Everyone Leers at My Daughter

[cbluck58]

Is it possible you are being mistaken for a couple rather than father/daughter and this is why you are garnering so much attention?

This is probably a lot closer to the truth than some of the other posts - they think you are a DOM - I get it too when I go out with my daughter of the same age - maybe they are intrigued that farangs can behave in the same way that they do.

[Gecko123]

in my experience dealing with hundreds of people with self concious issues i believe people that think others are always looking at them have an unresolved confidence issue.

It is bangkok most culture here is centered around objectifying women...

move to a country women are not recgnized highly

Look deep within on this issue and resolve personally what you need to get your mind in the right place..the people are not all looking at her like you believe they never are ... its your mind not them.

With all due respect, doctor, that's one hell of a hot steaming mound of monkey doo-doo psycho-babble nonsense you just evacuated there.

I know I always feel better after I take a dump.

Hope you feel better too.

[WorriedNoodle]

True story, I was in a zoo in Nakhon Srithamarat earlier this year with our young luk kreung daughter and son. They wanted to see the monkey enclosure and whilst I was distracted momentarily by a phone call, I noticed quite a commotion developed by local Thais and their children. They'd switched their inquisitiveness from the animal pens with monkeys caged in filthy conditions and playing with their todgers to the white farang (me), wifey and our lovely kids. Kind of to be expected in the outback perhaps but it freaked us out, so zoos being somewhat distasteful anyway, we legged it out of there pronto.

[Gecko123]

True story, I was in a zoo in Nakhon Srithamarat earlier this year with our young luk kreung daughter and son. They wanted to see the monkey enclosure and whilst I was distracted momentarily by a phone call, I noticed quite a commotion developed by local Thais and their children. They'd switched their inquisitiveness from the animal pens with monkeys caged in filthy conditions and playing with their todgers to the white farang (me), wifey and our lovely kids. Kind of to be expected in the outback perhaps but it freaked us out, so zoos being somewhat distasteful anyway, we legged it out of there pronto.

You are so lucky. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? You should be so happy, moved to tears happy, that people are showing your family such love.

Edited October 8, 2014 by Gecko123

[asean]

My daughter is 15 huge fat with terrible acne. No one looks are her. I weep every night when i think of her growing up in a society where fathers complain about people looking at their daughters because of their beauty.

and she has a portwine birthmark, teeth braces and has unusually hairy legs for a thai mix.

Edited October 8, 2014 by asean

[smileydude]

I think the danger is not in the men leering as they can't really do anything beyond that if your daughter is in the safety of your presence or in other relatively safe situations but rather how she will react to all this attention when her hormones kick in. I understand at some point girls turn into women and enjoy the attention. I try to teach my own daughter that any male attention should be taken for what it is, superficial appreciation and though it may be an ego booster, she'd probably appreciate attention from someone who really knows her and likes her for who she is (both inside and out) rather then for how she looks. Worse when their looks are used to judge them as only blessed with positive physical attributes and little mental capacity.

I try to keep my daughters feet firmly planted on the ground by telling her looks only get you so far and that sometimes you have to work twice as hard to convince people your more then a pretty face so I remind her from time to time not to let it get to her head otherwise you get lost in the attention and lose your way in trying to achieve something more meaningful in life. All this could sound overbearing but I'd rather try my best in parenting then be sorry.

Edited October 8, 2014 by smileydude

[chiang mai]

My daughter is 15 huge fat with terrible acne. No one looks are her. I weep every night when i think of her growing up in a society where fathers complain about people looking at their daughters because of their beauty.

and she has a portwine birthmark, teeth braces and has unusually hairy legs for a thai mix.

Takes after her mother perhaps?

[HidyHo]

My daughter is 15 huge fat with terrible acne. No one looks are her. I weep every night when i think of her growing up in a society where fathers complain about people looking at their daughters because of their beauty.

and she has a portwine birthmark, teeth braces and has unusually hairy legs for a thai mix.

I think you forgot dark skin?

[mikeoxwelling]

I am in a very similar situation with my 11 year old, looking more like 14 or 15. Problem is that lots of her friends are also older. Just gave her an iPhone so I can at least track her when she is outside the house. I just try to teach her about the risks outside but don't want to lock her up. I think I'll make her wear a burqa or cut her hair really short for the next few years...

Maybe I am paranoid but I never let her outside with her friends without myself or another adult. This will change but I don't know what age - maybe 16. Then again, she will never be allowed out alone while I am still around.

It's that sort of parenting that stunts growth and leads to them making stupid mistakes when they finally do come of age. I knew girls in high school that as soon as they got the first sniff of freedom would get drunk and loose their virginity to some random, not because they wanted to but because they hadn't learnt to handle booze or social situations outside from the home.

There's nothing you can actually do about the stares and attention besides teaching your daughter not to encourage it. That can be done 2 ways, firstly by dressing more modestly if required and second by showing disapproval of the attention.

But whatever you do, don't lock your daughter up at home and deny her the essential lessons learnt at this age from socialising with friends, you wont always be there so you have to trust that she will be able to make the right decisions and know how to handle herself. Why not enroll her in a self defense class?

[mikeoxwelling]

I think the danger is not in the men leering as they can't really do anything beyond that if your daughter is in the safety of your presence or in other relatively safe situations but rather how she will react to all this attention when her hormones kick in. I understand at some point girls turn into women and enjoy the attention. I try to teach my own daughter that any male attention should be taken for what it is, superficial appreciation and though it may be an ego booster, she'd probably appreciate attention from someone who really knows her and likes her for who she is (both inside and out) rather then for how she looks. Worse when their looks are used to judge them as only blessed with positive physical attributes and little mental capacity.

I try to keep my daughters feet firmly planted on the ground by telling her looks only get you so far and that sometimes you have to work twice as hard to convince people your more then a pretty face so I remind her from time to time not to let it get to her head otherwise you get lost in the attention and lose your way in trying to achieve something more meaningful in life. All this could sound overbearing but I'd rather try my best in parenting then be sorry.

Sensible approach, that is the right way to teach a young impressionable girl in my opinion, as long as you do still give her the freedom to implement the lessons she is learning.

[Mightycabage]

Not that I'm encouraging this but if you did want to moderately monitor her phone I know a couple apps that are very impressive with the capabilities they offer. Usually this is much more simple to do on an android phone but iPhone is doable as well. I'm sharing this because some of the tracking and recording features can dig so deep that it's almost unbelievable! Real time photo capture, video recording, audio, SMS/call logs, just to name a few. PM me if anyone wants to know more.

And it doesn't only work for checking up on your daughter's safety ? but sadly can cause the termination of plenty of relationships!

[poweratradio]

I am surprised to see this post is still running given the contentious issue involved and the responses to it. I voiced my concern over a topic like this and wondered why a father would even dare to expose personal details such as dress and measurements to the public.

Perhaps I was too harsh in my word smithing because Mario decided that i was flaming and deleted my critisisms but I am sure many fathers out there also wondered at the wisdom of this thread. Mario also deleted any posts requesting photos of the specified daughters but again most pictures were already painted by the post authors.

I still find the posts from beginning to end very much shameful and should be locked and removed. I believe the OP saw the error of his ways immediately in the thread when he begged to have it moved to a family forum.

[Geordie59]

Wait until she is 21 like my daughter.
It get gets a very annoying when people assume she is my girlfriend all the time.

[Neeranam]

I may be wrong but I am assuming you are a foreigner with a Thai stepdaughter? They are probably not looking at "her" per se, but at the two of you together. Perhaps they think she is your girlfriend their comments are directed more at the disparity in your ages than her physical appearance. The reason I say this is because I recently had two attractive teenage girls in my charge while their parents and my wife attended classes in Bangkok. We all had traveled together for the weekend and I volunteered to take them sightseeing while we waited for the classes to finish. Everywhere we went it seems that people stared at us and made rude comments. I asked the girls about it as they could both speak passable English. They said, "Oh don't pay any attention to them. They think we're your girlfriends." After that I walked at a distance from them far enough away to keep an eye out for them but generally not close enough to look like we were together.

I am Scottish and my kids are half Thai half Scottish.

They are not looking at me but at her. She is only 12!

[ClutchCargo]

Perhaps wearing this T-Shirt when in public with your daughter would help

[Mzungu]

I may be wrong but I am assuming you are a foreigner with a Thai stepdaughter? They are probably not looking at "her" per se, but at the two of you together. Perhaps they think she is your girlfriend their comments are directed more at the disparity in your ages than her physical appearance. The reason I say this is because I recently had two attractive teenage girls in my charge while their parents and my wife attended classes in Bangkok. We all had traveled together for the weekend and I volunteered to take them sightseeing while we waited for the classes to finish. Everywhere we went it seems that people stared at us and made rude comments. I asked the girls about it as they could both speak passable English. They said, "Oh don't pay any attention to them. They think we're your girlfriends." After that I walked at a distance from them far enough away to keep an eye out for them but generally not close enough to look like we were together.

I am Scottish and my kids are half Thai half Scottish.

They are not looking at me but at her. She is only 12!

Wear a kilt and they will be looking at you too

[Neeranam]

I am surprised to see this post is still running given the contentious issue involved and the responses to it. I voiced my concern over a topic like this and wondered why a father would even dare to expose personal details such as dress and measurements to the public.

Perhaps I was too harsh in my word smithing because Mario decided that i was flaming and deleted my critisisms but I am sure many fathers out there also wondered at the wisdom of this thread. Mario also deleted any posts requesting photos of the specified daughters but again most pictures were already painted by the post authors.

I still find the posts from beginning to end very much shameful and should be locked and removed. I believe the OP saw the error of his ways immediately in the thread when he begged to have it moved to a family forum.

I don't think it's a contentious issue. I value my anonymity (my name meaning anonymous in Thai) and by giving age and height don't break my daughter's anonymity.

I expected father to have had similar experiences, which response show to be correct and I value their responses and advice.

What is the motive behind your post? I'd look carefully at that, if I were you.

Yes, It was a mistake to put it in the general forum as there are some very strange people and Thai Visa membership has grown so rapidly.

I thank the posters who offered valuable advice.

[Rooo]

A post with inappropriate reference , innuendo & justified reply removed.,

[benalibina]

Reading this topic brought sadness in me. Any of you having children and being able to be with them on a daily basis. To guide them, to teach them.....it must be a pleasure. I cant and hope i ever will (again).

Edited October 8, 2014 by benalibina

[mickyboy]

same problem with the wife but i think sod them at firrst felt jelouse even though she was with me but after a time you just think <deleted>

well llets see how beautiful she is

[malt25]

I am in a very similar situation with my 11 year old, looking more like 14 or 15. Problem is that lots of her friends are also older. Just gave her an iPhone so I can at least track her when she is outside the house. I just try to teach her about the risks outside but don't want to lock her up. I think I'll make her wear a burqa or cut her hair really short for the next few years...

Maybe I am paranoid but I never let her outside with her friends without myself or another adult. This will change but I don't know what age - maybe 16. Then again, she will never be allowed out alone while I am still around.

I reckon she can't wait till she turns 18 or 19 & you're hanging about everywhere she goes. Sounds like you don't have a lot of confidence in how you're raising her. I'm sure if she's a normal well adjusted girl she'll do quite well without dad watching her every move. Take some credit for your fathering skills so far, she'll take care of the rest.

[smileydude]

I think the danger is not in the men leering as they can't really do anything beyond that if your daughter is in the safety of your presence or in other relatively safe situations but rather how she will react to all this attention when her hormones kick in. I understand at some point girls turn into women and enjoy the attention. I try to teach my own daughter that any male attention should be taken for what it is, superficial appreciation and though it may be an ego booster, she'd probably appreciate attention from someone who really knows her and likes her for who she is (both inside and out) rather then for how she looks. Worse when their looks are used to judge them as only blessed with positive physical attributes and little mental capacity.

I try to keep my daughters feet firmly planted on the ground by telling her looks only get you so far and that sometimes you have to work twice as hard to convince people your more then a pretty face so I remind her from time to time not to let it get to her head otherwise you get lost in the attention and lose your way in trying to achieve something more meaningful in life. All this could sound overbearing but I'd rather try my best in parenting then be sorry.

Sensible approach, that is the right way to teach a young impressionable girl in my opinion, as long as you do still give her the freedom to implement the lessons she is learning.

I agree, as the best way it can be test-run and made to work is if they get to learn it and try it on their own.

We can only be there for them so long and then its their own life to live and choose.

Edited October 9, 2014 by smileydude

[choochoo]

What you are seeing is what all women go through. And you can ber sure it is much worse when you are not there.

Best to let her mother advise her on how to deal with it, women know.

As for you, suggest you just direct menacing looks at the offenders when it happens in your presence.

I dont leer @ all girls. Just the hot ones!

[Scully]

Not that I'm encouraging this but if you did want to moderately monitor her phone I know a couple apps that are very impressive with the capabilities they offer. Usually this is much more simple to do on an android phone but iPhone is doable as well. I'm sharing this because some of the tracking and recording features can dig so deep that it's almost unbelievable! Real time photo capture, video recording, audio, SMS/call logs, just to name a few. PM me if anyone wants to know more.

And it doesn't only work for checking up on your daughter's safety ? but sadly can cause the termination of plenty of relationships!

Is that you Kim jong-un?. ?

[bkk_mike]

I returned to the UK with mine (so they're eligible for student loans).

I will admit there's far less ogling of my daughters in the UK, and far less people assuming when I'm out shopping with my eldest, that she's my date.

[HaleySabai]

I have a similar problem but never really bothered me until one day my brother said to me maybe everyone thinks she is your GF not your daughter. Now that scared the shit out out me to the point i got paranoid and kept my distance from her when were out alone. My wife mentioned it to her and she thinks its funny to the point she plays up on it now when she see people looking at us, now its getting funny to watch peoples faces as they stare....

Got it!....get T-shirts made - front in English, back in Thai..... come up with a clever variation on the < Im with stupid > - t-shirt

My daughter is 5yrs.old and bound to be a beauty, there are to cultural avenues I would like her to explore in a few more years... classical Thai-dancing and Muay-Thai

Edited October 9, 2014 by HaleySabai

[Greg Nixon]

Advise your daughter not to look back at strangers and NEVER EVER smile at them. Keep her smiles for close friends and family. She can watch others at a distance. Thai men really want virgins for some reason ( highly over rated ) and recent media suggests some Thai men are not cowed by a young age. A Thai man was arrested yesterday for having sex with an 11 year old. Advise your daughter to always have two or 3 female friends with her at all times. In my home country the girls even go to the washrooms together and now I understand why.

Kun mai de. luk sou de pom sip et pi. This would be n appropriate phrase for overly aggressive men or obvious sexual leering.

No make up. Dress appropriately for an 11 year old. No teenage outfits. No short shorts. Give her a defensive marshall arts training. A person who appears that they can look after themselves and the attitude to go with it, is seldom a victim. You have heard the phrase - street smart - know what to avoid and in all instances look confident.

We escort our daughter everywhere and her friends. She is seldom alone.

Extra care must be taken in Thailand. There have been instances of Aunts selling there nieces into prostitution. Street smarts also includes awareness. If your daughter sees you are easily intimidated she will be also.

Stand up and be counted. Yesterday a young Thai man attempted to serve my wife and daughter who were shopping for underwear in a street market. I objected strongly. The young man was drinking beer. There was even a female clerk available who was not occupied. I know this may be fairly common in Thailand but Big C doesn't do this. Lotus does not do this. Big chains and properly run stores do not do this. Never in my country or European countries that I am aware of so why would I allow him to serve them. i told him in no uncertain terms that this was totally unacceptable and we left. I paid 2 or 3 times the price at a properly run store but I set a standard for my wife and daughter. That is important. Where do standards start ? You may call me prudish but I refuse to allow my wife or daughter to be put in situations that would allow them to be compromised. It is especially difficult if you do not understand the language completely or all the nuances of Thai culture.

[harryfrompattaya]

Get her a movie contract. Seriously, what can you do ??

He should beat the S*** out of the lookers or be quite. Take you pick

[Chicog]

I have had old farts with really attractive, scantly dressed, young ladies come into my shop and automatically assumed they were hookers. I start leering away (not intentionally) and all of a sudden it dawns on me that they are father and daughter and I have to wipe the look of lust off my face. It is embarrassing but what can you do?

I don't know, maybe stop being so judgmental?

[WorriedNoodle]

True story, I was in a zoo in Nakhon Srithamarat earlier this year with our young luk kreung daughter and son. They wanted to see the monkey enclosure and whilst I was distracted momentarily by a phone call, I noticed quite a commotion developed by local Thais and their children. They'd switched their inquisitiveness from the animal pens with monkeys caged in filthy conditions and playing with their todgers to the white farang (me), wifey and our lovely kids. Kind of to be expected in the outback perhaps but it freaked us out, so zoos being somewhat distasteful anyway, we legged it out of there pronto.

You are so lucky. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? You should be so happy, moved to tears happy, that people are showing your family such love.

I don't believe there was any love involved, but I admire your optimistic outlook on life. Personally, and I was there, I thought we were the stars of a freak show, much like the caged critters we went to show the kids.