Life with an Isaan girl

[Kenny202]

Been with my girl 3 years now. 1 long distance, 1 in Australia and 1 here in Isaan. She cudnt settle in Australia so we moved here. Im 52, shes 32. She's affectionate and all that. ..but if I'm honest relatively lazy and not a giver as far as thoughtfulness. I'm lucky in that she's definitely not money motivated (food is her thing) and we don't support her parents.

It's gnawed at me the whole time she just seems incapable of considering anyone's needs or feelings but her own. My thoughts are always of her....she hungry, happy, comfortable. I take care of much of the house cooking etc. To be fair happy to do it "my way" most of the time and shes more than happy to let me. We have any sort of a minor Tiff and it turns into a major battle where she can only win. She'll tell me she's going to quit twice a month, pack a bag. Then tell me to go then she wont let me leave. It's like she gets herself into a corner and doesn't know how to stop or get out. Sometimes screaming tantrums the like I've never seen. If i dont fight back with her she's worse and keeps upping the ante until she gets my attention. Utter madness. 2 reasons for not leaving thus far is my concern for what will become of her and the awful scene I can picture of me in the street trying to get my stuff out. Apart from that just such a shame to throw it all away. We have been so lucky since we moved here. ...Haven't put a foot wrong and have so many positive things on the horizon. I'm convinced it's hormonal. She was on a "lady boy" hormone contraceptive and turned into Dr Jekyll for 3 months. Then went on a new soft pill for 6 months and was an angel. Now she's gone off the pill altogether and the irrationality and screaming for no reason is back again. The next day she swears she'll never do it again etc..even brought me in a Buddhist offering but a Thai promise... From what I've observed it wud seem the Isaan way is "it's all about me". She tells me normally a husband and wife don't always sit down and eat together for eg. But eat when they feel like it. 90% of the time I feel bliss but the moments of unhappiness are miserable. If I looked at our relationship in all aspects I'm giving 90% to her 10....but I try not to think like that. It's really gnawing at me about how she will be as far as taking care of me wen I'm old or have an accident. I've done renovations to her house but not in so deep I can't walk away. $15k maybe. Still financially sound to live here modestly the rest of my life. Do I cut and run now or persevere?

Please only positive or helpful comments. Been a rough 2 days

Edited September 13, 2015 by Kenny202

[tolsti]

How far is the bus station?

[Kenny202]

Have a pick up and 2 motorbikes (in my name)

Edited September 13, 2015 by Kenny202

[Kenny202]

Only you can answer your predicament......

it's not a good read is it

[Kenny202]

Only you can answer your predicament......

it's not a good read is itI meant mine!

[MaeJoMTB]

Thai women need particular handling, weakness is not the way.

52 + 32, so this is a business relationship (same as mine, same age difference)

You own her, you are in control.

Don't show any weakness.

The country is full of women the same age who would like to replace her.

She knows this, but you apparently don't.

How to handle.

Shouting and insanity ....... go out for a few hours, all night if you need, don't answer your phone.

Nagging and demanding ...... sorry I can't understand you (even if you can)

Arguing ...... don't do it, don't explain, don't discuss, don't confront.

giving 90% ..... stop that right now. Whatever she wants, agree to do ....... never get round to actually doing it.

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Mine was exactly the same (but not Issan), probably her excessive yaba use (10+ years), takes a few years to wear off.

She is much better now so don't lose hope.

Edited September 13, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[Fabricus]

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Words of wisdom.

Lots of truth in this.

[Ezdusit]

It's a shame that you would think this sort of behavior is a result of the area she grew up in. I met my fiancé online a little over a year ago. She is a schoolteacher that lives in Sakon Nakhon. She teaches during the day, and makes Thong Muan at night. She is industrious and has a life history of setting goals and achieving them. She is easy going, and smiles more often than not. She makes people smile and laugh everywhere she goes. She never eats until she checks to see if I want something. She does spend money like it was water, but that is always on someone else. Temple offerings, supplies for her classroom, treats and gifts for her students, and yes, money for her Mom, and gifts for her family. She is a truly exceptional lady. I've been to visit a couple of times. I haven't met a lot of women with such a good attitude, but I have met some. I guess if you're already in love, that you might not have a choice. If you do, keep this in mind. There are women that are easy to love, and others that make it more difficult. You owe it to yourself to find yourself one of the easier ones. Don't look for someone that needs your help. Look for someone that's going to help you

[rgs2001uk]

Have a pick up and 2 motorbikes (in my name)

Put the two motorbikes into the back of the truck and drive off into the sunset.

What does this girl actually contribute, where does she work?

And to think this is what some guys actually think is living the dream.

There will only be one winner in this if it carries on, clue, it wont be you.

[phutoie2]

Only you can answer your predicament......

it's not a good read is it

some paragraphs would have helped.

[colinneil]

Thai women need particular handling, weakness is not the way.

52 + 32, so this is a business relationship (same as mine, same age difference)

You own her, you are in control.

Don't show any weakness.

The country is full of women the same age who would like to replace her.

She knows this, but you apparently don't.

How to handle.

Shouting and insanity ....... go out for a few hours, all night if you need, don't answer your phone.

Nagging and demanding ...... sorry I can't understand you (even if you can)

Arguing ...... don't do it, don't explain, don't discuss, don't confront.

giving 90% ..... stop that right now. Whatever she wants, agree to do ....... never get round to actually doing it.

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Mine was exactly the same (but not Issan), probably her excessive yaba use (10+ years), takes a few years to wear off.

She is much better now so don't lose hope.

I agree 100% being weak is not the answer. Stand firm.

I was married to a crazy Issan woman before . When she started her tantrums , i left home for 4/5 days at a time.

Then returned home as if i had only been out for a beer.

In the end it went tits up, so maybe my strategy was not the correct.

Never be a doormat to her , plenty of other good Thai ladies around.

I never went back. Now i have 1 of the best Thai ladies in Issan.

[Seligne2]

How about going away for a while? Do you have any business in your home country that needs attending to? A friend in Thailand you could visit? Or a stay at the beach? Go away for a couple of weeks or a month. See if you miss her and your life with her. More importantly, see if she misses you....

[Fabricus]

Don't look for someone that needs your help. Look for someone that's going to help you

In some way, shape or form, it's usually only Thai women "needing help" that go with farangs.

I've met guys whose "ideal" Thai GF had debts. Try to guess what kind of (financial) help the girl wanted.

I've met guys whose "perfect" Thai GF was a middle-aged spinster approaching menopause. Try to guess what kind of (emotional) help the girl wanted.

I've met guys whose "different" Thai GF had a biological clock very near its expiry date. Try to guess what kind of (sexual) help the girl wanted.

[JLCrab]

Before anybody suggests the OP pack up and ride into the sunset, I believe this woman is now 8 weeks pregnant based on his earlier reports.

Edited September 13, 2015 by JLCrab

[JHolmesJr]

The guy who wrote "East is east and west is west and ne'er the twain shall meet" didn't write it without good reason.

One of you needs to lean towards the other…..seems you are doing the leaning but you are about to topple.

Ideally you should both lean towards each other till you meet midway (like the design of a roof)….adult behaviour is hard to change….I feel you are not going to make much progress with her.

Women are like horses….you must make it clear who is in charge….this does not mean being a chauvinist or slapping her around….but your attitude, body language and how you engage.

You have to know how to strategically use anger, encouragement, a smile, a frown to manage women…or you are inviting disaster.

BTW, do you pull her hair back while having sex? They love it. (But don't do it now….you might get bitchslapped…lol)

[Kenny202]

Thai women need particular handling, weakness is not the way.

52 + 32, so this is a business relationship (same as mine, same age difference)

You own her, you are in control.

Don't show any weakness.

The country is full of women the same age who would like to replace her.

She knows this, but you apparently don't.

How to handle.

Shouting and insanity ....... go out for a few hours, all night if you need, don't answer your phone.

Nagging and demanding ...... sorry I can't understand you (even if you can)

Arguing ...... don't do it, don't explain, don't discuss, don't confront.

giving 90% ..... stop that right now. Whatever she wants, agree to do ....... never get round to actually doing it.

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Mine was exactly the same (but not Issan), probably her excessive yaba use (10+ years), takes a few years to wear off.

She is much better now so don't lose hope.

problem is if I ignore her or dont play along, just spurs her on to a higher level of insanity. I believe her attempts to win at any cost wud see no limit. She just doesn't behave the way you would expect someone to act in any situation. Well aware I wud only have to walk 100m to find a new lady, and so is she. I treat her with the utmost kindness and consideration. It's never my way or the highway. Edited September 13, 2015 by Kenny202

[Kenny202]

Thai women need particular handling, weakness is not the way.

52 + 32, so this is a business relationship (same as mine, same age difference)

You own her, you are in control.

Don't show any weakness.

The country is full of women the same age who would like to replace her.

She knows this, but you apparently don't.

How to handle.

Shouting and insanity ....... go out for a few hours, all night if you need, don't answer your phone.

Nagging and demanding ...... sorry I can't understand you (even if you can)

Arguing ...... don't do it, don't explain, don't discuss, don't confront.

giving 90% ..... stop that right now. Whatever she wants, agree to do ....... never get round to actually doing it.

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Mine was exactly the same (but not Issan), probably her excessive yaba use (10+ years), takes a few years to wear off.

She is much better now so don't lose hope.

I agree 100% being weak is not the answer. Stand firm.

I was married to a crazy Issan woman before . When she started her tantrums , i left home for 4/5 days at a time.

Then returned home as if i had only been out for a beer.

In the end it went tits up, so maybe my strategy was not the correct.

Never be a doormat to her , plenty of other good Thai ladies around.

I never went back. Now i have 1 of the best Thai ladies in Issan.

that "I don't give a shit look" she gets on her face. The moment I'd step out the door she'd be pleading for me to come back. So why does she start this and take it to the brink everytime? I just don't know but I wish I could make her understand before it's too late. Most people learn from their mistakes and avoid getting into bad situations again. I have constantly been amazed at her inabillity to learn and grow. There is just no reason for it. Generally we have an amazing life. I went in and tried to speak reason with her before. I wudve been better talking to the wall Edited September 13, 2015 by Kenny202

[aircooledflat4]

> Im 52, shes 32.

Bingo. There's your problem right there.

Why you blokes chase birds young enough to be your daughter is beyond me.

[tolsti]

Thai women need particular handling, weakness is not the way.

52 + 32, so this is a business relationship (same as mine, same age difference)

You own her, you are in control.

Don't show any weakness.

The country is full of women the same age who would like to replace her.

She knows this, but you apparently don't.

How to handle.

Shouting and insanity ....... go out for a few hours, all night if you need, don't answer your phone.

Nagging and demanding ...... sorry I can't understand you (even if you can)

Arguing ...... don't do it, don't explain, don't discuss, don't confront.

giving 90% ..... stop that right now. Whatever she wants, agree to do ....... never get round to actually doing it.

lazy ....... no cure for that and would you want to cure it? .......... if she wasn't lazy, she wouldn't be with you.

Mine was exactly the same (but not Issan), probably her excessive yaba use (10+ years), takes a few years to wear off.

She is much better now so don't lose hope.

You own her? What on earth do you mean?

[Kenny202]

Story...got a dog 2 days ago. She's not realy a dog person. I didn't insist....asked her if she was ok with it....10 times to make sure. Told her maybe a week or two settling in with it maybe difficult. She understood she said. We or I had a dog in Australia. Drove 5 hours to pick it up. Back home. Super clean small breed dog. Everything seemed fine. I was delighted. Next day she's in a mood. Dog smell bad make vomit. Sat out the front of the home all day. Complained. As far as I could tell there was no smell. No sht etc. I mopped the back of the home twice. Still no good. I mean maybe she smelt something but this woman is the hypochondriac to end all hypochondriac. What got me most was the fact I don't think I've ever asked her for one thing. I asked her and she cudnt come up with anything. The one time I ask her for something for me she can't even try. I suspect it was jealousy of the dog. (and don't get me started about jealous!). So, that's what triggered this Tiff. I wake up this morning, take a shower and put the dogs in the back of the truck to take back. The messages start. If I take the dog back she'll leave. "I go Surin for try new lady". 100 other crazed messages. After driving an hour I come back thinking she's willing to try with the dog. "Can't live with dog". That is 100% true story. Does anyone want a French bulldog?

Edited September 13, 2015 by Kenny202

[NeverSure]

Isaan is just one of many perfect places in the world for guys who are clinical rescuers. They don't feel whole if they aren't rescuing a woman. If you need to be rescuing someone then obviously you will choose someone who is already drowning emotionally and has no extra energy for your needs.

When a guy mistakes that urge to rescue for love he's sunk. He gets his jollies exactly from the wrong thing - a thrashing and banging relationship that's never stable.

So he picks a woman who's incapable of taking care of herself much less him but it satisfies his need to be the good guy with the white hat who will take care of her.

Mr. Crab above ^^^ believes this gal may be pregnant. If she is gawd help both of them.

Cheers.

Edited September 13, 2015 by NeverSure

[YeahSiam]

Close this topic..........gawd......................

Go elsewhere if you don't

like the topic being

discussed.

[NeverSure]

Close this topic..........gawd......................

Go elsewhere if you don't

like the topic being

discussed.

LOL. I think that was just an expression...

[Kenny202]

Isaan is just one of many perfect places in the world for guys who are clinical rescuers. They don't feel whole if they aren't rescuing a woman. If you need to be rescuing someone then obviously you will choose someone who is already drowning emotionally and has no extra energy for your needs.

When a guy mistakes that urge to rescue for love he's sunk. He gets his jollies exactly from the wrong thing - a thrashing and banging relationship that's never stable.

So he picks a woman who's incapable of taking care of herself much less him but it satisfies his need to be the good guy with the white hat who will take care of her.

Mr. Crab above ^^^ believes this gal may be pregnant. If she is gawd help both of them.

Cheers.

I believe u are right. Been the story of my life

[Kenny202]

There is no denying a "village" Isaan lady is from a totally different socio economic background than a city girl. It cant be denied this doesnt have a huge bearing on their outlook and lifestyle. Like polar opposites. Isaan girl is probably wrong as there a lot of well to do and middle class in the cities of Isaan. No offense meant but there is a huge difference. My girl grew up in a shack with no walls, dirt floor. I know, it's next door....abuse from the time she was 3. And there are some amazing village girls here too. Trustworthy, not obsessed with money, hard working. They're in the minority though

Edited September 13, 2015 by Kenny202

[Cypress Hill]

One bloke's saying "you OWN her" and another one's telling the OP to disappear for 5 days like he did . . . right before admitting that it was a moronic strategy because his relationship went belly up as a result

. . . honestly, you just can't make this crap up

Seriously, the ONLY reason for seeking relationship advice from the Thaivisa losers-in-love is so that you know exactly what NOT to do

Anyway, at 52, this OP's still relatively young.

He should be ENJOYING his life; instead he's angst-ridden and being run ragged by a puerile, poorly-educated (and, apparently, pregnant) Isaan bird with zero ambitions beyond her next meal while, elsewhere, asking if Thailand really wants farang retirees?

Are some people are just pre-programmed to screw things up?

[MaeJoMTB]

There is no denying a "village" Isaan lady is from a totally different socio economic background than a city girl. It cant be denied this doesnt have a huge bearing on their outlook and lifestyle. Like polar opposites. Isaan girl is probably wrong as there a lot of well to do and middle class in the cities of Isaan. No offense meant but there is a huge difference. My girl grew up in a shack with no walls, dirt floor. I know, it's next door....abuse from the time she was 3. And there are some amazing village girls here too. Trustworthy, not obsessed with money, hard working. They're in the minority though

Everyone's Thai wife grew up in a shack with no walls .........

That's why we are stuck with them.

If they had choices, they wouldn't be with us.

[YeahSiam]

One bloke's saying "you OWN her" and another one's telling the OP to disappear for 5 days like he did . . . right before admitting that it was a moronic strategy because his relationship went belly up as a result

. . . honestly, you just can't make this crap up

Seriously, the ONLY reason for seeking relationship advice from the Thaivisa losers-in-love is so that you know exactly what NOT to do

Have to disagree with

you there, CH. Sounds

to me like the OP's

after tips on how to

manage an difficult

Thai employee.

He couldn't have come

to a better place

[Loptr]

Story...got a dog 2 days ago. She's not realy a dog person. I didn't insist....asked her if she was ok with it....10 times to make sure. Told her maybe a week or two settling in with it maybe difficult. She understood she said. We or I had a dog in Australia. Drove 5 hours to pick it up. Back home. Super clean small breed dog. Everything seemed fine. I was delighted. Next day she's in a mood. Dog smell bad make vomit. Sat out the front of the home all day. Complained. As far as I could tell there was no smell. No sht etc. I mopped the back of the home twice. Still no good. I mean maybe she smelt something but this woman is the hypochondriac to end all hypochondriac. What got me most was the fact I don't think I've ever asked her for one thing. I asked her and she cudnt come up with anything. The one time I ask her for something for me she can't even try. I suspect it was jealousy of the dog. (and don't get me started about jealous!). So, that's what triggered this Tiff. I wake up this morning, take a shower and put the dogs in the back of the truck to take back. The messages start. If I take the dog back she'll leave. "I go Surin for try new lady". 100 other crazed messages. After driving an hour I come back thinking she's willing to try with the dog. "Can't live with dog". That is 100% true story. Does anyone want a French bulldog?

Geez, take a hint from her behavior... She's not trying to get rid of the dog, she wants rid of you... If it were me, I would oblige her...

[pgrahmm]

Forget about Isaan - whatever.....

I had a beautiful sexy woman in my life that was successful, kind, loving, fun, a perfect hostess, well accepted and respected from a very good family....

We were 85-90% compatible - but I ended the relationship.....

Why ?

Because the incompatible part was while not demanding she was argumentative.....She had been in a long abusive relationship before and had many triggers that brought about friction on almost a daily basis....I was always beginning/wondering/watching for when the next shoe/trigger was going to take place - living in a defensive posture, which I did not like.....No talking - nothing would change her.....Almost like a dog that's a "fear biter"......She earnestly wanted to change but couldn't......The last straw was when she embarrassed me in the middle of a neighborhood party......

To this day I feel bad about it because in every other way she was outstanding - but that one area made us incompatible......

I feel bad for her - but my life and strife levels are better/happier now....But in many ways I feel badly it didn't work out.....

Your gal does not tick off many 'good' boxes in your relationship and it seems to me the two of you are not compatible from the outset.....But she has outfoxed and boxed you in with her behavior.....

To me you need to admit failure - move on and stay unattached for a year.....Experience/observe/learn many things about others (and yourself) without attatchment....Then find someone......