The Sad Lives of Orchids

[smo]

(Gossip entertainment from – pretend that I’m one – celebrities!)

I’ve been doing some English tutoring here in BKK on a part time basis, just to get myself occupied. Last couple of months there was a group of female students, 4 of them all living in one soi nearby in my neighborhood. All are thai women in their 30s, all virgins (according to the group leader, Vicky) except for one who is a single mother. Vicky herself offers to teach/practice Thai with me so we plan to meet when she gets off work and hang out in places in the neighborhood. One of the first places we went is a rather “romantic” setting – I see now on hindsight of course - by the canal, with dim lighting (which gives the mosquitoes the run of the house feasting on my bare legs) and soft rock playing in the background. Right away she recounted to me, with tears streaming down her face, her major heartbreak which happened a couple of years ago: she had a broken (non-consummative due to her father’s objection) romance with a farang English teacher. The chap finally moved away and got himself a proper girlfriend (how sensible!) Vicky never forgives him for that and seems to cherish the heartbreak as opposed to letting go: his name would invariably come up in her conversation.

Fast forward to my birthday last month. I figured as we are getting close to a resemblance of a family (hanging out almost every evening, going out places on weekend) it was only fair that I "submit" my coming-out to the group. As we were sitting around and them talking about, the lack thereof, their love life - with hints and winks regarding mine - I told them without fanfare about my last relationship (and boyfriend). Soon enough Vicky was sobbing again, very much to my discomfort (what the heck?) she said my sad love story resembled so much hers (excuse me, but I and my ex we had a – erh, pardon the pun - “full-throttled” relationship). Then Vicky insisted me showing them pictures (proof?) so I herded the group back to my place, dug out the old album and let them scrutinize my past love affair in all its gory, I mean glory.

I also recently started an orchids collection. One thing I notice just by “living” with them: Why the orchid bloom lasts so long? Because the plant nurtures it. Or rather, let me say it again better, the plant DECIDES to nurture it. A half yellow or sunburned leaf could be sustained for as long as the plant wants to keep it. Once it says “you’re no good” then the said leaf (or the spent spike) would totally yellow out and fall off within 24 hrs. So I got shafted - not inhumanly brisk – but for the following couple of weeks, the pace slackened steadily: we still hung out, went places on weekend, but my phone calls don’t get picked up as readily as they used to, or they don’t get returned, and Vicky has started to work overtime, etc. “I’ll call you if (not when) I’m free” you get the drift. Her easy smile now hung on one corner of her mouth, her look darkened. Then one day it all stopped altogether. To the point when last Sunday I ran into the group in the street, all smiles and greetings as usual, but they rather go back and have lunch in their room (as opposed to “with
Teacher,” this is left unsaid of course.)

Ok, to be honest, I’m left feeling a bit bruised. What I remember rather vividly is the time when we went shopping for a refrigerator for my room, I decided to get a bigger one than necessary because, “Once we move into a house together, this would be big enough for all of us” sounded like I was joking, but I wasn't really.

Naïve of me don’t you think? And this is from someone who has been around more bends (pun intended) than he cares to remember. My summing-up on this “non-romance” is that Vicky was using me as a projection to re-suscitate her sad love affair with her farang teacher. Once I come out to her, the hologram is shattered! The person behind the glass is shall we say, useless – in more ways than one.

[Scott]

Life is full of bumps. It hurts when you lose what seem like good friends or when you find out your being used.

Best of luck.

[sustento]

What does this have to do with the gay forum?

[smo]

Life is full of bumps. It hurts when you lose what seem like good friends or when you find out your being used.

Best of luck.

Thanks Scott, for your kind words and compassion. Contrary to popular belief, coming out doesn't get easier/smoother with age - unfortunately!

[timewilltell]

No different to many other people - just your perception of reactions. I would just carry on with your sensitive view on life and relish the things that come along. Their reaction is normal but your view on life is rare - celebrate that

[Scott]

I am not sure how old you are, but you mentioned something about the '30's' for one of the gals. For women, the issue of marriage and family can be quite important and they operate with a biological clock that is a little different from men. It's never fun to get to sort of written off or shunned, but you should be able to find a nice group of people to hang around with who appreciate you.

[Scott]

What does this have to do with the gay forum?

It seems your a bit of a shrinking violet, Sustento. Perhaps we need to give you some more fertilizer?

[sustento]

What does this have to do with the gay forum?

It seems your a bit of a shrinking violet, Sustento. Perhaps we need to give you some more fertilizer?

I suspect that the gay forum is no longer the place for me so I shall try to avoid it in future.