How To Keep Her Life Interesting In Farang Land?

[maikauzai]

Guys and Ladies,

I am considering to bring my girl to the U.S. and we are likely to get married in the near future. She is an office girl in her mid 20s. Her English is not very good and it would be a long way before she can attend university or find a job. So she would have to stay home full time when I go to work. I am very concerned that staying home can and will create boredom and loneliness for her, which may have all kind of ramifications that eventually can kill the relationship.

Any suggestions on how to keep her occupied?

[Charma]

One of the things that will definately help is for her to find Thai friends that she can meet and chat with. I know that some may feel that this will not help with learning the language, but she will need some support to help her adjust to such a different life. My wife now has a network of Thai friends in the UK who regualrly get together to chat and more importantly, cook! I don't know where you live but you may be surprised to find that there are Thai women living around you. My wife met her best friend at an English language college about four months after she arrived here. They are still great friends now.

[sukhont]

You should enrolls an English lesson for her. She will have her friends and homeworks. If her english is not good, she might get the basic or elementary class but it 's much better than staying at home and no improve in her english skills.

Charma's advice is also very good.

I think if your wife is not so quite and shy. she can ask information like where is thai video shop or thai community in there from every Thai restuarant.

[thohts]

I agree.. I think first and foremost should be the psychological and emotional support that comes naturally from being around other Thais.

Talking with her new Thai friend(s) in her own language would also help her to matriculate in society and develop a better understanding for your culture (of which she would then be part).

Internet communities such as Pantip.com and Sanook.com should also help her keep in touch.

Language-free activities around the house such as watercolor painting or crafts or gardening may provide her with more of a foundation at home.

An immersion in English music, DVDs, and even television may make learning the language more exciting until she is able to enroll in a more formal course of study. (I had a friend from the Czech Republic who spoke no English when she arrived in the US, but swore that she learned it by watching television all day long while her husband worked.)

The most important thing, though, I think is to enable her to meet other Thai women like herself. One good friend from "back home" may make the difference between happiness and sadness in a new environment.

Then, spice up your week by doing something "different" on occassion like getting away from the city on the weekend or going for a drive or even trying out new Thai/Asian restaurants. She will probably learn things she likes to do that she didn't know before (and possibly make new friends in the process).

[thohts]

Also.. she may be more inclined to take an English course *if* she is acquainted with someone else in her class beforehand.

If it's one thing I've learned from going different places with my Thai girlfriend, it's that she is reluctant to do something if she doesn't have "a friend" with whom to do it. I guess that's almost anyone, especiall in a new environment.

[calibanjr.]

Both good suggestions. Charma's is tough, though, if you're not in the right area of the states, in terms of Thai community. Where are you planning on moving to? As Charma and Sukhont says, ESL classes are probably ideal and are pretty much everywhere on the coasts and near cities. She should meet friends/learn English at the same time. Depending on your location and family/social, she can find some part-time work, not so much for the money, but the community/social aspect. Obviously there's risk in that in terms of Imm. Dept, but that would be your call.

[sbk]

Also.. she may be more inclined to take an English course *if* she is acquainted with someone else in her class beforehand.

If it's one thing I've learned from going different places with my Thai girlfriend, it's that she is reluctant to do something if she doesn't have "a friend" with whom to do it. I guess that's almost anyone, especiall in a new environment.

Maybe its a girl thing, maybe it depends on the person. Granted, my husband already spoke English when we went to the US but he enrolled in an advanced English conversation class and really enjoyed meeting people from around the world. It didn't deter him in the least that he didn't know anyone in the class. He also enrolled in a martial arts class, he was interested in learning something other than Muay thai.

It also helped that we lived near my family and he gained a support network from them.

[GuestHouse]

First up I think is take some time off work when she comes over to spend time helping her find her way around. If you live where a car is necessary, encourage her to take driving lessons and drive.

Definately encourage her to enrol at school for English and perhaps other classess too. Following on from what sbk says, English for foreigner classes can be great as they are full of people who are new to the country, going through the same settlement issues.

Then there's work - Hugely important as it enables a lot of things, life outside of the home, contribution, self estime.

My wife tried all sorts of work, but found charity work to be the best thing she did in her first year outside of Thailand - Charities attract the kind of people who like to give time and effort for others - My wife found the charity shop she worked in a very possitive help to her settling in.

I'd suggest some caution with respect to jumping in with Thai friends, it is seldom as straightforward as we might imagine.

Soon after moving to the UK my wife was invited to join a group of Thai women she met at college for a night out - She went out all excited at meeting some Thai friends but returned home an hour and later 'Not her sort' was all she said at the time. She revealed later that the issue was one of different backgrounds - We need not go into details, suffice it to say that as your wife is from a regular office girl background she might find few friends of similar background.

There is another problem and that is the one I recently referred to here on TV as 'Khun Latch', making friends with Thais overseas is easy enough, getting rid of them can be a bit difficult.

Oh and there's one other possitive help - Your own family. Almost every sucessful Thai/Farang relationship I know of in Europe is backed up by the family of the Farang welcoming and supporting the new Thai member of their family.

[Jasmine]

My husband's been in the UK for over 6 years now. He did English classes in the first year as others have suggested.

As far as meeting other Thai's go the restaurant community has proved invaluable. Could your wife work part time in one? I'm amazed at how many Thai people there are in our area. There are more Thai men here than I imagined there would be too.

Some have become good friends of my husband but as Guesthouse mentions just because someone's from your country doesn't mean you'll get on with them (I know this myself from my time as an ex-pat )

I also think charity work is a good idea and I know of a few Thai women who have worked in care homes for the elderly which I thought was admirable too

[bina]

i have to add that i think in general men make 'friends' easier then women as women expect more from the friendship then just a few beers and see sports... my thai boyfriend, when at home with me on the weekend at the kibbutz, manages to relate to my group of friends (whom are like my family), including their kids etc, although he speaks maybe two words of hebrew and one of english...he eats whatever is in front of him , he doesnt care what anyone is wearing, he watchs football with the husbands, and lacks the 'cattiness' that i find in many women when they meet other women, regardless of cultural or economic background...

as a woman new to foreign culture i remembered that making friends with other women was much more difficult unless they were anglos like me, and even then, the state, country, social background etc theme came in to play (not by me usually by the others, also, i didnt have kids, they did ,etc etc)

sports groups for women (aerobics etc), having a baby and joining a mom/baby thingy, etc shopping at the same stores so they recognize u and say hello, etc can actually be very rewarding to anyone new, no matter where u are...and as thai women come across to me as shy with strangers that arent thai women, it can be difficult i think, having a sister in law or mother in law to join up with for doing things helps introduce people, etc. (if they get a long).

[Soju]

Lot's of good advice here. Just a word of caution. Do not force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I have a friend that brought a Korean bride to the U.S. and was always out looking for other Koreans to force on her to be her friends. She really resented that and they ended up having maritial problems because of it. She was very bored without any Korean friends, but wanted to make friends with those whom she chose and on her own terms, not being forced by someone else. Likewise, don't force her to take English classes or do anything else if she doesn't really want to, and don't nag her to get out and do something. Be subtle in your suggestions of activities for her to do. Make sure you have a cheap method of calling home to talk to relatives and friends. She will undoubtedly be bored and lonely at first and need to spend a lot of time communicating with the people she knows. If there's any satellite/cable Thai TV channels, get them, or maybe you can receive Thai TV over a broadband internet connection. The first few months will likely be very difficult for her, so do your best to not give her any more stress than she already has.

[TokyoT]

The finding Thai friends bit can be a double-edged sword. Just like in Thailand, in the US there are decent Thai’s, and there are not so decent Thai’s. The problem once State side is that the total number of Thai’s available to make friends with is obviously less. Therefore her desire to have Thai friends may end up with her associating with some people that may not be the best choices. I have a friend that blames the downfall of his marriage on the Thai’s his wife associated with in the States, that he feels she would never have been influenced by back in Thailand.

I still live in Thailand with my wife, but one day will inevitably move to the US. From what I have seen/heard the two main things seem to be food supply, and family contact. So secure a way for her to get all the Thai foods she could possibly desire, and get Skype or some other find some other fairly low cost way for her to stay in contact with family/friends in Thailand.

Good luck.

[LaReina]

pm me if you are going to Texas. In which case I can get you connected or get information for you from Thai families that I know. Good family oriented people. School teachers / professionals.

But as everyone here has suggested, first and foremost, let her enroll in an ESL program in either a junior college or a near by university.

With making friends, and homework, she will not have enough time to dwell on being away from family. The worst thing you can do, is have her stay at home, all day, by herself, BORED.

You can also get satellite and get some Thai channels. Otherwise, if you are shipping back your stuff, buy loads of DVD's for her to watch in her spare time where she can follow along with the English subtitles to help practice her English.

If you already have a house, or are planning on renting one, see if she is into Gardening, and take her to Home Depot or Lowe’s, and get her started in something that she can do and see her accomplishments.

Something to fuss over, like a pet, might also help.

[Boo]

My husband made friends in the UK at the local adult ed college, these weren't thai people but an older mayasian women (who was brought over by her daughter so was bored & attended classes daily) a teenage singaporean girl & a couple of eastern european guys. Once he had more confidence & got work he made a lot of thai male friends (from the resteraunt he works at friday & saturday nights) & also with the maintenance man & burser at the school he works at during the day. It did take him a long time to get out & about & meet people though but he is a very quiet man generally & doesn't need a lot of people around him.

Cheap call numbers & the net were what he really relied on though, for calling up his mates & family in LOS & swapping emails with his old musician buddies.

The food issue is really important IMO, imagine when you are in LOS, do you eat thai food ALL the time, most of us don't & need our little special things from home so thai people are the same IMO. Research the local supermarkets & make sure she knows the route on the bus or by car so she doesn't rely on you to ferry her around.

I hope she enjoys it, my hubby loves living here in the UK, he still loves thailand but also sees the good things about here too.

[Mr Jones]

My husband made friends in the UK at the local adult ed college, these weren't thai people but an older mayasian women (who was brought over by her daughter so was bored & attended classes daily) a teenage singaporean girl & a couple of eastern european guys. Once he had more confidence & got work he made a lot of thai male friends (from the resteraunt he works at friday & saturday nights) & also with the maintenance man & burser at the school he works at during the day. It did take him a long time to get out & about & meet people though but he is a very quiet man generally & doesn't need a lot of people around him.

Cheap call numbers & the net were what he really relied on though, for calling up his mates & family in LOS & swapping emails with his old musician buddies.

The food issue is really important IMO, imagine when you are in LOS, do you eat thai food ALL the time, most of us don't & need our little special things from home so thai people are the same IMO. Research the local supermarkets & make sure she knows the route on the bus or by car so she doesn't rely on you to ferry her around.

I hope she enjoys it, my hubby loves living here in the UK, he still loves thailand but also sees the good things about here too.

[baennaenae]

Guys and Ladies,

I am considering to bring my girl to the U.S. and we are likely to get married in the near future. She is an office girl in her mid 20s. Her English is not very good and it would be a long way before she can attend university or find a job. So she would have to stay home full time when I go to work. I am very concerned that staying home can and will create boredom and loneliness for her, which may have all kind of ramifications that eventually can kill the relationship.

Any suggestions on how to keep her occupied?

This is what we did in the past 10 years !

My Aussie husband contacted the immigration department and enrolled me in an English class a week after I arrived. He dropped me at TAFE for a few weeks then I started to explore life myself ( with his support ) and used buses and trains a lot.

A few years later he asked me to apply for a learner permit license and taught me how to drive, I was so nervous because I had never driven before in my life.

I continued with my studying both English and other courses and now I 've got a job, Heeeehaaaa !

If you want her to survive in foreign land, you need to get her to explore it by herself so she know what to do and how to deal and solve the problems. You also need to support her and make sure that she know where she lives... I meant ' your home address ' and make sure she carry it with you all the time including your mobile phone number. Reasons?... in case she gets lost.

I mentioned the " address " is because it wouldn't sound so silly if you didn't even know where you live. I found it really annoying when, for example, my new Thai friend we met on the plane on the way to Thailand so when we came back to Australia we keep in touch. One day, I asked for her address... she said " I forgot " and told me how I get there instead. She said " ....turn right here and left there " I said... oki but I still need your address ! She still doesn't know where she lives So we arranged to meet in the city instead.