Pressure From Girlfriend's Mother To Buy Gold Jewellery

[Maestro]

One way of looking at it is if I were paying for company, for a comparable time, with ‘girls who do’, would Baht 40,000 be considered excessive spread over several months or years? Perhaps not. We all like to think we get our companionship and sex for free but, both in the East and West, it still costs. In fact low-cost Thailand could be viewed as a good deal.

Now, the truth is out: it is but a mathematical equation for you.

---------------

Maestro

[schmokinn]

Buying gold definately is part of Thai culture ... However, this shouldn't be taken as anything else, but one of the traditional ways to secure one's family against poor times ... Although that mother in law is part of the family, well - traditionally she is just nosy: assuming, you're a man to be respected - it's all up to you how to secure your family, buy gold - or don't buy gold: state that you'd rather invest in some other "enterprise", which according to your judgement yields better means of family support ... the biggest mistake a foreigner can make ... is not to live up to the picture of a mighty man, who knows what he's dealing with ..

[dave111223]

If your not getting married you are getting ripped off.

If you are getting married you are getting off really cheap (even if you were Thai).

I was at a Thai wedding today (both Thais) and the grooms family paid:

299,999 baht plus 29 baht of gold (over 340,000 baht)... So total more than 600,000.

On my wedding i agreed to pay 200,000, but we will get most of money back after the wedding (except money to cover the cerimony).

Anyways, unless your mad i'm guessing your not getting married after 2 months, so it has to be a scam. You can be sure theres no Thai guys gonna be forking out any $$ to mum just for dating her.

If you give this 40k now, you'll never hear the last of it, next it will be a car for mum, then a house for mum, etc... etc...

[Crushdepth]

Giving cash or gold or dowry whatever is not *always* a ripoff to be viewed with suspicion. My long term GF (who earns twice what I do) has let it be known that if we got married, I should expect to give something to her parents (who are also very well off and definitely don't need any help from the likes of me). She also let it be known that they would probably just turn around and give it back in some way - it's the giving that counts, not the cash.

If her family isn't wealthy then perhaps it could also have some economic importance to them as well as symbolic value, but is there anything wrong with that? In becoming part of the family they probably do expect that the guy is going to help look after them. Not entirely unreasonable, given the lack of a social security system.

So long as you can afford it, does it really matter? A small price to pay to keep the family onside

[t.s]

nowhere does he say he is getting married, he just says it would be like sin sot. Perhaps a rental deposit?

Personally speaking, if i loved the girl -- heck, if i even just liked her -- i wouldn't be posting her picture on the internet, it is just a matter of respect really. ask yourselves how willing you would be to post your 'partners' pic on tv or anywhere else for that matter

IMO he is either ignorant, a troll, a pig, or an insecure, post divorce, mid-life crisis torn, emotional cripple who wants us to see what a hot little woman-child he is banging so we can be assured that the little blue pills are being put to to good use.

no matter the reality of the situation, someone will get hurt.

Edited August 6, 2006 by t.s

[tourleadersi]

IMO he is either ignorant, a troll, a pig, or an insecure, post divorce, mid-life crisis torn, emotional cripple who wants us to see what a hot little woman-child he is banging so we can be assured that the little blue pills are being put to to good use.

Feel any better for getting that off your chest?

You're right. Posting a picture of a loved one does smack of macho strutting if you ask me.

To the OP: If you want us to look at the photo and say 'pay whatever she wants. she's gorgeous' then you're mistaken. She is very pretty, I will give you that, but her Mum has also just tried to hit you for 40k, something which has most guys on this forum heading for the door at such an early stage in the relationship irrespective of the ladies appearance.

Know this. Whatever you do, some here will agree and others will disagree. Best advice I can give is do what you are comfortable with and ignore the rest of us. At the end of the day its only you who might get burned. If someone asked me whether I thought they should get in an plane with one wing hanging off my response would be "Why the hel_l do you need to ask me that?"

[Donz]

I like the ones who post there wifes, I like looking a pictures of girls, especially if there good looking

[tourleadersi]

I like the ones who post there wifes, I like looking a pictures of girls, especially if there good looking

True, but I should imagine there's better websites than this one if you like looking at pretty women. It feels almost voyeuristic and personal looking at pictures of someone elses wife on this forum.

[udon]

Judging by the OP's last post, he's going to P4P.

Time to close this, methinks.

A fool and his $$$$ are soon parted.

[britmaveric]

Posting her photo???? Sorry mate - not sure what your point is by posting her photo - adds nothing to this discussion here.

Edited August 6, 2006 by britmaveric

[Donz]

I like the ones who post there wifes, I like looking a pictures of girls, especially if there good looking

True, but I should imagine there's better websites than this one if you like looking at pretty women. It feels almost voyeuristic and personal looking at pictures of someone elses wife on this forum.

Yes i know some great websites, anyone want them pm me.

I also like looking at peoples wifes

[kozi]

This is a con, the same happened to one of my friends who eventually gave away to his Thai girlfriend and her family, £80,000, yes, £80,000. Money that he inherited from his Dad, the proceeds from the sale of a house in London.

The girl came up with every excuse known in the universe to grab money, my sick father needs an operation, my 4 mothers, 20 Uncles and 15 grandmothers are all homeless and starving to death, my sister has had a motor bike accident, send 40000 baht for her hospital bills. I want an engagement ring costing 200000 baht and while you`re at it, buy one for my dear old mother as well.

After which I gave up this friend, didn`t want to be associated anymore with the brain dead.

Plus, it does matter that you are 51 and this tart is only 22, because she thinks you are not capable of getting a younger sort in your country, so if you want a young bit of stuff, IT¬S GOING TO COST YOU.

Also you are placing yourself in great danger if you leave Thailand and go to Laos.

This is Thailand and over here acquiring a wife is easier than buying a good second hand car.

DONT DO IT<

If you continue with this low life slut than you are an idiot and will deserve all thats coming to you.

You have been warned, now the ball is in your court.

[Thaipwriter]

So your sending 3000 baht month?

How was that set up?

Did she offer you a bank account number with a swift code?

Or was it via Western Union?

Did she have all this information close to hand, did she seem to know about the process involved?

Are you the twentieth guy she asked for money this year?

Do you catch my drift?

[SamuiJens]

Trevor's a blinded FOOL in love with his ego!

WHILE YOU're at it POST a PICTURE OF YOURSELF=Then

we'll ALL know if it's a good scam!

Edited August 8, 2006 by SamuiJens

[a2396]

I have been in a happy relationship with a 22-year-old Lao lass, who is a Thai resident, for the past two months. Problem is her mother has been making requests for Baht 40,000 worth of gold on her daughter's behalf, "According to our local culture". Although the girlfriend lives on her own, she seems more afraid of the mother (there's no father) than losing me if I refuse. She has never been involved in the nightlife industry. The mother spends time on both sides of the border.

I have offered a moderate gift of gold in keeping with my means and our relationship but it seems they want all or nothing, even though the price of gold is sky-high. In several Thai relationships I have never encountered such heavy financial pressure within such a short time-frame.

What is the best way of dealing with the mother, who is basically a dim-witted peasant, and convincing her daughter there is more to our current happiness than fretting over gold chains?

Nothings perfect in Thailand, this is the critical flaw with quite a few decent thai girlfriends, you take on their family after the 'honeymoon' period passes by. The fact your not married is irrelevant to them. They may even consider you a 'husband' of sorts. I've had thai girls who can turn into right little thieves due to there family having this mental strangle hold on them to pilfer money.

Very few can cut loose and become indepandant (like a lot of Europeans do) from this dark side of the thai psyche.

If you won't pay this 40 k then one course of action is she needs to throw her lot in with you completely (basically tell the family to get fcked and she has nothing more to do with them). If this happens her family may disown her so the responsibility is on you to take care of her!

If she can't then you can either pay up and slave yourself to them or stick two fingers up at them and walk away. My advice is likely to be 'walk away. Thailand has plenty more. Hard words my friend but in thailand one thing you dont want is are any more thais bleeding you white.

Good Luck

I agree with you totally about this. I have seen this same pattern here over and over. They want all or nothing. If you refuse them, they will ditch you. I have had several who have refused 7-10,000 bht per month, because they (or Mama) want a Farang who will marry them NOW pay big dowery, buy house, car, and support the extended family, etc, etc. Otherwise, they don't want to waste thier time. There must be plenty of willing chumps out there who will pay up (meet thier demands), for them to have such an attitude.

[Donz]

This is a con, the same happened to one of my friends who eventually gave away to his Thai girlfriend and her family, £80,000, yes, £80,000. Money that he inherited from his Dad, the proceeds from the sale of a house in London.

The girl came up with every excuse known in the universe to grab money, my sick father needs an operation, my 4 mothers, 20 Uncles and 15 grandmothers are all homeless and starving to death, my sister has had a motor bike accident, send 40000 baht for her hospital bills. I want an engagement ring costing 200000 baht and while you`re at it, buy one for my dear old mother as well.

After which I gave up this friend, didn`t want to be associated anymore with the brain dead.

Plus, it does matter that you are 51 and this tart is only 22, because she thinks you are not capable of getting a younger sort in your country, so if you want a young bit of stuff, IT¬S GOING TO COST YOU.

Also you are placing yourself in great danger if you leave Thailand and go to Laos.

This is Thailand and over here acquiring a wife is easier than buying a good second hand car.

DONT DO IT<

If you continue with this low life slut than you are an idiot and will deserve all thats coming to you.

You have been warned, now the ball is in your court.

Your friend gave away 80,000 pounds??

&lt;deleted&gt; was he thinking hhahahahaha

I think he must be exaggerating, coz if he really did then what can I say.

[number6]

if your marrying her it is custom - ive just been to my Thai wifes best friends wedding - middle class thais - the thai husband paid 300,000 baht plus 20 baht gold (about 110,000 baht) but it was for getting married - goes to parents even though by Thai standards their rich (600 at weeding paid by her parents must have cost a bomb) - the groom had been going out with bride for 8+ years - so yes its custom if your marrying but not otherwise - I also paid gold etc for my wedding 3+ years ago as per custom - but nothing before that when we just lived together for 2 years

dont pay or do it for minimum 2 years then if u really like her and trust her do it proper way

[bazmlb]

if your marrying her it is custom - ive just been to my Thai wifes best friends wedding - middle class thais - the thai husband paid 300,000 baht plus 20 baht gold (about 110,000 baht) but it was for getting married - goes to parents even though by Thai standards their rich (600 at weeding paid by her parents must have cost a bomb) - the groom had been going out with bride for 8+ years - so yes its custom if your marrying but not otherwise - I also paid gold etc for my wedding 3+ years ago as per custom - but nothing before that when we just lived together for 2 years

dont pay or do it for minimum 2 years then if u really like her and trust her do it proper way

I dont' remeber gold being 5500 per baht weight for a loooong time, 20 baht gold is more like 200,000baht. Golds at 11,350 now per baht wieght?

[number6]

if your marrying her it is custom - ive just been to my Thai wifes best friends wedding - middle class thais - the thai husband paid 300,000 baht plus 20 baht gold (about 110,000 baht) but it was for getting married - goes to parents even though by Thai standards their rich (600 at weeding paid by her parents must have cost a bomb) - the groom had been going out with bride for 8+ years - so yes its custom if your marrying but not otherwise - I also paid gold etc for my wedding 3+ years ago as per custom - but nothing before that when we just lived together for 2 years

dont pay or do it for minimum 2 years then if u really like her and trust her do it proper way

I dont' remeber gold being 5500 per baht weight for a loooong time, 20 baht gold is more like 200,000baht. Golds at 11,350 now per baht wieght?

your right its more like 220,000 baht in gold but thats what was o ntable at wedding - sorry my maths wrong but my point is still valid and true - so my wifes best friends groom had to folk out over 500,000 baht - apart from that i reckon even though he has a good job on around 30,000 baht a month (a lot by thai standards) its going to take him at least 5-10 years to apy it off (he borrowed the money). The father paid for ceremony and as usual guests put a contribution into an envolope for wedding - usually this also goes to parents but luckely for the bride and groom the father gave it to them to help them start life - i dont know exactly how much they got from envelopes but im told some gave 100 baht and some 2-5,000 baht and that paid for a lot if not all 500,000+ bride money

[Krupnik]

Don't pay it and if she sticks with you you'll know she's probably genuine. What if you literally just couldn't afford it?!

As someone else said, where is the picture of yourself Trevor...

[chanchao]

(Photo) Is she really coming the raw prawn?

Until you posted that pictures I was going to say "No way, don't be taken advantage of".

Now though, I think it may be the bargain of the century.

Seriously, if this is turning into a long term relationship, then 40K is really peanuts. Just make sure that this covers everything, and is not merely a downpayment on future sin sod requests.

Of course I'd prefer to turn that 40K into something tangible and useful (motorbike, stuff around the house, etc.) instead of gold. Converting money into gold and her converting it back again only makes gold shops happy.

[nickbk]

There is probably a cultural base in this demand but in these cases, culture quickly becomes greed. Say yes one time and it will be without end. 40K today, 60 K next week, 100 K next month etc.

We all know that we usually have a downry to pay when we marry a thai or Laos GF, but make sure that you give no money before and no money after, that will save you a lot of trouble. Because that's also another problem, the more you give tem, the more trouble you will have.

[SamuiJens]

Trevor,

You're never to old to learn, and if these replys don't tell you what you want to hear, then go ahead and give your Mother-in-Law what she wants, you must have given your GF a present of some sort by now? If not then I understand the Family. But this thead is getting old, you have to make up your mind, and if you loose, thats how it goes when you think a chick like that is crazy about you, without money-LOL,and you got no balls to post a picture of yourself -LOL-Hard to beleive you're not a teenager!

[Donz]

arrr just give it to her, have fun and good luck with your life.

[Mr Jones]

could be him

[Charma]

Could he be worth 40,000 baht?

[SamuiJens]

Could he be worth 40,000 baht?

NOW this thread just got GOOD, my GF is ROTFL-lol togrther now!Keep em comin'

[Charma]

Ok then, there ya go

[RAZZELL]

Also, he has posted here, word for word http://thailand-uk.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/...02/m/2331052051 and not returned to comment either Makes you wonder eh

Edit?? &lt;deleted&gt;, just realised you can't click that link without being a member

Anyway, take my word for it. He posted, word for word, exactly the same and didn't return either

Hey, give me a chance man ... I only asked the question yesterday. I'm both impressed with and in gratitude to those many members who have shown an interest in my conundrum.

Someone asked my age. It's 51, which I told the lass from the start. She wasn't in the least bothered. Age differences of 29 years are commonplace in Asia, and Asian men are no different in seeking much younger partners. But it does mean there is a stronger onus on the man to provide financially, more so than with a guy in his twenties.

As for my advice to mix with people of a similar social class, well how was I to know the mother was going to make such unreasonable demands? The daughter always came across as sweet, polite and well-mannered. Apparently, what happened was that she ordered the daughter home (to Nong Khai) from Bangkok by telephone if I didn't deliver the goods promptly. It was only our strong desire to be together that persuaded my girlfriend to plead for more time. I'm back in the UK now, so have time to reflect on the situation. But the likely end-game may be to offer some kind of face-saving compromise of a reduced amount. The GF tells me what mum is asking -- 3.5 Baht of gold or B40,000 -- is regarded as the sin sot (dowry), and that there wouldn't be requests for any more. The GF is the youngest and last-unmarried child, and the only one supporting mum, latterly courtesy of yours truly at B3,000 per month, since she left her job to travel with me.

Is there anywhere on this site to post a photo and easily link to it from this board?

Yep...I'm sure the mum will be jumping for joy... a 29 year age-gap and the grand sum of £40 odd quid a month...

[Mr Jones]

that not me honest