What's the funniest thing your spouse has ever said?

[MrY]

Honey can we buy a woe woe = Volvo.

She was onto something... (I once had a Woe-woe Wee70)

[MrY]

During my first year of teaching, whenever I took attendance this one heavy-set mischievous 7th grade girl would call out in an unusually loud voice, "I here!"

It wasn't almost till the end of the year that it dawned on me that she was actually making a play on words, and shouting out the obscenity, "Ai hia!"

Years ago I scored some mega points at the orifice by telling some of the staff how to use this to tell the Farangs off without them knowing what you really said. "Ai hia! everything you say..."

Edited December 11, 2014 by MrY

[phuketandsee]

My GF referred to a friend as an eco-sexual. The thought process was bi-sexual > bio-sexual > eco-sexual

[PJcm]

My wife speaks excellent English attended university in the states, 15 years ago when Tesco opened in Chiang Mai my wife and I are in the produce dept. one Saturday morning. There were a lot of mixed couples that day, my wife picks up a pumpkin( fuk ) in Thai and holds it in her out stretched hand and asks, "Honey would you like a fuk" Priceless look on the farang shoppers faces. I of course replied "no thanks, I had one last night"

[phuketandsee]

And one time she referred to my sweater as a "jumpover"

[Goanna]

What's really funny, is that english people think that everyone else is interested in their little soccer games, in their little island country, not to mention an individual players name. Like, who cares?

[Alwyn]

I have loads and loads but my two favourite

1. "I have problem with my starbuck" (stomach)

2." My mushroom hurt" (muscles)

I never correct her obviously

[Alwyn]

What's really funny, is that english people think that everyone else is interested in their little soccer games, in their little island country, not to mention an individual players name. Like, who cares?

Obviously the English people care. And in fairness people are interested, the Premier league is the most watch football in the World.

[Liquorice]

Crazy chef 1, on 11 Dec 2014 - 08:32, said:

Gecko123, on 11 Dec 2014 - 06:31, said:

Crazy chef 1, on 10 Dec 2014 - 19:49, said:

i want another one...

I didn't get this at first, but it later dawned on me...

She wants another child, right?

By the way, congratulations and best wishes.

got it...but i will invest 16500 THB(vasectomie) and we will try many times...555

Save yourself 16500 THB.

Tell her you cheated.................free vasectomy

[evadgib]

What's really funny, is that english people think that everyone else is interested in their little soccer games, in their little island country, not to mention an individual players name. Like, who cares?

"Mr Roy" these days is the England manager Edited December 11, 2014 by evadgib

[Gramps]

"Honey, you can trust me; I am Thai."

I laughed so hard I cried...

The one that always cracks me up is "Up to you"

Yeah, right!

[Shiver]

I wanted to know about what papers are needed to open a business, but didn't know enough Thai words to express my intent. She didn't know how else to explain to me, so she switches over to English language, and proceeds to scour the paper dictionary I had at that time.... minutes pass.... "What is a Lick-and-Say?"

That put a spanner in my brain cogs. Eventually I went to look at the dictionary (obviously doing that trick of pointing to the line under her finger rather than what it's pointing at), and finally homed in on what she was referring to. It was "License".

Edited December 11, 2014 by Shiver

[ggt]

"If I catch you looking at another woman again...I am going to cut your balls off while you sleep and feed them to soi dogs" She was kidding right?

[ableguy]

So Basically they all sound very funny & cute ---because --(sometimes with very basic education)--they are struggling with a foreign language, because although living here we are making no real attempt to learn theirs ......................

Correct and your point is ?

[ozyjon]

Where you meet your friend,,, at the university,,

ah at that univer city

yes dear

[Loptr]

A couple of days after traveling to the US with me for the first time, my wife pops into the room where I'm at and says "wash machine not working"... I got up to follow her to where the washer & dryer are located, but she turns and heads for the kitchen... She had put the dirty cloths in the dishwasher... Honest mistake as she had never seen one before, but still funny...

[m1kael]

To a friend of mine, who is a little chubby, first time they meet. "You look like a cartoon!"

Second meeting with my mom, she grabbed my moms breasts, mind you that my mom is 65 years, and said, "Mum, why are your breast so long?"

[benalibina]

To a friend of mine, who is a little chubby, first time they meet. "You look like a cartoon!"

Second meeting with my mom, she grabbed my moms breasts, mind you that my mom is 65 years, and said, "Mum, why are your breast so long?"

You have brothers ?

[Lokie]

Not the wife or gf but yesterday Im sat by the pool of the place I hang out most days, theres a thai lady 40 ish who is chatty and pleseant;

she asks me "how many children in England you?"

I said 5...

"5...? You like FurKing!"

I chuckled and a bit took aback said errm, well... yes

She said "Yes u like FurKing GOOD!!! ha ha ha, you good Furkka!!

This was just as a matter of fact in normal conversation...

Edited December 11, 2014 by Lokie

[The Usual Suspect]

We planted some sweet corn in our garden a while back and some of the plants developed ears of corn faster than others. One day while we were out working in the garden my wife casually said, "Honey, I think some corn is gay". Taken by surprise, I asked her why she thought that. She smiled and said, "Well, they like our friend Tik (a ladyboy)......he pretty but no can have baby. Same same corn, pretty but no baby corn".

[The Usual Suspect]

My gf visiting Detroit, "Where are all the white people"

My gf in Cm, "We have two pet pets"

We were visiting Detroit for the first time and my wife asked, "Honey, when did war happen here?"

[EmptyHead]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I have loads and loads but my two favourite

1. "I have problem with my starbuck" (stomach)

2." My mushroom hurt" (muscles)

I never correct her obviously

Haha,

My GF calls her stomach, "stummy" (I think its a merge of stomach and tummy).

Crazy chef 1, on 11 Dec 2014 - 08:32, said:

Gecko123, on 11 Dec 2014 - 06:31, said:

I didn't get this at first, but it later dawned on me...

She wants another child, right?

By the way, congratulations and best wishes.

got it...but i will invest 16500 THB(vasectomie) and we will try many times...555

Save yourself 16500 THB.

Tell her you cheated.................free vasectomy

Hahaha,

My GF refers to my vasectomy as "cut ballbag", except she says it the Scottish way, "bawbag"

Cracks me up.

Edited December 12, 2014 by EmptyHead

[The Usual Suspect]

What's really funny, is that english people think that everyone else is interested in their little soccer games, in their little island country, not to mention an individual players name. Like, who cares?

Obviously the English people care. And in fairness people are interested, the Premier league is the most watch football in the World.

My Thai wife is nuts about football and so are most of her friends! She follows the games religiously.

[canman]

Several years ago travelling around Vietnam. My mate and I had aquired a couple of partners for the trip. My mates girl mentioned that when we get back to HCMC she wanted some chicken in a can. Now this girl had a good head on her shoulders and we could usually work out what she meant when she got her english words mixed up. This one had us stumped. Eventually we got back to HCMC and she started pointing and saying there there, chicken in a can.

She was pointing at a KFC. Cracked us up as we realised chicken in a can = chicken in a bucket.

[waza46]

Asked my wife if she had a pump for the tyres on the motorcycle. Her reply "No need, buy wind up the road 1 baht"

Went up the road and paid the lady 1 baht a tyre to pump them up.

[socksy01]

On a journey in Thailand I asked the ex how far to our destination and she quoted about 250km but she said if we drove quicker it would be less.

Not long after my stepson arrived in the UK (aged 9 years) he was polishing his Rugby boots and I told him to put some 'elbow grease' into it. He asked if it was in the same cupboard as the polish and brushes were kept.

[German Viking]

I ask her where are you going ? and she replys ' I am going for erection (election} '

What are you eating and she says ' I am eating lice (rice) '

Not only your wife, the whole country is eating lice

Your are wrong all the Khmer in Thailand over 1 Million speaking a very proper "R" they are used to.

[Crazy chef 1]

My wife asked me if Santa Claus is real, about a week ago. She is 32.

and my f&b manager asked where he lives....i told him north of Thailand and he is a poor chap he just can afford to come once a year...

[Tchooptip]

I ask her where are you going ? and she replys ' I am going for erection (election} '

What are you eating and she says ' I am eating lice (rice) '

Not only your wife, the whole country is eating lice

Your are wrong all the Khmer in Thailand over 1 Million speaking a very proper "R" they are used to.

...if you leplied seliously to such a post no ploblem I am wlong, lule number one never contledict a Viking

So apologise to the 1 million Khmers...and the few other millions Thais also capable of prononcing the R properly Pfffff

[shaggy851]

To a friend of mine, who is a little chubby, first time they meet. "You look like a cartoon!"

Second meeting with my mom, she grabbed my moms breasts, mind you that my mom is 65 years, and said, "Mum, why are your breast so long?"

Bahaha55 -you look like a cartoon-!!!!

Hahaha love it