The western man Thai woman thread seems to have generated a lot of interest so I just wondered what you all think when you see a farang woman with a Thai guy. It seems to becoming a lot more common. At my workplace in Bangkok there are nine western woman/thai man couples in a fairly small workforce. I am also seeing more and more out and about in Bangkok. Personally, I am very interested when I see farang women with Thai men but I try to stop myself from staring! And I'm not putting any value judgement on the relationship (I have a Thai husband myself), I suppose they just stand out in a crowd. I have heard of western woman being asked if they've bought their Thai boyfriends (not that there are any boy bars - at least not that I know of!) or of people assuming they've settled for a Thai because they couldn't find a westerner who wanted them. I have had a few looks when I've been walking around, and like the other Topic starter, I find it hard to work out what they mean - if anything.

this is interesting! as soon as anyone notice's a thai with a farang man or woman, they must think they are bought?? I am farang from the US and I have not seen much of the thai man and farang women walking around in thailand but most of the time i've been in very rural area's, like my wife say's the "Jungle"

Why do we must alway's look at the relationship in the few second's that we see it and say that the person is bought!! I am tired of alway's hearing this, and not that long ago in the US many interacial marriages They were looked down upon. Now I see more and more american men with different types of women.

I like seeing this and I am very happy to see this happening and for whatever reasons they are together. I see one thing that I don't see with American Women and Men don't show, These interacial marriges the people seem more happy

In replying to your question, What do I think I see two strong people hopefully because it will take strenght to live their lives, They will be looked at and then people will wonder of course bad thoughts and good thoughts hopefully.

WE should not judge people because thay are different but of course it does happen and if people think it dosen't then they are mistaken.

Edited August 19, 200619 yr by DragonLad

I genuinely think most people don't judge - I think it's just that inter race couples stand out, and if you've got kids people often assume they'll be cute so crane their necks to have a look! I went back to the UK with my kids last summer and when I told them my husband was Thai their response was usually "You've got a Thai baby - how adorable" and they'd rush over to the pram for a look. I think over analysis - of which there is much on these forums - often leads to confusion. Most people have good intentions and any prolonged looks are usually just curiosity - nothing else.

I have seen only young couples. Backpacker Farang girls on vacation and students. As far as the Backpacker tourists they hang out with the pseudo Rasta Thai guys. I think girls looking for a wild child and something different and a drug connection.

The students hang out with normal Thai guys who are also students. The girls are normally lecturing them on the various points of PC behavior or some other facet of Western culture.

I find it amusing, the looks of wonderment on the Thai guys face. But it is obvious the Thai guy is going to stay the course because he looks very much like a dog in heat.

I have had some personal experience in this area, helping my young male Thai friends send text messages to the lovely Farang students.

The funniest one was brought to my attention at a party. The Thai male was sitting next to me when he received the following communication on his cell phone, “ I cannot see you anymore because gay.” He asked me to interpret it for him in front of twenty people.

To my mind the Thai male did not look or act in the least little bit gay. I was hesitant to translate. So, I took him outside and told him she thought he was gay. He laughed and laughed and told me his Thai girlfriend’s name was Gay. Then we went back to the party and he shared the story with everyone. He was a nice young man and had two Farang girlfriends. In my opinion a typical college student.

I don’t think much about the OP except to point out the same precautions when I see a Farang male with a Thai woman. This is not Kansas. The same rules don’t apply.

...............so I just wondered what you all think when you see a farang woman with a Thai guy.

What I think? : Interesting, curious, would like to learn more how-where-when.....wow!

PS: Male myself and married to a (non-Thai) Lady from China ....you should see the Chinese...looking at me!

She comes from a city with some 6.5 million people and a 'white man' is still quite 'rare' in her hometown....not like Thailand at all.

But I have a lot of fun making them laugh and smile all the time. Very unfortunate though that 99% doesn't speak one word of English. That's the hard part.

For the rest? Hmmm it's quite amusing, an interracial marriage.

Enjoy your Thai man!

LaoPo

I am sure there are some men out there (AND I STRESS I AM NOT ONE OF THEM!) who would be completely perplexed by the situation. Those being the men who have become disenfranchised with western women and then listen to repeated stories from Thai women about how bad Thai men are. To them it must seem like a match made in hel_l! "How could a woman who demands the impossible settle for a man who delivers so little?" Before I get pounced on I stress that this is not my personal feeling, but placing myself in the position of some men in Thailand I can imagine what they are thinking.

Personally I have met a lot of Thai men who would make excellent husbands short of one area. They are intelligent, hard working, good fun, kind, caring and romantic. Unfortunately I can honestly say that in 4 years of working in Asia and getting to know perhaps 100 Asian men really well I have only met 1 that I am certain is faithful and one other that I would give the benefit of the doubt too. The other 98 have opened up to me within a week of our knowing each other and told me the same old story of loving their wives but having fun on the side. I have to concede that my test sample is almost solely made up of men in a particular profession who travel an awful lot from city to city. That kind of anonymity lends itself to playing around.

So, when I see a Thai man with a farang woman I always wish them the best, and hope that the woman has found a good one. It seems to be the same as the advice given to men here on the forum by some members. A Thai girlfriend is easy to find, however a good one is the hardest thing to find. I guess at the end of the day I just hope that they are both happy.

To each their own.

I have heard of western woman being asked if they've bought their Thai boyfriends (not that there are any boy bars - at least not that I know of!)

There are lots of boy bars. Mainly they cater to the gay trade but a large proportion of the boys are straight (or what passes for straight in Thailand) so the boys are there to be bought.

Myself and husband don;t fit into either of the KerryK categories, I suppose because we live in the UK

There are also older women married to Thai men. The Thai doctor who delivered our 1st child at Samitivej was married to a UK woman and they were both 50+ , I know of others.

I never ever thought about people thinking I'd 'bought' my husband until about a year ago when i saw an article in a UK women's magazine about UK women going to Thailand and paying for men. Thought that was gross and for a while worried that people might think that was the case for us!!! But I've got over that now

Tourleadersi I think the profession you're in most definitely facilitates infidelity whatever country you live in. Thai men get such a bad press on this forum (I couldn't contribute to the most recent Thai men are all unfaithful thread ) I;m not naieve as to what goes on and the different attitudes but really there are some good Thai men out there

Have to agree with jasmine, attitudes also must depend on the family tho.

My husbands family is quite interesting. His mothers side is filled with philanderers. One uncle had about 7 kids from at least 4 different women (took care of all the women and the kids too, I might add). His father's side, however, is a different story. None of the men have mia nois, and in fact, frown upon it. My father-in-law is such a straight arrow I would be very surprised if he had ever cheated on his wife. This is a man with very few friends (too blunt and honest) and no hobbies. If he is not working with his wife he is home with his wife.

My husband is a mirror image of his father (hopefully a bit less stubborn tho ). We spend probably about 22 hours a day together. If he isn't here with me he is fishing. He is quite well known amongst the local guys for being very honest and most assume he is henpecked because he doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat. Funny thing is, he didn't drink, smoke, gamble, or chase women before he met me, why would he start after marriage?

Anyway, usually when I see a farang woman with a Thai man I wonder how long they have been together, how they do, but thats about it. Again, same with a Thai woman with a farang man, if they have kids I wonder how cute they are.

I think wow there is a happy couple together - race doesnt come into it for me.

Jasmine

Tourleadersi I think the profession you're in most definitely facilitates infidelity whatever country you live in. Thai men get such a bad press on this forum (I couldn't contribute to the most recent Thai men are all unfaithful thread ) I;m not naieve as to what goes on and the different attitudes but really there are some good Thai men out there

I couldn't agree with you more. There are plenty of good Thai men out there. My profession has led me to meet some really nice guys who just can't seem to control themselves when they are out of sight. I have therefore deduced that most men would be totally faithful if not placed in that situation. To be fair to my colleagues they do a really tough job. They are away from home about 90% of the year and are a little bit like local celebs in the towns that they visit. This is largely due to the fact that they have 16 wallets following them around. Being treated in such a way can go to their heads a little!

I have tried to never stereotype people, and despite hearing a few 'all Thai men are bad' stories from local women I believe that this is the equivalent of a farang man having some disastrous relationships at home and then coming here saying 'all farang women are bad'.

One thing I would say is that from my experience women are far more cautious when choosing a partner. Unlike us men who tend to loose their heads very quickly, women open up more slowly. It therefore stands to reason that the men that have chosen to be with are the good apples in the cart. Doesn't always seem to be the case, but I should imagine the success ratio is a lot higher with Thai men and farang women.

Tourleadersi: In your profession, are wives not allowed to travel with spouses on company trips? Or is the whole "wives tagging along" a western thing?

Considering the notion that most people in Asia appear to strive to have "white skin colour and features", do thai men ever date african/black women? Or is that a complete NO! NO!

In all honesty I have not noticed Thai men with women from other nationalities so they must blend very well (age wise).

i guess i got one of the good ones also:

we spoke with anon's sister and mom yesterday about wedding in thailand in beginning of next year (when his work visa here expires for good); and then to get visa back to israel (the only viable solution at the moment due to my children)....

in a very ethnocentric/state run by church country, i get lots and lots of looks: most people think he is my worker (in hebrew it sounds more derogatory, a word used for manual labourers only)

many many people ask me 'cant u find a jewish/israeli man to marry'; or 'why are u marrying a barbarian? watch out for your pet dog?' and other nasties, however, yet others (especially at beach or when we hold hands etc) think we are an adorable couple

my children accept him no problem even though he speaks no english or hebrew; my friends think he's fun to be around and the neighbors on the kibbutz, well, so far its just good stuff for the gossipers/cnn'ers, however he is not yet my husband so waiting once again for the kibbutz heavies to interfere ........

my father thinks anon sounds like a nice guy etc (big daughter gave good report to grandpa), my mother refuses to acknowlege that this is a serious relationship ....

at age 44 I DONT CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK....i'm working on keeping my one and only by my side

When people look at me & my husband I ignore them, they aren't part of our sphere. They could be looking for any number of reasons & quite frankly I don't care what they are. Life is to short to analyse what that look was for or to build grudges against people for it.

Sorry Tourleadersi

My last paragraph wasn't directed at your comments just the first sentence about being in a job that involves travelling.

I had been annoyed by yet another recent thread slagging off Thai men

Tourleadersi: In your profession, are wives not allowed to travel with spouses on company trips? Or is the whole "wives tagging along" a western thing?

Considering the notion that most people in Asia appear to strive to have "white skin colour and features", do thai men ever date african/black women? Or is that a complete NO! NO!

In all honesty I have not noticed Thai men with women from other nationalities so they must blend very well (age wise).

LaReina

It is not impossible for spouses to visit you whilst you are 'on tour' however on the occasions when I did fly my wife over to where I was working we didn't have as much fun as we had hoped. When I am away I miss her terribly, and call her at every opportunity. The reality of the job is that because of the expectations of my company I would be working virtually non stop for 18 to 19 hours a day for weeks on end. To suddenly have her there meant I wanted to down tools and relax with her, but my job didn't afford me that privilege. I felt like I wasn't showing her enough love, and she in turn felt a little neglected as I had to do the rounds continually checking in on everyone’s welfare. The groups loved having her along, as they liked me and realised pretty quickly how in love I was with her. She is also great fun and gave them the perfect opportunity to talk to a local that wasn't working with the tour.

I have now quit that job and set up on my own doing the same thing. This means that I will still be on tour but I will employ a tour leader and accompany more in the capacity as a manager. She can then come along when ever she wishes and we can both spend more time focusing on each other and my customers whilst the tour leader does the actual hard graft.

Whilst this was something that was available to me, it was a lot more difficult for my local leaders who were Thai, Khmer, Laos or Chinese. Costs and family commitments usually meant that their wives stayed at home. These guys were pretty exceptional at their jobs, they had to be. A lot of what they were expected to do flew in the face of their cultures. They were away from everyone they knew for long periods of time, very rarely got any time to relax and worked under huge amounts of stress from time to time. I never judged them on the fact that occasionally they sought some kind of comfort (be it only physical).

Despite having a job that is perceived as being glamorous, the reality is extremely different. 3 years ago I took over 100 flights, changed hotel bedrooms over 180 times and ate almost 900 meals in restaurants. I was away from those that I loved for all but 45 days in that year, alone, having to maintain a professional relationship with my customers and crew so never really being able to open up or let my hair down. I worked on average 19 hours a day, with the longest stretch without a single day off was 102 days. Most of that year was spent working contracts where I was the sole tour leader in the region, so I never got to meet any of my kind. I would have loved dearly to have had people come and visit, but in reality I was so exhausted and busy it would have been disastrous if they had.

I remember before I met my wife and I was working as a single man. I on occasion did end up with one of my customers. What was quite amusing really was that they wanted to have wild sex for their 2 week holiday and I wanted someone that I could be close to! A complete reversal of the stereotypes!

What made it even more difficult was that nobody except another tour leader seems to understand what you go through. I know Donna did the job over here and perhaps she can back me up? For such a cool job it has a phenomenally high turn over rate. My company expected most employees to stay for a maximum of 18 months.

Sorry Tourleadersi

My last paragraph wasn't directed at your comments just the first sentence about being in a job that involves travelling.

I had been annoyed by yet another recent thread slagging off Thai men

Absolutley no need to appologise Jasmine, no offence was taken at all. I can sympathise with your fatigue over threads slagging off Thai men as I have a wife who is Thai. The continual threads that lump them all together can become a little tiresome.

Anyone who lumps all Thai men or women together without judging each on their individual merits really is doing themselves and Thai people an injustice.

I agree with your last paragraph completly tourleadersi;

I was having a conversation with seonai the other day about why, just because your partner is from asia (or specifically Thailand maybe?) that people (strangers usually) feel they have a right or need to comment on how your relationship works or on what your partner, who they don't even know, is like!

I have NEVER heard anyone of my farang/farang couple friends be questioned or had comments made about their union but am asked all the time about mine or challenged to justify my marriage.

But because my husband is Thai, I have been informed (in this forum ) that he must drink too much, is probably cheating on me & most likely, because he is from issan, sits around drinking lao khao all day & come home & hits me.

It's amazing how a country has managed to survive when all 30 million + of the male population are like this, or how any thai people get born when we are informed by the "experts"that all the thai women are hookers who only have sex with farang men for money

The small minded prudjudices of these kinds of people used to really wind me up but now I just laugh. Well, why wouldn't I, I am happily married to a faithful man who works hard & respects me. IF some want to disbeleive that then thats ok too, they don't live in my house or even know us but I do wonder why they don't get on with living their lives instead of trying to disect mine

I too have heard that many perceive Thai men to be alchoholic wife beaters but then I'm from scotland and that's pretty much how Scottish men are perceived too! In my experience the farang women with Thai men get treated extremely well by their partners (bar one but I can't help thinking this woman would attract a dodgy relationship no matter what the nationality). I would go so far as to say my husband treats me like a princess. A lot of farang men post on here about how they like that they and their Thai wives have more traditional (old fashioned?) roles in their relationships than many western couples do, and I think that works both ways in some sense. Not that I'm cooking and cleaning for my husband (we have a maid!) but he very much does the carrying my bags, sorting out eletrical stuff and taking me out to fancy places for dinner. I do know I am capable of doing of those things for myself but it is nice having a man who treats me like a girl. And let's face it, no matter what country you're in in takes a certain kind of woman to put up with the nonsense Thai men are accused of for more than 10 minutes - the chat shows at home are always full of women who have some psychological need to be in a destructive relationship - most emotionally stable, secure women would find the strength to get out of that kind of relationship before it even started.

I was out at a voting booth in Klong Toey a few weeks ago while a good friend of mine voted. At this time an late-middle-aged (probably early 50s) couple came to vote. The husband was Thai, the wife was Caucasian (never heard her speak in English, so I don't know her original nationality). However, she was also apparently Thai, as she went through the same paperwork he did and they both went to the voting area to cast ballots.

They made a cute couple. I was glad to have seen them.

i think thai male/western female couples are fascinating and cute. i love the mixed children, they can be beautiful.

Another question: those western women with Thai guys - was it a conscious decision to 'go Thai' or did it just happen? Most of my young, female friends definately made a conscious decision. Some of them started off dating westerners but usually ended up with guys who were here on holiday so they fizzled out pretty quickly. Most quickly learn that the pool of western guys who actually live here is very shallow (pun intended!) and that the pickings are pretty poor! Whereas there are millions of handsome, funny, intelligent Thai men out there. I also think for some it's a fast track into Thai culture. I remember years ago a Thai man accusing me of living in a farang bubble with no real concept of Thai life - and he was right - I took his words quite seriously and soon after started dating Thai men (I had been thinking about it already!). It took a while to find someone worth getting serious over - I have some very funny dating stories but that's another topic - but then that's the same the world over. I also think there is an element of being able to trust a Thai man more. I know there are lots of posts here about prostitution being engrained in Thai culture - and I don't deny that - but at least they don't have the kid in a candy store syndrome that many western men have. And my Thai husband is always telling me that the most gorgeous girls are "thammada" (normal) - and while he's not necessarily always being truthful - it's better than being with a western guy whose tongue is on the floor every time you leave the house!

Another question: those western women with Thai guys - was it a conscious decision to 'go Thai' or did it just happen? Most of my young, female friends definately made a conscious decision.

Not at all for me. When I came out to Thailand I'd just got out of a 5 year relationship in the UK so wasn't looking for any kind of relationship. When I met my husband I'd been in Thailand a year and had booked my one way flight back to the UK, the plan was to carry on teaching EFL in somehwere like Portugal or Spain but I never made it and spent a further 3 years in Thailand with my husband.

It wouldn't have mattered where he came from/what nationality he was, I fell for the person he is and not his nationality. We're still together 10 years later

Another question: those western women with Thai guys - was it a conscious decision to 'go Thai' or did it just happen? Most of my young, female friends definately made a conscious decision.

Not at all for me. When I came out to Thailand I'd just got out of a 5 year relationship in the UK so wasn't looking for any kind of relationship. When I met my husband I'd been in Thailand a year and had booked my one way flight back to the UK, the plan was to carry on teaching EFL in somehwere like Portugal or Spain but I never made it and spent a further 3 years in Thailand with my husband.

It wouldn't have mattered where he came from/what nationality he was, I fell for the person he is and not his nationality. We're still together 10 years later

Me too, I was a tourist, teaching English in Taiwan, studying Mandarin Chinese with no real investment in Thailand other than as a holiday. Met my husband, was swept off my feet and 17 years later we are still happily married. OK, to be honest, his cousin had an Aussie wife at the time who told me that he was an ok guy and I could trust him, otherwise, frankly, no, I wouldn't have gotten involved. I wasn't looking for a relationship, wouldn't have gotten involved when I didn't speak the language and didn't understand the local culture. I guess I was smart enough to realize that he could have fed me all kinds of BS and I would never have known the difference.

Back to the topic at hand, anyway. I remember one time we were in the US visiting my family and my husband went into the bar my sister was helping out in during a big town fair. She wasn't in, so he left. After she returned to the bar some guy sitting there said to her "Some guy, didn't speak very good english, came in here looking for you". She turned back to him and said "He speaks excellent english, he just has an accent!"

I think alot of people tend to look down on mixed marriages of both kinds, like the person is settling for something less.

Another question: those western women with Thai guys - was it a conscious decision to 'go Thai' or did it just happen?

mine just happened. the first thai i was with was a rebound guy after an 8 year relationship with an american. so it was sort of a sexual reawakening as well as a cultural one. i had absolutely no interest whatsoever in asian men before him. funnily enough, even though that relationship ended sort of badly, i must have liked it enough to be almost solely attracted to thais now. i am very careful with them, taking things slowly, but they fascinate and excite me. i have even met a blatantly honest one recently which fast tracks me past a lot of b.s.

And let's face it, no matter what country you're in in takes a certain kind of woman to put up with the nonsense Thai men are accused of for more than 10 minutes - the chat shows at home are always full of women who have some psychological need to be in a destructive relationship - most emotionally stable, secure women would find the strength to get out of that kind of relationship before it even started.

to some extent i would agree with that but sometimes they sneak up on you in their masks. and in this culture you can't spot it coming ahead of time, as you come from a very different culture which expresses itself differently.

Wow GirlX, what happened to you? Previously the biggest slanderer of Thai males and now..... sweet talk?????? Woo Hooooooo Go girl !!!!!

Another question: those western women with Thai guys - was it a conscious decision to 'go Thai' or did it just happen?

Just happened, no plan, didn't go out and look for my husband. My husband says it was destiny

I was on my way to Samui then off to visit sbk, it was a really windy day, the water was choppy so I was getting a bit sea sick on the ferry. At one point I had gone out to get fresh air then when I came back in I was fighting with the door, the wind was just keeping it shut, then finally it opened and I flew with it. At that moment, as I was flying in pulled by the door, this man with a wide smile was looking straight at me, we shared a long distance laugh at my predicament. I sat back down at the front, then thought for a second why not go sit with him, he was sitting alone, it isn't in my nature to do that but I did.

I was no longer sea sick.

We have been together ever since, got married 9 months after we met.

Another question: those western women with Thai guys - was it a conscious decision to 'go Thai' or did it just happen?

Just happened, no plan, didn't go out and look for my husband. My husband says it was destiny

I was on my way to Samui then off to visit sbk, it was a really windy day, the water was choppy so I was getting a bit sea sick on the ferry. At one point I had gone out to get fresh air then when I came back in I was fighting with the door, the wind was just keeping it shut, then finally it opened and I flew with it. At that moment, as I was flying in pulled by the door, this man with a wide smile was looking straight at me, we shared a long distance laugh at my predicament. I sat back down at the front, then thought for a second why not go sit with him, he was sitting alone, it isn't in my nature to do that but I did.

I was no longer sea sick.

We have been together ever since, got married 9 months after we met.

I remember when Gisele showed up after meeting him, told me about this really nice Thai guy she'd met on the boat, I said "Go for it!" You'll never know until you try.

I wonder if the 9 month timeframe is significant? I knew my husband 9 months before we got married too.

I think, in any situation and any place, the best relationships are the ones that "just happen". If you go searching for the right partner you may end up settling for the wrong guy simply because he's there and he's available.

Previously the biggest slanderer of Thai males and now..... sweet talk?????? Woo Hooooooo Go girl !!!!!

i have never been a slanderer of thai males thanks. i have only pointed out that a lot of thai males are non-monogamous and are with foreign women for the wrong reasons. which is true. there are also many who live up to the stereotypes of drinking, gambling, and beating their women. a point that several of you conveniently overlook, however, is that i have never once said that all thai men were like this or like that. when talking about any group of people it is impossible not to generalize, but i am not stupid and i know there must be some exceptions to the rule.

Over in a certain other subforum, there's a small subgroup that serially harasses anyone who dare suggest there may be groups of Thai guys who are dodgy or unreliable, or even that there may be patterns that help identify such groups. I find the response to GirlX here much more mature, and I understand her point. So I think all you ladies rock.

Perhaps there is a place for discussion of both perspectives. After all, many of you ladies have been here quite a long time. For you, issues of dodginess are gone because you simply don't even bother with the types of Thais who are dodgy.

However, for newbies (and this is a forum designed to be newbie friendly, isn't it?) the danger and likelihood of being fooled by a dodgy type is much greater. So the risks (and the patterns) bear discussion. Perhaps we could all agree that there are multiple types of guys, and that discussion of one type doesn't deny the existence of the other?

To bring this back on topic, I nearly always presume when I see a Thai man and a foreign woman that their relationship is likely much better than those of the Thai women and foreign men that I see together.

I don't know if it adds to the discussion, but statistics from Wakayama Prefecture in Japan showed that divorce between foreign-Japanese couples was almost non-existent if the foreigner was a woman, but off the charts if the foreigner was a man.

"Steven"