Is it just me or are Thai people not very thankful of gifts?

[sdanielmcev]

It's you. Even after 9 months together my gf still hides to look at presents I've bought her. What we may consider as fancy, sophisticated, or marvelous may not be the same value to them. As someone once said, "don't bring a sippin' whiskey to a wild party."

[mrjohndub]

I just returned from a business trip abroad, brought my wife pearl earrings and three types of snacks. The snacks were gone within twelve hours. The earrings, she hasn't worn or said a word about.

[namdocmai]

When i got married we had a huge pile of envelopes. My wife noted from every guest how much they gave so she can give it back whenever they get married (or something like that).

I also give presents sometimes when i enter thailand again but sure i will get things back later in time. That can be anything but they won't forget me.

Last week i got a cake from Chiang mai, 200 baht but it was really a good chocolate cake, best i 've ever seen even in Europe and i don't even like chocolate cakes. Luckily i also brought some cooky's from a real bakery so i let my wife give it back to them.

[Chonburiram]

I just returned from a business trip abroad, brought my wife pearl earrings and three types of snacks. The snacks were gone within twelve hours. The earrings, she hasn't worn or said a word about.

Pearls are for women in their prime... this is even true in Thailand... Diamonds are a girls best friend...

Giving gifts is a minefield...

[namdocmai]

Well eating sole smoked salmon is not much fun. Maybe you can give it with a nice salad or in sushi?

Jerk beef is something i also wouldn't eat, and i sure like beef.

Walnuts my wife also didn't eat and they ended up in the bin.

Chocolate is always good but not the pure one.

American beers, don't know i would have to try them first so i also wouldn't be jumping of joy. Whisky is what Thai always like (if they drink alcohol at all).

For some strange reason a gift for a Thai has to be in a box. Without a box it ain't no gift.

I would never buy gold for my wife or anybody, it only gives problems and stress.

One day i brought a whole salami for my wife, she was angry because it wasn't nice. When i fried it together with potatoes and onions, paprika she loved it.

Thai don't like to try out food they have never seen before.

[khunpa]

Gold, Cash, A house, A car... Those are real Thai-gifts.

Try that and you will see pure joy :-)

I once gave my Thai step-son an iPhone 5, but he was clearly disappointed that it was not the 5s version. So on his birthday this time, I just gave him a T-shirt.

If you have to look at an ungrateful face, you might as well save your money. Next year, I will buy him a pair of socks.

Edited November 3, 2014 by khunpa

[jdinasia]

Gold, Cash, A house, A car... Those are real Thai-gifts.

Try that and you will see pure joy :-)

I once gave my Thai step-son an iPhone 5, but he was clearly disappointed that it was not the 5s version. So on his birthday this time, I just gave him a T-shirt.

I have never had to buy friends, sorry that you have.

[Thongkorn]

They are not materialistic. that's part of the Poor Thai culture. Not the Big money grabbing Thais,

[namdocmai]

The son of my wife's brother always asked about the WII gamecomputer we had. He is very overweighted so i never wanted to give it to him but one day he got it when i was abroad. A year later i asked him about it and he acted like he didn't care at all.

I think it was broken or so but i will never know i guess.

Yes Thai like big presents like a new car or Iphone.

A Thai family in our street bought a brand new house for their son as present. The parents live close so they hoped he would live in it. He didn't like the house so now his parents have 2 houses to maintain.

[stat088]

thais dont thank u for nothing.dont waste ur time bying more gifts if its not gold.

and im not thai bashing, its just a different culture.they really nevr been told to say thank u.

Which of course is why there are many different ways to say thank you in Thai.

To say giving of giving gold or money is the only thing that is appreciated is ignorant bullshit. Most types of food are appreciated but don't expect them to jump with joy. It's about building relationships and trust. Making friends. Being generous and sharing. Too many farangs on TVF really have no idea when it comes to relating to the regular Thai person.

They don't understand the other side of the coin.

[David48]

Actually, once you've sorted the wheat from the chaff here ... you've had some real insightful replies.

The thing that got me, until I got used to it was the habit of taking/accepting a gift, wrapped or in a box of course, receiving an warm acknowledgement smile, then that gift to be stored for maybe a couple of days, in one case, a week, without being opened.

One of the other posters jdinasia mentioned why, now I understand the process, but it took a careful explanation from my Thai gf as to why.

[NamKAheng]

Offering a good meal to Thai friends seems to hit the mark everytime. Bringing them to a good restaurant brought back more happiness than a gift from my country. I also cooked some farang food for them and it was also a big hit and yes, you have to be careful about the farang food choice, I did a farang style BBQ, the pork chops with BBQ sauce and potato salad a big hit but the steak not so much.

[AYJAYDEE]

Offering a good meal to Thai friends seems to hit the mark everytime. Bringing them to a good restaurant brought back more happiness than a gift from my country. I also cooked some farang food for them and it was also a big hit and yes, you have to be careful about the farang food choice, I did a farang style BBQ, the pork chops with BBQ sauce and potato salad a big hit but the steak not so much.

my family loves to be taken out for pizza and ice cream

[slipperylobster]

Ask them to return the gifts.

If they argue, then that means they like them.

[David48]

I just returned from a business trip abroad, brought my wife pearl earrings and three types of snacks. The snacks were gone within twelve hours. The earrings, she hasn't worn or said a word about.

Pearls are for women in their prime... this is even true in Thailand... Diamonds are a girls best friend...

Giving gifts is a minefield...

Actually ...

(White) Pearls are usually not usually desired by Thai Woman.

Some years ago, I wanted to buy a small string and matching earrings for my Thai Lady ... it was politely declined, much to my then puzzlement.

When I pushed her on the reason I got ...

David

David

David

When will you learn, you're such a man! The white pearl on our skin colour doesn't look good ... it highlights the difference in the colour of the two. They weren't her exact words, just the feeling of them.

I'm thinking quietly to myself ... heck honey, stop wearing the white T-Shirts ... but I wanted sex the following month, so decided to keep my mouth shut!

Chonburiram was correct with the diamond earrings though, some years later, it was a suggestion of preferred choice by MissFarmGirl ...

Two years later ... she's still waiting ...

.

Edited November 3, 2014 by David48

[bina]

1/ thais dont open gifts (thats why they like them in a box,) or react to them, its 'greng jai' - in case they dont like it they dont ahve to show you they dont like it. when u jsut hand them something not in a box, they are put on the spot.

2/ being 'large' (also a mediterreanean aspect of gift giving)- if u can afford it, it should be something that looks and matches what they imagine you should give.

3/ upcountry types prefer food they recognize i.e. buy food in thailand that they like, and lots of it and put in a few wierd exotic (to them) fruits etc. ; strange things from foreign lands are rather like giving an orthodox jew country smoked bacon. he wouldnt know what to do with it.

4/ family oriented presents are better then personal presents as personal presents mean u are showing preference according to gift per person. i buy the same thing to all my sis in laws: dead sea lotions/creams/cosmetic stuff. and it has to be a name they recognize , not some organic, healthy but non advertised brand.

5/for friends, and the younger and possiblymore sophisticated set: t=shirts , shot glasses etc with football team names on them or with country flags on them, etc... agian, no wierd foods only stuff they recognize.

6/ there is a way to hand presents politely to thais, with a little bow, one hand hold the other hand, presenting it, and then leaving it.

7 when i gave my mother in law a gold necklace, (14 karat with zircons which was my price range), i knew ahead of time that she would not see that as real gold, but i presented it to her as my gift to her, and put it on her, telling her more or less the costand that it wasnt as nice of course as real thai gold, but nonetheless... she kept it on the whole time i was there, and i dont care if she trashes it after or not. its not mine, its hers. i also gave them some monk blessed items from chiang mai, which apparently suited them fine, as i saw them being put carefully away in the back closet along with all the other stuff we have given them, they carefully store it all so nothing will happen to it (but never actually use it keeping it all in nylon wrap, etc., like the little polish ladies here with all their bracbrac carefully placed so as to nver be handled, touched or possibly ruined.)

8/for sophisticated types again fruit /alcohol/chocolates wrapped up really nicely, and thats that.

only westerners get all involved over presents as actual 'matching the present to the person'. for thais, its the prestige and the size that is improtant. all the employers here know to give alcohol on thai holidays and not our usual wine/chocolates/cakes that we get. they hate it all. hubby still hasnt a clue as to what to give as presents. he gives money food and alcohol .

[AYJAYDEE]

1/ thais dont open gifts (thats why they like them in a box,) or react to them, its 'greng jai' - in case they dont like it they dont ahve to show you they dont like it. when u jsut hand them something not in a box, they are put on the spot.

2/ being 'large' (also a mediterreanean aspect of gift giving)- if u can afford it, it should be something that looks and matches what they imagine you should give.

3/ upcountry types prefer food they recognize i.e. buy food in thailand that they like, and lots of it and put in a few wierd exotic (to them) fruits etc. ; strange things from foreign lands are rather like giving an orthodox jew country smoked bacon. he wouldnt know what to do with it.

4/ family oriented presents are better then personal presents as personal presents mean u are showing preference according to gift per person. i buy the same thing to all my sis in laws: dead sea lotions/creams/cosmetic stuff. and it has to be a name they recognize , not some organic, healthy but non advertised brand.

5/for friends, and the younger and possiblymore sophisticated set: t=shirts , shot glasses etc with football team names on them or with country flags on them, etc... agian, no wierd foods only stuff they recognize.

6/ there is a way to hand presents politely to thais, with a little bow, one hand hold the other hand, presenting it, and then leaving it.

7 when i gave my mother in law a gold necklace, (14 karat with zircons which was my price range), i knew ahead of time that she would not see that as real gold, but i presented it to her as my gift to her, and put it on her, telling her more or less the costand that it wasnt as nice of course as real thai gold, but nonetheless... she kept it on the whole time i was there, and i dont care if she trashes it after or not. its not mine, its hers. i also gave them some monk blessed items from chiang mai, which apparently suited them fine, as i saw them being put carefully away in the back closet along with all the other stuff we have given them, they carefully store it all so nothing will happen to it (but never actually use it keeping it all in nylon wrap, etc., like the little polish ladies here with all their bracbrac carefully placed so as to nver be handled, touched or possibly ruined.)

8/for sophisticated types again fruit /alcohol/chocolates wrapped up really nicely, and thats that.

only westerners get all involved over presents as actual 'matching the present to the person'. for thais, its the prestige and the size that is improtant. all the employers here know to give alcohol on thai holidays and not our usual wine/chocolates/cakes that we get. they hate it all. hubby still hasnt a clue as to what to give as presents. he gives money food and alcohol .

I especially like #1. my wife explained this to me early on

[Gecko123]

As near as I can tell the Thai etiquette standard for receiving a gift is to wai the person giving the gift before accepting the gift. Opening the gift in front of the giver and oohing and aahing over it doesn't seem to be done that much.

I have noticed that some Thais seem awkward or subdued when receiving a gift. I can only speculate that it's from shyness at being the center of attention or because they are trying to suppress their excitement or anticipation at receiving the gift. It is easy for a foreigner to misinterpret this as lack of appreciation, but most of the time just the opposite is happening.

Also, keep in mind that for some Thais receiving a gift, especially a lavish one, doesn't happen that often, and their etiquette might be a little rusty.

Some very insightful comments on this thread esp. #11, #16, #20 and #46. I learned a lot. Thanks.

[Chonburiram]

Two years later ... she's still waiting ...

.

Uupps, first i was reading: ...she's still wearing...

[eldragon]

I find it extremely difficult to hit the mark with gifts here. Even Thai food rarely goes over with any kind of excitement. But it must be a cultural thing. I've heard the traditional Thai way is to decline a gift twice before accepting it the third time.

Many times I'll bring food to the office and get a mild thank you (or no thank you). Yet, as soon as I turn my back or leave the room everyone has a bite. When it comes to gifts, I've gotten in the habit of just coming in early and leaving things in a public place or on an individuals desk. That way they can just accept the gift in their private way.

Btw, I wouldn't expect Thais to be into microbrews or smoked salmon, or anything else that's not popular or trendy here. I generally stick to local foods and handicrafts, or anything Japanese/Korean.

[kannot]

Offering a good meal to Thai friends seems to hit the mark everytime. Bringing them to a good restaurant brought back more happiness than a gift from my country. I also cooked some farang food for them and it was also a big hit and yes, you have to be careful about the farang food choice, I did a farang style BBQ, the pork chops with BBQ sauce and potato salad a big hit but the steak not so much.

my family loves to be taken out for pizza and ice cream

Took my 2 Myanmar staff for an ice cream once....waste of time, find it best now to give nothing to no one...

[khunpa]

Gold, Cash, A house, A car... Those are real Thai-gifts.

Try that and you will see pure joy :-)

I once gave my Thai step-son an iPhone 5, but he was clearly disappointed that it was not the 5s version. So on his birthday this time, I just gave him a T-shirt.

I have never had to buy friends, sorry that you have.

I am more sorry that you totally misunderstood my post and seem to have no humor :-)

[Chao Lao Beach]

weirdo friends man.

Yeah most tahis I see love forien stuff.

[Robert24]

I know many Thais that bring back a tonne of gifts whenever they travel somewhere and people love it. Not sure what happened in your case, maybe they didn't show their appreciation openly but from my experience they like it and tell others that you brought some gifts.

[crickets]

Gave my wife 65000 baht to give her parents in the other room. She gave it to them and 5 minutes later i walked past them and they looked happy. They r very poor by the way. But the bastards never thanked me, apparently its not in there culture. Then i thought i feel akwurd thanking people for as shit well. But still, its cold hard cash.

[David48]

Gave my wife 65000 baht to give her parents in the other room. She gave it to them and 5 minutes later i walked past them and they looked happy. They r very poor by the way. But the bastards never thanked me, apparently its not in there culture. Then i thought i feel akwurd thanking people for as shit well. But still, its cold hard cash.

Mate, I do understand you .. has happened to me, but different circumstances.

But, my follow experience was that, while I never got a verbal thanks as we would in the West, the kindness was repaid two-fold in other ways.

.

[ClutchClark]

We've noticed something similar in the few years we've been here.

Possibly because they're not very demonstrative by nature in situations like this.

They're certainly not ungrateful, they just express gratitude differently than most of us do.

This is what I was thinking as well.

I have often wondered if gifts are not typically exchanged here because there really seems to be a lack of appreciation--as if the receiver doesn't really know what to think of the act or that there is a specific ritual of gratitude in many societies. Japan has a very strong cultural norm of both gift giving and showing thanks.

OP, please add me to your friend list.

[smokie36]

Chocolate always wins in my experience....what other gift is there??

[AYJAYDEE]

Offering a good meal to Thai friends seems to hit the mark everytime. Bringing them to a good restaurant brought back more happiness than a gift from my country. I also cooked some farang food for them and it was also a big hit and yes, you have to be careful about the farang food choice, I did a farang style BBQ, the pork chops with BBQ sauce and potato salad a big hit but the steak not so much.

my family loves to be taken out for pizza and ice cream

Took my 2 Myanmar staff for an ice cream once....waste of time, find it best now to give nothing to no one...

good thinking.

[David48]

Chocolate always wins in my experience....what other gift is there??

Believe it or not ... MissFarmGirl has gone off the Chocolate ...

Took a box of Lindt Balls over ... a month later, they were still some left and 1/2 of those eaten were probably nicked by me the Farm Family.