Explain Me To Understand Thai Culture, Relation-friendship

[vreemd13]

First I give you some background of the story. I had many opportunities to visit asian countries the last decade, because of my international job. I always refused to go to Asia, non-western countries did not attract me to visit (I am sorry to say this, now I finally experienced Thailand). But last January I had no choice. I had to visit a project in Thailand (one-hour car drive from Bangkok). I never had the intention to get close contact with Thai people. Strangly enough, one thai waiter did reach my attention after three weeks, while I was visiting this restaurant regularly with my colleagues. During the last week of February he invited me back for Thai New Year to his home (Nong Khai). I did not accept immediately. However, I came back to Thailand to visit for holiday in April to meet his family in North-East Thailand. He arranged the trip. Since April it turned out he is mainly asking me for money, even though this was not the case when I met him the first visit in January/February. He speaks reasonable English, but is not able to communicate by e-mail. He never answers my questions by ShortTextMessage or written mail (probably because of his lack of English writing). He is almost completely silent (even during my visit back in April), accept for the money requests. I noticed he observes my actions in the company of other people and nothing seems to dislike my european behaviour to him. Even though he communicates little to me, he arranged afterwards with his younger sister to have contact by e-mail. She and her boyfriend are asking me to return and visit Thailand again to their home-town, next month October during university holiday. I made it very clear to them, I was taking their invitation seriously and they should not expect any money in return of the favour for their hospitality. In spite of this notice, they keep on asking me to visit (which was going on for months). I am still waiting for their reply, once I finally agreed to visit for holiday in October. By the way, just received short reply (took three weeks). Excusing to me, they have a busy time with final tests and reports at university.

After this experience I have some questions:

-1- What do thai people really mean if they invite you at their home to visit again? Is it for real or just for friendly gesture, i.e. making conversation?

-2- Are Thai rural young people still very much under mother's influence to earn money for their parents? With his job he is not able to support his parents. But he recently stopped asking me for money, after he got several "NO's" on his requests. Though he has invited me back for next year Thai New Year to meet again.

-3- Why this Thai silence towards me? He is not always the silent one towards his friends. He avoids answering my questions. But in the same way he does not ask many questions. Seems like a lack of interest towards me. Normally I am the silent person, in this case it is the otherway around.

-4- Is only the money talking to him? Or was it just his curiosity? He gave me only one instruction when meeting his family and local friends back home. "Do not tell he is gay". Could be an obvious explanation after all? However, this instruction was only given to me after my question what to expect when visiting his home.

Should I continue communicate? Which way to make questionable situation more clear to me? Many questions, I have no clue how to act.

Any explanation and-or suggestions are welcome!

P.S. could take a few days to be online again, because I am going abroad for a few days. Working international job, you know.

[Ijustwannateach]

1. It's definitely for real. I never had a Thai person invite me to their home who didn't really mean it. They are paying you a compliment and will be delighted if you accept.

2. Thais are required *legally* to support their parents after reaching legal maturity at the age of 20. Almost every Thai person I know fulfills this obligation in some way- even the fairly rich Thais whose parents are immensely rich often send a token monthly amount. Sadly, industrialisation and urbanisation seem to be chipping away at the social custom underpinning this law. I wonder if we will ever see support lawsuits by parents against their children here.

3. I would pay attention to his actions. As you say, they speak louder than his words. And his words, you say, are all about money. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It means he may regard you as his boyfriend/patron. Higher status boyfriends/patrons are *expected* to provide some basic support to their poorer partners in Thailand. He may be asking you to show you are serious about the relationship. On the other hand, he may be more interested in your money than in you. There's really not enough information in your message to tell- and perhaps you yourself don't have enough information to know. That's one of the things that makes LDR's so confusing and difficult.

4. Most people are able to tell pretty well if someone likes them or not. If you're getting these vibes that he's not interested, it may really be that he's not interested. Your guess about money may be true. On the other hand, he may just be shy, inexpressive, emotionally reserved, or uncertain about how to communicate with you. Once again, there's not really enough information to tell.

Regarding your final question: It's up to you, as the Thais say. Most likely if you meet him again, it will be more of the same, whatever that was. If you're happy with that, sure, go ahead. If it wasn't enough for you, I'd say it's unlikely that you'll experience large changes in the relationship quickly.

My advice? If you're not planning on settling in Thailand, treat him as a pleasant friend you can meet when you're in this part of the world. Make it clear to him you're not looking for an international boyfriend and let the next step be his to decide. And personally, I don't have much time for anyone who only communicates with me to request money.

Good luck and let us know what happens,

"Steven"

[boybrat]

First I give you some background of the story. I had many opportunities to visit asian countries the last decade, because of my international job. I always refused to go to Asia, non-western countries did not attract me to visit (I am sorry to say this, now I finally experienced Thailand). But last January I had no choice. I had to visit a project in Thailand (one-hour car drive from Bangkok). I never had the intention to get close contact with Thai people. Strangly enough, one thai waiter did reach my attention after three weeks, while I was visiting this restaurant regularly with my colleagues. During the last week of February he invited me back for Thai New Year to his home (Nong Khai). I did not accept immediately. However, I came back to Thailand to visit for holiday in April to meet his family in North-East Thailand. He arranged the trip. Since April it turned out he is mainly asking me for money, even though this was not the case when I met him the first visit in January/February. He speaks reasonable English, but is not able to communicate by e-mail. He never answers my questions by ShortTextMessage or written mail (probably because of his lack of English writing). He is almost completely silent (even during my visit back in April), accept for the money requests. I noticed he observes my actions in the company of other people and nothing seems to dislike my european behaviour to him. Even though he communicates little to me, he arranged afterwards with his younger sister to have contact by e-mail. She and her boyfriend are asking me to return and visit Thailand again to their home-town, next month October during university holiday. I made it very clear to them, I was taking their invitation seriously and they should not expect any money in return of the favour for their hospitality. In spite of this notice, they keep on asking me to visit (which was going on for months). I am still waiting for their reply, once I finally agreed to visit for holiday in October. By the way, just received short reply (took three weeks). Excusing to me, they have a busy time with final tests and reports at university.

After this experience I have some questions:

-1- What do thai people really mean if they invite you at their home to visit again? Is it for real or just for friendly gesture, i.e. making conversation?

-2- Are Thai rural young people still very much under mother's influence to earn money for their parents? With his job he is not able to support his parents. But he recently stopped asking me for money, after he got several "NO's" on his requests. Though he has invited me back for next year Thai New Year to meet again.

-3- Why this Thai silence towards me? He is not always the silent one towards his friends. He avoids answering my questions. But in the same way he does not ask many questions. Seems like a lack of interest towards me. Normally I am the silent person, in this case it is the otherway around.

-4- Is only the money talking to him? Or was it just his curiosity? He gave me only one instruction when meeting his family and local friends back home. "Do not tell he is gay". Could be an obvious explanation after all? However, this instruction was only given to me after my question what to expect when visiting his home.

Should I continue communicate? Which way to make questionable situation more clear to me? Many questions, I have no clue how to act.

Any explanation and-or suggestions are welcome!

P.S. could take a few days to be online again, because I am going abroad for a few days. Working international job, you know.

now. first let me tell u that NOT ALL ASIAN/THAI GUYS ARE THE SAME. some of us even earn our own cash and have never asked others for money.

just dump him, move on. the relationship is not worth the trouble. do u see any potentital long term benefits from it? i reckon, no. so keep yr money, tell the thai boy to go ###### himself and meet some other boys.

even though im an asian guy, ive been taught NEVER to ask for money from people. my folks find such behaviour appalling. but some europeans never do learn.. your story is not unique, bro!

[Espada]

First I give you some background of the story. I had many opportunities to visit asian countries the last decade, because of my international job. I always refused to go to Asia, non-western countries did not attract me to visit (I am sorry to say this, now I finally experienced Thailand). But last January I had no choice. I had to visit a project in Thailand (one-hour car drive from Bangkok). I never had the intention to get close contact with Thai people. Strangly enough, one thai waiter did reach my attention after three weeks, while I was visiting this restaurant regularly with my colleagues. During the last week of February he invited me back for Thai New Year to his home (Nong Khai). I did not accept immediately. However, I came back to Thailand to visit for holiday in April to meet his family in North-East Thailand. He arranged the trip. Since April it turned out he is mainly asking me for money, even though this was not the case when I met him the first visit in January/February. He speaks reasonable English, but is not able to communicate by e-mail. He never answers my questions by ShortTextMessage or written mail (probably because of his lack of English writing). He is almost completely silent (even during my visit back in April), accept for the money requests. I noticed he observes my actions in the company of other people and nothing seems to dislike my european behaviour to him. Even though he communicates little to me, he arranged afterwards with his younger sister to have contact by e-mail. She and her boyfriend are asking me to return and visit Thailand again to their home-town, next month October during university holiday. I made it very clear to them, I was taking their invitation seriously and they should not expect any money in return of the favour for their hospitality. In spite of this notice, they keep on asking me to visit (which was going on for months). I am still waiting for their reply, once I finally agreed to visit for holiday in October. By the way, just received short reply (took three weeks). Excusing to me, they have a busy time with final tests and reports at university.

After this experience I have some questions:

-1- What do thai people really mean if they invite you at their home to visit again? Is it for real or just for friendly gesture, i.e. making conversation?

-2- Are Thai rural young people still very much under mother's influence to earn money for their parents? With his job he is not able to support his parents. But he recently stopped asking me for money, after he got several "NO's" on his requests. Though he has invited me back for next year Thai New Year to meet again.

-3- Why this Thai silence towards me? He is not always the silent one towards his friends. He avoids answering my questions. But in the same way he does not ask many questions. Seems like a lack of interest towards me. Normally I am the silent person, in this case it is the otherway around.

-4- Is only the money talking to him? Or was it just his curiosity? He gave me only one instruction when meeting his family and local friends back home. "Do not tell he is gay". Could be an obvious explanation after all? However, this instruction was only given to me after my question what to expect when visiting his home.

Should I continue communicate? Which way to make questionable situation more clear to me? Many questions, I have no clue how to act.

Any explanation and-or suggestions are welcome!

P.S. could take a few days to be online again, because I am going abroad for a few days. Working international job, you know.

now. first let me tell u that NOT ALL ASIAN/THAI GUYS ARE THE SAME. some of us even earn our own cash and have never asked others for money.

just dump him, move on. the relationship is not worth the trouble. do u see any potentital long term benefits from it? i reckon, no. so keep yr money, tell the thai boy to go ###### himself and meet some other boys.

even though im an asian guy, ive been taught NEVER to ask for money from people. my folks find such behaviour appalling. but some europeans never do learn.. your story is not unique, bro!

it's same old story. but hope you figure out soon. Peace! ask Baby boybrat. He would show you how to deal with this situation

[vreemd13]

Thanks IJWT for your clear broad reply. Especially about point -1-, which makes me feel really at ease for my October visit. But I still hope for the best.

In general all the replies are the same old advice, which I figured out by myself and even was given by western: Dump. That would seem the easy way out. And I regret to admit that I have done that more or less by April. But I do not like myself with the easy way out. For sure I am not sure.

That is why I was asking explanation about point -2-. I have great suspicion towards mother's influence for his obligation to support his family. Is somebody capable to have priority of this obligation in very short-term period thinking, above more long-term friendship?

Edited September 10, 2006 by vreemd13

[vreemd13]

By the way, the easy way out is to dump and move on. Good affirmative advice. Like IJWT: it is not worth the trouble. I completely agree.

But this was not my topic, which is: help to understand Thai .....

By my standards I immediately would have dumped a friend with this appalling money intentions. But small sincere actions made me weak to make this decision definitely. F.e. invitation to his home-town and family, show me around local places I would have never seen being alone, etc...

Some way along the line I have made the decision to invest (one-way)energy in this friendship. Sadly to read it is unlikely to change this friendship circumstances (IJWT). According to E.: ask advice to BB to deal this situation. Tell me truth BB.

[boybrat]

vreemd13: LOTS of thai moneyboys aka dancers , etc , (waiters?) whatever, bring their caucasian "boyfriends" back to their little villages back northeast. and poor white guy wil be so smitten by this little gesture, and of course mom and pop will greet guest real nice cos all farangs are "rich".

white men stay in village for 5 days, gets treated like a king, starts to wax lyrical about how sweet thai boy is, how childlike it is to see him in his little vilage, how cute the children in the village are, how the whole family would gather round to eat sticky rice with ants' eggs, etc etc.

puhleeeezzeee.. we've heard it all before. bunch of crap really. its farang A in jan, farang B in march, and mom and dad wont say a thing cos farang = money. simple. im sorry if i sound like a bitch but wake up and smell the prada. dump that little shit.

why did yr loverboy's siblings refuse to meet you? cos u aint giving them any cash . thats why! honestly, some of these boys are pathological liars.

do what i do: i will never date anyone who earns much less or much more than me. i dont want a poor partner neither do i want a rich one. i date someone who's my equal in terms of education, income and status. saves the misunderstandings and when i go out for dates, we'll always split the bill or if i pay for dinner one week, he'll settle the bill the next.

it a relationship. NOT a sponsorship. sorry to burst yr bubble but hey the truth can hurt. as wot i said dump the little ######er and more on. there are lots of well educated/ affluent asian guys out there btw. just keep yr eyes open. youre too good for him. xo

how do you treat a thai guy? treat him like you treat any other guy regardless of race: with respect. BUT if anyone strats taking u for granted and thinks u are an ATM machine, dump him, regardless of his race.

just cos somebody is thai or any other race does NOT give him the excuse for socially unacceptable behaviour. asking for money and treating anybody else like a bank is socially unacceptable behaviour in any culture.

listen to me bro: i was not born rich .i spent my childhood in a village in a wooden house with a leaky roof. but i worked like shit. read lots of books, never danced, never took money from a farang. studied real hard and i guess im not too shabby now. some boys just take the easy way out. it CAN be done but its the mai pen rai/ chai yen yen attitude that really pisses me off. you are in charge of yr own future and yr own life. and your boy is trying to take the easy way out. dump the ######er.he's an insult to asian guys.

always remember, there are asian guys out there who act very differently in the company of white guys...and ive seen things from the other side of the fence.

Edited September 11, 2006 by boybrat

[Trouble]

vreemd13, I have to agree to some degree with Boybrat, he pretty much nailed it to me. I can say I have been there, done that. If you like this guy and enjoy his company and you have the financial resources to spend, I would say go along for the ride. Be aware that living, toilet, and/or sleeping arrangements might be somewhat like camping. I have done this a couple of times with guys just to see parts of Thailand I would never see on my own. They can be rugged trips. I knew being taken to the home was a way for the guy to finesse me a little. But then I knew the ropes. It was an interesting experience staying in the home. I was NOT treated like visiting royalty. It was an interesting learning experience and certainly helped me understand the circumstances in which some of these guys grow up. If fact one time I was walking down a lane with the guy and some gal sitting on her porch yelled out at my friend something in Thai and he just laughed. I asked what she said and he told me she had commented on him having a different husband this time. Well it brought a laugh to me and I laughed back a her. You will probably not be the first or the last to go with this guy to his home. In fact on one occasion I was taking my friend back to BKK from the village knowing he was meeting another guy and taking him right back to his home. It is your call. You no doubt will be expected to shell out money for small gifts before you go and this and that after you get there. I did find the whole thing worthwhile. Don't know if I would do it again as it is just too ###### tiring getting to some of those out of the way places. There are a few of reasons for the guy to take you home (1) he gets a free trip home at your expense, (2) if he is open about his lifestyle, he can show off his rich farang, (3) he wants you to see the poor circumstances in which his family lives. What you need to understand before you go is that you are indeed being manipulated. I let this happen but at least I did it with open eyes.

I have a little different opinion on guys who ask for money or provide "companionship" in return for money. While I can appreciate Boybrat's comments on working hard, etc. to get where he is today, some people just do not have the opportunity no matter what. I know a guy who left home at 14 to work. He worked in a welding shop, sugar cane factory, food cart, etc. You name it he did it. At 25 years old traveled to Pattaya with a lady friend and saw what was going on. One day he found himself in a position of being offered money for services. He did it and never looked back. Difficult to go back out to that rice field for 80 baht a day or the factory working long hours 6 days a week when he could provide services in two days and get what he would earn in a month. That is life and while unfortunate that lack of education and economic opportunities put people in a such a position, it is life for millions of people in this world. Most would prefer not to be in that situation of providing services for money, others enjoy it and it is easy money. Moreover, whatever their motivation I do not tend to look down on them. They are not an insult to asian guys any more than caucasian moneyboys are an insult to caucasians. It is after all the oldest profession in the world is it not?

The fact that this profession is so blatant in Thailand does not make the people engaged in it any less human than those to whom they provide their service. The problem is that for the farang who is interested in Asian guys it makes it very difficult to navigate thru the myriad obstacles in finding that Asian guy that truely wants your companionship because of you and not because of financial support. That you only sometimes learn after multiple dates with someone. For you Asian guys out there who live in Thailand you should know that it is very difficult for a farang to go to a club and not assume almost every guy you meet wants money. I have certainly sometimes offered money to guys who said no (obviously an insult on my part) and had guys tell me they are not a moneyboy so I would not be put off. Before I get the comments that I am hanging out at the wrong places, I have heard it all before. Bangkok is still an obstacle course.

Boybrat certainly is correct about not wasting too much time getting involved with guys asking for money or who are not on your economic or social level but I think that is often easier said than done without getting to know the guy. It is not often apparent the first time around unless you know outright because you met the guy in a go go bar. Additionally it seems like there is the other category of guys that do work or go to school but that will still take remuneration if offered. After all no ones salary in Thailand will match that of the rich farang. I have seen it all and learned some of my lessons the hard way. I have no regrets but as long as I have been coming to Thailand and as much as I have seen of the trade in Patpong unless you cut yourself off from most social venues, shopping malls, etc. you can't help but being often placed in a position of "dating" someone who looks to be something different only to find out they once again proved you wrong.

Vreemd13, this guy is exhibiting all the signs of a moneyboy. I can flat out guarantee you that you can go to his home, enjoy his company, compensate him when you leave, tell him you cannot afford to subsidize his living and he will still email you with some emergency for which he needs YOUR money. This is the standard modis operandi. You have what he needs: MONEY

Forget that this is Thailand and put the same set of circumstances in the USA or Europe. I think you know the answer to your own questions.

I certainly would never put any of this in terms of Thai culture, relationship, or friendship until I knew someone a decent period of time. Only time will tell what ultimately develops between two people. Nothnig wrong with taking the risk if you can afford it but just understand it for what it is. Good Luck

[vreemd13]

I have been reading several topics at this forum for the last 2 weeks. Reading these items gave me peaceful knowlegde how to deal with the situation. Especially together with above viewpoints.

Many thanks, to all of you.

BTW: I am still planning a visit next month to Thailand. If you are interested, I could update you to my story afterwards (if any story available)

[vreemd13]

Update, to whom it may concern,

Just returned visiting Thailand. First some comments on your previous advice. Thailand is still a rich country to my opinion. I do no need much to life myself, I am not showing wealth to anyone. I am the one who is living in cheap jeans and worn cheap t-shirts in this so-called "rich" western life-style. I am not impressed by poor circumstances Isan people are living. Eating sticky rice in Isan country does not make me smitten. Money makes life easier, but does not give quality to life. I have the experience myself you should work for your own fortune. I succeeded by hard work and study. Nobody gave me money in the past.

My BF's sister and friend invited me to their student apartment, they tribute as much money as possible for our 10 day Nong Khai trip. Despite my denial for any financial tribute to their future benefit, they were willing to meet me. Camping with their Thai friends in National Parks gave me more happiness than the stays in 5-stars hotels in BKK, or beach resorts at Phuket or Samui. Camping is back to basic, I like it, I am used to it during my western holidays. I have no problem to go cheap camping (expect for the leeches, which is the only thing I am not used to).

Back to my topic. My BF is really a materialistic person. Television gives a wrong impression about western life standard. But for sure, I am his only possible "rich" money resource. I should dump him, because he is just asking me for money each time when I meet him. However, he does not ask me for cash money directly anymore. He starts talking to me with the sentence "I will make you angry when I tell you .... (about my money problem) ...... etc. etc." and he shows me his empty wallet. I only reply to him "what can I do about your problem". Each time after this reply, no further continuation of this discussion. Obvious of course which kind of help he wants and it bothers me.

According to my BF I am talking to much (ask to many questions), which he does not like. To many of my questions he gives me silence. But he is now my happy study case, which keeps me busy (in a positive way) and which of course rises a lot of questions towards him. He is very resourcefull, he calls me at the right time (often precise at the minute) whenever I arrive at BKK airport (and I arrived 3 times in Bangkok in October, btw no problem at new airport).

Ooh, did I tell you my BF was a waiter. Yes, this was his second job, beside his regular full-time work. He has found a new full-time job and quit the second waiter job. Now he started a 2 year study, which he takes very serious too. In both cases (job and study) he is not willing to skip attendance. Despite my visits, which could get him free travel trips as I offered several times. He is completely committed 7 days a week with his own regular job and study life. Good point for him.

And he jumped my bones several times during the night we met each other for the first time again. Unexpected experience, full french kissed by him too. I did not need the attention too, I just wanted to sleep. Would not it be easier for him just to go to sleep too, if he is just a regular MB who is not interested in me? Or even easier, just say good-bye after the evening out and sent me back alone to my BKK hotel by taxi? Remember, where he lives it is one hour taxi drive to BKK centre during non-traffic hour. He does not want to meet me in BKK centre. This night together was certainly his initiative. It is sufficient for me to have a fun evening out at a local bar. I do not expect any favours in return for checking the bill during the evening out.

After all, I have seen my MB/BF 3 times in October, between my travel trips in Thailand. Every time he did call me to meet him at his apartment. I only give him a slight clue when I will arrive at BKK airport. Really nice to see him again, always some fun little news to pick up. Last time I met him before going back home, I only spent 200Bat on diner (including 3 bottles of beer with 2 joining diner room-mates of him). And it toke him a long time to admit to me he could not afford the money for the diner and beer. Even though I told him twice I was hungry one hour earlier.

However, he is also asking me why I am not paying him the amount of money he is asking for. To his opinion it seems standard that farangs do so on a regular bases. He tells me frankly I do not like him, because I do not pay the money other white foreigners will do. I tell him I do not like the feeling to buy affection/friendship with my easy western money. He replies, I do not buy him. And truely, I have to admit, he is showing this by his actions towards me. If I do not fit into his schedule, I hear little of him. Finally though, I gave him some money for one busstrip to his home town. For the first time he says thanks and gave me a shy good-bye kiss at a public main street. The case (as he is telling me for months) he should make final arrangements with the bank to mortgage his parent's house on his name for the next 10-20 years. Do not tell me this is another buffalo story too! Because he could have changed it for a different sad story during the last few months, while I did not believe it before without prove from the bank.

For sure, I am very suspicious if my MB/BF is sincere and if it is not only for his financial gain. I am not even sure if he likes men, because he does not confirm that question in words. And yes, he told me he is very upset that I wrote to him he is just interested in me for the (possible) money. Still I consider my BF as a MB, even though I am not spending much cash money towards his benefit. For the moment he is a nice friend with money shortage. He could be just shy or not willing to admit (towards his friends and family) he is in for a gay relationship. Or is not sure about me for a LDR. Or he is just waiting for the big money, by telling me a sad story. Or he is already happy with any little money, which is usefull for him at the moment. Maybe I am just too suspicious. I do not know! I am still confused by his real objectives. Why are Thai people so reserved to express themself? Even when you tell them to speak frankly, they tend to avoid discussions/confrontation with silence. Sorry, I am not a mind-reader.

What is sincere about my MB/BF? Any advice? Your view-point is appreciated.

[boybrat]

veermd: what more do you need. dump the ######er. if u want some kind of reassurance from me, u aint getting any. ive said my piece. drop him.

difficult decisions have to be made. when i dumped my last ex this feb, it hurt. a lot. but i felt empowered after that. it was the first time he screwed up majorly, but i know its for my own good..

drop the ######er. and if u want to continue yr relationship with this <deleted>, its your funeral. ive warned you.

-exeunt-

[PeaceBlondie]

I don't know, vrmeed13. LDR (long distance relationships) have a lot going against them, if you expect too much out of it.

By Thai standards, you probably do 'think too much,' and by your standards, the typical Thai doesn't talk enough. This boy - I should say, 'young man' - is poor, and has learned from other Thais including MB's, that a farang can share lots of money. I think you're being fairly wise and clever, so far. You pretty well know what you're doing.

Cliches work well because they say it well: "UP TO YOU, MR. FARANG."

If you're happy doing it this way on occasional trips to Thailand, you're happy. If the other person is happy, fine. If you or he want something else, you're both free to do so.

[boybrat]

and du-uh! veermd is like posting to us here like he's SO not happy with the current situation..so he's NOT happy. like hello...move on already.

dun worry abt yr thai boy. he can take care of himself. like no shit sherlock!

[PeaceBlondie]

Well boybrat, uhr, uhhm, like, well, you know, like you can't like really tell if veermd likes the boy and likes the situation or not, like, you know?

[boybrat]

like totally!!!!

-jeez ive been watching legally blonde too many times...love that movie. bend and snap!!! *scream*

[vreemd13]

HiHi, dumb blonde. I am not into movies, but I get the picture. Do I have to change my colour hair-cut now? No comment on "bend and snap => scream". BB, you are so close to (my) reality, Your view-point and my long distance helps me. This makes it so to easy to dump that ass****.

Who can be completly happy with such a situation as I described. It so happened I met a person, which I like to be around. The sequential situation is not to be forecasted from the start. I meet someone who I finally like to know better and he eventually turns out to be such an easy money case. Only this money question does not make the situation ideal and makes it obvious suspicious. No other major screw up yet to be discovered. So I only remember the fun (illegally blonde, hihi).

BTW:

-1- according to my best friends-colleague's, I am number 1 in meeting extraordinary persons or attracting extraordinary situations (it has proven in the past they turned out very well for me, so give me some slack, thus why should I immediately quit this situation)

-2- /BB/ it is not going to be my funeral (in which way do you mean BB? Mentally or financially! No way and not possible. Trust me, I died already 7 years ago and not because of age or stupidity, I just forgot my funeral)

-3- /PB/ even by western standards "I think too much" and keep silence (not many people are able to understand me, just a few appreciate my company and I can stand only a few people around me)

-4- /PB/ we are both free to do something else, this is so true (but whatever different objectives, for the moment we bear with each other as occasional friends)

-5- /BB/ true, my friend can take care of himself (whatever happened else, if I had not shown up in his path, thus I certainly do not worry about this)

-6- /PB/ "UP TO YOU, MR ......" (I returned this cliche sentence to my friend and get only the word "Puh" and silence back, thus end of conversation, however a few days later he called me again)

Edited November 7, 2006 by vreemd13

[LaoPo]

1. The case (as he is telling me for months) he should make final arrangements with the bank to mortgage his parent's house on his name for the next 10-20 years. Do not tell me this is another buffalo story too!

2. For sure, I am very suspicious if my MB/BF is sincere and if it is not only for his financial gain.

3. Or he is just waiting for the big money, by telling me a sad story.

4. What is sincere about my MB/BF?

1. Yes, it's a(nother) Buffalo story. A boy making final arrangements with the bank for his parents....and he has nothing ?

2. You should be suspicious....VERY !

3. Yes.

4.

As good as you may be in your work..........you may give the answer yourself.

Continue with your life; you're just fascinated by this boy and his backgrounds/story/true/not true and so on............

LaoPo

[Warts and all]

Seems so difficult for people to move on. They just love drama in their lives. The op seems to love a good drama. A waste of time and energy imo. Just another drama queen!

[boybrat]

congrats, bro! im glad uve made up yr mind to stop seeing/calling that moneyboy from hel_l. as wot i said last time, ive got nothing against prostitutes, as long as they do not ###### around with other peoples feelings. i know lots of hustlers and pimps in europe. ( dont ask) and they treat the prostitution biz as just that : a business. they take the money, they do the act, they leave. they dont screw around with people's feelings. but some mbs on the other hand...

now, go out there and find somebody worthwhile. a good indication that he's not after yr $ is that after yr first dinner together, he'll volunteer to pay or insists on paying or insists on splitting the bill. and there u have it.

finally run to yr nearest video store and rent legally blonde NOW!!!!! quick! tee hee!

[martine]

YOU NEED TO LEARN FAST, THAIS ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN YOUR WALLET NOT YOU,THEY HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOU AS A PERSON ,AS LONG AS THE LOLLY COMES TO THE FORE ,THEY ARE HAPPY,DONT BE FOOLED BY THE FALSE SMILE,AFTER ALL ITS STILL A FEUDAL SOCIETY,RICH AT THE TOP AND POOR KEPT IN THEIR PLACE.IF YOU HAD NO MONEY THAN YOU WOULD NOT HAVE A THAI FREIND...

[dukkha]

Martine, I feel that you generalise, myself and my partner of nearly two years understand what the relationship involves and have other farang friends in the same situation. I had hoped the issue of 'thai bashing' may have receded, not so evidently....pity!

[peter991]

One point that the poster asked in his original post was the influence of a young Thai (especially from a remote/rural area) of his mother.

From my experience, never under-estimate the power of the mother in a Thai family.

I have been in a LDR with my Thai bf for two and a half years. He was a waiter at a gay bar in Pattaya when I met him. He took me to meet his family (mother, father, sister and brothers in a remote Issan village.

Initially, I was a 'trophy' but I am now accepted and have the respect of the village chiefs. We built a house, furnished it and I hope to retire there in another 6 to 8 months.

When I visited Thailand in February this year, I was very disappointed as my presence seemed to be a nuisance - it was like I was an upset to his routine.

We had long chats over the phone in the meantime. I arrived without any warning in October this year and was very (pleasantly) surprised at the changes - largely the result of his mother laying down the law to him about how I fitted in to their extended family.

I was made very welcome and I said to him just before I flew back to Australia that this was the happiest time in my life. 'Every day was special,' I told him. He told me 'Mamma told me I was not good to you last time.'

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, but life with a Thai guy is like life with a guy any where else in the world - you will find some are just interested in your wallet - but you might also get lucky and meet your Soul Mate.

Peter