Parent Dialogue #2

[thaibebop]

What should the child see when they view their parent? Should they feel fear, and thus do what they are told? Should they feel gratitude and thus do what they are asked? Should they feel love and pride and do without being asked?

The image that the child has of their parent is very important. It might even be the defining factot in the relationship as the years go by. Did you keep your promises? Did you scare them? Did you inspire them?

I know many of us will want to say the things that we think we are suppose to say, but we all know we haven't been perfect. What about your parents? Maybe that would also be something to look at.

I know I have gotten mad, I hope not to mad to scare my daughter. I know I try to keep my promises regardless of what I promise, which is why I work on not promising in the first place.

What about the things you do that doesn't involve inetraction with the child? Like we you do for a living and who your friends are? Or what you do for fun? What do you think these things will do to shape the view of your children?

One last thing, is being perfect or too close to perfect a bad thing? Should your child see you as human before they are old enough to understand? Would perfect give them the feeling that they could never be as good as you?

[Thaiboxer]

Those are some really good points you raise. I think how a child looks at you can be a combination of many factors; like love, pride, gratitude and fear (when they've been bad). I don't think it's good for kids to live in fear of their parents but I also don't think they should get everything handed to them on a silver platter either. As you can see from living here, MANY Thai parents spoil their kids rotten; and I'm not just referring to the upper class ones who can afford the most luxuries. Thais in all classes of society spoil their kids. Having been a kids' teacher here, I have seen this first hand

I also think so many kids here have no sense of discipline and the boys in particular are often raised to do whatever they want. Morality is not a big part of their makeup in many cases. Some of the things kids do here would have been the end for me if I did those things. I'm not saying kids have to be spanked for every little thing, but they do need the wooden spoon ever now and the. If our parents didn't spank us, we would have turned out to be a menace to society. My parents were not strict with my brother and I because they did their work early on and trusted us whereas so many kids' parents monitored everything they did. It's no wonder that a lot of parents today complain that their kids don't listen to/respect them.

As for you being as good as or better than your kids, I believe that works both ways. If you give your kids the impression that they can never be as good as you, that may well become cemented in their outlook on life and we do know that most kids want to be like their parents (in many ways). I think it's important to teach them that nobody is perfect and to cite examples from your own past to emphasize this point. Teach them that everyone makes mistakes from time to time but to learn from them and move on. Some mistakes that people make can have serious, negative consequences on their lives so it's important that your children recognize these before hand and not get into them.

[thaibebop]

Sorry it took me so long to post here again. So, what do you think about the idea of the example the parents set and how the child responds. Like a poor parent and thus the child ends up the same or becomes the opposite. How do you think such things are determined?

[Thaiboxer]

In general, kids want to be like their parents although they don't always admit to this. I also think that if the parents are poor, and this is the environment the child grows up in, he or she (with few exceptions) will end up the same way because they simply don't know any other way.

[thaibebop]

In general, kids want to be like their parents although they don't always admit to this. I also think that if the parents are poor, and this is the environment the child grows up in, he or she (with few exceptions) will end up the same way because they simply don't know any other way.

I ask this question for my family is poor. I am working hard too finish school, it will be many years I am a late starter, when I am finished I will be a prof for East Asian Studies at the college level. I don't think I am going to make much money. I know my daughter will be watching me struggle through school and work and I worry that she will think it's all pointless because I never made any real money off it. I hope that she will see a reason to go to college and not wait as long as I did and therefore have a better economic future. What do you kids think when they see their parents struggle for so little?