Broody Thai GF. Ramifications of having kids in Thailand.

[BV70]

My Thai GF of one year is starting to get broody and has started discussing kids. She's 32 and I'm 45. Neither of us have married nor had kids previously.

I know a couple of fellow falang who've had kids with their Thai partners, both with varying degrees of success. One gave up on the prospect of raising his child here in LOS and took his GF and new born back to Europe and appears happy. The other is separated from the mother of his child and he sends unknown monthly financial support and sees his kid for a couple of weeks every 3 months or so.

Reading this forum for the last couple of years it seems weighed down with people urging others not to have kids here and to run for their lives should any Thai female show any interest in marriage and kids. However there rarely appears to be an explanation of why one should be so fearful of Thai women. I have found Thai ladies away from the bar industry pleasant, courteous and generally good-hearted. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but Thai girls are not really that different from women back home.

So what are the ramifications of having a child with a Thai lady? Are the naysayers on this forum correct in their warnings of doom and gloom should anyone reproduce here? Or should one just take things at face value and if it feels right...

I realise I'm possibly opening a can of worms with this post on TVF but I'm keen to know people's experiences here, not just the personal but also the practical, in terms of rights and obligations both in the present but also the future should, for example, things not work out with my GF years down the line; or I'm forced to leave Thailand for example. Cheers!

[manarak]

IMO a one year relationship is not long enough to see a Thai lady's true heart.

"success" in having a child in Thailand depends on your expectations and on the lady's capabilities.

If your lady is an uneducated farm girl, chances are she won't be able to raise the child to your standards, and you will have to take charge.

[stoneyboy]

Raising children in any culture is a learning curve for any new parents.

Much of the issue here like most issues in western and Thai relationships is that what you/we perceive to be normal is in fact quite the opposite here creating problems over the simplest of things.

[bluebluewater]

As she if your GF and not your wife that would pretty much answer the question for me and I would not even consider it. You can be sure her friends, family, and everyone else she talks to has all ready schooled her well into what it might mean for her and the advantages thereof. As was said above, the lack of years together makes this very problematical at best IMO.

Do you speak Thai more or less fluently? What is your visa status? How much experience in Thailand do you have?

Important questions that need honest answers from you!

Good Luck

[NickJ]

I would be careful. with the bio clock ticking you might find yourself having no say so whatsoever.......Its wrong to have a kid if you dont want one.

[MaeJoMTB]

"Reading this forum for the last couple of years it seems weighed down with people urging others not to have kids here and to run for their lives should any Thai female show any interest in marriage and kids. However there rarely appears to be an explanation of why one should be so fearful of Thai women. I have found Thai ladies away from the bar industry pleasant, courteous and generally good-hearted. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but Thai girls are not really that different from women back home."

Way easier to have kids in Thailand are retain your assets, than to have kids in the west and retain your assets.

I would say go for it, BUT minimize her chances of making an asset grab.

So no buying a house in her name for cash.

(House in her name with home loan in her name, or condo in your name, or just rent)

I have a 4 year old son and it's great.

No need to spend vast amounts of money, hospital and health care free, school almost free, fairly safe environment, he's out in the road on his bike every day with all the other 4yos.

[BV70]

Do you speak Thai more or less fluently? What is your visa status? How much experience in Thailand do you have?

Important questions that need honest answers from you!

Good Luck

Thanks. My Thai is basic. I hold a non b and work permit. I've been here for just under 3 years.

[CWMcMurray]

Have children with a women who will make a good wife and mother= happiness

Have children with a drunk/ money hungry women with bad attitude = unhappiness

It is not the fact of having kids that is the problem ... It is many foreigners do not choose the mother of their children so well..

[MaeJoMTB]

Do you speak Thai more or less fluently? What is your visa status? How much experience in Thailand do you have?

Important questions that need honest answers from you!

Good Luck

Thanks. My Thai is basic. I hold a non b and work permit. I've been here for just under 3 years.

BBWs post is entirely pointless, the outcome of any marriage and children is a complete random lottery.

Knew my Thai lady 2 weeks before marriage, we couldn't communicate at all, she's half my age, married nearly 6 years now.

In the UK, knew my English lady 2 years before marriage, after 30 years she attempted to strip me bare, with a judges assistance.

Entirely random!

[bluebluewater]

^ Your two very weak personal examples to try to suggest that it's "entirely random" is entirely pointless!

555

[MaeJoMTB]

^ Your two very weak personal examples to try to suggest that it's "entirely random" is entirely pointless!

555

I could cite another 50 examples from my friends and family,

Nationality, educational levels, previous occupation, length of time before marriage all totally irrelevant to the outcome.

All follow the same course, with one caveat, the more trusting he is, the more opportunity she has to grab on the way out.

Your opinion, that, "I made a better selection, therefore mine is different" is just a fantasy denial.

But if it makes you feel in someway better or superior, go for it.

The OP, might as well jump right in with both feet, it won't affect the outcome, good or bad.

Edited August 22, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[thehelmsman]

"Reading this forum for the last couple of years it seems weighed down with people urging others not to have kids here and to run for their lives should any Thai female show any interest in marriage and kids. However there rarely appears to be an explanation of why one should be so fearful of Thai women. I have found Thai ladies away from the bar industry pleasant, courteous and generally good-hearted. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but Thai girls are not really that different from women back home."

Way easier to have kids in Thailand are retain your assets, than to have kids in the west and retain your assets.

I would say go for it, BUT minimize her chances of making an asset grab.

So no buying a house in her name for cash.

(House in her name with home loan in her name, or condo in your name, or just rent)

I have a 4 year old son and it's great.

No need to spend vast amounts of money, hospital and health care free, school almost free, fairly safe environment, he's out in the road on his bike every day with all the other 4yos.

Now that you share a kid, is having a house paid for regardless of name on title not a good idea?

[Crazy chef 1]

My answer

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Edited August 22, 2015 by Crazy chef 1

[paulchiangmai]

Ask Vyvyan.

[Sakeopete]

I have two children with my Thai wife and she is a great mom. What needs to be considered is if you can afford private schooling should your children grow up in Thailand. Otherwise get married move back to your home country for a couple of years before having children. Relationships while living in Thailand are much easier than those where the couple move to the husband's home.It tends to be harder for Thai ladies to adapt.

[ttthailand]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country. Some live in the city and have access to international schools and and always saying how expensive kids are and not to have unless you can afford. Others live in the country and the cost is rarely mentioned but problems with the upbringing of the children seem to be the main topic, kids riding motorbikes with no helmet, being spoiled by grandparents, worried about dog and bug bites, etc.... Some of the country guys bitch about the education in the country but I think most are bringing up their kids as normal Thais and not Ivey league.

Many factors to look at but education and finances are major if you want to bring up your kids to be basically a farang. If you can accept that your kids can go to normal Thai schools and grow up as a Thai then I think it will be a different mindset, I think more relaxed in some ways but worrisome in others.

However you look at it there will be difficulties that you would not normally have in your home country.

Edited August 23, 2015 by ttthailand

[whatproblem]

Ask yourself how many kids are raised by grandparents here? are you prepared to care your child alone? Do you want what's best for your child ? Will your heart ache when seeing your child taught wrong ? If your not prepared to do it alone if the marriage finishes don't have kids ,if you are then have ,I care my son alone and he is wonderful and the best thing that ever happened to me ,I was never going to let him be a meal ticket for wife's family

[MaeJoMTB]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country.

Racist parents are a bit of a problem too!

Why specify white families and white friends, if you aren't a racist.

How about being a bit less racist and including all foreigners no matter what their skin colour?

Does it hurt to say western friends or foreign families?

[ttthailand]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country.

Racist parents are a bit of a problem too!

Why specify white families and white friends, if you aren't a racist.

How about being a bit less racist and including all foreigners no matter what their skin colour?

Does it hurt to say western friends or foreign families?

what !!!

I am not even going to address your comments.... Hahaha

[Pinot]

I love other people's kids. The best part is after I play with them, they take them home.

Having children puts tremendous pressure on a relationship. When it was just you two, you're #1. After the baby, you're relegated to #3, it's never the same. Just make sure you know that going into parenthood.

[luk AJ]

I would never ask TV member's view on such matter.

[ttthailand]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country.

Racist parents are a bit of a problem too!

Why specify white families and white friends, if you aren't a racist.

How about being a bit less racist and including all foreigners no matter what their skin colour?

Does it hurt to say western friends or foreign families?

Talking about racists, you will find many racist Thais who look at a farang/Thai kid differently. In the big city it is not so much of a problem but it can be in the country.

[MaeJoMTB]

Talking about racists, you will find many racist Thais who look at a farang/Thai kid differently. In the big city it is not so much of a problem but it can be in the country.

There is no reference to the nationality of the person in the word 'farang' it's about skin colour and racial features.

There are many Thai nationals who are 'farang'.

My son being one of them.

[kennypowers]

If you have money, no problem. Giving a kid the best in Thailand costs, often more so than back home. Things like after school swimming lessons, music lessons and a good education cost a lot. My personal experience is that Bangkok is not a great place to raise a kid. Too much being indoors all the time in aircon due to the weather, poor sports facilities, lack of greenery etc. Thailand isn't the safest place either. Far too many accidents through poor health and safety. The country life would be better in terms of environment (nature) but the people and education there would let it down. I know a few guys in Chiang Mai with kids that love the life up there and there's some good schools, so that's an option.

I think most, however, arrive at the point where they realise that the best option for a child is an education in their home country, depending of course on where you come from. I just started my daughter at a good international school in Bangkok, but I am strongly considering returning home because even though I love my life here, I want her to have all the opportunities I had - it's only fair and right that I do that.

[MyFriend You]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country.

Racist parents are a bit of a problem too!

Why specify white families and white friends, if you aren't a racist.

How about being a bit less racist and including all foreigners no matter what their skin colour?

Does it hurt to say western friends or foreign families?

Are you quoting the wrong post?? Where did all that rant come from??

[Chicken George]

You know the answer if you need to ask. No for you.

[Braddockrd]

It's the same in any country. Thailand is no different. What is different is that Thailand creates a magnetic point between low class thai women and low class foreigners. When classes mix, a formula for disaster is triggered. Ask yourself the first question: is she educated and middle class? If not, chances of success are pretty slim, especially raising children. Unmarried middle class women do not ask their 1-year boyfriends to have kids.

[MyFriend You]

Okay points to consider have been touted throughout the forum in Archives, he ones I most think are revelent are here:

• If you are not married, why pro-create, the kid wqill wiond up with an ansentee father if you lose your job and return home
• If not maried - Why Not??
• If she is the one that wants kids, and you do not, then there must be an ulterior motive - a way of holding on to you, an anchor, family pressure to secure financial freedom for the family.
• Sin Sod for the parents if & when you marry - you must realize, "in the old days, an somtimes in the new" engagements in Thailand would last years, and I mean years, not months or as one poster put it "weeks"
• If you say you are not ready for children, Thai women will take themselves off birth control without you knowing to get pregnant - their thought knowledge is - If I have a baby with him, then he will marry me. If you don't, they will say "Now I have to kill myself, I can't go home, my family will disown me, I will have to be a prostitute because no one will marry me with someone elses baby etc etc etc.
• I cold be wrong, but "Are there exceptions to every rule?? Some say yes, I say Believe me, over 40 years asociated with Thailand, I have seen/heard it all. Have know Flungs married or not with kids to bar girl Thai wives - Hi-So Thai wives, Isaan, Pattani and Chiang Mai ladies..........all same same no difference, they have the same mind set.
• Take the above for wha its worth to you, but remember while making up your mind - "Wrap that Rascal" or ensure you see her taking her pill everyday, because a baby in their mind is the easiest way to trap a Fuhlung.

[Chicken George]

But if you decide your relationship is stable money etc is ok then consider this.

Only let your kids watch English spoken TV. Not only do they need to have a passport from your own country but need to speak English as well as you. Consider them learning Chinese too.

Take them to your own country for an extended time to understand your culture too.

I find the schooling here to an acceptable standard. Maybe my kids will do more schooling at 18 abroad who knows.

Their advantage living here in Thailand is they are Thai can work here and speak English as well as me. So hopefully their future is bright here or if they wish to go back to my home country.

Personally I love having kids. Maybe I'm lucky with my wife but to be honest I think I could have seen 13 years ago when we met if she was not the one for me. Good luck to you but I still think if you need to ask this question on here marriage and kids with her is a no.

[thehelmsman]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country. Some live in the city and have access to international schools and and always saying how expensive kids are and not to have unless you can afford. Others live in the country and the cost is rarely mentioned but problems with the upbringing of the children seem to be the main topic, kids riding motorbikes with no helmet, being spoiled by grandparents, worried about dog and bug bites, etc.... Some of the country guys bitch about the education in the country but I think most are bringing up their kids as normal Thais and not Ivey league.

Many factors to look at but education and finances are major if you want to bring up your kids to be basically a farang. If you can accept that your kids can go to normal Thai schools and grow up as a Thai then I think it will be a different mindset, I think more relaxed in some ways but worrisome in others.

However you look at it there will be difficulties that you would not normally have in your home country.

Don't over think matters. One of the main considerations is money. If you're there full time well that's another bonus. I'm not there full time so my 3 yr. old is raised as any other kid in the deep Issan. She was carried in one hand on the motorbike, rode standing up holding handle bars on motorbike at a very early age. Never used a car seat,

I'll not be sending her to international schools but when I stay in Thailand full time in a few years we will relocate to an area that has an English Program School. She's treated no differently than any other kid in the village. She knows she's a farang, she's now become my thai teacher. She plays non stop with all the kids on the small soi. I joke with her mom and say when she grows up she can sell som tam. I want a good education for her but not obcessed with it. I don't teach her western style of eating, her potty training was definitely not western style.