what advice can i give her?

[typhoon]

A Thai girl here in the UK came to me for some advice, but i did not know what to tell her!! her situation is , she came to the UK on a marrage visa , got married in the UK, after 3 years now her husband wants her to sign divorce papers, and refuses to sponser her visa extension to stay, her visa runs out in about 2 weeks time, it seems he just wants rid of her to move on, she still shares the home with him, and works to support her self, advice for her??

[HooHaa]

accuse him of domestic violence, that will buy her some time.

[theoldgit]

It would be difficult for you to offer advice as I imagine you only know one side of the story.

She might be wise to seek professional advice in the UK, maybe get initial free advice from a solicitor or the CAB to protect her interests and her immigration status, she certainly shouldn't sign anything.

If she is no longer in a relationship with her husband then I don't think she can get FLR, I'm really not sure if the UKBA would proactively try to remove her.

Do they have kids?

[typhoon]

She has no kids, they still share the home together,, she has not signed the divorce papers he gave her, she has now told me that she has arranged to see a immigration lawyer, this week,

[bobrussell]

You are not going to be in a position to give much useful advice, I am afraid. My advice is to make sure she does not sign anything at this stage! Having been divorced in the past, I do not recollect being asked by an ex to sign anything. It has always been signatures via a solicitor.

If the husband is trying to bully his spouse then the courts are likely to take a very dim view of this behaviour. Similarly dropping such a bombshell only two weeks before the visa runs out smacks of pure meanness and calculation by the husband.

As theoldgit suggests the first place to go is to a solicitor. The courts would expect anyone going through a divorce to have access to the legal system but this is where a solicitor starts to earn his or her money.

This type of behaviour might in itself be considered abusive but as leopards rarely change their spots, has the husband been abusive in the past? This can include emotional and controlling bullying and blackmail. The abuse card must not be used without justification as it hurts those genuinely in trouble.

Financial help is only available for those who would otherwise be considered destitute and legal aid difficult to come by.

It is not possible to give more meaningful advice without a lot more, very personal information that may not be appropriate to a forum!

Get her to take legal advice NOW! To sign NOTHING without that legal advice! The solicitor may need to inform the Home Office of the situation to prevent her overstaying. There are mechanisms to deal with this situation. She is not the first nor will be the last!

[MaeJoMTB]

Mind your own business is always the best advice.

Other people's relationships are best left to them.

So the best advice you can give her would be ..... "Sorry, this is not my business"

Now from the other side of the fence,

If my Thai wife were in the UK and asking a close male friend for advice .......

I would be seeking divorce for reason of adultery, and naming him as the guilty man.

[MrTee]

accuse him of domestic violence, that will buy her some time.

dafuq, what sort of advice is that?

I hope she goes to gaol if she were to falsely accuse an innocent man!

[typhoon]

yes indeed this is none of my business, she just asked for advice which i could not give, she has money, and i hope she can get an extension on her visa to sort things out,

[bobrussell]

Mind your own business is always the best advice.

Other people's relationships are best left to them.

So the best advice you can give her would be ..... "Sorry, this is not my business"

Now from the other side of the fence,

If my Thai wife were in the UK and asking a close male friend for advice .......

I would be seeking divorce for reason of adultery, and naming him as the guilty man.

Bullshi+t!

The lady has asked for advice, knowing she is in a difficult position. She is not requesting marriage guidance! She can hardly rely on her husband for advice and support so it is perfectly sensible to ask someone she knows for advice!

The poster has subsequently asked for advice, not made any form of judgement. Quite right not to do so!

Sensible advice is to see a professional and sign nothing until that has been done.

"Sorry this is not my business" is not advice a decent person gives. "Not sure I can be of much help" is a more reasonable comment! Where did adultery come into the discussion? Sounds as if there are some insecurity issues?

Thankfully it sounds as if she has done the sensible thing already.

[7by7]

Domestic violence does not have to be physical; it can be mental and emotional as well.

If he is, and has been, bullying her then she may be able to apply for ILR as the victim of domestic violence; but she would need evidence to back up her claims.

You say she is going to speak to an immigration solicitor; they will be best placed to advise her.

[MrTee]

Domestic violence does not have to be physical; it can be mental and emotional as well.

If he is, and has been, bullying her then she may be able to apply for ILR as the victim of domestic violence; but she would need evidence to back up her claims.

You say she is going to speak to an immigration solicitor; they will be best placed to advise her.

"Domestic violence does not have to be physical; it can be mental and emotional as well." or it can just be a fantasy in the mind of some posters.

I see nothing about any violence other than your post and someone's suggestion that the woman should create lies to buy her self some time.

If she's no longer entitled to a UK visa then its time to go home. Harsh, but, hey that's the way the bee bumbles.

I don't expect that for a minute if it were the other way around that the guy would be given right to remain in Thailand.

[7by7]

What is it that you don't understand about the word IF ?

[bobrussell]

Playing the domestic violence card is not as straightforward as plenty seem to believe. It may be that some misuse the system and I have nothing but contempt for these people as they make it more difficult for those that are genuinely suffering abuse.

If someone is using anothers immigration status to bully or coerce that person then it is abuse. If (and as 7by7 has stated IF) this behaviour has been shown during a marriage then it is an abusive relationship. A black eye and constant visits by the Police are not a requirement but it can be tricky to provide evidence that satisfies the Home Office.

Just claiming abuse led to the breakdown of a relationship does not provide a path straight to indefinite leave to remain. A family member received ILR based on domestic abuse within a week! Perfectly genuine case but a women's refuge was involved, not to mention panic buttons and serious security including our very loud German Shepherd!

Having seen the system at work, I have to admit I was really impressed with the Home Office!

Not suggesting for a second that abuse is present in this case. It is not my/our business to know the specifics! Divorce is often messy and private lives are sometimes messier but this is why we pay large sums of money to solicitors and use the courts to make the final determinations.

Should this or any other person no longer meet the residential settlement requirements then clearly they should go back but they should expect to be allowed to remain while the divorce is going through.

[typhoon]

shes hoping that she can stay a while longer even just to settle the divorce , she works about 30 hours a week with pay slips and has a NI number, she refuses to sign any documents from her husband and will see a immigration lawyer tomorrow, she told me that her husband will not sponser to extend the visa, and as of today is asking when she will move out and return to thailand, shes been with him 3 years,

[bobrussell]

The immigration lawyer should apply to the Home Office for an extension of the visa (discretionary leave to remain) until the divorce is finalised. There are some grounds for longer discretionary leave to remain but this is more immigration solicitor territory!

[typhoon]

I hope thats the case, at least she should be able to put her side of events forward, and reply, its only fair,

[bobrussell]

It will be the case! Her immigration status should be placed on hold until the divorce is finalised. Divorce involves financial settlements etc and the courts generally require an attempt at mediation. This is not possible if one party has been made to leave the country!

I suspect the husband may have been expecting a smooth ride but the court will be dealing with the divorce and not immigration unless the Home office step out of line which is pretty unlikely.This situation has happened before and will happen again.

[HooHaa]

accuse him of domestic violence, that will buy her some time.

dafuq, what sort of advice is that?

I hope she goes to gaol if she were to falsely accuse an innocent man!

yes, perhaps it was not a well thought out response. thanks for pulling me up on that, it could have gone horribly wrong.

phew. that was close.

[Walter Travolta]

I'll take her in

[robertthebruce]

She could always go back to Thailand , after all she is Thai ???

[hhgz]

Ah, the old "how to snag a faring guy scam". First, ask questions abut things he knows nothing about, and then make him feel guilty for not knowing the answer. Second, ask obvious questions that even a bag of rocks could answer. Praise the guy lavishly. Then, ask for money. In summary: get physically involved, get emotionally involved, get financially involved.

Your response to her should be "hire an attorney", nothing more, nothing less.

[ronthai]

Not your business, she could be the sweetest girl for the outside world and a total bitch to her husband, or the other way around.

[Toscano]

Typhoon , the Thai woman should not sign any document that has not been approved and advised upon by a lawyer representing her alone . She must seek legal advice , as a woman married to a Brit. she may be able to get legal aid . She should remain living in the home , which she is entitled to do . It is difficult , if not impossible to get a divorce when you are still living with your spouse .

The husband wants to get rid of her now that her visa may need exstending , but he is trying to divorce her without any cost to himself , or having to share worldly goods . In the event that through a lawyer she agrees to divorce , certain conditions could be agreed upon , such as her husband agrees to sponsor her visa extension of stay and a lump sum payment to see her on her way .

[jerome2]

If he is poor sign if he is rich he's got to give something

[steven100]

The best advice , keep out of her affairs its not your business.

Let her go see the immigration lawyer ... he will advise her of her options ...

Also, there are always two sides to every story ... why does the husband want a divorce ????

could be she was not completely honest ? just my question and opinion.

[mesquite]

Ah, the old "how to snag a faring guy scam". First, ask questions abut things he knows nothing about, and then make him feel guilty for not knowing the answer. Second, ask obvious questions that even a bag of rocks could answer. Praise the guy lavishly. Then, ask for money. In summary: get physically involved, get emotionally involved, get financially involved.

Your response to her should be "hire an attorney", nothing more, nothing less.

Yes. At first my thoughts were, "why doesn't she talk to her Thai lady friends there in the UK to get advice."

But upon reflection, it looks like she already has.

[SOTIRIOS]

..firstly....she is NOT 'a Thai girl'....she is a married woman....

..secondly...you do not know WHY the man is divorcing her........maybe her version....

....thirdly....why don't YOU marry her........since you carry on like she is so innocent and a victim in the situation......

....then maybe you will find the answer to number 2 above......

[dotpoom]

As mentioned already...there are always two sides to every story, so not appropriate to take sides on this one.

[IAMHERE]

If he is poor sign if he is rich he's got to give something

Rich enough that he has seen a lawyer already, I bet.

[Liquorice]

You can do a self divorce in the UK without the need for solicitors involvement.

You get the papers from a County Court, but both parties must be agreeable.

He obviously has to give reasons for wanting the divorce.

The process only takes about 6 weeks and costs around £450.

She should take the papers he gives her and take them to a legal advisor.

For all we know she may have committed adultery and he has good reasons.

Everything is speculation without the facts, and only 2 people really know the truth.