Afraid to go back home

[BB1955]

When I go back to USA/Florida, as I will following Songkran next year, other than the various visitings, the highlight of my trip is going to the springs in 2 state parks -- no other place like them that I know of in the world. The one pictured is 400 million liters per day output.

Is that Juniper Srings ...

[MaeJoMTB]

I have learned that life is neither fair nor just sometimes and even though as a parent I thought I was as good as any other normal Dad, I obviously made some mistakes along the line, I mean I must have mustnt I because what "normal" person can do what my seeming loving daughter did.

Not a question really just me me being a little cynical

Normal female behavior.

As many of us have found out.

You either learn, or keep repeating the same mistake.

[MaeJoMTB]

When I go back to USA/Florida, as I will following Songkran next year, other than the various visitings, the highlight of my trip is going to the springs in 2 state parks -- no other place like them that I know of in the world. The one pictured is 400 million liters per day output.

Is that Juniper Srings ...

Loads of then in Florida around Orlando, I used to go cave diving in them, very deep, I was a lot younger then.

(Silver Springs?)

Edited July 13, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[JLCrab]

The above is https://www.floridastateparks.org/park/manatee-springs

[mickyboy]

live in a trailer park sure there plenty therethe USA was not good enough for you now suddenly it is why should you think people want you after all this time by the way i moved 5 miles away from so called friends that was 3 years ago in london and not one them has ever rang me ir come to my new home theses are people i know say 30 years so i take it never my friends just social partners but really im not that bothered as they say you know who your true freinds are when your out luck and need some thing for nothng god luck bette staying where you are thats your friends now

[Remi080]

Yeah, i just wanted to say something to, that i know how you feel even i'm not that old. I left Europe 15 years ago, still never went back. last month i had the flight ticket back, planned my place to stay ( rental apartment) becouse i got no family left or friends there. But than my Thai friend came and asked me why i would go back to Europe.... I gues i was just chasing memory's. My friend showed me how to use google map street view. After 10 minutes i canceled my flight. Now i fly back every evning to visit some nice places of my good memory's.

I gues after be in thai for 15 years there will be nothing left for me in Europe better than i have in Thai.

And i gues there are a lot of foreign people on this forum who will agree. Even friends or family, they dont miss you, life go on there as well as here.

[claffey]

I dont think I lost the plot, I just thought I would be more welcome. Last time i was back nobody wanted to hear anything about my life overseas. I am not sure if it is jealousy or fear. I have not changed that much and saying I have burned bridges may not be the correct way to say it. But after we are gone for an amount of time perhpas we are seen as traitors or something. We left the clan and did not contue to go through that hardship

they deal with.

This is partly true. We are living outside the comfort zones of most people back home. I think people who stay at home are insular in their thoughts and forget about the people who have left. However us expats are different. We've traveled and lived outside our comfort zones and guess what? We're happy!!

We reminisce about our home countries and in our minds and memories time has stood still at home. However, our friends at home have moved on and forgotten about us..When we go back we assume that its the same at home as when we left.But its not. Our friends and family have grown older...So in some ways time has moved on for our friends but in our own minds and memories time froze when we left all those years ago. That's what i discovered after moving home two times in the past ten years. One of the main differences was some of my friends started to be slightly formal with me.Just small things. Like calling me by my first name instead of my nickname. However they were, and are, still my friends. I'm probably lucky because my friends are all childhood friends who still live in my small village.They will probably never leave so they are always happy to see me....

In conclusion I think Time is what changes everything even more than distance. That and a lack of contact. The internet has shortened the distance and changed how we keep in touch. Clicking like on a picture on facebook is a subtle way of contact and helps to keep us alive in the memories of those at home...

[edhart]

been there felt like that ,find 3rd place you like and new life

[arunsakda]

double post

Edited July 13, 2015 by arunsakda

[arunsakda]

Exactly. My job involves constant international travel. When I retire I intend to stay in one place to live, recreate, and (possibly) work in some capacity.Will not be in my "home country". Nothing to do with being afraid just not interested.

Edited July 13, 2015 by arunsakda

[micmichd]

I empathise with many of the people who are not welcome back in the UK, at least not by their families that is.

My own experiences with family in the UK are very sad.

The alienation between myself and my family springs basically from the fact that when I married the light of my life and after three years of marriage was totally satisfied that I had truly met a "soul mate" Hah hah hah I did what any proper man would do and made a will that left everything to her.

The reason I did leave everything to my wife in my will was that I had previously helped out my daugher and her ex husband when they bought a pub and then one year later faced bankruptcy.

Part of my assets bailed them out and then they bought with my funds a new house, they then divorced, splitting equally their/my funds.

My daughter subsequently remarried a great guy who I had introduced to her and within one year of her marriage to this chap had included him on the title of the house that I had originally financed, made a will with him as sole beneficiary.

My daughter who up finding out about my will in Wans favour and had acted normally upto this time now looked for and found an excuse to find fault with the love of my life, the straw that broke the camel's back was when delivering Christmas presents to her and my grand children she would not allow Wan into her house.

I basically said that she would have to either accept my wife or face me not seeing her anymore.

She called my bluff and Her reply was that she did not wish to see me again and that I must never contact here or especially the kids ever again.

For the last three years I have waited in vain for her to see sense or reason but it has not happened, the sense of sadness that I feel and also my wife Wan cannot be explained through words, the sense of loss, the sense of unjustness has been like a very bad bereavement.

However now I seem to be getting over the grief but there is a great sadness.

I have learned that life is neither fair nor just sometimes and even though as a parent I thought I was as good as any other normal Dad, I obviously made some mistakes along the line, I mean I must have mustnt I because what "normal" person can do what my seeming loving daughter did.

Not a question really just me me being a little cynical

The point I am making in my post is that there are on occasions when jealousy, spite can be the reason that people on here "burn their bridges" as it was in my case it was out of my control.

So dont judge us all by the sort of people who deliberately bail out of a situation for their own selfish desires.

Just to understand it: Wan is your Thai wife, and she's not accepted by your British family?

If so, you're not the only one.

My Thai lady was never accepted in Germany, not even by my globetrotting sister.

[n210mp]

I empathise with many of the people who are not welcome back in the UK, at least not by their families that is.

My own experiences with family in the UK are very sad.

The alienation between myself and my family springs basically from the fact that when I married the light of my life and after three years of marriage was totally satisfied that I had truly met a "soul mate" Hah hah hah I did what any proper man would do and made a will that left everything to her.

The reason I did leave everything to my wife in my will was that I had previously helped out my daugher and her ex husband when they bought a pub and then one year later faced bankruptcy.

Part of my assets bailed them out and then they bought with my funds a new house, they then divorced, splitting equally their/my funds.

My daughter subsequently remarried a great guy who I had introduced to her and within one year of her marriage to this chap had included him on the title of the house that I had originally financed, made a will with him as sole beneficiary.

My daughter who up finding out about my will in Wans favour and had acted normally upto this time now looked for and found an excuse to find fault with the love of my life, the straw that broke the camel's back was when delivering Christmas presents to her and my grand children she would not allow Wan into her house.

I basically said that she would have to either accept my wife or face me not seeing her anymore.

She called my bluff and Her reply was that she did not wish to see me again and that I must never contact here or especially the kids ever again.

For the last three years I have waited in vain for her to see sense or reason but it has not happened, the sense of sadness that I feel and also my wife Wan cannot be explained through words, the sense of loss, the sense of unjustness has been like a very bad bereavement.

However now I seem to be getting over the grief but there is a great sadness.

I have learned that life is neither fair nor just sometimes and even though as a parent I thought I was as good as any other normal Dad, I obviously made some mistakes along the line, I mean I must have mustnt I because what "normal" person can do what my seeming loving daughter did.

Not a question really just me me being a little cynical

The point I am making in my post is that there are on occasions when jealousy, spite can be the reason that people on here "burn their bridges" as it was in my case it was out of my control.

So dont judge us all by the sort of people who deliberately bail out of a situation for their own selfish desires.

Just to understand it: Wan is your Thai wife, and she's not accepted by your British family?

If so, you're not the only one.

My Thai lady was never accepted in Germany, not even by my globetrotting sister.

Yes Wan is my wife.

Actually she was accepted by the whole family especially the kids who loved her for her patience and the fact she took time to do things with them like teaching them to cook Thai foods Etc

Wan is typical of all that is best about Thai ladies and yes I admit to being highly biased.

I can remember even one of my oldest and dearest friends being brain washed by the UK media even having a dig at why Wan would wish to marry someone 22 years older then herself.

I was quick to respond and educated her on her bigoted line of thinking.

I nearly lost a very good friend that day and didn't realise until later that when Wan meets people they do not need any lectures from me on the genuineness and caring nature of most Thai ladies.

In other words I didn't need to be protective of Wan because she has the ability to show people who she is by just being the person she is.

However in my own daughters case I am deeply ashamed to say it wouldn't have mattered if it was Florence Nightingale who I had married, it would still have been wrong in her eyes.

I suppose it was OK for me to marry a Thai woman but not to treat her like my wife eh?

edit spellin

Edited July 13, 2015 by n210mp

[oztaurus]

I went back to Australia in 2009 after 7 years away, got wiped out in the "Global Financial Crisis" and had to borrow my airfare back. My son was happy to see me and put me up for over a year, initially as a charity case sleeping on an airbed in the loungeroom, then I began to get back on my feet and we got a 2 bedroom place .... but after 15 months he tactfully suggested that it was time for me to leave. At leaset we stayed friends.

I also noticed that, of the people I left behind, those who stayed where they were and did what they did - got where they were going. They had the cars, the houses, the spouses, the businesses ... ad in once case the millions ... leaving me a little jealous. But do you know what/ They all said to me "Gee, I wish I had been brave enough to leave it all behind and just go, you must have had some amazing adventures"

As I worked back up to my current state (which is still far from ideal, but at least I have been back in LOS for 2 years now) I made a different bunch of friends - with whom I still keep in contact, whereas most of the group from the first 40 years of my life now no longer have any relevance or point of congruence with the way i think and act now.

Home is now wherever I define it to be.

[Greydog]

I moved to Thailand from Scandinavia 12 years ago, to Chiang Mai. My father moved to Thailand 4 years ago, to Hua Hin. He loves the sea and beach life, so he didn't want to live in Chiang Mai. I go visit him 2 times a year and he visits me about 2 times a year. We each stay about a week. But only the first year did we stay at each others houses - and we both have plenty of room. But like has been stated earlier in this thread about guests and fish: after 3 days they start to stink! So for the last 3 years we each stay at nearby hotels when we visit each other. And we have a great time for a week in each others company: we spend the whole day together, but nights and early mornings/breakfast we spend apart. That works for us. My father is a great guy, he turned 75 this year and he married a thai lady in her early 50s three years ago.

[ChoakMyDee]

This is a good thread. I too have reached the point where, after being here for 8 years, there is very little to go back to Canada for. I have a brother who refuses to make any effort to stay in touch which really upsets me but I have slowly come to realize that Thailand is my home now and that there is no "returning home" any more.

[GarryP]

This is a good thread. I too have reached the point where, after being here for 8 years, there is very little to go back to Canada for. I have a brother who refuses to make any effort to stay in touch which really upsets me but I have slowly come to realize that Thailand is my home now and that there is no "returning home" any more.

My brother disappeared to Canada and dropped of the face of the earth. Haven't seen or heard from him in about 24 years. Don't even know if he is still alive. I tried to keep in touch but he couldn't be bothered and all contact was lost. We had not argued and were on good terms. Some people are just like that. My father hasn't heard from him in 20 years either. Absolutely no reason. They used to get on well.

[micmichd]

This is a good thread. I too have reached the point where, after being here for 8 years, there is very little to go back to Canada for. I have a brother who refuses to make any effort to stay in touch which really upsets me but I have slowly come to realize that Thailand is my home now and that there is no "returning home" any more.

My brother disappeared to Canada and dropped of the face of the earth. Haven't seen or heard from him in about 24 years. Don't even know if he is still alive. I tried to keep in touch but he couldn't be bothered and all contact was lost. We had not argued and were on good terms. Some people are just like that. My father hasn't heard from him in 20 years either. Absolutely no reason. They used to get on well.

I was declared dead a couple of times when I didn't show up for some time. Nice shock to come back as a zombie.

My Thai gf was declared an avatar that only existed in my fantasy. Even when I talked on telephone with her, people still thought I was only talking to myself.

Guess we (my gf and me) should personally introduce ourselves to the German public - with a smile. We probably all burst out with laughter.

Edited July 13, 2015 by micmichd

[connda]

Maybe I'll make that trip in 2 or 3 years, but then again, my Thai wife has no interest in going to the US. And I don't see the point of going alone. So yeah, it's a difficult decision. Best of luck.

Edited July 13, 2015 by connda

[Gecko123]

Fear of returning not even remotely a factor.

Just feel more alive and connected over here.

[jjJJ1133]

Nah, that's where you're wrong.

I've planned well and had the attributes to first, have good friends, and second, keep them.

There's absolutely no doubt that height, attractiveness, personality, wealth and class ensured that.

You're familiar with "natural selection"?

Just man up and accept the truth. This is the way of the world.

Wow are you really full of yourself. You come off as a really arrogant, pompous jerk.

I've had/have friends and family who have attained substantial wealth and prosperity - some still have it and some have lost it due to circumstances in life (health issues, unexpected major life events, etc) One never knows what's in the cards of life. Some of us disgusting older people (that you refer to) for various reasons wish to retire in less stressful places in the world like Thailand. For me personally, I've had enough of the violence and crime here in the U.S. east coast.

So you claim to have attractiveness, height, wealth and personality (really -sarcasm intended)

I think in one of your other posts you wrote - People don't want to be near "cold hearted judgemental pricks". Sounds like you just described yourself.

You also wrote - "It's time for you old guys to crawl under a rock and die".

Now if that's not the words of a "cold hearted judgemental prick" - I don't what it is.

I'm 57 and I guess in your view I should just crawl under a rock and die. Just keep living jackass and you'll be old someday.

Even your attractiveness, personality, height and wealth won't prevent that from happening. "This is the way of the world" - your words.

You should take some of that money that you claim to have and go see a psychiatrist because you've got some serious issues.

Get over yourself and try being a little more accepting of others who are just trying to live life.

[JLCrab]

With apologies to Dennis Wilson (Beach Boys) , Billy Preston, Joe Cocker, etc.:

I am so beautiful

To me

I am so beautiful

To me

Can't you see

I'm everything I hope for

I'm everything I need

I am so beautiful to me

I am so beautiful to me

Edited July 13, 2015 by JLCrab

[Cypress Hill]

No fear of going home and yes, I still regard London as home but Bangkok suits my needs better for now.

All bridges remain intact including hard cash, social connections, car and family.

Shit, even a couple of my career-minded exes are still in their mid-30s and they've kept themselves in shape.

[n210mp]

I have learned that life is neither fair nor just sometimes and even though as a parent I thought I was as good as any other normal Dad, I obviously made some mistakes along the line, I mean I must have mustnt I because what "normal" person can do what my seeming loving daughter did.

Not a question really just me me being a little cynical

Normal female behavior.

As many of us have found out.

You either learn, or keep repeating the same mistake.

I was tempted to give your post a like because it gave me a chance to have a go/kickback back at the unjustness of it all but in the end I didn't give it a like , in fact, your comment, well it's completely wrong and the fact is that all people are not the same are they. If they were how could I be where I am at this present time taking care of Wans Mam and dad whom over a period of time I have come to love and respect.

There are good and bad and there are people like me who may well have been bad for periods of time in their sad lives and the damage they unconsciously inflicted on their families may well account for the grief, sadness, loneliness and estrangement that they now suffer from.

Yes I admit it maybe I wasn't the best Father or husband in the world and though selfishness I made some big mistakes.

My mistakes in a previous existence lead me to trying a bit harder in this life, now with a lady who I love and adore I am grateful that I have seen the error of my ways and maybe, just maybe this will lead me to be the man of her dreams, who knows only time will tell but at least if my version of "living the dream" turns into a nightmare, I at least will have given it my best shot

[mcfish]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

Your lucky, I dont even get that. When I was doing visa runs to oz for pension residency they never once invited me to stay in their spare room...

[micmichd]

I made a contract before I left my flat in Heidelberg. I was promised to get a substitute flat when I return. And I feel like I should return and mix up the place.

[nithisa78]

Lets face it if we've been away along time(have been here 10 years)then we've really started a new life and going back "home" for a visit our previous home seems quite alien,we are like fish out of water.

I understand what you're saying ......but FAMILY!

We're assigned our family. Friends are pick and choose. Also very misused word.

[MaeJoMTB]

My mistakes in a previous existence lead me to trying a bit harder in this life, now with a lady who I love and adore I am grateful that I have seen the error of my ways and maybe, just maybe this will lead me to be the man of her dreams, who knows only time will tell but at least if my version of "living the dream" turns into a nightmare, I at least will have given it my best shot

Those who refuse to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

[fish fingers]

This is the letter I wrote to the few people I had contacted.

Bob,

Listen, I do not feel well enough to get on an airplane and fly around the world so I have canceled this ticket. Thanks you for your effort so far with it. I found the whole thing starting to totally stress me out thinking about trying to be back in Michigan and be a burden to people and just being in the way. Also the flight I got kind of tricked me as I bought it on Etihad and after I looked closer it ran me through two other low rated airlines on the trip. This also adding to my worries.

If I feel like I am healthier later perhaps I will try it but unfortunately I think I have burned too many bridges to feel welcome anywhere. Thats life I guess. You can call me a coward or whatever, but that whats happening. In the end my health is not good enough to go and do this in ten days. And I hate 12 time zone changes like you cant believe.

Take Care

Man up and just figure they are busy or are not interested.

Don't send any more annoying letters like that.

Please

+2.

That letter doesn't do you any favours at all, infact they will all be making wiped brow motions on reading it.

You kind of reminded me of my situation a few years ago, after a run of bad luck both financially and relationships I was being a bit of a loser and overstayed my welcome with one of my closest friends. It was a nasty blip in my life and learnt alot, but I never got that friendship back 100%. Now my attitude is to be positive and try not to ask too much of people.

Edited July 13, 2015 by fish fingers

[beachproperty]

Lets face it if we've been away along time(have been here 10 years)then we've really started a new life and going back "home" for a visit our previous home seems quite alien,we are like fish out of water.

I understand what you're saying ......but FAMILY!

We're assigned our family. Friends are pick and choose. Also very misused word.

VERY sad way of looking at it .

I was obviously raised different than you. You only have ONE family and you stand by them NO MATTER WHAT.....yes, you may not get alone, may even hate some of them....but their family and when the chips are down, or need some help, or even need a place to stay ......I was raised to be there for them NO MATTER WHAT....I was also raised with the motto that your "word is your bond" and a "handshake" is your word and bond.

Different strokes for different folks .....I guess

[arunsakda]

What about those whose parents are right-wing ideologues or fascists? In my case it is not so bad but the conversations are the same as 20 years ago, brainwashed people whose reason is now more besotted by age. 75+ year old people who have never missed a meal in their life. Sitting on a sofa watching FOX, blaming everything on Obama, democrats, or the pittance a few take on Welfare? How much was spent on the F-35?

Oh, never mind.

Edited July 13, 2015 by arunsakda