Acceptance of each others cultures

[ClutchClark]

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Good on you. Let the family know who wears the trousers. I had years of being told, "This is Thailand, you must respect my culture". Yet when I wanted to have some respect for my culture I was seen as insensitive. Well B***s to all that. There is a corner of a foreign land that is forever England. And that is my home. I will respect Thai culture but come into my home and you had better respect mine.

They have made it clear that they will not make one step to understanding, respecting or even pretending to accept you. This is often the way here. So you become a pussy or you man up and set your conditions.

If she loves you then she will understand. Give her the freedom to visit her family whenever she wants but make it clear you will have nothing to do with them until they start behaving in a respectful way. Everyone can learn to accept differences so why should you put up with people who don't.

Oh yes. And don't give them a satang.

My sentiments exactly with regarding to our own space and it will forever be our own part of England. Not sure if Girlfriend would stay if it was not for her allowance she would probably be on the first bus back to her village but most people I know here are of the same opinion no money no honey.

Thanks for the insight into the mindset of the Mid-Eastern Muslims that have moved into the Western World and refuse to accept any of their new culture.

I must be mistaken but I thought Merry Ol' England had a bit of this issue.

[Gecko123]

You're cancelling a promise to build a house and give your wife a dowry because your future in-laws weren't comfortable coming into an Irish bar with you?????

Suppose the roles were reversed and you were from a small rural village and were suddenly pressured into entering a swanky hoity-toity Western restaurant for the first time in your life.

You can't empathize with your in-laws that they might feel overwhelmed, intimidated, or out-of-place in such an unfamiliar environment? Was everyone you invited into the bar even a drinker? Maybe they were tired and wanted to turn in for the evening. It doesn't sound like anyone had a clue that your invitation was this 'acid test' which carried such import?

Your decision strikes me as very arbitrary and unfair. I truly hope you're not a tyrant who plans to use wealth as a weapon to control everyone. Your wife might tolerate such behavior outwardly (which wouldn't say much about her character or motives for being with you), but under the surface such behavior will breed tremendous resentment.

Edited September 30, 2014 by Gecko123

[ClutchClark]

I wonder if your future in-laws aren't lamenting this very moment the poor taste their daughter has always had in men?

[MilesofSmiles]

I just can't see any up-country older Thais sitting down to eat Lamb Shanks or Bangers and Mash in a bar on their first ever trip to the big smoke - serious culture shock for them.

So just deal with it like adults ? Is it really that hard to sit down and eat some meat and potatoes ?

No, it's not.

Stop making excuses a complete refusal to accept another culture and try something different.

Some of these upcountry people are still at the developmental stage where they don't eat tomatoes or some other arbitrary thing.

I'm not married to a Thai, but I was married to a Japanese woman in a past life. Between the two families there was a mutual interest, respect and sharing of each other's culture.

[Gecko123]

Not sure if Girlfriend would stay if it was not for her allowance she would probably be on the first bus back to her village but most people I know here are of the same opinion no money no honey.

Can't relate to the inlaws, machette threats, have to hide the cutlery from the girlfriend, and now "not sure if girlfriend would stay if not for her allowance?"

There's more red flags flapping in the wind here than in Tiananmen Square. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

[willyumiii]

Troll topic. How could anybody be so stupid!!!???

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein

[MilesofSmiles]

Cancelling the whole thing because the in-laws weren't comfortable eating with you is a bit rough.

I can understand why you'd be p*ssed, but it doesn't seem to be an intentional slight.

Take any country folks from any country to a 5-star hotel and see how comfortable they feel.

You can't empathize with your in-laws that they might feel overwhelmed, intimidated, or out-of-place in such an unfamiliar environment?

That said, I would have been outta there the first time someone pulled a machete.... after burying all the bodies, of course.

[JingerBen]

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What sort of bar, respectable Thai family won't go in certain sorts of bar.

Many Buddhist women won't enter a bar under any circumstances.

Anyway, foreigner bar for Thai family = bad idea.

Next time KFC, McD, etc.

PS

House build for a foreigner in a village is rarely a good idea, not many foreigners can take the isolation, and the house has little or no resale value. For your own mental well being better to have a house near the big foreigner centers, CM, HH, Pats, etc.

Yes her mother was with us so I can understand that but my girlfriend is also buddist and she joins me the bars. But her brother who is about 30 years old would not join us and he was one of the ones I was counting on to be a friend in the village who I could go for a drink with so I would not feel so isolated. In reality I was looking for excuses not to build a house and I found my excuses because I do like to go in a few bars (maybe not so respectable) while my girlfriend is away at her village and if there are any bars in her village they probably would be respectable.

"...he was one of the ones I was counting on to be a friend in the village..."

Face the facts, you will never have a friend in the village.

Greenhorn farangs are laughed at behind their backs... and just barely tolerated as cash cows.

[thailiketoo]

Troll topic. How could anybody be so stupid!!!???

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein

Some people will believe anything.

[sipi]

I am totally interested in my wifes family and their culture. They are totally uninterseted in my family and culture. We are never-the-less all very happy. The equation looks somethong like this... TC>MC.

[keithkarmann]

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MK or similar would have been a better idea.

Thais take their food very seriously, they would have known they stood no show of getting any food they could eat at an Irish Bar.

I just can't see any up-country older Thais sitting down to eat Lamb Shanks or Bangers and Mash in a bar on their first ever trip to the big smoke - serious culture shock for them.

Rightly or wrongly I have found an excuse acceptable to my girlfriend not to build a house. A few days ago I took her to one side and told her to close her mouth and stick her fingers in her ears, she did this and then asked what was the point. So I told her that I feel like that when she is talking to her family and that I may as well be deaf and dumb. I decided then that I needed to learn to speak Thai so I would have a chance to communicate with her family.So I guess learning Thai is not so important now so I will stick to learning my guitar.

[thailiketoo]

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MK or similar would have been a better idea.

Thais take their food very seriously, they would have known they stood no show of getting any food they could eat at an Irish Bar.

I just can't see any up-country older Thais sitting down to eat Lamb Shanks or Bangers and Mash in a bar on their first ever trip to the big smoke - serious culture shock for them.

Rightly or wrongly I have found an excuse acceptable to my girlfriend not to build a house. A few days ago I took her to one side and told her to close her mouth and stick her fingers in her ears, she did this and then asked what was the point. So I told her that I feel like that when she is talking to her family and that I may as well be deaf and dumb. I decided then that I needed to learn to speak Thai so I would have a chance to communicate with her family.So I guess learning Thai is not so important now so I will stick to learning my guitar.

Being a reader of your two dowry threads I wondered how many Thai wives you have had?

[ClutchClark]

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MK or similar would have been a better idea.

Thais take their food very seriously, they would have known they stood no show of getting any food they could eat at an Irish Bar.

I just can't see any up-country older Thais sitting down to eat Lamb Shanks or Bangers and Mash in a bar on their first ever trip to the big smoke - serious culture shock for them.

Rightly or wrongly I have found an excuse acceptable to my girlfriend not to build a house. A few days ago I took her to one side and told her to close her mouth and stick her fingers in her ears, she did this and then asked what was the point. So I told her that I feel like that when she is talking to her family and that I may as well be deaf and dumb. I decided then that I needed to learn to speak Thai so I would have a chance to communicate with her family.So I guess learning Thai is not so important now so I will stick to learning my guitar.

Personally, I have never understood why some people feel the need to post their personal dirty laundry on a public forum--except maybe they think everyone will give them moral support .

I am sorry I can't do that in your case--all I can tell you is consider taking a couple of steps back and look at this again because you are acting immature because your feelings were hurt. Unfortunately, you reacted already and from what i have learned about Thai culture, your reactions have resulted in your losing big face and I don't know if the family will forget it.

Maybe this all worked out for the best so that you didn't get yourself into something that you are still too emotionally unprepared to handle.

Just one last thought---Thai culture places the woman's parents higher than a farang boyfriend/husband so you are kidding yourself if you think she is going to leave them for you.

[keithkarmann]

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MK or similar would have been a better idea.

Thais take their food very seriously, they would have known they stood no show of getting any food they could eat at an Irish Bar.

I just can't see any up-country older Thais sitting down to eat Lamb Shanks or Bangers and Mash in a bar on their first ever trip to the big smoke - serious culture shock for them.

Rightly or wrongly I have found an excuse acceptable to my girlfriend not to build a house. A few days ago I took her to one side and told her to close her mouth and stick her fingers in her ears, she did this and then asked what was the point. So I told her that I feel like that when she is talking to her family and that I may as well be deaf and dumb. I decided then that I needed to learn to speak Thai so I would have a chance to communicate with her family.So I guess learning Thai is not so important now so I will stick to learning my guitar.

Personally, I have never understood why some people feel the need to post their personal dirty laundry on a public forum--except maybe they think everyone will give them moral support .

I am sorry I can't do that in your case--all I can tell you is consider taking a couple of steps back and look at this again because you are acting immature because your feelings were hurt. Unfortunately, you reacted already and from what i have learned about Thai culture, your reactions have resulted in your losing big face and I don't know if the family will forget it.

Maybe this all worked out for the best so that you didn't get yourself into something that you are still too emotionally unprepared to handle.

Just one last thought---Thai culture places the woman's parents higher than a farang boyfriend/husband so you are kidding yourself if you think she is going to leave them for you.

I have already told my girlfriend that there is no way I would ask her to choose between me and her family as I know what she would choose, I just think it would be wise to keep my distance from the family, there are one or two other issues involved like the arrogance of her brother just like the father who thinks it is the daughter's responsibility to provide for the whole family. These are the Thai culture things I have problems with. I am considerably older than my girlfriend's brother yet when we came back from a day trip with the family her lazy arse brother never volunteered to help me wash the very dirty car.They just get into the lazy habit in the village and I have offered to make a double hammock for her father and brother.As long as there is some money coming in from somewhere they can't be bothered to get off there &lt;deleted&gt;.

[keithkarmann]

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MK or similar would have been a better idea.

Thais take their food very seriously, they would have known they stood no show of getting any food they could eat at an Irish Bar.

I just can't see any up-country older Thais sitting down to eat Lamb Shanks or Bangers and Mash in a bar on their first ever trip to the big smoke - serious culture shock for them.

Rightly or wrongly I have found an excuse acceptable to my girlfriend not to build a house. A few days ago I took her to one side and told her to close her mouth and stick her fingers in her ears, she did this and then asked what was the point. So I told her that I feel like that when she is talking to her family and that I may as well be deaf and dumb. I decided then that I needed to learn to speak Thai so I would have a chance to communicate with her family.So I guess learning Thai is not so important now so I will stick to learning my guitar.

Personally, I have never understood why some people feel the need to post their personal dirty laundry on a public forum--except maybe they think everyone will give them moral support .

I am sorry I can't do that in your case--all I can tell you is consider taking a couple of steps back and look at this again because you are acting immature because your feelings were hurt. Unfortunately, you reacted already and from what i have learned about Thai culture, your reactions have resulted in your losing big face and I don't know if the family will forget it.

Maybe this all worked out for the best so that you didn't get yourself into something that you are still too emotionally unprepared to handle.

Just one last thought---Thai culture places the woman's parents higher than a farang boyfriend/husband so you are kidding yourself if you think she is going to leave them for you.

I have already told my girlfriend that there is no way I would ask her to choose between me and her family as I know what she would choose, I just think it would be wise to keep my distance from the family, there are one or two other issues involved like the arrogance of her brother just like the father who thinks it is the daughter's responsibility to provide for the whole family. These are the Thai culture things I have problems with. I am considerably older than my girlfriend's brother yet when we came back from a day trip with the family her lazy arse brother never volunteered to help me wash the very dirty car.They just get into the lazy habit in the village and I have offered to make a double hammock for her father and brother.As long as there is some money coming in from somewhere they can't be bothered to get off there <deleted>.

Forgot to mention that my Girlfriend has always worked to provide for the family and they were very willing to let her do that and let her borrow money as she was the only one that could borrow money as she had jobs. I have helped her to clear her debts and I would get annoyed if sent too much money to the family.Before meeting me she did also support her lazy 150kg thai boyfriend. When I take these things into account I just feel she deserves a break.

[ClutchClark]

150 kilo is large by even Western standards...by Thai its humongous !

[TheFishman1]

Run Forrest Run

[AYJAYDEE]

you are 100% wrong and she's a fool to marry you!

Edited September 30, 2014 by AYJAYDEE

[Sigurris]

Good on you. Let the family know who wears the trousers. I had years of being told, "This is Thailand, you must respect my culture"... There is a corner of a foreign land that is forever England. And that is my home. I will respect Thai culture but come into my home and you had better respect mine. This is about a cross cultural marriage not about forcing cultures on people. The OP just wants to show his potential family some of his culture. It is not like he is a missionary or forcing it down their throats.

If she loves you then she will understand. Give her the freedom to visit her family whenever she wants but make it clear you will have nothing to do with them until they start behaving in a respectful way.

Geez, if thats not "forcing it down their throats" then I don't know what is.

And we have Hispanics to move to the US and try to turn it into Little Mexico. They fly their Mexican flag instead of the US flag. They refuse to speak English. They refuse every bit of US culture.

Its very insulting. Why move to a country if you are going to snub your nose into aspect of the hosts culture?

You obviously didn't read my post. The whole point is that in a cross cultural marriage there are two cultures at work (the clue is in the name). Regardless of the country they live in there has to be mutual respect. And that includes the family. Yes we are different and yes we like to do things that are different but he is not asking them to indulge in satanist rituals just come and see how he lives.

I said my home is my little England. No-one is forced to enter that home but those that do I would expect to respect my lifestlye just as I do when I leave my home and enter Thailand. I have made the effort to learn to speak and read the language so I am not trying to turn Thailand into England.

[keithkarmann]

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you are 100% wrong and she's a fool to marry you!

Now come on not 100 percent wrong and she does see my good side and that bulge in my pocket

[keithkarmann]

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you are 100% wrong and she's a fool to marry you!

Anyway I have failed badly I wanted to get three pages on this post within 4 hours and we are still on page 2

[keithkarmann]

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with such "immense" cultural problems i would suggest to cancel the marriage as well and go home...
what's your point?

Apart from small relationship problems, which are forgotten about in bed I do not have problems with the family as they live 240km from us. One or two girls have said that I am difficult to live with but I do try my hardest so I do expect some minor differences between me and my girlfriend but I am getting what I want without crawling the bars.

are you shagging the entire family to forget the problems?

Only if they are old enough

[keithkarmann]

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Troll topic. How could anybody be so stupid!!!???

When do you sleep if you spend as much time on facebook as you do scrolling through TV then you probably do not sleep,whereas I only go on Thai Visa when I am bored and after making love

[AnotherOneAmerican]

150 kilo is large by even Western standards...by Thai its humongous !

She was working her way up to American size guys!

[AYJAYDEE]

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you are 100% wrong and she's a fool to marry you!

Anyway I have failed badly I wanted to get three pages on this post within 4 hours and we are still on page 2

what a noble ambition

[sdanielmcev]

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you are 100% wrong and she's a fool to marry you!

Anyway I have failed badly I wanted to get three pages on this post within 4 hours and we are still on page 2

At least he admits he's a troll.

[CiaranO]

Personally after reading your extremely arrogant answers and comments you are destined to be alone for a long time and possibly it's time to find another country to live in. Your not suited for Thailand clearly.

[ttthailand]

Good decision for many reasons ..... Village life is not so easy for some people, me being one of them. I tried it a few years and ended up looking in the mirror in the mornings asking myself why I was there... time to go when I started answering myself.

Unless you are a bit of a loner or a major drinker you will have difficulty fitting in with the locals including the farangs.

I found that everyone was fine but alcohol was the main thing all farangs had in common. Other then that it was bitching about the wives or gfs and Thais. I was starving for some intellectual conversation. The few guys I could relate to had other homes away from the village and only came on occasion and then left. I was friends with all the guys and they all seemed fine but I needed more.

I also don't believe many Thais hang out with farangs even in the villages. First off it can get dangerous as Thais can not handle their alcohol. It is best to avoid all of them when they get drunk so having one for a drinking buddy is not a good idea.

My two cents for what it's worth .

[geronimo]

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How many Thai women have you married?

Only one up to now and I had family problems there, like been attacked with a machete and ending up in the police station

Forget everything you have ever learned and start again!!!

[crazygreg44]

the one who is expected to fit in, is YOU. Not them. When I took out my Thai friends, I always sided with THEIR choice of bar or restaurant. It is called politeness. In Thailand, even if YOU are the one to pay the bill, you are always better to leave the choice of the place to the people you invite. Or you forcefully seat them in a place that offers food they abslutely don't like.

I have learned this in my first year being here. I have only one plea for you : "please adept"