In trouble for trying to be charitable

[TinaKohChang]

.... let them watch this:

[Docno]

I asked my gf about this and she couldn't figure out what the problem might be. Not so long ago, we brought a bunch of stationary, sports, and music-related items to a rural school in a poorer area, and they were very much appreciated. We cleared it with the principle first and when we came back, he had a arranged a big 'ceremony' in which the kids lined up one-by-one to receive their 'gifts'. They were beaming... the frisbees were the biggest hit. So there's nothing general in Thai culture about this sort of thing, though there may be some specific beliefs about hospitals or the nature of the gifts donated. That said, my gf was unaware of such norms/taboos.

[puuchai299]

Making communal gifts for total strangers who did not ask for them seems indeed

like a very odd thing to do.

I myself would have thought that you're either affection-starved or attention-starved.

Being black does not help.

All the same, you should have taken into account that there may be deep-rooted

differences between this country & yours, .... When the idea was still brewing in your head,

that was the time to talk it over with the Headmaster and at least with one of the physicians

in the hospital, prior to performing your 'charitable' deed, in order to assess its propriety

and avoid a faux pas.

Turning up with a bunch of toilet rolls in a hospital? What was your true motive?

To gain their affection? their sympathy? To make friends? To improve your reputation

in the community?

A sip of milk is not going to do anything to improve anyone's life.

And hospitals here certainly lack neither milk nor toilet rolls.

There are a million motives for a seemingly 'charitable' action, and most are of dubious

nature.

The main one is always the real thing. But the giver himself only knows it.

If genuine unadulterated love & compassion had prompted the deed, why

did you not send an anonymous closed envelop with a few thousand baht

via the Headmaster or another trusted person? And kept it a secret?

Instead you choose to shout your failed deed to the four winds (is it 4?).

If you had the cash to spare & the desire to help, you could have found out

who your most dispossessed pupils are, visited their homes accompanied

by their homeroom teachers, and offer their parents a donation towards

food or other household expenses.

Too much work?

Yup, certainly a great deal harder than dropping by the local grocer's for

a bit of milk.

It's so true what someone said: that 'the more something costs you, the more

the love that goes into it' ... & the more genuine the deed is, absolutely.

Your first duty, though, is towards the people next to you.

And gifts must be made within a context that makes sense socially and

culturally.

Had you taken the trouble to look into what the community most needs,

you would not doubt have discovered that a small donation of edibles

to the local temple would have been quite welcome, ... as a number of

posters here have already pointed out.

In truth, you acted rashly and selfishly, entirely overlooking people's

feelings.

Aimless giving achieves nothing, ... it may, as it did here, backfire, ... &

it is the result of a mere impulse that in nothing resembles authentic

self-sacrificing charity.

Not to worry, though.

It was a blunder, but not the end of the world.

There will be opportunity to atone, to display not impulsive blind generosity

but a deeper, authentic & more mature consideration of others.

Meanwhile, just smile, & laugh at yourself.

And if met with a smirk, say truthfully & humbly, "i am very ignorant. I've got

a lot to learn".

Tzar

What an insultive post,what the hell has the color of someone's skin got to do with it???

Maybe you would find a gift from a thai insultive because they have brown skin??

Puchai 299:

Reading comprehension, ... ought you not to practise a tad more of that art?

You see, blacks have an even harder time than whites in these latitudes, ...

oftentimes they're avoided or rejected solely on account of their race.

So i naturally thought that the OP might be feeling lonely & at times frustrated

on account of the discrimination he's likely to be facing, and to compensate for it,

he tried to 'prove' that he deserves more credit.

I could have been wrong. He may be a Christian trying to secure entrance to

Heaven. He alone knows.

But there are no insults at all, my dear Puchai.

I wrote feeling the empathy & sympathy that comes from having had very similar

experiences & having made even worse blunders than he has.

We're in the same boat, are we not?

Now it turns out that he's also quite young & inexperienced.

Please don't try to make out malice where none was intended.

I have not watched a single TV programme or TV ad for 10 years now. My usage

of the language may hence be quite unlike mainstream posters. Whatever little i

may know of political correctness i flat out reject.

As for receiving gifts from brown-skinned Thais, or Thais of any colour for that

matter, or any person of good will anywhere, it does make me very happy.

Tzar.

I think i read it quite well,maybe you should study writing comprehension a bit more...

[JDGRUEN]

'10 other colleagues' all Thai?

[Upset]

Hmm...u said from from the African continent...well why not do some charity there instead...millions are dying there in Africa and those that are not ...are committing online crimes or are into drug trafficking. Help educate them of their wrongdoings. Thais are basically ok and can handle themselves. I really think in this case...charity begins at home.....food for thought.

[Tywais]

I asked my gf about this and she couldn't figure out what the problem might be. Not so long ago, we brought a bunch of stationary, sports, and music-related items to a rural school in a poorer area, and they were very much appreciated. We cleared it with the principle first and when we came back, he had a arranged a big 'ceremony' in which the kids lined up one-by-one to receive their 'gifts'. They were beaming... the frisbees were the biggest hit. So there's nothing general in Thai culture about this sort of thing, though there may be some specific beliefs about hospitals or the nature of the gifts donated. That said, my gf was unaware of such norms/taboos.

Nearly exactly the same thing my wife did a couple of years ago. She arranged a bunch of gifts for poorer school kids and arranged permission and also a bit of a ceremony. It was my wife's idea entirely, perhaps to do with merit but definitely not outside of normal Thai behavior and not taboo.

[ableguy]

I know you were trying to be charitable, but what kind of a gift is tissue paper and milk?

What's wrong with flowers and grapes as is the norm in the west?

It reminds me of a time when I was going to a French friend's birthday party. I stopped at the 7-11 on the way to pick up some sangsom (you know, like the kind of thing that people give as gifts for birthdays!?), but my girlfriend suggested a wicker basket full of that weird "Brand" drink (looks something like Bovril, who knows what it is). I just thought that was a weird gift, just like the tissue paper and milk :-)

Chicken extract which cures every disease known in Thailand.

[yanyk]

Making communal gifts for total strangers who did not ask for them seems indeed

like a very odd thing to do.

I myself would have thought that you're either affection-starved or attention-starved.

Being black does not help.

All the same, you should have taken into account that there may be deep-rooted

differences between this country & yours, .... When the idea was still brewing in your head,

that was the time to talk it over with the Headmaster and at least with one of the physicians

in the hospital, prior to performing your 'charitable' deed, in order to assess its propriety

and avoid a faux pas.

Turning up with a bunch of toilet rolls in a hospital? What was your true motive?

To gain their affection? their sympathy? To make friends? To improve your reputation

in the community?

A sip of milk is not going to do anything to improve anyone's life.

And hospitals here certainly lack neither milk nor toilet rolls.

There are a million motives for a seemingly 'charitable' action, and most are of dubious

nature.

The main one is always the real thing. But the giver himself only knows it.

If genuine unadulterated love & compassion had prompted the deed, why

did you not send an anonymous closed envelop with a few thousand baht

via the Headmaster or another trusted person? And kept it a secret?

Instead you choose to shout your failed deed to the four winds (is it 4?).

If you had the cash to spare & the desire to help, you could have found out

who your most dispossessed pupils are, visited their homes accompanied

by their homeroom teachers, and offer their parents a donation towards

food or other household expenses.

Too much work?

Yup, certainly a great deal harder than dropping by the local grocer's for

a bit of milk.

It's so true what someone said: that 'the more something costs you, the more

the love that goes into it' ... & the more genuine the deed is, absolutely.

Your first duty, though, is towards the people next to you.

And gifts must be made within a context that makes sense socially and

culturally.

Had you taken the trouble to look into what the community most needs,

you would not doubt have discovered that a small donation of edibles

to the local temple would have been quite welcome, ... as a number of

posters here have already pointed out.

In truth, you acted rashly and selfishly, entirely overlooking people's

feelings.

Aimless giving achieves nothing, ... it may, as it did here, backfire, ... &

it is the result of a mere impulse that in nothing resembles authentic

self-sacrificing charity.

Not to worry, though.

It was a blunder, but not the end of the world.

There will be opportunity to atone, to display not impulsive blind generosity

but a deeper, authentic & more mature consideration of others.

Meanwhile, just smile, & laugh at yourself.

And if met with a smirk, say truthfully & humbly, "i am very ignorant. I've got

a lot to learn".

Tzar

What an insultive post,what the hell has the color of someone's skin got to do with it???

Maybe you would find a gift from a thai insultive because they have brown skin??

Puchai 299:

Reading comprehension, ... ought you not to practise a tad more of that art?

You see, blacks have an even harder time than whites in these latitudes, ...

oftentimes they're avoided or rejected solely on account of their race.

So i naturally thought that the OP might be feeling lonely & at times frustrated

on account of the discrimination he's likely to be facing, and to compensate for it,

he tried to 'prove' that he deserves more credit.

I could have been wrong. He may be a Christian trying to secure entrance to

Heaven. He alone knows.

But there are no insults at all, my dear Puchai.

I wrote feeling the empathy & sympathy that comes from having had very similar

experiences & having made even worse blunders than he has.

We're in the same boat, are we not?

Now it turns out that he's also quite young & inexperienced.

Please don't try to make out malice where none was intended.

I have not watched a single TV programme or TV ad for 10 years now. My usage

of the language may hence be quite unlike mainstream posters. Whatever little i

may know of political correctness i flat out reject.

As for receiving gifts from brown-skinned Thais, or Thais of any colour for that

matter, or any person of good will anywhere, it does make me very happy.

Tzar.

you are just a plain old stupid bastard...i am well treated where i am and i do not think about what some might think. you are the only person bringing in race here..and hey what is your definition of race?? skin color ?? you definitely need to see real life psychologist

[yanyk]

Hmm...u said from from the African continent...well why not do some charity there instead...millions are dying there in Africa and those that are not ...are committing online crimes or are into drug trafficking. Help educate them of their wrongdoings. Thais are basically ok and can handle themselves. I really think in this case...charity begins at home.....food for thought.

Thank you <deleted> !!!

[yanyk]

Hmm...u said from from the African continent...well why not do some charity there instead...millions are dying there in Africa and those that are not ...are committing online crimes or are into drug trafficking. Help educate them of their wrongdoings. Thais are basically ok and can handle themselves. I really think in this case...charity begins at home.....food for thought.

Thank you <deletehome

what is your definition of HOME??? food for thought

[Pundi6446]

Just give from your heart, and let the comments slide off your back, like they should, giving to others is not a crime or sin, follow your heart, good on you.

[Estrada]

You might want to consider buying something other than milk if you ever buy any other gifts as many Thais are lactose intolerant.

Generally most Thais are not lactose intolerant. I used to work for Thai Dairy here and they started the school milk program 30 years ago so most Thais are not lactose intolerent. i also used to manufacture all the school milk for West and East Malaysia. For the tribes in the jungle of Borneo we used to supply chocolate milk as some of those children who are new first generation of milk drinkers could be lactose intolerent.

Do you have evidence for that statement? Outside of northwestern Europe, parts of East Africa, and India, most of the world is lactose intolerant, as I understand it. It was our species 'default setting' to turn off lactose tolerance after weaning, but through natural selection that changed for populations where cow's milk was an important part of the diet (i.e., where cattle were kept to provide milk). SE Asia was not one of those regions. Also, lactose intolerance doesn't change within a lifetime or a generation as you seem to suggest in your last sentence: it has very specific genetic triggers. I've read estimates of lactose intolerance in the Thai population ranging from about 50% to about 90%, with the upper range probably being more accurate.

What!!!??? Haven't you heard of Australia or New Zealand? I worked for Australian Daries and Australia is definitely not in North Western Europe. Australia and New Zealand are one of the major producers of milk in the world. Before the Thai school milk program was started 30 years ago, Thais were generally very short in stature but thanks to the school milk program they are generally around 6" taller these days.

[fishbrando]

It reminds me of a time when I was going to a French friend's birthday party. I stopped at the 7-11 on the way to pick up some sangsom (you know, like the kind of thing that people give as gifts for birthdays!?), but my girlfriend suggested a wicker basket full of that weird "Brand" drink (looks something like Bovril, who knows what it is).

I see these Brand drink gift baskets being heavily marketed on TV as a wonderful gift to give to your parents/elders on special occasions. It seems very strange to me - I suppose that if you have enough marketing, you can really change how people behave, just like DeBeers did with diamonds.

[uptheos]

My suggestion is to give what you purchased to the Monks as was suggested to you.

But if you still want to do something for patients in the hospital... then go to and buy some toys and coloring stuff, etc for the children in the Children's Ward. Doing this will bring great "Face" and the smiles you will get from the kids will be well worth your time and effort. Also the floor nurses will be over whelmed by your generosity. No one will ask " Why you do that?". No one will fault you at all. For you are doing it for the kids.

Giving milk and tissue paper given the fact that they are everyday items that all Thais can and do buy, sort of makes your gift look as if they are unable to do that themselves and in turn a loss of Face. Toys or coloring books or even small stuffed toys are not in that category and so are safe to give. Besides you are doing it for the kids who are sick and frightened (more than likely). A far better idea than 'supermarket stuff'!

Agree with everything except the first line.

Take the stuff home and use it.

[puuchai299]

Wow, what a mouthful! ... 'plain old stupid bastard'!

Not bad at all coming from a 'charitable' person! ha, ha, ha!

Thank you for your name-calling. You have just, unwittingly, proved

that i was more on target with my little posts than i ever thought i was.

Truth does hurt, eh?

As for 'bastard', ... yup, can't object.

As for 'old', ... not that old. Besides, being old is an asset & being called

old, a compliment.

As for 'stupid', ... well, mostly in the morning after waking up.

Be careful with your name-calling. It may backfire, ... just like that deed

you call charitable did.

One thing totally blows me away: if you feel sorry for being black,

that is your own business. My posts did not touch on the matter.

It always amazes me how overly sensitive blacks are to the mere

mention of their colour & race, as if it was some sort of taboo topic.

And to answer your question, a race to me has everything to do with

skin colour, bone structure, & other physical features common to a

group of people.

Finally, i'll tell you a fact right now, coz if i don't, chances are you will not

learn it on your own in 100 years:

IF ONE IS CHARITABLE TO ONE GIVEN PERSON AND UNCHARITABLE

TO ANOTHER, ONE IS NOT CHARITABLE BUT A HYPOCRITE.

This is why i never refer to myself or my actions as charitable.

Maybe you shouldn't either.

Tzar.

I would love someone to donate me a box of tissues right now as I really need something to mop up my tears of laughter from ur pathetic (large) posts lol...

[tzar]

Ha, ha! Good on you, mate.

As for myself, i find peer pressure fun, ... fun to resist it & laugh at it,

fun to see how abuse & scorn are so unsparingly used by the throng

in an effort to quash down individual reasoning.

& i too chuckle at the difference.

You guys speak words & think thoughts that aren't yours at all, but

have been shaped up by endless hours of TV, mainstream media &

Hollywood film exposure.

Why do you think Oscar Wilde said, 'don't say that you agree with me.

When people agree with me i always feel that i must be wrong'.

I tried to give the OP my most sincere advice, that he too may become

more sincere in his words, in his deeds, & that he may avoid falling into

uncomfortable situations.

But he comes across as entirely superficial as well as false. & that has

nothing to do with age. Nor with race!

In today's sick world, well-meaning suggestions pass for insults; smile

at someone & he'll surely think you've got some secret evil agenda.

Listen only to that which encourages bliss. If something hurts or shakes

you up, it's got to be nothing but an insult.

But i tell you what: the most useful advice is that which hurts, because

the hurt will wake you up.

Anyway, this is totally off-topic.

I meant just a quick reply. I do not wish to upset the mods.

So let's leave it at that, shall we?

Tzar.

[yanyk]

Ha, ha! Good on you, mate.

As for myself, i find peer pressure fun, ... fun to resist it & laugh at it,

fun to see how abuse & scorn are so unsparingly used by the throng

in an effort to quash down individual reasoning.

& i too chuckle at the difference.

You guys speak words & think thoughts that aren't yours at all, but

have been shaped up by endless hours of TV, mainstream media &

Hollywood film exposure.

Why do you think Oscar Wilde said, 'don't say that you agree with me.

When people agree with me i always feel that i must be wrong'.

I tried to give the OP my most sincere advice, that he too may become

more sincere in his words, in his deeds, & that he may avoid falling into

uncomfortable situations.

But he comes across as entirely superficial as well as false. & that has

nothing to do with age. Nor with race!

In today's sick world, well-meaning suggestions pass for insults; smile

at someone & he'll surely think you've got some secret evil agenda.

Listen only to that which encourages bliss. If something hurts or shakes

you up, it's got to be nothing but an insult.

But i tell you what: the most useful advice is that which hurts, because

the hurt will wake you up.

Anyway, this is totally off-topic.

I meant just a quick reply. I do not wish to upset the mods.

So let's leave it at that, shall we?

Tzar.

haha, thanks i did accept that i made a mistake partly because of my age and inexperience (which is no excuse) but trying to insinuate that i was only trying to improve my image in the community mainly because being black does not help is insulting. Of course i am black but i not write anywhere in the post that i am black but only said i am an "African" and if being an African to you means being black then "you have been shaped up by endless hours of TV, mainstream media &

Hollywood film exposure", Thanks for you piece

[Slip]

We're not in Lagos now Tonto...

and what is that suppose to mean?? are you some low self esteemed fag, thinking you better some other people?

Wow! Why the attitude? I was only trying to express that the cultural norms of your background are not the same as those of the place where you now reside, which can cause misunderstanding on both sides, which it seems to me is what has happened in this case.

By the way a 'low self-esteemed fag' is unlikely to consider themselves better than other people but the exact opposite. And I ask this because I'm genuinely interested: Do you mean fag as in homosexual or in the old fashioned English public school sense of the word? The former is considered quite discriminatory in itself these days I understand.

[slipperx]

I did plenty wrong when I was 22 but hope I do less wrong now. The choice of gifts was the error but don't let that deter you from being charitable again. If you do not want to spend too much money then give your time. I am sure you will have plenty if ideas on what to do better than me.

There is so much selfishness and ego in Thailand a little charity is sorely needed just make it personal and make that difference.

[Eliot Rosewater]

Wether or not someone appreciates a gift you gave or not is not the point,the point is you gave with good intentions,be proud you have a good heart and stuff to what anyone else thinks....

You can say that, but what would you think if someone gave you a bar of soap and breath mints as a gift?

[Stradavarius37]

Do not be confused OP, and carry on being charitable as you are now.

It is for yourself really that makes you feel better and not for the others and what they will say or think.

I can see that your so called colleagues are full of jealousy for you and your actions.

And just an advice try to keep away from them, they are no good news.

Nothing to do with Thai Culture or loss of face.

This is clearly the reaction of ignorant people.

I have done that many times in the past, my wife being a nurse and my actions were always welcomed by the patients or the hospital staff.

You can see that, can you? The great TV prognosticator speaks...

[JLCrab]

[belg]

thais are never allergic to gifts of moneybills

[beautifulthailand99]

.... let them watch this:

what..... should have bought them life insurance ?