Married to Thai - Americans, how's the repatriation going?

[Rocketsurgeon]

Id be very interested in the repatriation stories of expats who were +50 on their return and been living in Thailand well over five years.

What has your wife settled into both personally and for a vocation?

Renting? Will you buy, stay or return?

Are you happy with where you are living?

Is your wife accepted well? Large gaps in your ages?

How are you dealing with mandatory health care on a modest income?

Is the move what you hoped it would be?

Do you live near a Thai community? Have they been helpful (or harmful?!).

Thanks

[slipperylobster]

I have known many people, that have married Thais/Asians.

There is a percentage of success....but also there are large percentages of failures.It is all well documented.

My wife has relatives in the situation you are referring to....(Age differences and employment, along with happiness figures). I myself was married to an Asian for 13 years (Prior to my Thai wife, I was married to a Filipina). The problems are similar (cultural shock, language difficulties, unemployment, prejudice (some places), home sickness, diet...etc.

For every success there are many failures. The biggest issue comes down to true love. Few relationships are built on true love. Young girls look to older men for financial security....(and perhaps there are a few exceptions of love at first sight...or growing into love). As long as financial security and trust are in place..

Often..I have seen young girls dump the old guy, and get large compensation. Sometimes it is a settlement because of child support. My first wife and I experience reverse prejudice...in Hawaii. As she was Asian, she was immediately hired by a Chinese Restaurant and was successful in renting a house that was denied to me, as the owners were not Caucasian. They thought my wife was "local". However, on the mainland, it was the opposite. She would always get "left out" of conversations and felt ignored. Also she would get turned down on jobs (discretely), many people would go up and ask her if she was Chinese, Japanese, Malaysian, ...even Malato (half black). It wore thin on her..and she missed home.

Depends on money, love and location. We came back to Asia...as it was cheaper.

Edited May 11, 2015 by slipperylobster

[NeverSure]

BTW the "mandatory health care" cost is based on income, all the way down to costing nothing if income is low enough.

[Afook]

What happened to all the other Thai-American relationships, marriage, etc??????? Not much to read on this, experiences or answers?????

[EPICFAIL]

I have known many people, that have married Thais/Asians.

There is a percentage of success....but also there are large percentages of failures.It is all well documented.

What are these well documented percentagers of successes and failures you describe? I would be interested to see those numbers. Also, where can I find this documentation?

[Suradit69]

What happened to all the other Thai-American relationships, marriage, etc??????? Not much to read on this, experiences or answers?????

Maybe many of them just regard their marriages as simply marriages rather than some epic journey in cross-cultural assimilation waiting to be turned into a documentary. And who is being repatriated?

The FaceBook urge to share everything with everyone else on the planet may not have infected them all yet.

In the meantime, to start the ball rolling, why don't you tell us all about some of your failed & successful relationships. I'm sure we'll all be on the edge of our seats.

Edited May 13, 2015 by Suradit69

[HerbalEd]

What happened to all the other Thai-American relationships, marriage, etc??????? Not much to read on this, experiences or answers?????

Maybe many of them just regard them as marriages rather than some epic journey in cross-cultural assimilation waiting to be turned into a documentary.

Your rather smug reply seems to imply and gives an unrealistic impression. My experience of my own and many others' cross race/culture marriages show them to most often be far from just normal marriages. Marriage to someone of one's same culture and race is difficult enough, but differences in culture and race ... and age ... definitely puts extra strain on a relationship. Not that that necessarily means they're all doomed to failure ... indeed many do work out. And while I have no trustworthy statistics, I'm guessing most do not.

[smotherb]

I have known many people, that have married Thais/Asians.

There is a percentage of success....but also there are large percentages of failures.It is all well documented.

My wife has relatives in the situation you are referring to....(Age differences and employment, along with happiness figures). I myself was married to an Asian for 13 years (Prior to my Thai wife, I was married to a Filipina). The problems are similar (cultural shock, language difficulties, unemployment, prejudice (some places), home sickness, diet...etc.

For every success there are many failures. The biggest issue comes down to true love. Few relationships are built on true love. Young girls look to older men for financial security....(and perhaps there are a few exceptions of love at first sight...or growing into love). As long as financial security and trust are in place..

Often..I have seen young girls dump the old guy, and get large compensation. Sometimes it is a settlement because of child support. My first wife and I experience reverse prejudice...in Hawaii. As she was Asian, she was immediately hired by a Chinese Restaurant and was successful in renting a house that was denied to me, as the owners were not Caucasian. They thought my wife was "local". However, on the mainland, it was the opposite. She would always get "left out" of conversations and felt ignored. Also she would get turned down on jobs (discretely), many people would go up and ask her if she was Chinese, Japanese, Malaysian, ...even Malato (half black). It wore thin on her..and she missed home.

Depends on money, love and location. We came back to Asia...as it was cheaper.

Great post, we have many things in comon. Although I do not have a Thai wife, I have known many Thais for years; having lived here for eight years and visited here for 48 years. I believe there are many cultural and behavioral commonalities between Southeast Asians.

I too have been married to two Asians--Vietnamese and Filipina. I took them both back to the States and both became US citizens. I lived in Hawaii with the Vietnamese then went on to the D.C. area and experienced the same reverse discrimination you did. I also took the Filipina back to D.C. where they thought she was Mexican

Both wives acclimated well to the States; including making friends, finding jobs and getting an education. The Vietnamese was older, a world traveler, well educated, and had several years experience as an economist; the Filipina was much younger, had never left the PI, had only a one year commerce course, and almost no experience.

Interestingly, the Vietnamese did not make American female friends, but got along well with her American male colleagues at work. She needed her Vietnamese support group for female companionship and cultural stimulation, and could not go without her Vietnamese foods, music, medicines and sundry products. Although her English vocabulary was excellent, and she could write as well as I do, her pronounciation and accent made it hard to understand her; which often frustrated her in conversation. She went with me to Iran where she acclimated well. In fact, she got a job there making almost the base salary I made, and she was hired locally. She was a keeper, but she wanted white picket-fence suburbia and I wanted to travel the world.

The Filipina was more outgoing. She made friends easily and has female American friends she stays in contact with today, some 33 years later. She went without rice, unless we went to an Asian restaurant. She could care less if she ever saw another Filipina(o); she never sought their companionship. She learned to love Western foods and culture, and got Americanized in the nicest way--if that is possible. She is an avid American Football fan and has made three in a bed darts several times. She did not miss Filipino food--who could blame her--in fact, her favorite Asian foods are Thai and Vietnamese. She speaks English like an American and worked as a citizens advocate for the state government. She went with me to Saudi Arabia where she also acclimated well. We are now retired in Thailand, where she has made many Thai friends, found work as an NES teacher, and wants to stay.

In both cases, we had money, both worked, and we lived well--that certainly makes it easier. I took them both everywhere; we traveled the States on vacations, met all my family and friends, and went to various restaurants, theaters, concerts, sporting events; we got involved in motorcycling, square dancing, BBQ cookoffs, and joined raquetball, bowling, and dart leagues. So, whether your wife needs her cultural support group or can exist without them; help her acclimate by showing her your culture and country; expose her to your life, somewhere other than just the bars. You may find a hidden jewel.

[pchansmorn]

Wow, interesting topic, I ment my wife in the US, she was working as a nurse, she came to visit her father and liked the American way of life, she later moved to California and we meant each other, lived together for 2 years then got married, we lived in California for 30 years but every vacation we came to visit Thailand, knowing that one day we would retire there. We have been here for 18 months, own are own condo, and do a lot of traveling. She has a large family so we spend time traveling with them. We have been married for 32 years. Thailand is not the US, but with family & money we are very happy here.

[ggt]

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I have known many people, that have married Thais/Asians.

There is a percentage of success....but also there are large percentages of failures.It is all well documented.

My wife has relatives in the situation you are referring to....(Age differences and employment, along with happiness figures). I myself was married to an Asian for 13 years (Prior to my Thai wife, I was married to a Filipina). The problems are similar (cultural shock, language difficulties, unemployment, prejudice (some places), home sickness, diet...etc.

For every success there are many failures. The biggest issue comes down to true love. Few relationships are built on true love. Young girls look to older men for financial security....(and perhaps there are a few exceptions of love at first sight...or growing into love). As long as financial security and trust are in place..

Often..I have seen young girls dump the old guy, and get large compensation. Sometimes it is a settlement because of child support. My first wife and I experience reverse prejudice...in Hawaii. As she was Asian, she was immediately hired by a Chinese Restaurant and was successful in renting a house that was denied to me, as the owners were not Caucasian. They thought my wife was "local". However, on the mainland, it was the opposite. She would always get "left out" of conversations and felt ignored. Also she would get turned down on jobs (discretely), many people would go up and ask her if she was Chinese, Japanese, Malaysian, ...even Malato (half black). It wore thin on her..and she missed home.

Depends on money, love and location. We came back to Asia...as it was cheaper.

Few relationships are built on true love.

True...I have known many ex-pats that have brought their sweetie back home to live...invariably ends badly...most survive by going back to the girls home turf...the cultures are just too different...many just do not adapt to Western country's fast pace, bland foods, structured living...

[mutha289]

Been married to a thai lady for 30 years. When we were younger she seemed to acclimate well to life here in the U.S. and Europe and Japan (Air Force). Now that we're older and the kids are on their own she was still doing well until we recently moved to the midwest, Northern Kentucky / Cincinnati area. There is not a large thai population nearby and more importantly to her no Thai / Buddhist temples nearby and our children and grandkids are not nearby. Prior to this move we last lived in Northern Virginia, just outside of D.C. She had many thai friends and several Buddhist temples nearby which kept her quite content. So I think an important consideration is the local community.

If you plan to live near your own family it greatly helps that they accept her and make her feel welcome, which my own family has done.

Finally as my wife has got older, early 60s now, she seems to remember Thailand with rose colored glasses but when she goes back to visit family every 2 to 3 years there always seems to be some family drama while she is there and she is more than ready to return to the U.S.

[MauiSteveBKK]

My Thai Wife and I live on Maui, Hawaii. She is an Issan woman, but has lived in Bangkok for 25 years. Phapassorn is 48, is an International Currency Trader and trades daily on the SET (Stock Exchange of Thailand). After 10 months of frustration, we secured a K1 Fiancee VISA. She and I arrived into Honolulu on March 15, 2015. So, she has been here on Maui, Hawaii with me for almost 2 months.

Today we go for her medical for her Green Card. We were married on the beach on April 26th.

I am 61 and semi-retired. I own three businesses with my son on Maui, and she has been working with us and getting comfortable on Maui. We are absolutely "In Love" and will be together forever. She is from Tha Bo (35km west of Nong Khai) and does miss her family terribly. But she talks to them every day. We are planning for her to go back to Thailand for one month in October, once she gets her green card and travel documents.

I posted a thread about life with her after one month. I may post another one after she's been here 3 months. She loves the weather, the clean air, the clean water, and our simple (yet very nice) life here. She loves to go fishing, and has started to meet a few other Thai and Vietnamese people.

I fell in love with an "older" and professional woman with no children. Her parents are horribly poor farmers, yet have never asked for money. I gave them 100,000THB one time as a gesture of good will and honor to them. We do not send them money.

We often struggle with:

- Food. She loves her Thai food. But she likes my cooking also.

She still can't quite get over our "Drive Through" at McDonald's. She had never seen one.

It's been a fun, interesting, totally enjoyable time. I've loved every minute. She is still the sexy, loving woman that I found in Bangkok. We have our struggles with food -- she is not a lover of western food. But overall -- it is easily one of the most fun things I've ever done.

Best to all.

[connda]

Never left. My wife and family have absolutely no interest in living in the US. So much for exceptionalism. That's not necessarily a viewpoint shared by others around the world.

[JLCrab]

This Thai-American living in USA marriage seems to be working out OK:

(Wikipedia) In 2002, (Bui -- Miss Universe, 1988) married Herbert Simon, an American businessman ... The couple was married by Queen Sirkit of Thailand in the Royal Summer Palace.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bui_Simon

[The Usual Suspect]

My Thai wife and I don't fit your criteria, but I do have our personal experience to offer. My wife was granted permanent residency in the U.S. and was assigned a green card. Up until the time we visited the States, she had never been there. She wanted to experience for herself the realities of living in the west before we made a commitment to move there. In Thailand she has a government job which she has worked at for 18 years with full benefits and a retirement program. She also owns land and two vehicles. It might surprise some, but when she experienced the "realities" compared to her "fantasies" about living in America, she was not impressed. Having to give up her job, benefits, retirement, property, close family ties, and tropical weather for a minimum wage laboring job and winter weather with no Thai community anywhere near mass transit routes, in addition to my meager fixed income (at least in the States), had absolutely NO attraction for her. When we returned to Thailand she voluntarily relinquished her permanent resident status and green card in Bangkok. We haven't regretted a single thing about her decision since. She's happy, I'm happy, and we're building a new house close to her mother and father's place. Things couldn't be better.

Edited May 14, 2015 by The Usual Suspect

[slipperylobster]

I have known many people, that have married Thais/Asians.

There is a percentage of success....but also there are large percentages of failures.It is all well documented.

What are these well documented percentagers of successes and failures you describe? I would be interested to see those numbers. Also, where can I find this documentation?

Google....."Divorce rates among marriages involving mixed Races"

You will find plenty of information. I think it is pretty self evident.....not surprising...that many of these marriages fail.

Although statistics can be off.....as many Thai/Farang Marriages end in Thailand...and need to be added to the 41 percent. Also, this study takes in "all races"....not just Asians. Thai/Farang marriages are probably more at risk....language and culture...than say Filipina/Farang. My marriage lasted 13 years.... it was difficult. Many of my military co-workers married Korean, Japanese, Filipina, and Thai wives. I don't know many that lasted as long a mine.

Here is one link...

\http://www.nbcnews.com/id/46409832/ns/us_news-life/t/interracial-marriage-us-hits-new-high/

"Divorce trends

The Pew study also tracks some divorce trends, citing studies using government data that found overall divorce rates higher for interracial couples. One study conducted a decade ago determined that mixed-race couples had a 41 percent chance of separation or divorce, compared to a 31 percent chance for those who married within their race."

Edited May 17, 2015 by slipperylobster

[GinBoy2]

This is one of those threads that can end badly and descend into acrimony. But, my take is, the variables are so many that you cant really have a definite answer. Age can, and does matter. The bigger the age difference, well need I say more.

The location in the US also matters. I live in Thailand, but my wife has vacationed many times with me in California. There the sight of a white guy with an asian wife is hardly rare. Go to Alabama, maybe not so much.

Food is huge too. Again in California with so many asians, it's possible to have Thai diet without issue. North Dakota, maybe a tad more problematic.

Then there is family. As an American we're kinda used to moving across the country away from family, but a lot of the Thai's I have met in 'farang land' can have a deep sense of loss when they are away from family.

So without wanting to trot out the stereotypes and the 'my ex hooker wife left me for a younger guy' stuff, it's all hard to say.