mourning and thai culture/death rites/impressions

[bina]

so,

a week and two days ago, a very close friend of mine was killed in a horrible car accident. her husband, from my daughter's age group, the son of my best friend, was the driver . (not drunk, its a road know for its violent and frequent car accidents, due to its road conditions... three more accidents in the past week)...

he is interested in thai mourning traditions, lenghth of time etc.

my husband is not a good source of information, but Aner would like to know more. he is, of course, asking all the 'guilt, why me, why us, how could this happen, as of yet unable to really accept the situation... type things"...

Aner is asking me about the differences between thai culture, buddhist thought (ive given him a small amount of info as he is unable as of yet to really concentrate, etc)and comparing to the jewish 'shiva' - 7 days of mourning that we went through albeit not religously but secularly as he is secular. his mother's family however are super religious and they drove him crazy with all the 'raising of the souls' prayers and other jewish and morrocan religious rites.

adi was buried in a wooden coffin (in israel mostly buried wrapped in shrouds and on a plank). aner has asked my husband and i to light a candle and stick of incsense at her grave, and hubby has insisted that i place some food there for Adi's ghost, just in case she is wandering around the kibbutz at night. he was sure he felt her near our house since he smelled perfume during the night and non of us wear perfume. also, hubby was not thrilled that we had to stand in a cemetary filled with bodies and almost passed out during the funeral. he ws nice enough to come and sit in the shiva tent outside the house of our friend and managed to ignore all the super religious jews. many of the of the younger kibbutznikim were very interested in the thai version of things. although many have experienced the death of a friend or colleague in the army, here it is slightly different as it is the first time such a young kibbutznik has been widowed.

unfotunately adi's organs couldnt be donated (she was a nurse, ironically) due to death on impact (fortunately for her it was super quick) and body functions and organs were w/o oxygen until an ambulance and helicopter arrived(in the middle of the negev far from everywhere)about 30 minutes later so aner doesnt have the thought that her organs saved someone else.

he is now going back to work (commissioned officer in IDF), and awaiting of course for all the investigation as an other car was involved. he is also receiving counselling and surrounded by friends but he is asking the 'life/death' questions and im the confidante... so if someone has info to read (i have to translate for him) or suggest, point me in the direction.

unforutnately this has been a horrible week: another friend just managed to make it off the anapurna during the avalanche there, and a girl from the kibbutz was one of the people stuck up n the shack and wrote the note that reached the consulate and essentially saved a whole group of people, but yet another girl was killed yesterday on teh nepalese bus, a friend of my son's girlfriend. all young. and all dead. (yes i know we all die in the end and lots of people dieing other places, but these instances were much more close to home)....

and of course if there are any other rites or sutras etc that would fit the situation for me (in english); hubby, although he was also close to the girl, is doing the thai thing and drinking beer, cooking complex dishes, and sleeping.