Why O' why, would you want such a nasty woman to be a part of your children's life?

How do you know the said mother is a nasty woman? There is always 2 sides to a story.

Ahh, the old two sider. The empty maxim that keeps on giving.

Yes you are.

Your kids are now strangers to her due to circumstances. She probably realized this after her first visit with them. She also probably realizes that she will never be able to form any kind of meaningful realionship with them other than long distance. You, on the other hand, expect her to act as though nothing has happened.

I have seen this often and experienced this myself, except it is usually the guy put into this position and not the gal.

do you pay the ex some monthly fee for the pleasure of being married to her shortly ?

You may be expecting to much function from the obviously dysfunctional. (?)

Words Of Courage To The Fearful: "...the big things and the real things of this world and the universe are on your side. The sun rises every morning to salute you just as it does the most powerful and prosperous man on earth."

Haven't experienced this. My wife has pretty much had it with her family to the point she doesn't want to return to Thailand and certainly never sends them money. She has several thai girlfriends here in the US who say they will never go back again and have disowned their families over their money grabbing demands and are entirely devoted to their husbands as my wife is. I never feel like I am not her number 1. Maybe I'm just lucky!

Some interesting comments. Looks like she is a an individual case and not typical.

On the subject of communication via the kids, she wont communicate with me, never has. Even when she was in the UK the kids would tell me shat she was coming to see them at the weekend or what ever..

I haven't had her phone number in years and would never answer me when I called anyway.

Today I was making conversation with my eldest son and asked him if he had heard from his mum since we returned from the UK a week ago. He said oh she arrived in the UK last Wednesday. So last Saturday she was too busy to see her kids looking after her sick dad and on Wednesday she flew to the UK to start a new job.

in my experience it is ALWAYS about money.

i have 2 children i am not permitted to know/see due to greed, dishonesty and 'face'

i am fully aware of the living standards of these people and am fearful daily for the lives that my children must endure due to the indifference/greed of their local relatives.

what can we do but pray for the day that our children see them in the same light that we do.?

it is so sad that children are used as pawns in the game of greed that is so prevalent here.

and then as free labour/dogsbodies as they mature....

So sad!

So painful!

Maybe just seeing them now and again makes her feel sad and she can't face it.

Throughout Asia, when couples with children split, the parent that doesn't have custody often has little to do with the kids. It is thought to be unsettling for the children to be bounced between homes or parents every week or fortnight. In the West, the reverse is thought to be true and parents who don't contact their children are judged as bad.

I could understand that in the past for parents that lived far away from each other but not for parents that live 30 minutes away.

Also with the internet these days it is easy to chat and do video calls. I keep track of what the kids do on the internet and she only chats with them once or twice a month.

However when she does show up she thinks she has the right to tell us how to live. I just tell her when she starts paying her share and starts being a part of the kids lives then she can have the right to make comments.

The fact of the matter is she has always been the type of person that wants to have her cake and eat it too. Ever since the kids were born she has always wanted to go and live her life and do whatever she wanted but still have the "family" be there when she decided she wanted to be a part of a family. Sort of like toys she locks in the toy box and brings out once in a while when she feels like playing with them.

In a nut shell she wants to have the love of a family without the responsibility of a family.

My daughter is still playing along with that game but my son isn't.

You know the last time I talked to her about signing the divorce papers she still talks about the kids taking care of her when she gets old. I told her not to count on it and she came back with "why not"?

She just does not get it and I doubt she ever will.

in my experience it is ALWAYS about money.

i have 2 children i am not permitted to know/see due to greed, dishonesty and 'face'

i am fully aware of the living standards of these people and am fearful daily for the lives that my children must endure due to the indifference/greed of their local relatives.

what can we do but pray for the day that our children see them in the same light that we do.?

it is so sad that children are used as pawns in the game of greed that is so prevalent here.

and then as free labour/dogsbodies as they mature....

So sad!

So painful!

I feel for you. I am lucky int he fact that my in laws all know what is going on and are on my side so whenever my ex causes problems they stick up for me.

Kevin, it sounds like your wife is worse than mine about keeping in contact with her kids.

This day and age with smart phones, video calling etc etc there is no excuse for it. It isn't like the old days where the custody parent can control all contact and it sounds like your kids are old enough to be arranging meetings.

However when she does show up she thinks she has the right to tell us how to live. I just tell her when she starts paying her share and starts being a part of the kids lives then she can have the right to make comments.

Don't let her in your house, don't speak to her.

Visits at agreed times at agreed places, not your home.

You leave when she arrives.

Then she can't cause much trouble.

Be happy she walked away and didn't take the kids so you could never see them again.

A women's scorn is nothing compared to a Thai women's scorn.

In future let her make the effort to visit the kids. Turn your focus towards the future and not the past. Be sensitive to your kids feelings but the umbilicle cord was cut a long time ago. As a few posters have mentioned already all future get togethers should go through you. If your ex falls on bad times she might use them to better her situation in life. Stay in control of your kids involvement with the ex Mum/Wife.