrying about STD's, etc..... I have none if these problems with my current girl.

Communication is a big issue for me, though.

If you aren't worried about sex, and can't communicate with her, why are you living with her?

Why not move out and just live alone?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Got to say your post sounds like whining little boy and you bored me, and I haven't even met you yet let alone lived with you or copulated with you.

What makes you think she is the problem? More than likely she is just hoping you will sling your hook and she can get back on with her life.

Do the right thing

Are you the type of person who suddenly became super popular once you moved to Thailand? It kinda explains the self confidence you just showed on anonymous forum.

Edited August 15, 2014 by theguyfromanotherforum

[FritsSikkink]

Communication is a big issue for me, though.

Learn how to speak Thai then.

[Loptr]

Life is too short, especially if you are not happy... Sounds like it's not really a good fit between the OP and his GF... Time to move one...

That's why dating is important before you move in together... There is nothing worse than falling in love with someone, only to find out over time that you really don't like them as a person...

[BadBouy]

When i read on these boards about all the problems guys have with Thai women ,i just cannot understand why so many have a problem ,in 24 years i had 2 Thai girlfiends here and in the UK both were really nice and no problem at all ,we just broke up on good terms ,my wife is a little ,(not little she is quite tall) treasure ,hard working ,loving and has been a great mum ,both in the UK and here in Thailand . the only thing i can think is that either the guy is not the best partner or they came here on a two week holiday and fell in love with the first bar girl with no manners or education that they rogered. apart from that ,i know shit happens even to the best of us ,but those guys rarely write their experiences down .

And talking about the first girl they rogered ,i have an aquaintance coming back soon who has"fallen in love" he thinks she is back at the farm waiting for him ,in fact she is still in the bar ,and going to meet him at the airport and take him home ,question ,should i tell him? the wife says ,as he isnt a good friend let him make his own mistakes ,he wont thank you.

Oh ,to the op ,move on lifes to short.

If he is your friend you should tell him now so he can make up his mind about what he wants to do about it. If he still want to go for it at least you warned him.

[ronthai]

Nomination on the scale of stupidity from 1 to 10 (10 is "this farang/OP is the smartest guy ever ")

I'll give him a 10+

Edited August 15, 2014 by ronthai

[pnu]

I speak of myself and for myself under god, hopefully you can use some of what i share.

Regarding my experience with the 5 Thai Gfs i have had over the last 5 years.

Communication is always a problem with the language barrier, showing that interest in living here by learning the language even on a low level do seem to soften this issue.

Been living here 3½ years in a straight line and do speak the low level/normal usage Thai fairly well.

I have stayed with my present gf for almost 2 years and its going great for both of us.

the general things:

Finding a girl is like going to the lottery that goes for any country, if lucky you might find that genuine good connection, but will still demand work and adaptation from both. If unlucky it will demand a lot of work and may not even be worth it. but we are human beings here.. so..

Money and status to my experience is usually an issue. That said not all want to lower themselves to be hookers but would still want a husband who is good hearted and fun to be around.

Lot of weight on fun even though it is very individual what that is. Not all want drinks and bars.. some actually rather despises it.

My understanding is Thai culture put a lot on status and respect. Barn sod is one of these cultural things that used to be an insurance for the girls future, paying this shows that your serious. however..

In these modern times a certain careful way must be admitted. My thought up solution should i ever be in this situation is.. go to the bank, open a mutual account that will demand both be there to withdraw the money and with the her only able to get the money. call the account barn sod. withdraw it only after marriage.

If this will actually work im not sure, it will depend on the parents how well accepted this would be. ones own oppinion could be swayed with the reaction as well...

My experience with woman in general but certainly will apply in excess to thai woman is.. you need infeeling or there is gonna be an issue with misunderstandings.

Learn thai, even if it doesn't work out with this girl, if there is a plan to stay here things will be easier. I started with the alphabet which makes it a whole lot easier with the 5 tones. but there's different ways to start out. I'd start out with the numbers and the tones on those.. use your internet.

anyway this is not a language discussion as such

Another thing to work out is.. is this salvageable? pro and cons. is there are common connection?

Unfortunately to my experience Thai woman don't own much patience as to dating..

Some look for a second bf to support them.. This is always a problem when being a guest in a semi poor foreign country.

Sometimes it's also just a misfit with way to much work ahead to even get semi working... in that case move on, it would be better finding a poor las and work your way up together with her.

Is there any issues with one self that may scare her from trusting? What kind of corruption do one self hold? can she manage that?

just a bit of dust from my treasury good luck god bless

[AdamRich]

Hahaha. Surely this was not written by a guy. If you want communication then get a dog. The beauty of having someone of a different culture and language is so you won't be forced to do all of that communicating jazz. It would just cause more problems. People are happier when they don't know or literally can't understand what the other person is complaining about. And why are people so quick to get married or want to get married, especially in the face of adversity? If I just get married to them then all of these problems will go away. No, the problems will become much worse.

[Somtamnication]

The problem is obvious: You didn't buy her enough gold.

[enyaw]

When she does communicate and calls you boring does she gesticulate with 3 fingers as maybe she just wants you to take her for a night out bowling?

Edited August 15, 2014 by enyaw

[thairastawoman]

So lucky ! Someone who doesn't speak too much in Thailand ! Never seen any and getting fed up with their usual BS talk !!!

[bkkgooner]

It's not working.... yes.

Moving on is sometimes tricky. You think you will find better then you discover 10 different issues you didn't have with a previous girlfriend. I am thinking now that I am in Thailand what crap I am going to have to deal with if I "move on". Crap like girl in debt, girl sending money to her family, girl cheating, lazy gf with no job, stupid, worrying about STD's, etc..... I have none if these problems with my current girl.

Communication is a big issue for me, though.

Only going to have those problems if you choose a whore as a girlfriend. There are plenty of attractive decent girls in Bangkok, go find one and best of luck. If you're not happy and you're not married and have no kids then don't stick around in a dead end relationship.

[BrianMc]

hate to tell you this but you dont stay with someone because they are high up on your issues list. Most people stay with their other half because they love each other, without love you basically have nothing. If you want someone to warm your bed fine, but if you want a relationship then you need to change your attitude. Seems to me you simply want company without any other issues raising their heads, maybe you would be better off buying yourself a dog, they are loyal and dont cause any "personal" issues. If you want more find someone you can love.

What do I need to do to change my attitude? I am showing plenty of luv. I am quite lost by this post to be honest. If you are implying that this is a relationship of convenience all I can say that it did not start that way.

Are you suggesting I should settle for any girl as long as we "love" each other? Regardless of her drug habits, financial issues, lies, etc....? Sorry, but I have been around and it simply doesn't work that way. As for a dog as I mentioned earlier I have asthma, so any animal is out of the question.

[JLCrab]

I speak of myself and for myself under god, hopefully you can use some of what i share.

Regarding my experience with the 5 Thai Gfs i have had over the last 5 years.

Communication is always a problem with the language barrier, showing that interest in living here by learning the language even on a low level do seem to soften this issue.

Been living here 3½ years in a straight line and do speak the low level/normal usage Thai fairly well.

I have stayed with my present gf for almost 2 years and its going great for both of us.

the general things:

Finding a girl is like going to the lottery that goes for any country, if lucky you might find that genuine good connection, but will still demand work and adaptation from both. If unlucky it will demand a lot of work and may not even be worth it. but we are human beings here.. so..

Money and status to my experience is usually an issue. That said not all want to lower themselves to be hookers but would still want a husband who is good hearted and fun to be around.

Lot of weight on fun even though it is very individual what that is. Not all want drinks and bars.. some actually rather despises it.

My understanding is Thai culture put a lot on status and respect. Barn sod is one of these cultural things that used to be an insurance for the girls future, paying this shows that your serious. however..

In these modern times a certain careful way must be admitted. My thought up solution should i ever be in this situation is.. go to the bank, open a mutual account that will demand both be there to withdraw the money and with the her only able to get the money. call the account barn sod. withdraw it only after marriage.

If this will actually work im not sure, it will depend on the parents how well accepted this would be. ones own oppinion could be swayed with the reaction as well...

My experience with woman in general but certainly will apply in excess to thai woman is.. you need infeeling or there is gonna be an issue with misunderstandings.

Learn thai, even if it doesn't work out with this girl, if there is a plan to stay here things will be easier. I started with the alphabet which makes it a whole lot easier with the 5 tones. but there's different ways to start out. I'd start out with the numbers and the tones on those.. use your internet.

anyway this is not a language discussion as such

Another thing to work out is.. is this salvageable? pro and cons. is there are common connection?

Unfortunately to my experience Thai woman don't own much patience as to dating..

Some look for a second bf to support them.. This is always a problem when being a guest in a semi poor foreign country.

Sometimes it's also just a misfit with way to much work ahead to even get semi working... in that case move on, it would be better finding a poor las and work your way up together with her.

Is there any issues with one self that may scare her from trusting? What kind of corruption do one self hold? can she manage that?

just a bit of dust from my treasury good luck god bless

... and if you sign-up now you'll receive a 50% discount on our next webinar session.

[Cuddlycat]

I am Thai and I always believe that language barrier is a big part of communication. I think I speak English just fine. Actually my writing is better than speaking.

When you mentioned about communication, was it about relationship or just anything?

With a language barrier, we listen English-translate to Thai. Think in Thai-translate to English then speak. Trust me, there always be misinterpreted.

It's easy to walk away from relationship. Every relationship has up and down. Not everyone always have happy days.

Perhaps you should sit her down and tell her what you have in your mind and how you want her to communicate with you.

I just can tell you one thing, when women say "nothing" it obviously that there is something.

Best of luck

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited August 16, 2014 by Cuddlycat

[featography]

Married to the same (Thai) woman for 9 yrs. What I have learned;

1-Thai women (presumably) all Asian women in Asia, are raised to run the household, finances included. They make most of the decisions. This is a big problem for most Western men. We are raised to wear the pants in the family.

2-In the West, if a wife/gf goes silent after a spat, its a sign of impending fight or pay back. If a Thai wife/gf goes silent its to contemplate what was said, and how she will ADJUST her attitude or thoughts. Just as likely a compromise will come out of it. Also silent time allows her temper to recede, and to calmly give her feelings or opinions to her man. Sure beats a screaming match.

3-Thai women are raised not to be touchy feely cuddling creatures. It tends to make them shy back, for sure in public, and it can carry over when alone together. Does not necessarily mean a bad relationship.

4- Raising a voice to a Thai is a NO NO. It will drive them quickly withdraw from showing affection indefinitely. It takes a lot of time to undo that, and even harder to break the habit of raising our voice.

5- When guilty of #4, quietly apologize. That will gain a ton of respect.

6-Thai women want to be proud to have a farang bf/husband so it is important to fake it til you make it if you dont speak Thai. Wear the smile at all times, wai everyone in her circle of friends, if they are laughing over funny stories, laugh with them. It doesnt matter that they know you dont speak Thai or understand them. You will find your woman will tell you what was said and what was so funny. Volunteer your funny stories to the group, so she can translate to the group. They are a curious breed and will want to know what you said. Some of my wife's best memories before her dad passed away was my sitting with him while he still had his health, he talking in Thai, I talking in English. No understanding, but we both laughed at the conversations. At every meeting, when he saw me he got the biggest grin and always waved me over to sit with him. Daughters LOVE this.

7- Thai are social creatures. You dont have to spend much money to make a woman happy. When you will see her family, pick up some food, trinkets,a reasonable priced item they dont have and would really use, whatever and give to them. Its the small things that carry the most weight. All I see on TV is farang whining that Thai women want money, gold, house, car etc etc etc. They all love FOOD! Take food to her family. It becomes a party and they didnt have to pay for it and you become part of it, a member of the family.

8- You said you live in her home for free? If you are not contributing money for at least half the living expenses, you have no Thai value and are an embarrassment and or a shame to her family and friends. I hope you have been contributing all along. If not, correct that issue or move out. If you dont, it can and will get much worse. Remember the old Thai proverb, ''No money, no honey''

Edited August 16, 2014 by featography

[shaurene]

It's not working.... yes.

Moving on is sometimes tricky. You think you will find better then you discover 10 different issues you didn't have with a previous girlfriend. I am thinking now that I am in Thailand what crap I am going to have to deal with if I "move on". Crap like girl in debt, girl sending money to her family, girl cheating, lazy gf with no job, stupid, worrying about STD's, etc..... I have none if these problems with my current girl.

Communication is a big issue for me, though.

Your reasons to stay with her are bad, you do not stay with her just because she pays for things, to stay with a lady you need love, friendship, trust, communication, feelings. You should move on if not you could find yourself in an dangerous situation later.

Move on meet another and another until you feel comfortable with one. How old are you. Is it you with the sex problem. Go for someone in your age bracket and move out of Bangkok.

I am 73 in December my wife is 44 she has a heart of gold we talk a lot of personal things, she talks to me when she does not start her periods and I talk with her that I think she is starting in her menopause, we discuss all things, been together 7yrs married 5yrs. She is my life. I am very lucky.

[JLCrab]

#1 - #10 IMHO any Thai woman who does not come off in (to use the late Elizabeth Taylor's words) an 'avaricious bitch' is faking it.

BTW one of my favorite communications with the (much) younger Thai lady loosely translated:

Me: I guess you think with a set of t-ts like that you can get anything you want?

Her: Yes.

Edited August 16, 2014 by JLCrab

[Cuddlycat]

Married to the same (Thai) woman for 9 yrs. What I have learned;

1-Thai women (presumably) all Asian women in Asia, are raised to run the household, finances included. They make most of the decisions. This is a big problem for most Western men. We are raised to wear the pants in the family.

2-In the West, if a wife/gf goes silent after a spat, its a sign of impending fight or pay back. If a Thai wife/gf goes silent its to contemplate what was said, and how she will ADJUST her attitude or thoughts. Just as likely a compromise will come out of it. Also silent time allows her temper to recede, and to calmly give her feelings or opinions to her man. Sure beats a screaming match.

3-Thai women are raised not to be touchy feely cuddling creatures. It tends to make them shy back, for sure in public, and it can carry over when alone together. Does not necessarily mean a bad relationship.

4- Raising a voice to a Thai is a NO NO. It will drive them quickly withdraw from showing affection indefinitely. It takes a lot of time to undo that, and even harder to break the habit of raising our voice.

5- When guilty of #4, quietly apologize. That will gain a ton of respect.

6-Thai women want to be proud to have a farang bf/husband so it is important to fake it til you make it if you dont speak Thai. Wear the smile at all times, wai everyone in her circle of friends, if they are laughing over funny stories, laugh with them. It doesnt matter that they know you dont speak Thai or understand them. You will find your woman will tell you what was said and what was so funny. Volunteer your funny stories to the group, so she can translate to the group. They are a curious breed and will want to know what you said. Some of my wife's best memories before her dad passed away was my sitting with him while he still had his health, he talking in Thai, I talking in English. No understanding, but we both laughed at the conversations. At every meeting, when he saw me he got the biggest grin and always waved me over to sit with him. Daughters LOVE this.

6- Thai are social creatures. You dont have to spend much money to make a woman happy. When you will see her family, pick up some food, trinkets,a reasonable priced item they dont have and would really use, whatever and give to them. Its the small things that carry the most weight. All I see on TV is farang whining that Thai women want money, gold, house, car etc etc etc. They all love FOOD! Take food to her family. It becomes a party and they didnt have to pay for it and you become part of it, a member of the family.

There is more but this is a good start. No ''good luck''. I offer, ''good success''

I agree that the way Farangs express their emotion always looks like they are raising their voice. It always irritate me. I have to explain what my husband should beware regards the culture different.

Many times I say "nothing" because I don't want an argument as I never had a chance to finish my statement. I rather tell my husband later what I have in my mind.

It's not right to live in someone's house and does NOT contribute anything. I saw many men complain about how Thai women are gold digger and such. Contribute nothing is not an excuse to make her look different than the gold digger.

There are lots if comment in here and I may miss some. If you have a job you should contribute half of the bills. When you go out you should switch to pay the bill regards to life style you two have (as I have no clue) no women likes to pay everything while men paid nothing especially if the man has an income.

Thai women barely be "in your face" person. Thai women tend to keep a feeling and stay quiet and let you figure out what's wrong.

But again, we are all different. We were raised up different and none of us walk others's path.

Relationship is two men's job. Do your best with what your heart tells you too. No matter what people say to you, it will be your decision to make.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited August 16, 2014 by Cuddlycat

[Straight8]

When i read on these boards about all the problems guys have with Thai women ,i just cannot understand why so many have a problem ,in 24 years i had 2 Thai girlfiends here and in the UK both were really nice and no problem at all ,we just broke up on good terms ,my wife is a little ,(not little she is quite tall) treasure ,hard working ,loving and has been a great mum ,both in the UK and here in Thailand . the only thing i can think is that either the guy is not the best partner or they came here on a two week holiday and fell in love with the first bar girl with no manners or education that they rogered. apart from that ,i know shit happens even to the best of us ,but those guys rarely write their experiences down .

And talking about the first girl they rogered ,i have an aquaintance coming back soon who has"fallen in love" he thinks she is back at the farm waiting for him ,in fact she is still in the bar ,and going to meet him at the airport and take him home ,question ,should i tell him? the wife says ,as he isnt a good friend let him make his own mistakes ,he wont thank you.

Oh ,to the op ,move on lifes to short.

If he is your friend you should tell him now so he can make up his mind about what he wants to do about it. If he still want to go for it at least you warned him.

Hey BB, have you ever had a friend in a similar situation??

Let me tell you and Claudius can probably concur, these types of guys are like a runaway train. Brains are packed at the airport, money no problem [pockets full] they're in LOVE!! You can show them conclusive evidence and it won't make an ounce of difference. In order to keep your friendship with them [some are good friends] you just gotta sit back and watch the train wreck!!

I use to shake my head at the stupidity displayed by people I would read online, but when you see it happening to those you know, you begin to appreciate how lucky you are not to be in that league.. the elite I call them!!

Edited August 16, 2014 by Straight8

[Straight8]

Hahaha. Surely this was not written by a guy. If you want communication then get a dog. The beauty of having someone of a different culture and language is so you won't be forced to do all of that communicating jazz. It would just cause more problems. People are happier when they don't know or literally can't understand what the other person is complaining about. And why are people so quick to get married or want to get married, especially in the face of adversity? If I just get married to them then all of these problems will go away. No, the problems will become much worse.

You mean like trying to chew your ear off while watching your favourite sport??

Honey this is why I have promoted you Manager of the kitchen and laundry. You have full control to whatever u like in there.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Your reasons to stay with her are bad, you do not stay with her just because she pays for things, to stay with a lady you need love, friendship, trust, communication, feelings. You should move on if not you could find yourself in an dangerous situation later.

Move on meet another and another until you feel comfortable with one. How old are you. Is it you with the sex problem. Go for someone in your age bracket and move out of Bangkok.

I am 73 in December my wife is 44 she has a heart of gold we talk a lot of personal things, she talks to me when she does not start her periods and I talk with her that I think she is starting in her menopause, we discuss all things, been together 7yrs married 5yrs. She is my life. I am very lucky.

A lot of things to chew on, but I'll answer this one.

Of course I am not with her because of money. I pay back in different ways, so I don't have a feeling I am taking advantage of her. I also offered to pay rent which she flat out refused.... many times. When I speak about her generosity, I am mostly speaking of subtle things I never experienced with someone else. For example, one day I mentioned that I had a problem with my bank card, but there is no issue since I can still pay for food with my credit card and will call my bank and resolve it on Monday. Next morning when she went to work she basically emptied her wallet and put all the money in mine. She didn't say anything before or after. I mean.... everyone I know would at least point out their generosity and say "look! Ain't I great! I gave you some money!", but not she.

It is gestures like this that I really appreciate with her.

[choochoo]

Only going to have those problems if you choose a whore as a girlfriend. There are plenty of attractive decent girls in Bangkok, go find one and best of luck.

CORRECTION!

Theres plenty of un-attractive non-decent girls in bkk................lol. The hot decent girls dont want foreign slob for bf....................lol.

[JLCrab]

Sometimes the hot decent Thai girls are also bored with all the hot Thai men or farang that have been bothering them since they were 16 years old.

[spidermike007]

One is compelled to ask why you are living with her. Or with her at all. Free rent, and free meals is not enough, unless you just do not put much value on your time, your quality of life, or the level of fulfillment you experience every day. There are some really great gals here. Believe me when I tell you that you do not have one. Her income or her assets do not define her. Yes, she may be generous, and that is a good quality. But, sounds like she does not have much else, and any man worth his weight in salt would tend to agree. Get out as fast as you can. Within 48 hours, if possible. Times a wasting. Your life is clicking by. You are doing a huge dishonor to yourself by staying in a relationship that is so terribly unfulfilling. And yes, it is better for you to pay rent, so that you maintain control. But, in this case, it will be pretty simple to just pack your bags and leave. If it were me, I would have been out of there a long, long time ago. Make a list of her redeeming qualities. Pros and cons. It might help you to overcome the tremendous sense of inertia that has gripped you.

[choochoo]

One is compelled to ask why you are living with her. Or with her at all. Free rent, and free meals is not enough, unless you just do not put much value on your time, your quality of life, or the level of fulfillment you experience every day. There are some really great gals here. Believe me when I tell you that you do not have one. Her income or her assets do not define her. Yes, she may be generous, and that is a good quality. But, sounds like she does not have much else, and any man worth his weight in salt would tend to agree. Get out as fast as you can. Within 48 hours, if possible. Times a wasting. Your life is clicking by. You are doing a huge dishonor to yourself by staying in a relationship that is so terribly unfulfilling. And yes, it is better for you to pay rent, so that you maintain control. But, in this case, it will be pretty simple to just pack your bags and leave. If it were me, I would have been out of there a long, long time ago. Make a list of her redeeming qualities. Pros and cons. It might help you to overcome the tremendous sense of inertia that has gripped you.

One must conclude op is just not that smart...................lol. What else could it be? He says he has his own money.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Only going to have those problems if you choose a whore as a girlfriend. There are plenty of attractive decent girls in Bangkok, go find one and best of luck.

CORRECTION!

Theres plenty of un-attractive non-decent girls in bkk................lol. The hot decent girls dont want foreign slob for bf....................lol.

I said I appreciate the harsh comments. Not stupid comments without any thought put into it, lol.

[JLCrab]

Only going to have those problems if you choose a whore as a girlfriend. There are plenty of attractive decent girls in Bangkok, go find one and best of luck.

CORRECTION!

Theres plenty of un-attractive non-decent girls in bkk................lol. The hot decent girls dont want foreign slob for bf....................lol.

I said I appreciate the harsh comments. Not stupid comments without any thought put into it, lol.

other guys she could easily do so fan-onky room or not.

That's OK -- the guy said that I pay for the TGF to have a small fan-only room for yourself, she can now use it to screw other guys. If she really wanted to screw other guys, she could do so easily fan-only room or not.

[Brit_Doggie]

Well congrats man she doesn't talk/have sex you got yourself a good lady,don't spoil the good life and get married next it will be kids blah blah,enjoy it whilst you can.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Well congrats man she doesn't talk/have sex you got yourself a good lady,don't spoil the good life and get married next it will be kids blah blah,enjoy it whilst you can.

I think I can sniff a bit of sarcasm