Long term relationship with broke Thai man

[yougivemebaby]

I think it could work as long as he's willing to play "house wife". that means take care of everything around the house. Be a mr Mom if you will. It's possible. Men do it all the time why can't a woman? Obviously you must both agree to this. If you want to have children together then you need to be willing to be the bread winner and he needs to be willing to be the care taker. If you want to be at home with the kids (or dump them off at the day care) then it won't work. So looking at it logically is important too.

Honestly any relationship I"ve ever been in that was financially mis matched did not work. Doesn't mean it couldn't work. Current relationship I've picked everything to be as equal as possible. She has her own money and pays more often than not. Good luck to you and I would have a conversation with him and maybe some trusted friends about what the future could-would hold.

[KIWIBATCH]

uptheos, on 13 Feb 2015 - 11:43, said:

No foreigner can give you a Thai male perspective.

Any advice that I would give here, would probably hurt your feelings.........

........but, I'd walk and wouldn't look back........sorry if it's blunt and good luck.

(man here)...I am sorry to hear of your dilemma.....sincerely...but I agree with what uptheos has posted......walk...! (it is not going to get any better no matter how hard you try or what you are planning on doing)

...and dare I say it without incurring the wrath of other posters....."if you walk watch your back"

good luck God bless you

[yougivemebaby]

Hi, I know the story. I am a farang women and stayed with a Thai man.

Always money money even when he was working. Most of his money went to family etc

Get out while you can.

Thais not love us !!!!!!! I found out after 1 year but still stayed with him with a lot of heartbreaking for me.

Never a thai again.

"I am a farang women "

No you're not

[ggt]

Quit examining him as if he is an employee you are considering hiring...

Why do you have to get married...if you are so unsure...?

True happiness is something few have and many want...if you think you have found it in this man...quit looking for some reason to destroy it...go with it and blessings to you and your new friend...

Edited February 20, 2015 by ggt

[KhnomKhnom]

Change the gender where you the questioner is male.............. then watch the grumpy old guys jump in saying DUMP HER/HIM.

Follow your heart.

[ALFREDO]

He sounds quite lazy to me! Thailand has the lowest unemployment rate in the world so it should be pretty easy to find a job that pays at least 10 to 15 thousand a month. What's gonna happen if you have kids with this man? You will need time off to look after them. Or you let his family have your child to look after while you work??? Thai men are seen as a failure if they can't provide for their families. Sorry for being harsh but I have a family here and its not cheap...food, school fees..etc...

How dose thailand have the lowest unemployment rate in the world are you joking me thailand dose not pay people who are unemployed so how would thailand no it has the lowest unemployment rate in the world bull shit it would have the highest just get around thai villagers and see how many thai man site around all day drinking.

And women, George. Most of teh Thai women in villages don't work either with the exception of house work - even at that if they have a daughter or grand daughter they will be the ones doing the house work while mummy and/or granny does nothing whichever the case may be. Only ones that work in Thai villages are the shop keepers, food sellers and recycle bottle/cardboard/rubbish collectors and septic tank drainers (did I miss one someone out?). There will only be the odd one here and there that travels to nearby town for real job. I would love to see claffey find a job off the beaten track in an Isaan Village far far far away from the provincial capital that pays 10,000 to 15,000 THB per month. Most are lucky and happy if they can get 6,000 THB per month and a day off! Even in bigger cities (outside Bangkok) major employers such as 7 eleven only pay 7,600 THB for a 9hour shift 6 days week!

" Only ones that work in Thai villages are the shop keepers, food sellers and recycle bottle/cardboard/rubbish collectors and septic tank drainers (did I miss one someone out?"

YES, the = Farmers, workers in agriculture, seasonal farm-workers

They work not the whole year, but a good part of it and earn their money hard often in hard labor.

[BudRight]

You know, people end up poor because they are bad at managing money, they're not bad at managing money because they are poor.

Can he learn arithmetic? That's all it is.

[smotherb]

Thank you to everybody for the thoughtful feedback. I appreciate not being attacked. Excuse the lists but it's easier for me to collect my thoughts - I would like to add:

1. We are intellectually matched - has nothing to do with education - different lifestyles yes. And honestly - I envy his life style and care-free - the universe will take care of me type of attitude. I even admire it.

2. After 35 years of relationships - I believe every man (person) has his faults and you have to decide which you are prepared to deal with. For example he is not a ladies man, fooling around, out drinking all night etc. which I would find intolerable. His 'fault' is one of financial naivety. Something I don't find offensive just challenging.

3. I don't subscribe to the traditional idea that a man should support a woman - sometimes the roles are swapped. I am prepared to support my children with or without a man - yes it will be difficult, maybe awfully difficult, but not impossible.

4. He definitely does feel emasculated. He wouldn't let me buy him a birthday present saying I spend too much money on him.

I feel that with an open conversation about my expectations he will absolutely come to the party. I just need to decide what to ask for.

I'm really looking for ideas on how he can pull his weight in ways that aren't financial.

Sorry if this is getting boring...

Anyone else got something to say? Male perspectives are welcome too.

Hi,

A bit of a dilemma and you are wise to consider and ask for advice. First off - drop the word 'emasculate' from the discourse. All he's doing when he refuse a 'birthday gift' is to preserve his dignity, which has very little to do with machismo. Secondly, resentment is 'your problem', not his; but it is contagious. I suggest you take another look at the eightfold path and deal with it if you wish to move into higher realms of human consciousness as well as maturity and magnanimity.

Bottom line equates with reverential love (respect), tolerance and affection -- i.e., If you've got the eros balanced. If you don't have the former four attributions in balance, you cannot maintain the eros because respect and affection will autonomously lapse, especially if you cannot deal with resentment over something called "money" . . . so deal with the realities of the circumstances of your 'give and take' love and throw away Western mores', then choose ...

Worst thing can happen to a woman is to wind up lonely in old age knowing she let her true love slip away and have no kids to take care of her to boot ... so think about it and do some contemplation.

I've a book here can help the contemplation side: http://zaidpub.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/the-taqua-of-marriage.pdf

Good Luck Gal

I don't think the worst thing which could happen is to realize she lost a true love and had no children to take care of her. I think it would be worse to realize you were made a fool and used as a money pit by someone who only tolerated you, when you gave your heart to him..

[HerbalEd]

What makes you think "this will all come in the future"? What signs do you see of that?

Already you admit resentment ... and that resentment will grow and grow ... for him as well as you.

Who's going to make money when you're busy having children? Who will take care of those children while you're working to support them?

This guy is taking you for a ride. Drop him and find a real man.

[kwaussie]

Why doesn't he jump out of bed at 6.00am and make breakfast for you if he loves and respects you, if you have children he will have to be up early and good luck with him changing shitty nappies and doing all the laundry etc.

I had to look after my daughter when she was 2 years old when ex wife was in hospital and surprised how much work it was.

Not asking for birthday present is a cunning male trick as he wants the cash next week to spent on himself, i think you may be a bit gullible.

As my longtime friend bar owner says all farangs are at the bottom of the food chain, at the end of the day most Thais put family and friends before anything else, although been burned i still love Thailand and its people. Dont rush and keep enjoying the ride, time should sort your dilemma

[redandyellow]

The Poster asks.. "What can I do to solve this once and for all?

Hormones aside (with all due respect, I get that part of it), you need to toss many of your western cultural paradigms under the bus if you are to remain with him. Here is an excerpt from one of my books, regarding Thai culture, illustrating a few of the many 180 degree differences between western and Thai cultures. I wish you the best of luck

People of a certain culture or society have unique common customs and beliefs. They share inherent values and social paradigms that characterize and differentiate their peoples. Each culture evolves over thousands of years. A cultural template is painfully and gradually developed, superimposed like a hard- drive into the psyche of the cultural member. Individuals share attitudes and behaviors - concomitant to the very fabric of their being. Humans in different cultures evolve in different ways, therefore have different attitudes toward situations. Western and Eastern attitudes, psychology, social patterns and philosophy are frequently polar opposites - diametrically opposed. Consider the difference of western and eastern philosophy regarding life and death. The following is an excerpt from "Kamikaze, Japan's Suicide Gods," by Albert Axell and Hideaki Kase: "The psychology behind the Kamikaze attacks was too alien to us. Americans fight to live, but find it hard to realize that another people will fight to die. We could not believe that the Japanese, for all their hara-kiri tradition, could muster enough recruits to make such a suicide corps really effective. We were violently disillusioned the very next day ( October 29, 1944 ), when they missed the carrier Enterprise, but hit two other carriers, Franklin and Belleau Wood." (Admiral William F. "Bull" Halsay, American Navy)

The American Navy and Air Force could do little against determined Japanese suicide bombers. Lieutenant Commander Tom Blackburn, USN, who shot down eleven Japanese planes commented that, "The most effective thing against the Kamikazes was that they ( finally ) ran out of pilots."

For a person of sound mind, to die voluntarily in the prime of life seems absurd, yet most Kamikaze bombers were of sound mind. They were operating under a different paradigm.

People in Western and Thai culture generally operate under a different set of norms - rendering the cultures diametrically opposed to each other. For example westerners hate being late, while Thais are much more laid back regarding timelines. People are molded and shaped by their respective societies. Unique and deeply held views of a given culture become so innate - that individuals are not overtly conscious of their own instinctual and behavioral tendencies. Westerners and Thais employ different ways to communicate complex social imperatives. For the unaware, the culture - contrast results in a culture - clash of terrible proportions. Cultural differences are at the very core of how Westerners and Thais interpret and perceive various data.

One time I asked a Thai women when her father had quit working. She replied, "when he couldn't work anymore." I was expecting her tell me what year or how old he was when he quit working. That was my western culture talking. Another time I asked a Thai acquaintance where they worked. I expected to hear what type of work they did. Instead, they gave me their employment address and street. The Thais answered correctly in both cases - but as a farang my perception of how they would respond was wrong in both cases. As these trivial examples show, Thai and western brains are culturally wired much differently.

The two cultures share values in degree - it's a question of which value wields the most influence in making individuals act or respond as they do. When western people attempt to impose their cultural attitudes, bias and values on Thai people, the attempt is almost always unsuccessful.

It's like trying to give ice to Eskimos. They certainly don't need it. Like every culture, Thai culture has been developed and evolved across time and distance - and as a visitor to their country, the proactive foreigner should adapt accordingly. When living in Thailand, those foreigners that cannot change deeply-ingrained western cultural attitudes can get into a lot of trouble, and some even get killed..

[redandyellow]

Another excerpt from the same book (of mine), just change male to female and you'll get the idea..

Money just may get down to the nub of the matter..it often does.

My own (Thai) wife accused me of loving $$ more than her 8 years ago, so I understand. Also, read Thai Fever, even though it's 10 or 12 years old..

...Western culture dictates money and love don't mix. While money is associated with business - love is something deep down in a person 's heart. In contrast, Thais show love by offering financial support. The concept of financial support as part of love is difficult for westerners to understand. It makes the westerner feel their independence is threatened, or impinged upon. When westerners are expected to share their wealth, they often balk at the idea. Many male foreigners wrongly assume that all Thai men are only after their money (although some are for sure). Outside of a small minority of bad girls, this isn't the case. This type of cultural ignorance dooms many inter-racial relationships from the start. But think about it! In reality- very few western women would marry a man that offered them little or nothing in terms of tangible financial support. Love doesn't put food on the table - and Thai women are quite pragmatic in this regard.

Thousands of foreign men do desire long-term relationships with Thai women. But out of this group of foreign males - a large percentage go to beer bars by default to meet a partner. Ironically, sex trade workers constitute a tiny fraction of the overall number of eligible young single Thai women. There are many reasons why foreigners of this ilk emanate to the beer bars for a partner. Many of these foreign men have significant personality issues that prevented them from having meaningful relationships with women in their home country. As a result - their experiences and relationships with Thai women are limited to sex trade workers . Alternately, many of them marry marginalized and uneducated women, from the poorest parts of the country...

[redandyellow]

And one more for good measure. Again, just change he to she..

The Financial Story - the Debit Card Test

If you want a prenuptial agreement with her, forget marriage to a Thai lady. Keep your money. After all, a prenuptial is the first step in planning for a divorce. If you don't trust her, don't marry her, period. You'll have tested her already, and you'll know.

There is also a degree of risk crossing the street, and there's a definite degree of risk in marrying a Thai lady, outside your own culture and safety zone. Accept it, or move on.

This is one way how to avoid being duped, at least badly. Go to your bank manager and request a copy of your debit card (use the same PIN number), and send it to her. For some time, keep a maximum of a thousand dollars or so in your account - so by default, that will be the maximum you can lose. In my case, I totally trusted her (my future wife), and told her to take out what she needed. My gamble paid off, but yours may not. In any case, you'll find out very quickly. She took out 10,000 baht ($300 CDN) every other month, which is not a scam in my books. In any case, I was across the ocean, and she passed the test.

I hope I have been of some small assistance.

Kind Regards,

R and Y

[SpokaneAl]

You do realize that he is living the life that is the equivalent of winning the lottery and probably most of his friends and many other Thais can only imagine in their dreams.

[ToddinChonburi]

I asked my Thai girl friend about this, you really do not want to hear her answer.

So I will ask you, do you think he will change ? if your hoping he will change you are going to be very disappointed.

If something were to happen to you and were unable to earn money or even worse pass away. Is this the man you know your children will be well taken care of ?

I am not talking about being rich just you knowing that he will be able to care for the children.

When you have kids they are the most important thing in your life. Who will you trust your children with ?

[saroq]

Congratulations of achieving the the good and easy life of a farang male. What you've described is similar to to my life. Celebrate and bask in the equality you have achieved. Don't complain about your life and don't expect too much thanks for everything that you do. It sounds to me that you are deeply troubled by the issues you have described and that disquiet inside yourself will not go away over time.

[dotpoom]

A point maybe to consider as I would not dare to give advice........It is acceptable for a man to "take care" of a lady, maybe he can be even proud to be able to do it. On the other hand, will you be able to feel "proud" of your future husband when people inquire as to what he "does".

Normally pride and ego are taboo words in my vocabulary...but in some instances they can be good for a person. Good luck with making the right decision anyway.

[SpokaneAl]

And one more for good measure. Again, just change he to she..

The Financial Story - the Debit Card Test

If you want a prenuptial agreement with her, forget marriage to a Thai lady. Keep your money. After all, a prenuptial is the first step in planning for a divorce. If you don't trust her, don't marry her, period. You'll have tested her already, and you'll know.
There is also a degree of risk crossing the street, and there's a definite degree of risk in marrying a Thai lady, outside your own culture and safety zone. Accept it, or move on.
This is one way how to avoid being duped, at least badly. Go to your bank manager and request a copy of your debit card (use the same PIN number), and send it to her. For some time, keep a maximum of a thousand dollars or so in your account - so by default, that will be the maximum you can lose. In my case, I totally trusted her (my future wife), and told her to take out what she needed. My gamble paid off, but yours may not. In any case, you'll find out very quickly. She took out 10,000 baht ($300 CDN) every other month, which is not a scam in my books. In any case, I was across the ocean, and she passed the test.

I hope I have been of some small assistance.

Kind Regards,

R and Y

Edited February 21, 2015 by SpokaneAl

[SpokaneAl]

redlandyellow puts things much more eloquently than I ever good, but I thought it might be worth a try to express some more thoughts here.

It appears to me that your decision process is based purely on your western perspective, without bringing the possibility that Thais do not think the same.

If this guy is close to the same age as you, he is in his mid 30s. He has no education, skills, profession or trade. That tells me that these things are not, and have never been a priority for him. Working, saving and/or building towards a future are not on his radar.

It appears that he has other priorities, and they could be to land you. With you all problems are solved. His future was one of poverty and day to day scraping by. You come into the picture and change everything for him, and probably his family as well.

I mentioned in an earlier post, that landing you is the equivalent of winning the lottery. Everything changed with you and your money. I wonder how many of his friends ask him how he did it and also ask him if you have any friends that could be introduced to them.

You mentioned him not wanting a birthday present, in what seemed to be a measurement of his caring and love for you.

Birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas and the like are pure western celebrations. We often place great value on these days and many use them to determine how much their partner cares/loves them.

Those celebrations are pure western traditions. Here they are primarily for school children and for all, if celebrated, are done merely for good fun.

You also brought up the term emasculated. And while there is a Thai translation, it would be interesting to learn if the word has the same meaning.

A friend of ours has a nephew. He is about the same age as you and has no job, but does have two women who pay all his bills, have bought him a car and take care of him. Both are professionals (one is a nurse) and they have their own homes and schedule their time staying with him in his home so not to overlap.

And here in Thailand, in that everyone is happy, no one seems to take that relationship as out of the ordinary.

In the West, the development of a relationship is often complex, with a slow building of that relationship as each gets to know and understand the other.

Here, as westerners, we are the equivalent of Bill Gates moving into a middle class neighborhood. Money is always an underlining, perhaps undiscussed issue. And many westerners enjoy playing that part, in that they seem to have the upper hand with their choice of partner being the prime mover.

That does make things different in that Thais are willing to stay with someone who provides for them, and often more importantly, their family. The poorer Thai's first point of measurement is the improvement in their, and their family's lives. If that is a plus, then they can do what is necessary to make the arrangement a success, and if we chose well, they may even grow to care deeply or love us.

We have a neighbor lady who's daughter provides money for the apartment, scooter, and all her day to day needs. The mother recently met an older Chinese gentleman who had, or did have (depending on who is telling the story) several secondary wives.

The gentleman has shown an interest in her and showers her with gifts, takes her out to places, etc. She has said that she cannot see passing up this opportunity so she is jumping on it, and her friends and family agree.

My concern, if I were you, was that at some point you could decide this is all a mistake. For him that could mean a bit of sadness, but it was good while it lasted. For you, that could mean young Thai children (and if you raised them here, they are Thai in virtually every way) and on your own.

Like most of us westerners, you wear your heart on your sleeve and are looking to see that your love is valid, regularly validated, right and reciprocated. But all those metrics you/we use in the West are not worth a crap over here.

Good luck.

Edited February 21, 2015 by SpokaneAl

[Graemej100]

Oh lady,
I am not trying to critise here but you are in deep doodles. The trouble is, I know how you're feeling!!! I won't go into how I know but because I've, sorta, 'been there and done that', I'm going to be frank.
It's not going to work.
I already see some resentment there when you talk about sleeping during the day and giving him money. As far as children.........
There is a book about Thailand that I recommend every newbie to read when they come here. I know that there will be sniggers from the more 'enlightened' readers of this post when I say it - Private Dancer by Stephen Leather. Now, I know the genders are reversed and your boyfriend does not work in a bar but the pit falls are the same. I always thought that 'it would never happen to me'. Ha ha. But now, because of the content in that book I see red lights flashing at every point and are much better equiped to make a, what I hope is, an informed decision when the heart starts to take charge. Try and get the book. Any half decent second hand bookshop will have a half dozen dog eared, well thumbed copies for sale. If nothing else, it might let you look at your situation in a different light. I hope so anyway because I think you're on a slippery slope to grief.
You talked about 'intellectually compatible'. I've always thought that a good rule might be to start a conversation with a Thai, something along the lines of; 'and what do you think about the Icelantic monetary policy''? To see if there is any 'intellectual compatibility. I'm being facetious of course but I'm sure you get my drift. I think that one of the greatest barriers between farang and Thai is the interlectualism - or lack of it. I've had far better conversations, on an interlectual level, with Russians who could speak very little English, than I've ever had with a Thai. who could speak good English. Again, a generalisation, but, unless your boyfriend has had some top end education - university - then you're going to struggle big time. The problem is that time is going to diminish the bright star of today.
A suggestion: maybe you need to talk - if you haven't already - to another farang. A male. If you're English speaking then to an English speaker. I think you need some balance here and I'm not sure that this forum - with all due respect to all here - is where you're going to get it. I'd be happy to listen if you'd like that. You can contact me at <<<< Email removed as per forum rules, use PM function to contact member >>>>
I'm sure there are others here that would also listen.
Best of luck.

Edited August 12, 2015 by metisdead
17) Do not post phone numbers, email addresses, business names, or web/Facebook/Twitter/Google+ addresses in posts or signatures. Web addresses to non-commercial sites/blogs, or Facebook/Twitter/Google+ addresses, may be posted in a member's profile

[A1Str8]

He's like that because he doesn't know what to do with himself. The moment he finds something to wake up for in the morning, he will be the busiest man in the world. Find out what he loves to do, what's his passion etc and he will do it willingly, while money will follow automatically.

[SpokaneAl]

He's like that because he doesn't know what to do with himself. The moment he finds something to wake up for in the morning, he will be the busiest man in the world. Find out what he loves to do, what's his passion etc and he will do it willingly, while money will follow automatically.

For some their passion is to do little or nothing with their days and are happy to scrape by and live off the efforts of others. At 35 I suspect there is not much work/effort related passion there. Edited February 21, 2015 by SpokaneAl

[2fishin2]

I was thinking about this a little more today....take a drive down any road here. You will see men working their butts off and you will see men doing nothing just laying around. Simple question is what do you want in a mate? Seems you have one of the lazy ones and im telling you straight up, you will never change him in any way shape, form or fashion. Its hard enough to try and change a western educated man but to try and change an uneducated, lazy thai man....it will NEVER happen. Getting married and having babies will do nothing but put more stress and hardship on an already admitted problem. Run as fast and far away as you can.

[losworld]

Just marry the guy and have kids. You will have to work and he can take care of the kids. Same thing as happens in many western relationships and probably with his time off it will be good for the kids. Don't aks too much and don't be afraid to give. Sounds like he has good qualities that can make you happy.

[Dogmatix]

You talked about 'intellectually compatible'. I've always thought that a good rule might be to start a conversation with a Thai, something along the lines of; 'and what do you think about the Icelantic monetary policy''? To see if there is any 'intellectual compatibility. I'm being facetious of course but I'm sure you get my drift. I think that one of the greatest barriers between farang and Thai is the interlectualism - or lack of it. I've had far better conversations, on an interlectual level, with Russians who could speak very little English, than I've ever had with a Thai. who could speak good English. Again, a generalisation, but, unless your boyfriend has had some top end education - university - then you're going to struggle big time. The problem is that time is going to diminish the bright star of today.

A suggestion: maybe you need to talk - if you haven't already - to another farang. A male. If you're English speaking then to an English speaker. I think you need some balance here and I'm not sure that this forum - with all due respect to all here - is where you're going to get it.

I am not sure how many people outside Iceland can talk about Icelandic monetary policy with authority. On my one and only visit there I noticed that they devalued the krone twice on the same day. I guess that showed that their monetary policy was rather dysfunctional due to economic imbalances which is where it looks this relationship is heading.

Re intellectual compatibility try to imagine how intellectually compatible your kids will be with you, if lack of funds forces them to go through the Thai state educational system and they are looked after at home by an uneducated Thai father (assuming he doesn't disappear at some point like my work shy Thai father-in-law did) at home while you are out slaving away to support the family. Is that what you really want for them?

Edited February 21, 2015 by Dogmatix

[Wedlock187]

Most falang wouldnt bunk up with a lower class poor uneducated partner in their own country whom asks money from them.. however seems this doesnt apply so much for falangs living with Thai partners.

I have 2 Thai lady friends.. 1 educated in Australia in her 20s.. married and living in USA for 20 years.. now 50 yrs old.. said that Thai men are selfish, lazy, irresponsible, unmotivated immature unreasonable men. The other raised in USA also in her 50s.. "Thai men are losers"

I suggest you abort.

You are supporting him and struggling.. supporting kids isnt exactly going to make things easier..

All the responsibility is on you now.. and will be heaped onto you more with more mouths to feed.. and when it gets too much he could flee like most Thai men do adding another Single Female Mother to the huge list.

[smotherb]

Hi, I know the story. I am a farang women and stayed with a Thai man.

Always money money even when he was working. Most of his money went to family etc

Get out while you can.

Thais not love us !!!!!!! I found out after 1 year but still stayed with him with a lot of heartbreaking for me.

Never a thai again.

"I am a farang women "

No you're not

May I ask how you know that? She did not say NES, she said farang.

[F4UCorsair]

What do you do? Walk away, same advice I give a guy in your position with a Thai woman......or ANY woman.

That may not be what you want to hear, but take heed.......please, or it will end in tears

Kids in the future??? You're kidding (is that a pun?)

[sunspun]

I'm not sure if you are still reading this after all these negative posts, but I will give you my 2 cents -

Your description could have been my husband almost word for word...10 years ago. In the beginning I supported him almost entirely. After a few years we moved to my country and he began working - longer hours and harder work than me. At times he made more money than I did and supported me. We now have a child and he stays at home and takes care of him while I work. Not because he doesn't want to work, but because I love my job and don't want to give it up, and he loves our son and would rather be the one to take care of him than send him to some stranger all day long. He will never make a ton of money, and that is something that I have had to come to terms with. But what he lacks in monetary riches he by far makes up in so many other aspects of our life. He is an amazing dad, as are all the men in his family, and I am so thankful that he chose to share his life with me. Everyone has a different story, so I can't say what life with your boyfriend will be like. I have seen some sad stories, and families fallen apart over these same issues. But I have seen MANY stay together, and I urge you to follow what your instincts tell you. If you think he's a good man, he probably is. If you think he is trying to take advantage of you...he probably is. My advice, though, is to leave Thailand. Maybe not forever, but for a while. Most of the people I know with successful relationships no longer live there.

[Thai at Heart]

Virtually zero chance of success. People don't change that much easily.