wifes family

[crickets]

Ok so 13 of my wifes family invade my house for 5 days over new year so i move to a friends apartment. How much of my time do i have to spend with them? 5 mins to say hallo or go around every night and smile and look stupid? I spent the whole night new years with them and dont want to go back there. Is this rude? My wife now says "they think u dont like them?" Which is true because i dont. How much time would u spend with them?

[HeijoshinCool]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

[WhamBam]

Spend as little time with them as possible if that many invaded.

[naboo]

Bolt the doors next time they're coming.

[benalibina]

Once upon a time......we rented a house in an upstanding gated community in Kathu, Phuket. October schoolholidays upcoming. Wife told that her sister's family, 4 people, wanted to come from Phitsanulok and that her son would be in the sanglor as well. This to see our newborn twindaughters. Okay, okay....as time got nearer the school holiday every day more people would be coming. 2 days before they would arrive i asked out of interest...how many are actually coming ? Wife went outside to the garden......not looking for fallen mangos....i went out and asked again...well....how many.... terak ? I heard something cracking.....the brains....yeah ..i asked again.....silence ...still....5 minutes later....words come out of her mouth.......names were mentioned of the ones coming.....totalling 4 full hands.....it seemed neverending.....i went inside.....she stayed in the garden......after a piss.....i went out to find her in the dark....i asked ....where do they ALL sleep ? Ohh on the floor...no problem.....no no, i said...no no....tomorrow you find some accomodation for most of them....so we wont have a problem with the landlord (an older nice but always moaning Swiss guy).....it not ended yet....the slight discomfort on my side.....she said ...but they arrive tomorrow.....sorry... sorry ....but you told me.....yeah i know she said, turning her head away...they changed plans......

They arrived a day later while i was out.....i came back end of afternoon.....hangmats everywhere on the streetside of the house......the invasion was complete.......in the garden, backside of the house....they were all there....21 i counted....most adults, no all, including the older women, drinking....ofcourse.......immediately my wife brought me a beer and said, silently, sit down with them and drink....only 3 days and 2 nights.....sure i asked her.....yeah, i think so she said.....anyway those 3 days were doable.....i even enjoyed it.....

Moral of the story.......nothing is forever....do your missus a favour...she will appreciate it......

Edited January 2, 2015 by benalibina

[icare999]

your mad why should anyone put up with that. My wifes family ask permission and no way would my wife or I put up with that sort of crap and she comes from a very poor family.

Another stupid forang IMO and no i dont give them anything and never have except if they need hospital treatment or are hungry and no stupid sick buffalo or rest but then 30 + years ago things were very different and forang were not considered ATM machines.

You put your foot down and if they dont like it leave its not worth it

You do know they think your a complete fool

And no my wife has all our assets and has down for years.

Beggers belief but it never ceases to amaze me either total bustards to their wives or seem to be prepared to be the door mat

Pathetic

[Matej]

I live with kathoey, but I think there's no difference.

I don't like my wife's parents neither. I have visited them one time, 30 minutes.

I can't say they hurt me or something ... but when I see how they behave toward my wife and what

had they done to her when she was a child. Well, they are not nice and definitely not kind people.

They absolutely don't care about her, call only when they need something, money.

It also seems there's alcohol-related and gambling problems ...

My brother-in-law. I think he is crazy, walking naked, drinking ...

My sister-in-law and her family. I don't know, it's very hard to tell, because I don't speak Thai/Isaan, I can't talk with her. I only know she is extremely pragmatic, which I don't like so much. Her husband seems to be a nice guy. We visit each other every month.

Etiquette is another problem. No thank you, no hello, munching, using my TV with permission, noise, invited vs. arrived ... in one word disaster.

What I hate the most is this Jhonson & Jhonson baby powder obsession, every woman/girl who had ever came needed to 'powder her nose' with this crap. Whole bathroom was always covered with it. I had to forbid my wife to buy it.

[redandyellow]

most farang, myself included, tell the wife that they need plenty of time away from the Thai family - every day, this BEFORE they get married

signed

proactive

[Beetlejuice]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

[HeijoshinCool]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

.

Not stressed or miserable at all, bud. And it appears you got the luck of the draw. That's great! Your experience is likely the exception to the rule.

When I was a boy, I read Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette. 800 pages. There were ten copies in my junior high library. I learned proper manners for all occasions. The adults in my life reinforced what I had read.

As an adult, the sphere I associate in also practices good manners. To the point if they don't like someone they will go out of their way to smile, speak well to them, and add a sir or ma'am on the end of each sentence.

That's polite, non-racist, social behavior. It shows tolerance and good breeding.

When I'm told how polite Thais are, that the wai is such a beautiful greeting, then two people that I'm going to have a relationship with for years to come don't return my properly performed wai that I accompanied with a genuine smile, well, screw 'em. I moved on, and my wife stands behind me 100%.

Having said that, I just returned to the States and had Thanksgiving with my extended family at my nephew's home. The experience was nothing like when I was a kid, where we sat at a table quietly while the adults engaged in a conversation that was meant to be a learning experience for us kids.

Nope, all the kids had their cellphones out, taking selfies and sending messages. When they weren't doing that they were interrupting the adults with inane comments meant to garner them attention, or getting up from the table and running about. Their parents said nothing.

The whole world is becoming me, me, me. Not just Thailand. But that's not what the OP is about.

[Matej]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

.

Not stressed or miserable at all, bud. And it appears you got the luck of the draw. That's great! Your experience is likely the exception to the rule.

When I was a boy, I read Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette. 800 pages. There were ten copies in my junior high library. I learned proper manners for all occasions. The adults in my life reinforced what I had read.

As an adult, the sphere I associate in also practices good manners. To the point if they don't like someone they will go out of their way to smile, speak well to them, and add a sir or ma'am on the end of each sentence.

That's polite, non-racist, social behavior. It shows tolerance and good breeding.

When I'm told how polite Thais are, that the wai is such a beautiful greeting, then two people that I'm going to have a relationship with for years to come don't return my properly performed wai that I accompanied with a genuine smile, well, screw 'em. I moved on, and my wife stands behind me 100%.

Having said that, I just returned to the States and had Thanksgiving with my extended family at my nephew's home. The experience was nothing like when I was a kid, where we sat at a table quietly while the adults engaged in a conversation that was meant to be a learning experience for us kids.

Nope, all the kids had their cellphones out, taking selfies and sending messages. When they weren't doing that they were interrupting the adults with inane comments meant to garner them attention, or getting up from the table and running about. Their parents said nothing.

The whole world is becoming me, me, me. Not just Thailand. But that's not what the OP is about.

This is a common problem everywhere.

People don't know how to behave. Politeness means nothing to them or they don't know what is it at all.

[AYJAYDEE]

everyday. i like MY family

[wooloomooloo]

This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other...

You marry a Thai and you marry the family, as we know, but some don't understand the longterm meaning. It's not merely providing financial assistance where necessary but welcoming the extended family when they appear on the doorstep unannounced. What did the OP expect?

Thais will convene a party over the successful removal of an ingrowing toenail. They need to socialise.

For an easy life, just accept it.

[Beetlejuice]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

.

Not stressed or miserable at all, bud. And it appears you got the luck of the draw. That's great! Your experience is likely the exception to the rule.

When I was a boy, I read Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette. 800 pages. There were ten copies in my junior high library. I learned proper manners for all occasions. The adults in my life reinforced what I had read.

As an adult, the sphere I associate in also practices good manners. To the point if they don't like someone they will go out of their way to smile, speak well to them, and add a sir or ma'am on the end of each sentence.

That's polite, non-racist, social behavior. It shows tolerance and good breeding.

When I'm told how polite Thais are, that the wai is such a beautiful greeting, then two people that I'm going to have a relationship with for years to come don't return my properly performed wai that I accompanied with a genuine smile, well, screw 'em. I moved on, and my wife stands behind me 100%.

Having said that, I just returned to the States and had Thanksgiving with my extended family at my nephew's home. The experience was nothing like when I was a kid, where we sat at a table quietly while the adults engaged in a conversation that was meant to be a learning experience for us kids.

Nope, all the kids had their cellphones out, taking selfies and sending messages. When they weren't doing that they were interrupting the adults with inane comments meant to garner them attention, or getting up from the table and running about. Their parents said nothing.

The whole world is becoming me, me, me. Not just Thailand. But that's not what the OP is about.

Sometime ago some of my relatives from the States came to visit Chiang Mai. I arranged to meet them in the town at their hotel. My cousin, her husband and their 2 teenage daughters. Had not seen them for many years previous to that visit and after being in their company for the first hour I began getting an overwhelming urge to obtain a gun and wipe the lot of them out. The 2 teenage sisters were constantly on their mobile phones as if they were surgically attached to their ears, the parents were constantly interrupting our conversation by using their mobile phones and fiddling with their ipads and laptop computers. As soon as we hit their hotel, the girls immediately launched themselves onto the hotel`s free use computers to continue on their facebook activities giving a moment by moment account of what they were up to. I was extremely relived when my time came to say goodbye and thought to myself, if I don`t see them ever again even that will be too soon. This brought home to me that I could never return back to the west, and if I did I don`t think I would last long. And this is why my philosophy here in Thailand has become; if I can't beat them then it`s best to join them if I am going to be happy here.

There are many things that irritate me in Thailand also but as a rule I am the most happiest here than anywhere else. The past is the past, there is no going back to the good old days. For those who continue to rebel, unable to adapt and find the Thai way of life and attitudes irritating will never be truly happy and content here in Thailand. In my opinion one either loves or hates living in Thailand, there is no in-between.

[kannot]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

.

Not stressed or miserable at all, bud. And it appears you got the luck of the draw. That's great! Your experience is likely the exception to the rule.

When I was a boy, I read Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette. 800 pages. There were ten copies in my junior high library. I learned proper manners for all occasions. The adults in my life reinforced what I had read.

As an adult, the sphere I associate in also practices good manners. To the point if they don't like someone they will go out of their way to smile, speak well to them, and add a sir or ma'am on the end of each sentence.

That's polite, non-racist, social behavior. It shows tolerance and good breeding.

When I'm told how polite Thais are, that the wai is such a beautiful greeting, then two people that I'm going to have a relationship with for years to come don't return my properly performed wai that I accompanied with a genuine smile, well, screw 'em. I moved on, and my wife stands behind me 100%.

Having said that, I just returned to the States and had Thanksgiving with my extended family at my nephew's home. The experience was nothing like when I was a kid, where we sat at a table quietly while the adults engaged in a conversation that was meant to be a learning experience for us kids.

Nope, all the kids had their cellphones out, taking selfies and sending messages. When they weren't doing that they were interrupting the adults with inane comments meant to garner them attention, or getting up from the table and running about. Their parents said nothing.

The whole world is becoming me, me, me. Not just Thailand. But that's not what the OP is about.

Sometime ago some of my relatives from the States came to visit Chiang Mai. I arranged to meet them in the town at their hotel. My cousin, her husband and their 2 teenage daughters. Had not seen them for many years previous to that visit and after being in their company for the first hour I began getting an overwhelming urge to obtain a gun and wipe the lot of them out. The 2 teenage sisters were constantly on their mobile phones as if they were surgically attached to their ears, the parents were constantly interrupting our conversation by using their mobile phones and fiddling with their ipads and laptop computers. As soon as we hit their hotel, the girls immediately launched themselves onto the hotel`s free use computers to continue on their facebook activities giving a moment by moment account of what they were up to. I was extremely relived when my time came to say goodbye and thought to myself, if I don`t see them ever again even that will be too soon. This brought home to me that I could never return back to the west, and if I did I don`t think I would last long. And this is why my philosophy here in Thailand has become; if I can't beat them then it`s best to join them if I am going to be happy here.

There are many things that irritate me in Thailand also but as a rule I am the most happiest here than anywhere else. The past is the past, there is no going back to the good old days. For those who continue to rebel, unable to adapt and find the Thai way of life and attitudes irritating will never be truly happy and content here in Thailand. In my opinion one either loves or hates living in Thailand, there is no in-between.

But thats just it "your opinion" Im not happy here Im not sad here but in general thats how "I am" with many things.

Thais and phones ................they are permanently buried in them, witness any girl on a bike, hand on phone driving seen here daily.

A lot of things mentioned in the thread are really NOT polite, thats not by my standards but by my Wifes

Edited January 2, 2015 by kannot

[Thaiberius]

Living in a Pattaya apartment years ago my tilac asked if her mother could come and stay the night as we had a spare room. I wasn't happy as knowing once it happened then the floodgates would open but I agreed. Over the next couple of days I detected a change, various names were mentioned and then a huge gang descended upon the apartment while I was having an afternoon snooze. My fridge was swiftly emptied along with anything else they could lay their hands on. They were out the door within an hour, never to be seen again. The tilac went shortly afterwards. Don't let the thin edge of the wedge take root - to mix metaphors.

[Datebayo]

You say ''my house'' but it seems they invaded YOUR house and planted their flag in the house. They don't care u like them or not lol.. you have a nice house to use as their own

[AYJAYDEE]

Living in a Pattaya apartment years ago my tilac asked if her mother could come and stay the night as we had a spare room. I wasn't happy as knowing once it happened then the floodgates would open but I agreed. Over the next couple of days I detected a change, various names were mentioned and then a huge gang descended upon the apartment while I was having an afternoon snooze. My fridge was swiftly emptied along with anything else they could lay their hands on. They were out the door within an hour, never to be seen again. The tilac went shortly afterwards. Don't let the thin edge of the wedge take root - to mix metaphors.

doesnt sound like there was much rak on her part

[Thaiberius]

Living in a Pattaya apartment years ago my tilac asked if her mother could come and stay the night as we had a spare room. I wasn't happy as knowing once it happened then the floodgates would open but I agreed. Over the next couple of days I detected a change, various names were mentioned and then a huge gang descended upon the apartment while I was having an afternoon snooze. My fridge was swiftly emptied along with anything else they could lay their hands on. They were out the door within an hour, never to be seen again. The tilac went shortly afterwards. Don't let the thin edge of the wedge take root - to mix metaphors.

doesnt sound like there was much rak on her part

Correct, I was just another farang to be taken advantage of until the money tap stopped.

[AYJAYDEE]

Living in a Pattaya apartment years ago my tilac asked if her mother could come and stay the night as we had a spare room. I wasn't happy as knowing once it happened then the floodgates would open but I agreed. Over the next couple of days I detected a change, various names were mentioned and then a huge gang descended upon the apartment while I was having an afternoon snooze. My fridge was swiftly emptied along with anything else they could lay their hands on. They were out the door within an hour, never to be seen again. The tilac went shortly afterwards. Don't let the thin edge of the wedge take root - to mix metaphors.

doesnt sound like there was much rak on her part

Correct, I was just another farang to be taken advantage of until the money tap stopped.

better luck next time

[Bluetongue]

My 5 closest neighbours are SILs. Everybody here at the moment congregates around one communal fire as it is cold in the early mornings and late evening when they do most of their chattering. At other times of the year it is usually wherever they have constructed their sala to sit under. I have noticed that when someone has been away for a while the whole family seem to have this need to sit around and catch up more than normal. So I don't have to worry about any external family coming to visit they always stay in of the other 5 houses. Mine is full anyway as far as rooms go and the dogs wouldn't like strangers on the floor. The main point being most socialising is done outside - weather permitting

[colinneil]

I am fortunate that my wifes family live local. I dont have the problem with visiters invading the place.

I have lived here 4 years in this home, family have been invited for meals several times. Never been recipricated until yesterday, we were invited over to pa pas home for a Thai bbq. !!What!!

I am waiting to be asked for something, it will happen soon.

Now that i am confined to my bed (paralysed) i need constant help.

My wife phoned me about 3 weeks ago, darling tonight i will be home late, no problem i have phoned my sister, she will come give you dinner,open light, close windows. Wife arrived home 9 pm, me in the dark no food no water eaten alive with mosquitoes. Why my sister not come?

How should i know.Wife calls sister why not not take care?Not my husband was the reply, also he farang!!

Thai family ............. i am lost for words.

[pinkpanther99]

I've been there brother. Just grin and bare it. Don't try and understand them, you never will. just remain polite, courtious, and maybe bury yourself in a good book until they leave.

They'll be running back to Isaan to eat ant eggs and frogs in no time, you'll just have to remain strong until they do.

It could be worse, you could be in their house!

Good luck!

[Rooo]

Moved to Expat.

[ATF]

For most of these extended family members it's the first holiday they've ever had in their lives. First time to BKK or first time they've ever seen the sea.

It's always best to arrange hotel accommodation for them and take them out for a meal in the evenings.

It's better than getting stressed out and you look like a big shot in their eyes.

[sipi]

My wife's Thai family are terrific. My ex-wife's farang family were a bunch of weirdos.

[jacky54]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

But having a dozen peasants eating and sleeping on the floor with the TV full on and not interested in doing anything else IS stressful and miserable. Acting like a band of gypsies might be their culture but it's not mine so I retreat to the bed room going down now and then to see how the cooking, scoffing and sleeping is getting on. I am not rude, say hello and goodbye and play with the kids but i don't eat the same food, don't laugh at the same jokes and am not interested in talking to them.

The mrs is on a high when they come then gets depressed when they leave, I am the opposite.

[jgm005]

Every New Years it is the same routine. I go with the wifey and her niece to 'pay' for all the food they will cook.

The relatives, freeloaders, a few dogs come up to drink and eat the food. I make my customary three minute appearance and disappear into the house to ring in the New Years with our two dogs. Same Same Same

Kutdu, Nongbulamphu

[Suradit69]

Ok so 13 of my wifes family invade my house for 5 days ...

They are now your family too and the house is also your wife's. Neither the house nor the wife is an exclusive possession of yours.

[ezzra]

An old folk remedy for relative who invade your house and refuse to go is to borrow few

goats and bring them home... the stanch of those animals will make any one run away

very quickly...