Just don't do me like Durst did Morris Black, OK?

[Gecko123]

Up until recently I really was quite comfortable with the idea of cremation and making Thailand my final resting place. In fact, I rather liked the idea.

That was up until about three months ago when I happened to watch the HBO special: “The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst.” The episode where Morris Black got dismembered really stuck in my head, and for some reason it resurrected an old nagging fear of mine about when my time came whether my body would fit into a Thai-sized crematorium oven.

I’m not super big or tall, but I’m definitely bigger than most Thais. After watching this movie, I started wondering what would happen if I couldn’t fit in the oven. Would they start chopping me up like Robert Durst chopped up Morris Black? This thought really horrified me. So I decided to visit my local village temple and do some investigating to try and help put my mind at ease.

The first time I went, I had to turn around and head back home. A funeral was in progress, and I didn’t think it would be appropriate to whip out a tape measure in front of the grieving friends and family. My second visit, though, was more successful.The local school principal happened to be sitting at an outdoor table doing paperwork, and he spotted me as I got out of my car. After I explained what I was after, the monks told me that the grating at the entrance to the crematorium was unlocked and that I was free to have a look inside. One of the young monks made a joke about not wanting to tag along out of fear of the spirits which might be lurking about, and I have to admit it was pretty eerie staring into the firebox which still had a thick layer of ashes inside. Anyway, I got the tape measure out and quickly determined that the oven could easily accommodate all but the largest of bodies. The monks also mentioned that most temple crematoriums in Thailand were about the same dimensions: 240 mm x 75 mm. All this helped put my mind at ease.

As I was driving away, however, I belatedly realized I had just made a terrible blunder. By asking whether the crematorium could accommodate a body of my size, there was little doubt in my mind that I had inadvertently started a rumor - which would no doubt spread like wildfire in my small village - that I was terminally ill. Who else, after all, besides someone on their deathbed would be interested in seeing if they could fit in a crematorium oven? It wasn’t difficult to imagine people speculating (perhaps even betting) on whether I had AIDS, my liver had finally given out, or had simply decided to kill myself.

That afternoon my worst fears were confirmed. My wife, back from the market, came running into the house and exclaimed, “Is it true you’re going to die?!” If she hadn’t been grinning from ear to ear when she asked me, it would have made a very touching scene. After I reminded myself for the umpteenth time that when you’re in a cross-cultural relationship you have to make allowances for how people react to things, I assured her everything was OK.

It took a lot of running around assuring people that I'm in good health, but I think I've finally convinced people I'm not about to die. My wife, being the trooper that she is, has bounced back from her initial disappointment in learning I am going to live.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to let people who might have shared this concern know that they don’t have to worry.

Edited September 6, 2015 by Gecko123

[TP1]

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust my dearest friend.

Why would you care what happens to you when you are gone?

I'm pretty sure, you won't feel a thing either they dismember you or they roast you in tact.

So don't worry too much and go and have a nice sleep.

I don't want you being upset for nothing.

Good night and sweet dreams.

[CharlieH]

Unfortunately I witnessed exactly as you described, not cutting up, but panicking and pushing and shoving the casket as about 12 inches or so hung outside the door and the flames starting lapping out around it. It was awful and very distressing for those present.

He was 6' 4 ". Largest box they could find but still his right ear was on his shoulder. Something I will never forget.

(PS I think your measurements are wrong and you mean metres, as 240mm x 75 mm is about 10 x 3 INCHES.)

[stoneyboy]

Thing what got me most at my first cremation here was when someone whipped out a Jerry can and threw a load of 91 over the GFs uncle before they fired the burners.

Suppose it makes sure you burn well as the gas possibly isn't enough.

[kannot]

I find it more disturbing that the locals cant keep their childish thoughts and tittle tattle to themselves.

[Happy Grumpy]

Was a young lad shot in the head over a girl around here a few years ago.

He was put in the fridge for a month, then at the funeral they opened the casket.

Before they had it fully opened there were 1000 pairs of paws in there with their phones taking photos.

As for me, throw me in a ditch and set that (and me) on fire.

[Gecko123]

Mass outdoor cremation following bus accident in Nakhon Ratchasima.