I have been interested to read posts from other women out there with Thai husbands - I thought I was the only one!

I am particularly interested in those who live in the UK. We currently live in Bangkok but have a big three year plan to come back to the UK. Our main motivation for coming back is for our kids to be in (proper!) English speaking schools, as oppose to most of the schools here that claim to be international but are actually 99% Thai. Unfortunately we can't afford to send them to one of the few that actually are international (fees of about one and a half million a year for one child and we've got two - impossible!). Anyway, I digress.

The only time my husband has ever been abroad before was a three day trip to Hong Kong earier this year. He says he's totally up for the move and claims he'll be happy wherever he is so long as he's with me and the kids (sweet!), but I can't help but worry about how different the reality might be. He refuses to come with me to the UK for a holiday, arguing that the money would be better saved for the actual move and that he'll accept our circumstances no matter what they are.

What are your experiences?

Hi Berrie & welcome to the forum.

My husband moved to the UK over 2 years ago & is less thana year away from getting his British Passport.

PM me if you need any advice

Hi

I've been back in the UK for 6 years with my Thai husband, we moved back for similar reasons, we couldn't afford to send our kids to Internaional schools.

My husband has coped well here, held down a job, passed UK driving test, made friends both Thai and English, has a good social life. I can't pretend it's easy all the time, he misses his family and culture but because I'd spent 4 years living in BKK before we moved back I can relate to how he feels.

Cross-cultural relationships will always have their complications but it can be done. Plus my husband had a similar outlook to yours, he'd never been abroad anywhere before but he just gets on with it and accepts whatever life throws at him.

It won't all be plain sailing, but we do ok

Hi

I've been back in the UK for 6 years with my Thai husband, we moved back for similar reasons, we couldn't afford to send our kids to Internaional schools.

My husband has coped well here, held down a job, passed UK driving test, made friends both Thai and English, has a good social life. I can't pretend it's easy all the time, he misses his family and culture but because I'd spent 4 years living in BKK before we moved back I can relate to how he feels.

Cross-cultural relationships will always have their complications but it can be done. Plus my husband had a similar outlook to yours, he'd never been abroad anywhere before but he just gets on with it and accepts whatever life throws at him.

It won't all be plain sailing, but we do ok

When my husband and I first got married we spent nearly a year in the US, working and living with my parents. It was tough but he has fond memories of it, and likes to go back for visits. My husband enjoyed alot of aspects of the US that he doesn't see in Thailand (queueing, following traffic rules etc). And he loves all kinds of food so he never felt like he had to eat Thai food all the time. That said, he did need to eat rice pretty regularly, but not exclusively.

If he is open minded and adaptable he should be fine.

Thanks for your posts.

I had been wondering about the whole passport thing. I'm assuming he'll get a setlement visa without any problems: we'll have been married for 6 years at that point, he has a job to go to and I'm a teacher so should find work easily. We don't have a house in the UK though so we are planning on renting somewhere until we are settled enough to buy. I know you have to apply for the visa about three months in advance but by that point we won't have a lease to submit with the application - does anyone know how important that is? I also read somewhere that if you've been together for more than 4 years outside the UK then your setlement visa is for an indefinate period, as oppose to being reviewed after two years - does anyone have any experience of this? I read about citizenship on the Home Office website and I read about the English test and the British culture test (I don't know if I'd pass that I've been overseas for so long!), but I couldn't find anything saying how long you had to be 'settled' before you could apply. I read the thread in this forum from the man with the Thai wife who wanted a UK passport and I agreed with the post that said it offers your kids some kind of life insurance. I would want my husband to get a UK passport as soon as possbile for exactly that reason, and it would also make European travel a lot easier.

Although my husband has a job to go to, I wondered how easily your husbands found work? I have heard that degrees from even the best Thai universities are almost worthless in the UK, and I have read posts from men saying their educated Thai wives have ended up working in Tescos.

My husband earns a fairly good salary by Thai standards but it's still just over a third of what I earn. I am expecting that in the UK we will earn at least comparable salaries - he may even earn more than me (that would be nice!) - and because of that our standard of living might not fall too drastically - am I deluded?!

I also wondered if you experience any of the same kind of prejudice that western men with Thai wives face? I once read an article in a trashy magazine about an Australian woman with a Thai husband (a very cute one too!) and she said that people assumed she'd bought him or that she was desperate. I have never experienced that kind of prejudice here in Thailand (at least nothing has ever been said to my face!) - what's it like at home?

I also wondered if you experience any of the same kind of prejudice that western men with Thai wives face? I once read an article in a trashy magazine about an Australian woman with a Thai husband (a very cute one too!) and she said that people assumed she'd bought him or that she was desperate. I have never experienced that kind of prejudice here in Thailand (at least nothing has ever been said to my face!) - what's it like at home?

No idea about the UK visa stuff, sorry, try checking the visas to other countries forum for details.

As for prejudice, well, it was subtle but mostly from white guys who were patronizing to my husband (like he's stupid or something) or passive aggressive behavior which seemed to point that they wanted my husband to start something with them. He never did, he can't really be bothered with people like that. I think it depends on where you live, and who you encounter, frankly. But, mostly it will be subtle.

Plently people here patronise my husband too. I find it really amusing when people (usually men) mimic his accent as if he wouldn't be able to understand them if they spoke in their natural voice. They are well meaning I suppose but it's really not necessary. I think a lot of British conversation involves references that are very culturally specific - tv, music, politics, sport - I suppose people of all nationalities do that - but sometimes people are perceived as less intelligent when in actual fact they just have a different set of cultural reference points. And my husband doesn't like football so that excludes him from about 90% of male conversation at home!!

Berries,

At the time of the visa application, you will need to demonstrate that you have available accommodation in the UK. This can be either owned, rented, or with friends/family.

On the plus side, you're right about getting indefinite leave straight away and once your husband will have been in the UK for 3 years, he can seek to be naturalised as a Brit. cit.

Scouse.

berries, did you get my pm? If you need any info on things in the UK like thai food stores & online resorces just let me know.

Plently people here patronise my husband too. I find it really amusing when people (usually men) mimic his accent as if he wouldn't be able to understand them if they spoke in their natural voice. They are well meaning I suppose but it's really not necessary. I think a lot of British conversation involves references that are very culturally specific - tv, music, politics, sport - I suppose people of all nationalities do that - but sometimes people are perceived as less intelligent when in actual fact they just have a different set of cultural reference points. And my husband doesn't like football so that excludes him from about 90% of male conversation at home!!

Perhaps you could reconsider and move to Chiang Mai instead. I have yet to find a Thai male friend who, like me, is NOT interested in football.

Hubby doesn't like footie. He isn't the only one here in the uk either, most of the thai men he knows are into golf like him & not the football. I am so lucky

I got your PM Boo - thank you! Where we're planning on going in the UK they still think pizza is funny foreign food so I don't think they'll be any Thai food stores round our way!! He pretty much eats anything so long as it's got a couple of dozen chillies in it. Actually most farang food gets covered in Tabasco, chilli sauce and tomato ketchup so it doesn't really matter what he eats - it all tastes the same! He's told me he's not that bothered about finding a 'Thai community' either, but again I don't know if that might be different in reality. I still haven't got my head round the way Thailand operates socially. I have observed that he's much more confident talking to Farangs he doesn't know than Thais. Thais seem to spend longer sussing each other out before they open up to each other. My guess has always been that it's a class thing - they like to know where they stand before they break the ice - but that might be wrong. Wheras a farang is just a farang so there's no social barriers to negotiate.

I got your PM Boo - thank you! Where we're planning on going in the UK they still think pizza is funny foreign food so I don't think they'll be any Thai food stores round our way!! He pretty much eats anything so long as it's got a couple of dozen chillies in it. Actually most farang food gets covered in Tabasco, chilli sauce and tomato ketchup so it doesn't really matter what he eats - it all tastes the same! He's told me he's not that bothered about finding a 'Thai community' either, but again I don't know if that might be different in reality. I still haven't got my head round the way Thailand operates socially. I have observed that he's much more confident talking to Farangs he doesn't know than Thais. Thais seem to spend longer sussing each other out before they open up to each other. My guess has always been that it's a class thing - they like to know where they stand before they break the ice - but that might be wrong. Wheras a farang is just a farang so there's no social barriers to negotiate.

berries, my husband was the same (and is the same) --I don't think its a class issue however. I have found, in my experience, that the Thais I know make their true close friends at a very early age. Anyone after that is a friendly acquaintance but not necessarily someone they would spill their guts to in times of trouble. Whereas a farang seems to fall outside the Thai rules so is, apparently, exempt from this.

My husband didn't have a Thai community to relate to where we lived but there were plenty of other Asians and foreigners that he made friends with. He didn't seem to mind anyway. He also became quite close with my family so I think he got extra support there. Plus, I did everything in my power to make him feel welcome and wanted.

At no time (no matter what the argument) did I tell him he should go back home. Not an acceptable jab in an argument for someone who has made a major leap to come live in your country. Not saying you will, just warning you against it And, I might add, he noticed that and appreciated that fact.

Berries, not sure where you will be living when you come back but you maybe surprised at how many thai food places there are these days. Thai food is really "in" in the UK at the moment & other asian food markets are now stocking a large selection of thai foods as well. But even if you are in the back & beyond I have a few internet delivery links which may be good for bulk buying.

I know your husband says now that it is not so important & mine was the same, loves farang food & as long as covered in chillis everything is ok but I know that after a while he missed thailand & the food was his only link so really appreciated being able to make his thai favorites when he wanted.

I'm sure that after being together for so long it will all work out, but be prepared for massive heating bills

Online sources sound great - PM them to me when you've got time- thanks! We will be 30 odd miles away from a major city and I have heard that things are a lot more cosmopolitan since I left - I was joking about the pizza! Noone replied about the work question. I have another friend who has just returned from a holiday in the UK with her Thai boyfriend. He loved it and they are considering moving back. Her main concern is him finding a decent job. He has a degree but he did a Thai course, not international and he speaks fairly good English but not fluent. I advised him to do some kind of Thai chef training, beacuse as you say, there are so many restaurants now. What do you think are other good options? Incidently, he got racially abused in a pub (he was apparently oblivious to it but his girlfriend heard every word) - I couldn't believe it.

Massage course at Wat Pho in Bangkok. A friend of mine's husband did that and he does quite well back in Canada

My husband has been racially abused just walking down the street. Ignorance is everywhere sadly!

Work wise, he found it really hard at first. He has no expereince, has been self employed all his adult life & is really quiet. He reads & writes Englsih fluently & speaks fluently with a heavy accent but is selfconcious, so all factors against him. He went to adult ed college for the first year which helped his confidence a bit but not enough.

He tried a few agencies who told him to come back when he spoke better English (he is concise & fluent! but again, quiet) so in the end he went to a local thai place & asked if they had any work. He started off washing dishes a couple of nights a week, then moved on to seating & taking orders & then eventually spent his days as a drivers mate, buying ingridients & delivering them to the various resteraunts in the chain, which he really loved doing. The down side was the money was crap & they took the piss often. This was all thai people too so extra dissapointing for him!

He has since found similar work in a friends places, waitering or helping the chef 3 nights a week & cleans a local school 5 days a week for 3hrs a day. All legal & above board which is what we wanted.

For a proud man he has handled it well & knows it isn't forever. Also the experience is good & his cv is padding out nicely.

It will make all the difference IMO if your husbands has confidence in speaking english, everyone we know (thai) here has proved themselves to be hard working & their employers recognise that, but getting a foot in the door is the hardest part.

Forgot to add that he also sold a few of his canvasses on ebay & to family & really loved doing that but found it to be too sporadic so wanted a "regular" job.

Also, in London at least, they run thai language food hygene courses which a mates husband did & it helped him get work in a large asian food restaraunt chain.

For a proud man he has handled it well & knows it isn't forever. Also the experience is good & his cv is padding out nicely.

It will make all the difference IMO if your husbands has confidence in speaking english, everyone we know (thai) here has proved themselves to be hard working & their employers recognise that, but getting a foot in the door is the hardest part.

Good to hear that Boo (dare I say, the dark side hears so little about you these days...... you said it to me, so fairs fair.... a wink an maybe even a girlie giggle.... I do so prefer the English language when expressed correctly than a couple of animated icons that I didn't make ..... bugger, just used one) and another.... actually, I'm changing my mind about this emoticons thing.

My apologies for interrupting the most serene TV forum with a bit of male drivel.

Only two more cans to go, then I can go to sleep ...... ###### these little animated pictures .... and that one

Just to be completely ridiculous then Thad

floppy.bmp

Just to be completely ridiculous then Thad

Brilliant ..... how did you know that I was a St. Helens Rugby fan