Bringing your Thai Wife or GF's kid to your home country

[frozenpuck]

Bringing your Thai Wife or GF to your home country
Trials and Tribulations

I am a Canadian who has a Thai wife. 12 years ago she was my girlfriend in Thailand. I’ll call her “D”. When we met she was, like many other Thai ladies, extremely poor. She was working at a restaurant 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, for a few dollars. After we were going out for a few months she started pressuring me to take her to Canada. Even though I didn’t want to live permanently in Canada any more I really cared for her and wanted her to have opportunity and a better life…so I relented, but only after we agreed that we would go for 3 years and then come back to Thailand to live. I started the process of applying for permanent residence for her to go to Canada. It was a long difficult process which took many hours doing the paperwork supporting evidence that we were actually common law.

After about 2 years and a nice chunk of money she entered Canada as permanent resident. It has now been 10 years. She is an amazing women who has worked her but off to provide for herself and build a promising future.

Now here is where the problem(s) arrive. She has a son from a previous relationship with a Thai. After 2 years in Canada, instead of planning to go back to Thailand she started to pressure me into letting her son come to Canada. Sorry not pressuring she just flat out said I’m bringing my son to Canada. In others words even though he was going to be living in my house I had no say in the decision.

So within a few months her 14 year old son who didn’t want to come to Canada reluctantly arrived. Upon his arrival I had a few simple rules. 1.) We would speak english in the house. I set this rule because I felt it was important for him to learn english quickly and also I didn’t want to be excluded and isolated from the conversation in my own house. 2.) He would have to help with simple things around the house like shovelling snow, mowing grass, ect.

Immediately he snubbed me and ignored everything I said. When I complained to my wife she would just shrug her shoulders and say “what can I do”. His attitude was you’re not my Dad I don’t have to listen to you. And when he saw that his Mom was not going to support me and stand by me it empowered him to lay around and do nothing. I told her this, she didn’t care. I researched and found a really good school in our city that specializes in integrating immigrants into Canadian culture and helps them with extra English courses and other things. Well after a fews months he was missing days of school and failing his classes. Again knowing he’s not going to listen to me I complained to his Mom, explaining that he needs a little push to get him going and get new friends. I was told to leave him alone. Again he sees his Mom shielding him from this big bad Farang, and I am sure had a little smile on his face.

So I decided ok its not my problem forget about him and go about my business. Oh and by the way through all of this he never lifted a finger to help with chores around the house. Anyway after I “left him alone” he then stopped going to school completely. After about 2 weeks I received an angry call from the school principle. Telling me that if he wasn’t going to go to school to let them know he had quit. So heres a kid who in a way hit the jackpot going from the slums of Klong Thoie living in a shanti shack, to going to a warm safe house in Canada where he could thrive, get a good education and make 10 times the money in the future. And the thanks i got was by completely snubbing me. Speaking Thai to exclude me from the conversation. Ignoring everything I said and overall completely disrespecting me.

As a result 8 years later he is 21 and you guessed still laying around in my house. He has had 3 jobs with extensive periods in between of doing nothing. Every job he has had was handed to him by his Mom, me, or a Thai friend. Whenever he wants something from me he goes to his Mommy and sends her to ask. The latest is he wanted me to do a resume for him. I said no but if he types one up, I will take a look and suggest how to make it better. Of course this was far too much work for him so he continued to lay around. Now he sleeps all day, and stays up all night watching TV, playing with the computer and coughing, coughing, coughing. Keeping me up all night. For a year i have been telling him to go see a doctor, but as usual I have been completely ignored. Theres nothing wrong with him other than being house ridden with no exercise. This would make anyone unhealthy.

My wife has other Thai friends who have brought their Thai children to Canada to live with the Farang. I have seen this scenario repeated over and over with other Thai/Farang and Thai kid. One of her friends husbands wanted to charge the son rent as he is now 19 and same, laying around the house doing nothing. This would force him to at least get a part time job. She screamed and threatened that she would get a divorce and take his house if he charged her kid rent. So he continues to support and pay for this lazy brats food, power, water, heat. The Thai wives learn the Canadian Marriage laws quickly and use them to their full advantage to persuade, threaten and abuse there husbands. Another has 2 teenage daughters. The Farang same as me has tried to get them to do simple chores around the house, and he got the same. “You’re not my Dad!” “This isn’t your house, its my Moms house!” ect. In other words give me a warm, safe place to live and good food to eat but don’t you dare tell me what to do.

Like I said my Wife is an amazing women. It is the only reason I have put up with this shit for so long. She is intelligent, reasonable, reliable, hard working and overall has all the great qualities a man could ever ask for…….except when it comes to her kid. By protecting him he has learned and developed a lifestyle that is equivalent to a parasite. He has a few Thai friends but has never been on a date. He refuses to socialize with any caucasian people including my family, to the point where I think he is racist towards white people. All of this is now ingrained into his psyche and undoing it will be nearly impossible. I am now faced with the choice of kicking him out on his ass, and risking our Marriage ending, or continuing to put up with this incredible display of disrespect and laziness. By the way he is now fluent in English but still only speaks Thai when I am around to exclude me.

The moral of the story is if you have a Thai wife or GF who wants you to bring her kid(s) to your home country I would highly suggest, spending a LOT of time with them. Get to know them. Are they receptive to having any kind of relationship with you? Do they listen to what you say? Do they contribute to chores in any way? Do they go to school? Do they have good grades? Are there any other signs like temper tantrums, lying, stealing, ect.

If you see any red flags about any of these things I would highly suggest not bringing them into your home or your home country. That of course would not be a popular decision with your wife/GF but if you relent you will most likely be facing 10 years or more of hell in your own house. The reason I am writing this is because I’m am sick and tired of guys like me being taken advantage of and disrespected. Giving them a new life and all of the opportunity in the world, only to have them figuratively, or maybe literally spit in your face. Anyway the heart always speaks loudest so if you love a Thai lady you will probably be like me and relent even if it doesn’t feel right. I wish you the best, it will be tough.

[benalibina]

She is intelligent, reasonable, reliable, hard working and overall has all the great qualities a man could ever ask for.except when it comes to her kid. ........the last 2 words, change them by......ME, and it is correct.

Good luck.

[BKKSnowBird]

Note to self. Only date women with no kids.

[NeverSure]

"She is intelligent, reasonable, reliable..."

You just finished explaining that she is none of these.

She and her son are the partnership and you are the outsider. You've been had in the long game.

[ATF]

Why didn't you have a kid with her????

He's her legacy he has to take care of her when she's old the Thai mother son relationship is very strong.

The only real option open to you is to try to get him married off but his mother will want him to become a monk before that happens.

See it in Thailand all the time Thai kids won't do anything just sponge off their family for as long as possible.

[David48]

frozenpuck ... great story, well written.

As you imply, a timely reminder that when you marry a Thai girl,

you almost inevitably end up marrying her Family, in part of whole.

So, time spent with the Thai Family in Thailand is well worth the sacrafice

as that time can well be an eye-opener.

Sadly now, by not 'staying' to your rules of not returning to Thailand

after 3 years you seem to have created a 'Rod for your own back' .

Sometimes 'Kindness is mistaken for weakness'.

.

[kannot]

Ive found many Thai young men in an around the villages here to be bone idle, exactly like this kid. Theyll sit all day wanting handouts. Ive had an advert outside my house now for staff for over 3 months, not a single enquiry yet they still sit doing nothing all day.

Ive been told most want to do a security guard job where they can do a s little as possible................. and we all know they are never found asleep.

In this case though I d leave the Wife and kid who will probably be ecstatic by the sounds of it, people like this make me puke!

[roamer]

My stepdaughter, 19, is as we speak, doing nothing, just laying on the sofa (UK) having fallen asleep watching tv.

Lazy cow. Mind you she did get up at 4am today to go and teach kids sailing, a qualification she worked for from 14. Pays well too, 4 weeks teaching earned her a nice holiday back in SE Asia.

Because she is severely dyslexic, or maybe because you never take the village out of the girl, she gets up by 5am every day to ensure she has enough time to read before heading off to Uni. Stubborn girl, why she chose a course that requires her to deal with words like Methemoglobinemia on a daily basis I will never understand.

She's not alone though, she's met quite a few Thai kids similar to her in part time restaurant jobs she has had all working their way through college or Uni.

Maybe it's different in Canada I don't know, I can only say I have not met a single Thai kid here that has blown their chance away, quite the opposite

[KarenBravo]

I would make her choose. You, or getting the kid a job and contributing.

At least the problem will end and you will know where you stand.

Have been living in Thailand for a few decades and am married also.

The successful marriages between male foreigners and Thai women that I have seen, all have one thing in common. The man is indisputably the boss and makes all important decisions and is hugely respected by the Thai wife.

For some reason, when married to a Thai lady, I have found that if you don't control the wife, she ends up controlling you and thus disrespected. Definitely not PC, but, still the truth from my observations, none-the-less.....

[NeverSure]

As a rule, culturally, I experience Canadians as being the most polite and nicest of all other Western cultures. They aren't typically confrontational.

I don't know about the OP at all but it's possible this is an issue.

OP, maybe you should hire an American or a Brit or an Aussie to kick his ass.

[pigeonjake]

when i read this,,

and he says they soon get into the married law,,,,as in they can take the house like it or lump it,,,

that is why my friends if your going to be taking your wife and kigs to your own country,,,PLEASE DO A PRE-NOP, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED,

take that barganing power away from them, its your house your money that you have worked hard for,,,,

@kannot,

i agree with everything you say about boys in thailand, spoilt lazy sods,,

and im not thai bashing ive just lived here long enough to know the score about thai boys,,well most of them, ill change it to that, most thai boys

[roamer]

when i read this,,

and he says they soon get into the married law,,,,as in they can take the house like it or lump it,,,

that is why my friends if your going to be taking your wife and kigs to your own country,,,PLEASE DO A PRE-NOP, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED,

take that barganing power away from them, its your house your money that you have worked hard for,,,,

@kannot,

i agree with everything you say about boys in thailand, spoilt lazy sods,,

and im not thai bashing ive just lived here long enough to know the score about thai boys,,well most of them, ill change it to that, most thai boys

Understand. But of course it's been handed down through the generations. Not the norm in the cities though....

[katana]

Thanks for sharing the story.

[simple1]

OP: I had a similar experience with my wife's son (Australia); failed school etc. In the end the difference was my wife's reaction who said wait untill he's 18 to see if his attitude changes. His attitude did not change & wife told him he was creating too much discord in the family house, shape up or ship out; he moved out - wife stayed in regular contact with him, I did not.

Five years later he approached me, without his mothers presence, sincerely apologised and said when he was younger was immature, disrespectful and flatly wrong behaviour, now we have a good relationship. I hope your stepson eventually emotional matures and harmony returns to your family.

[krisb]

Majority of teenage kids are pretty lazy. Nationality makes no real difference.

Thing is mate you married her, which means you take on her son also, lazy sod or not. True? Mothers will always defend their children, and similar stories are everywhere on here.

If you lived in Thailand, the kid would still be living in your house right ,doing exactly the same thing.

[frozenpuck]

Note to self. Only date women with no kids.

Very wise before you become emotionally involved.

[frozenpuck]

She is intelligent, reasonable, reliable, hard working and overall has all the great qualities a man could ever ask for.except when it comes to her kid. ........the last 2 words, change them by......ME, and it is correct.

Good luck.

Yes then the blinders come on. Thanks.

[frozenpuck]

"She is intelligent, reasonable, reliable..."

You just finished explaining that she is none of these.

She and her son are the partnership and you are the outsider. You've been had in the long game.

You're right. I've come to the realiation that when push comes to shove with her kid I will lose, and he knows it.

[frozenpuck]

"realization" I mean

[frozenpuck]

Why didn't you have a kid with her????

He's her legacy he has to take care of her when she's old the Thai mother son relationship is very strong.

The only real option open to you is to try to get him married off but his mother will want him to become a monk before that happens.

See it in Thailand all the time Thai kids won't do anything just sponge off their family for as long as possible.

Didnt have a kid with her because I didnt want to be stuck in Canada, but I guess that didnt matter. I didnt realize how strong that relationship would be where the Mom is completley blind when it comes to their kids actions, or non actions (ie. laying around like a piece of deadwood).

[frozenpuck]

I would make her choose. You, or getting the kid a job and contributing.

At least the problem will end and you will know where you stand.

Have been living in Thailand for a few decades and am married also.

The successful marriages between male foreigners and Thai women that I have seen, all have one thing in common. The man is indisputably the boss and makes all important decisions and is hugely respected by the Thai wife.

For some reason, when married to a Thai lady, I have found that if you don't control the wife, she ends up controlling you and thus disrespected. Definitely not PC, but, still the truth from my observations, none-the-less.....

That time is coming very soon. I'm coming to Thailand for a break from this madness and when I return he is out. I think you are correct and when the son sees you bending he knows he can do the same. Hindsight.

[i claudius]

My son has lived in Thailand ,the UK and back here in Thailand ,worked hard in School and is now in university ,must admit he alwayays goes to his mum first but we have a good relationship and he is not lazy ,but loves games on the internet more than reading or anything else ,all in all a normal teenager

[frozenpuck]

As a rule, culturally, I experience Canadians as being the most polite and nicest of all other Western cultures. They aren't typically confrontational.

I don't know about the OP at all but it's possible this is an issue.

OP, maybe you should hire an American or a Brit or an Aussie to kick his ass.

haha yes there needs to be some humour in here somewhere, thanks!

[frozenpuck]

when i read this,,

and he says they soon get into the married law,,,,as in they can take the house like it or lump it,,,

that is why my friends if your going to be taking your wife and kigs to your own country,,,PLEASE DO A PRE-NOP, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED,

take that barganing power away from them, its your house your money that you have worked hard for,,,,

@kannot,

i agree with everything you say about boys in thailand, spoilt lazy sods,,

and im not thai bashing ive just lived here long enough to know the score about thai boys,,well most of them, ill change it to that, most thai boys

Absolutely very important, and if they dont want to sign then the red lights not flags should be flashing brightly. After a few years of this nonsense I asked for a post nup. Which she signed after i agreed to giving a decent percentage of the house. When I presented her with this she showed her kid and he was the one protesting saying "why are you signing this?"

[kannot]

when i read this,,

and he says they soon get into the married law,,,,as in they can take the house like it or lump it,,,

that is why my friends if your going to be taking your wife and kigs to your own country,,,PLEASE DO A PRE-NOP, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED,

take that barganing power away from them, its your house your money that you have worked hard for,,,,

@kannot,

i agree with everything you say about boys in thailand, spoilt lazy sods,,

and im not thai bashing ive just lived here long enough to know the score about thai boys,,well most of them, ill change it to that, most thai boys

Maybe i should change the ad to "security guard wanted, ability to sleep all night an advantage"

[frozenpuck]

OP: I had a similar experience with my wife's son (Australia); failed school etc. In the end the difference was my wife's reaction who said wait untill he's 18 to see if his attitude changes. His attitude did not change & wife told him he was creating too much discord in the family house, shape up or ship out; he moved out - wife stayed in regular contact with him, I did not.

Five years later he approached me, without his mothers presence, sincerely apologised and said when he was younger was immature, disrespectful and flatly wrong behaviour, now we have a good relationship. I hope your stepson eventually emotional matures and harmony returns to your family.

Nice to see one of the rare happy endings, I think maybe you are one of the lucky ones. Once he is out of the house I dont expect we will ever speak or see each other again. And I'm ok with that.

[frozenpuck]

Majority of teenage kids are pretty lazy. Nationality makes no real difference.

Thing is mate you married her, which means you take on her son also, lazy sod or not. True? Mothers will always defend their children, and similar stories are everywhere on here.

If you lived in Thailand, the kid would still be living in your house right ,doing exactly the same thing.

Yes i did after her insisting he was a great kid and excellent student, but i must admit i had my doubts after meeting him a couple of times but went with it anyway. Like I say, the heart always speaks the loudest and i really wanted it to work out.

If we lived in Thailand it would be much much easier to walk away, or, ship him off to one of the inlaws for a small monthly fee. But regardless he is over legal edge so his days are numbered.

[frozenpuck]

My son has lived in Thailand ,the UK and back here in Thailand ,worked hard in School and is now in university ,must admit he alwayays goes to his mum first but we have a good relationship and he is not lazy ,but loves games on the internet more than reading or anything else ,all in all a normal teenager

Man I wish he would go back to Thailand. But, and this might sound funny, he's afraid he might be stuck in the military if he returns. I dont think its possible because hes a Canadian citizen now but never the less. Just another sign of his laziness and total lack of accountability.

[villagefarang]

My solution...no kids, not hers, not mine, not ours.

[NanLaew]

Define what she will legally be entitled to when you file for a divorce on grounds of HER unreasonable behaviour. If the losses are acceptable, get a divorce. They both have dual citizenship and can fend for themselves, her especially. He is an adult and not yours so you don't have any legal obligation to support him.

From the OP's own admission, his wife had received everything she has demanded but it is way beyond time to stop being a doormat. That game is over. Divorce her (and her worthless spawn, move to Thailand and get some personal happiness back in YOUR life.