Serious And Disturbing Email

[redrus]

Ok , brainstorming ..thinking out of the box - how about Plan C

"Let sleeping dogs lie"

If she's getting her oats elsewhere, then it might as well be with a policeman than a tuk tuk driver. At least the house is protected.

If you're 10,000 miles away, doesn't make much difference if she's having an occasional schlumpfing. If you were there it would be you, you're not so she adapts. You're still numero uno. Think of the copper as no more than a sexual aid, eg dildo

Not gonna happen.... , congrats on the 100th post though....

redrus

[alexth]

Can't understand why you worry , there must be something you are not telling us ...

or do you really beleive that your wife would be having an affair in front of your father in law ?

or sending you pic's of her lover ?

You appear to be a little paranoid .

Well, I'm not trying to offend the OP, I'm sure it's not his case, but you would be surprised to know of what some thais would be capable of...

[Noel]

I can well imagine that you find yourself in nightmare territory, but hang in there Tip.

There has been some excellent advice given and thoughts shared above by some posters, but I would say that the very first thing you should do is call your wife.

Make absolutely no mention of the e-mails and try and act as normally as you possibly can.

If she is unaware of the e-mails, surely the first thing she should do would be to tell you about the damage to your vehicle?

That of course may not be the way she would think if it actually did happen, as she could be putting off the 'bad news' until you return.

That said, in any event she must know that she will have to explain how the cost of the repairs was covered at some stage.

Much depends on as to how you think she would normally react under ‘normal’ circumstances, I suppose.

Anyhow, before you start on the more involved path of commissioning a PI or whatever, if I were in your position I would make that call, and make it soon.

Good luck, in the hope your worst fears are not realised.

[eddy-ham]

Hi,

From experience and I mean true life one, get on a plane and arrive unanounced, you will never sort this out by mail.Only a face to face meeting will sort this out. A relationship where 2 people are so far appart for long times is built on trust, once this trust has gone it will eat into the relationship you once had.

Remove some of the monies from the account, and just arrive at the front door in the evening, possibly after 2 days in the area.

Then just explain why you are there, the worst result is,pretty awful ,the best result is you have a great holiday together.

You will never sort this out on the phone, emails of detectives ect.Its your life and you have to be 100% sure of what your feelings are and that you TRUST each other.

After that you can move forward ,together or seperatly but at least its forward.........

[otherstuff1957]

I didn't read through all of the posts in this thread, so I don't know if anybody talked about this yet: Did you register your marriage at the Amphur office? If you did, your wife had to prove to them that she is not currently married to anyone else before they registered your marriage.

Thai laws and registration procedures are set in such a way that legal Bigamy is very difficult to accomplish.

On the other hand, 'village marriages' are not uncommon and she could concievibly have a previous 'husband' from a non-registered marriage.

From all you've said, the email sounds more suspicious than your wife's behaviour.

Good luck!

[taxexile]

inappropriate lighthearted post deleted ,,

Edited August 23, 2006 by taxexile

[t.s]

Just curious if anyone can identify whether the insignia on this guy's T-shirt is a police insignia. This photo was taken more than 2 months ago and shows my wife and the man pictured.

Tip,

with all due respect, this is getting silly. You are now offering us very low res pictures that feed into your worst case scenarios.

Further to that you are coming up with alternate narratives to feed whatever turmoil you are experiencing.

Whether she is having you on or not is quicly becoming irrealvent, you will be so paranoid by the time you mange to clear this up the result wont matter.

talk to this woman you ostensibly love and trust, get on a plane and deal with it in person, or hire a PI.

either that or give it up

Posting to a bulletin board so others can share your speculations is certainly not helping matters, it is merely feeding the fire.

Edited August 23, 2006 by t.s

[Cent]

Ok , brainstorming ..thinking out of the box - how about Plan C

"Let sleeping dogs lie"

If she's getting her oats elsewhere, then it might as well be with a policeman than a tuk tuk driver. At least the house is protected.

If you're 10,000 miles away, doesn't make much difference if she's having an occasional schlumpfing. If you were there it would be you, you're not so she adapts. You're still numero uno. Think of the copper as no more than a sexual aid, eg dildo

Papa,

And then what? He gets his wife tested for HIV and other std's after she has been bopping the cop while he ignores it all as he is still "#1"? Goofiest thing I've ever heard of in a way for dealing with something like this. Thai men are known for their aversion to wearing the latex, and Thai cops (and I know, my BIL is one) are known for being a bunch of playboys who cheat around whenever they get the chance. I know a local Thai cop who caught HIV from his mai noi (who was screwing around on him as well) and gave it to his wife as well. Both are dead now and their kids are orphaned. Smart way to deal with it all? Yeah, right. Nice to be liberal with your wife's sexual urges while you are away, but in this day and age it can also be dangerous.

If his wife is fooling around, has a Thai husband, boyfriend, whatever, best thing he can do is know what the heck is going on to protect himself from the many things that could hurt him in this, financially as well.

Tip, get the PI, now, a good 'real' P.I. that comes recommended and does 'real' detecting and surveilance, and find out what is really happening if possible, then deal with it when you have the info to make an informed decision. If the PI gives her a clean bill then forget about it, or try to find out who is trying to harm you both, OP. Until you know for sure this will hurt you, eat you up with not knowing, and damage your marriage even if she is innocent of these charges in the e-mail sent you. She does not ever have to know you hired the P.I. You are doing this for yourself, but also for her and your marriage. Don't live with the doubt any longer. Get it done.

JMHO

Cent

p.s. And good luck whatever you find out and do, Tippaporn. I know you are feeling very stressed now. Best of luck.

Edited August 23, 2006 by Cent

[Buckwheat]

In my opinion, hiring a P.I. isn't something I would do for the following reasons...

1) You'll have to relate your situation to a total stranger whom you have never met and negotiate a money transfer from half way around the world. How will you know he is even serving your interests?

2) If, God forbid, he finds the scenario in your email to be true, what's stopping him from approaching the lady in question and offering her a clean slate if she'll match what you are paying?

He'll give her a 5 star rating, she'll be more cautious and you'll be out whatever you paid the P.I.

Just my opinion.....good luck.

[Cent]

In my opinion, hiring a P.I. isn't something I would do for the following reasons...

1) You'll have to relate your situation to a total stranger whom you have never met and negotiate a money transfer from half way around the world. How will you know he is even serving your interests?

2) If, God forbid, he finds the scenario in your email to be true, what's stopping him from approaching the lady in question and offering her a clean slate if she'll match what you are paying?

He'll give her a 5 star rating, she'll be more cautious and you'll be out whatever you paid the P.I.

Just my opinion.....good luck.

Buckwheat,

Good reasons there. I don't think the money transfer will be much of a problem. I've also wondered how many of these so-called detectives play both sides of a situation like this. I guess he'll need to find a 'reliable' P.I. that is recommended by someone he can trust. Does anyone here know one they can recommend? In case he does want a good Private Investigator in Bangkok?

Cent

[Tywais]

In my opinion, hiring a P.I. isn't something I would do for the following reasons...

How will you know he is even serving your interests?

This is why some posters indicated getting a "recommended" PI and not just throwing a dart at a phone book. I'm sure some members have experiences with PIs and possibly have even PMed Tip with details already.

[redrus]

In my opinion, hiring a P.I. isn't something I would do for the following reasons...

How will you know he is even serving your interests?

This is why some posters indicated getting a "recommended" PI and not just throwing a dart at a phone book. I'm sure some members have experiences with PIs and possibly have even PMed Tip with details already.

You'd think there'd be a worldwide affiliate or something....?

Some of these guys must need to use info from others in other locations/countries in the same proffesion....?

They would surely know of reputable PI's....?

redrus

[Buckwheat]

In my opinion, hiring a P.I. isn't something I would do for the following reasons...

How will you know he is even serving your interests?

This is why some posters indicated getting a "recommended" PI and not just throwing a dart at a phone book. I'm sure some members have experiences with PIs and possibly have even PMed Tip with details already.

I'm sure they have, but once again, in my opinion, I wouldn't approach a sensitive matter like this from half way around the world through a third party I had never met...even if it were Magnum, P.I.

The OP asked for opinions and I hadn't seen anyone give reasons for not using a P.I....so I gave him a few....in my opinion, of course.

Thanks for the dart idea...I'll use it on a map of Pattaya the next time I can't decide where to roam.

[SamuiJens]

Just curious if anyone can identify whether the insignia on this guy's T-shirt is a police insignia. This photo was taken more than 2 months ago and shows my wife and the man pictured.

Tip,

with all due respect, this is getting silly. You are now offering us very low res pictures that feed into your worst case scenarios.

Further to that you are coming up with alternate narratives to feed whatever turmoil you are experiencing.

Whether she is having you on or not is quicly becoming irrealvent, you will be so paranoid by the time you mange to clear this up the result wont matter.

talk to this woman you ostensibly love and trust, get on a plane and deal with it in person, or hire a PI.

either that or give it up

Posting to a bulletin board so others can share your speculations is certainly not helping matters, it is merely feeding the fire.

T.S, your last sentence is soo right. Sounds like poor Tip has no faith in HIMSELF to deal with life, without having all of the forum members getting involed, but this will only confuse you more. I can tell you're young. But write private to members you trust here WOULD be the best.

[Noel]

In my opinion, hiring a P.I. isn't something I would do for the following reasons...

1) You'll have to relate your situation to a total stranger whom you have never met and negotiate a money transfer from half way around the world. How will you know he is even serving your interests?

2) If, God forbid, he finds the scenario in your email to be true, what's stopping him from approaching the lady in question and offering her a clean slate if she'll match what you are paying?

He'll give her a 5 star rating, she'll be more cautious and you'll be out whatever you paid the P.I.

Just my opinion.....good luck.

Buckwheat,

Good reasons there. I don't think the money transfer will be much of a problem. I've also wondered how many of these so-called detectives play both sides of a situation like this. I guess he'll need to find a 'reliable' P.I. that is recommended by someone he can trust. Does anyone here know one they can recommend? In case he does want a good Private Investigator in Bangkok?

Cent

I have noticed Stickman online reading this thread, so he is already as up to speed as any of us are (Tip excepted).

It would do no harm to PM him and simply ask what he makes of it, if he thinks he could help and so forth.

That has to be worth a try, although 'phoning the wife, as Tip must have regularly done during his last eight months of absence, would be my first option...

[Jessy]

It could be somebody who has fallen out with her, and someone trying to hurt her. It is impossible to known and all you can do is speculate. There could be dozens of different scenarios. You'll have to ask her, and try to contact the emailer.

With regards to a private dectective, if you go down that road, be careful. Make sure you get a reputable one. I understand there have been a few scams where the so called detective has charged the person who has employed him, and then told the person he is investigatring about it, and then charged them for relaying a false story back. Good Luck.

[The Dude]

Great idea to message stick and find out what he thinks

[jing jing]

Tip, I hope you're getting a decent night's sleep over there so you can formulate a plan with a relatively clear head. It's important not to do anything rash like making a confrontational phone call. You aren't the sort to do that anyhow I reckon.

There've been enough responses now to see a general trend emerge regarding your best course of action, and that is pretty much overwhelmingly in favor of retaining a reputatable PI. It should go without saying that whoever you hire should be someone who comes highly recommended by folks with no dog in this fight.

Without belaboring the point regarding violating the trust in your relationship, remember the wise words: "Trust, but verify." Reagan was no brain surgeon but he did get a few things right.

'Nuff said...

[britmaveric]

Not so sure about PI just yet - I think more info is needed. Perhaps a good mate can have a look around on your behalf.

[Silvercharm]

Hi Tippaporn,

Though I don't know you, I do feel for you and I hope all will work out for the best. From all that I've read, you have many good options to choose from. Another option could be for you to remotely access your computer. There are programs that you can use where you can be anywhere and still get into your computer and it is like being at home in front of your computer. I will admit that I have never used this function, though I have seen it on my sytem. gotomypc.com has much more information than I can give to you. Anyone else know if this works or what would need to be done? Just a thought.

Best to you,

SC

[john1000]

Hi Tippaporn,

Though I don't know you, I do feel for you and I hope all will work out for the best. From all that I've read, you have many good options to choose from. Another option could be for you to remotely access your computer. There are programs that you can use where you can be anywhere and still get into your computer and it is like being at home in front of your computer. I will admit that I have never used this function, though I have seen it on my sytem. gotomypc.com has much more information than I can give to you. Anyone else know if this works or what would need to be done? Just a thought.

Best to you,

SC

[Tippaporn]

I hope it hasn't seemed that I've been ignoring anyone's questions. It's a 12 hour difference between BKK and Chicago and after a grueling 24 hours I've taken a much needed sleep. There's upwards of 3 pages for me to catch up on, plus emails and PMs, so I'll read them now. Due to the volume of posts I simply won't have time to respond individually to all, but I will try and cover all that has been asked.

I will need to take a break from this today, too, since I must get back to work. I've been soley absorbed with this issue for the past 41 hours and I do have customers whom I can no longer neglect.

I will say this, the support I've received on TV has been unbelievably awesome. I'm stunned and speechless as to how I could express my gratitude. You've all helped not only with great advice but have also helped to put my mind at ease. To have a semblance of peace of mind once more is not only critical for me but a blessing. While I still do not know anything for certain I have come away with trust for my wife. Thanks to all!

I spoke with her last night, engaging only in our usual phone chatter. The first words out of her mouth were to chide me for not calling her back as I had promised. (I had called the day before, 10AM BKK time, and she was still sleeping. I told her to go back to sleep and I'd ring her later. I never did as I chose to go to bed.)

I did ask about her paw, and whether or not he had gone back to his home village. She told me once more that he wants to stay in BKK to wait for my return. "Paw kit tueng me mai?" "Chai" "Teehrak kit tueng me mai?" "Chai. Mak mak."

I also enquired about the pickup truck and whether it needed any maintainence (a valid question after 8 months). All was fine, was the reply.

Are any of those responses conclusively telling? No. But then I wasn't really hoping to settle this issue with an innocuous phone call. Again, today I'll be considering recommendations from TV members on choosing a PI. I have come to the conclusion that this route would be the only way for me to know for certain. I'll add my own question, "Isn't that a contradiction of trust?" I'm still debating that one with myself. But it's clear that I do need to be practical, too.

Thanks again to all for the great advice and support. My heart goes out to all of you.

Tip

[eddy-ham]

Hi ,

Sorry but the PI bit is over the top, you are talking about trusting your wife, not for the last few months but for the next few years.

You cannot have that trust if you involve a third party, get on a plane and vist.

The scenario is if the PI finds something you have to confront her, if he find nothing you will feel like you mistrusted her and need to tell her.

I have been down the road you are going and afterwards I realised I should have brought it all out in the open, delt with it face on and moved on.

[lamphun]

Just a thought, Tippaporn you have an e-mail address open on TV. I wonder if the malicious e-mail might have come from some sick individual who you may have unknowingly upset on this board.

Not a daft suggestion. A while back I was sent a very evil and sick e-mail from a nutter. However as he signed his name all I felt was pity.

[john1000]

No do it as this is the only way to find out for sure.

Most people trust and get hurt so you must do this!!!

[keda]

I have noticed Stickman online reading this thread, so he is already as up to speed as any of us are (Tip excepted).

It would do no harm to PM him and simply ask what he makes of it, if he thinks he could help and so forth.

That has to be worth a try, although 'phoning the wife, as Tip must have regularly done during his last eight months of absence, would be my first option...

Checking if your computer was the source of those emails is fairly straightforward, though you or somebody you trust must first have access. This can be done remotely from anywhere on the planet, if your wife is computer illiterate, at which time you can install a keylogger or any other software.

Also in your favour is that few people are aware of the volume, types and location of evidence left behind each time they switch off, in which case, if your computer was a source, the evidence will probably still be there when you next turn up. What you do with the info is of course another matter.

There are many other interesting points and strategies offered in these pages, with little chance of addressing them all in a few paragraphs, but intrinsically wrong and a strict no no must be to alert wifey (or anyone else that might have an interest) of what is happening your end, of your suspicions, or of your next move. Blunt and ruthless perhaps, but if there is any truth in those emails you will find out in good time, even if you would rather remain blind deaf and dumb all the way to the end of the plank.

keda

[keda]

Oops, forgot...blunt and ruthless perhaps, but best of luck and I hope whatever you do ends up being spot on.

keda

[stickman]

I have noticed Stickman online reading this thread, so he is already as up to speed as any of us are (Tip excepted).

It would do no harm to PM him and simply ask what he makes of it, if he thinks he could help and so forth.

That has to be worth a try, although 'phoning the wife, as Tip must have regularly done during his last eight months of absence, would be my first option...

I have scanned through this thread fairly quickly and haven't picked up all of the detail so won't comment too much. What I will say however is that if you choose to go the PI route, in a situation like this you are probably best off with surveillance work done by a Thai. It sounds as though it involves Thais and therefore a farang is not the best person to do the actual ground work.

I can recommend and vouch for www.ThailandPI.com which is an American run PI business so your contact is with a native English speaker, someone who understands where you are coming from and is sensitive to your needs. The owner of Thailandpi.com is someone I have worked together with on many cases over the years. I actually assisted him on a case this past weekend. He has a number of Thai staff who could help.

Personally, I would not get involved. The investigation stuff I do is predominantly in the naughty bars and its surrounds and that is where I operate best. Jobs like this always refer to Thailandpi.com.

Best of luck to you.

Cheers,

Stick

[Tippaporn]

as far as tippaporns problem goes , the more i read , the more i worry.

8 months away from a wife that is dearly loved is a long long time indeed.

she must feel emotionally negelected in spite of regular phone contact and financial help.

being thai , and from what it appears from tippaporns posts , being from a traditional type of background , she will not complain too much , but just accept the situation , long suffering acceptance as often practised by thai women can lead to the harbouring of grudges that will never be expressed , but will be felt within and possibly acted upon.

if she is a shy reticent type , she would be perfect material for grooming by a "typical" thai policeman , either groomed for an affair or groomed for some financial shenanigans.

again , i am not wishing to be overtly negative , but just playing devils advocate here.

Yes, you do describe her as she is, tax. Complains very little and is very shy. As I mentioned earlier, she has hocked her jewelry when in need of cash rather than ask me for money. Her feeling is that I should be aware of whether she's in need of cash and make sure she has enough. She's very prideful when it comes to money.

In her eyes our money is my money since I'm the sole breadwinner. Even after all these years she will not utilize our funds without asking me first. Granted, if she has money in hand she will do a bit of shopping, but always frugally and she has yet to blow a wad.

[Tippaporn]

I have scanned through this thread fairly quickly and haven't picked up all of the detail so won't comment too much. What I will say however is that if you choose to go the PI route, in a situation like this you are probably best off with surveillance work done by a Thai. It sounds as though it involves Thais and therefore a farang is not the best person to do the actual ground work.

I can recommend and vouch for www.ThailandPI.com which is an American run PI business so your contact is with a native English speaker, someone who understands where you are coming from and is sensitive to your needs. The owner of Thailandpi.com is someone I have worked together with on many cases over the years. I actually assisted him on a case this past weekend. He has a number of Thai staff who could help.

Personally, I would not get involved. The investigation stuff I do is predominantly in the naughty bars and its surrounds and that is where I operate best. Jobs like this always refer to Thailandpi.com.

Best of luck to you.

Cheers,

Stick

Very appreciative of your recommendation, Stick. I will weigh all recommendations and make some calls tomorrow morning Thai time. Thanks.

I'll have to break off for now and attend to business. I will answer PMs and emails as I receive them. Thanks again.

Tip

Edited August 23, 2006 by Tippaporn