What Do Thai Girls Expect From A Farang?

[dgoz]

I think it's more like the way some westerners feel about white gals who have been with black guys. You'd still shag'em, but would you really want to take Heidi Klum or J.Lo home to meet your folks? Intimidation hardly an issue, more of a class/hierarchy consciousness.

That is quite an interesting statement. So when a white girl has been with a black guy, she drops down a class?

You're very observant, aren't you.

[terry57]

After reading most of the posts, its pretty safe to say that nobody has a clue really.

thats the best one liner ive heard for ages donz and i shat in my undies laughing.

anyway,

im off to the dunny to give my bum gun a bleeding good work out.

cheers cobber.

[LaoPo]

-Thai girl has dated a farang before and now thai men is not interested anymore (why?).

This doesn't only applicable to Thai girl. General speaking in Asia, if any Asian girl who had dated a farang man, generally Asian men are not interested in dating her anymore. The reason, I was told by one of these guys was, they were intimidated by the farang (be it in HK, Malaysia, Singapore or even in Shanghai). It's all about self-conscious...

Actually its only a small minority who think like that, the majority dont really care who they been with before hand. Its a myth thats been thrown around

I think it's more like the way some westerners feel about white gals who have been with black guys. You'd still shag'em, but would you really want to take Heidi Klum or J.Lo home to meet your folks? Intimidation hardly an issue, more of a class/hierarchy consciousness.

I'm sorry Heng, but I didn't expect a quote from you like the above.

You're walking on a thin rope of racism here and I'm shocked that you, as a Thai/Chinese, educated in the US, express yourself like this. If I'm wrong, please correct me.

In fact you're saying here that you would be ashamed/afraid to introduce a non-Thai/Chinese Lady to your parents.

I'm very well aware of the fact that, especially (Thai)-Chinese families, would like to see their siblings marry into their own culture, class and hierarchy, if possible higher up in class, right?

Now, I have news for you: that's as old as the world.

'Our' parents wished the same for us 'farang' people in the West. Our parents also wish(ed) that their siblings marry in the same (but hope for better....) class and hierarchy, or 1 step higher class.

Because the West (Europe, USA, Australia) has a lot more experience with 'newcomers' (immigrants) than Far-Eastern countries, and therefore also people of other skin-colour it is a lot more excepted nowadays that men and women marry into another culture, skin and/or class/hierarchy.

I'm sorry to learn, especially from you, as a well respected TV-member (also by me), that you expressed the above quote.

Sorry, but you should be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, BTW: I am very happily married (as a white farang) to a Chinese/Chinese Lady and I can assure you that my Parents/Family-in-Law are the most lovely, kind, beautiful, classy people you can ever imagine.

I always approach them with the utmost respect and that is vice versa. We simply love each other and are very happy.

Heng: you (still) have a lot to learn about East/West, despite your upbringing and education.

But, there is time, you are still relatively young, aren't you?

LaoPo

[LaReina]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote. But now that I know different (with regards to Heng), I am not sure what to think.

So dgoz,, what would be really interesting is to see how many class drops you would be if you were to present your significant other at say a KKK or neo nazi/skin head meeting of your fellow brethren. After all, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, they too feel that shagging a black person (or have they expanded that to any non white person?) to be worthy of a drop in class.

[sbk]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote. But now that I know different (with regards to Heng), I am not sure what to think.

So dgoz,, what would be really interesting is to see how many class drops you would be if you were to present your significant other at say a KKK or neo nazi/skin head meeting of your fellow brethren. After all, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, they too feel that shagging a black person (or have they expanded that to any non white person?) to be worthy of a drop in class.

LaReina, bigots are everywhere. I tend ignore them as their small mindedness prove that they are of a much lower class than myself.

Unless, of course, they had the nerve to say it to my face (which they so rarely do) and then I'd probably kick them in the ahem, shins

[OlRedEyes]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote. But now that I know different (with regards to Heng), I am not sure what to think.

You thought only white males are racist?

I'd say they are on average less racist than many other groups.

[OlRedEyes]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote. But now that I know different (with regards to Heng), I am not sure what to think.

So dgoz,, what would be really interesting is to see how many class drops you would be if you were to present your significant other at say a KKK or neo nazi/skin head meeting of your fellow brethren. After all, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, they too feel that shagging a black person (or have they expanded that to any non white person?) to be worthy of a drop in class.

LaReina, bigots are everywhere. I tend ignore them as their small mindedness prove that they are of a much lower class than myself.

Unless, of course, they had the nerve to say it to my face (which they so rarely do) and then I'd probably kick them in the ahem, shins

Lovely sentiments

[katnip]

I think it's more like the way some westerners feel about white gals who have been with black guys.

Heng was describing his perception of "some westerners", not expressing his/her own attitude, I think.

I also suspect there's some truth to it, if we are honest about our own cultures. (Not endorsing; just observing.)

Edited October 11, 2006 by katnip

[sbk]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote. But now that I know different (with regards to Heng), I am not sure what to think.

So dgoz,, what would be really interesting is to see how many class drops you would be if you were to present your significant other at say a KKK or neo nazi/skin head meeting of your fellow brethren. After all, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, they too feel that shagging a black person (or have they expanded that to any non white person?) to be worthy of a drop in class.

LaReina, bigots are everywhere. I tend ignore them as their small mindedness prove that they are of a much lower class than myself.

Unless, of course, they had the nerve to say it to my face (which they so rarely do) and then I'd probably kick them in the ahem, shins

Lovely sentiments

Whose? Mine? or the idea proposed that I, as a white woman, am somehow lessened because I choose a partner who is of a different color?

Personally, people with attitudes like that should be ashamed of themselves, esp ones who don't see a problem with a white man being in a relationship with a woman of color. Hypocrisy is an ugly personality trait.

But anyway, this isn't about some members and their hypocritical bigoted attitudes, but about the ever popular topic "what do Thai girls want".

[soihok]

Love and security (or the other way round)

Cheers

[bluedragon]

After reading most of the posts, its pretty safe to say that nobody has a clue really.

I don't have a clue so I thought I'd just ask my gf who should be an expert on these things.

Last night I asked in the nicest voice possible "What do you want from me?"

Laughing gently she said "Why don't you ask an interesting question."

End of conversation.

Even if I don’t know from my experience – knowing and dating a range of women (money, age, background, etc.) here is what I’ve learned;

They want love but have a more practical view of this than a western woman, or you, might. This is one of the reasons age isn’t such a factor.

They want a nice man – easy on the anger, yelling, etc. You don’t have to be Mr. Perfect. They want to be respected – which does mean saving face sometimes. My GF says there are three vices that get men in trouble; Drinking, Gambling and Women. She has been taught that you can live with a man that has one, if not to extreme. But walk away from two. Fortunately I am a light drinker and don’t gamble….

They want sanook. Enjoy a good life, time with family and friends, taking it easy, going to the beach, eating. I’d say it’s a relaxed pace to life if possible. Rat race not so interesting.

They want to be financially secure. Just like people in the west. The reality is in most cases marrying a farang is marrying up. I think it’s fair to say that most places in the world, especially before the last 20 years, women look to marry for financial security for their family and to possibly improve their circumstances. My 80 year old mom told me recently that when she was shopping for a husband she was “looking for a briefcase, not a lunch pail.”. She, out of all of her lower-middle-working class family, did this and lives very well off today. (and I also think to this day she feels a little out of her class.) I don’t think her aspirations and those of a Thai village girl are much different. I think the only change has been in women really entering the workforce as equals in income the past 20 years. In spite of all the horror stores and joking here I don’t think most Thai women, outside of the most hardened BG’s, are after “get rich quick” and to milk a man dry, but money is part of the deal. (see Love above).

I’d agree with a comment above that the western man who is looking for more traditional woman would still seem less so compared to Thai men. In many cases the Thai woman gets a more accommodating, less demanding man and the Farang man gets a more traditional “take care of her man” woman and they can both be happy. Assuming they don’t trip up on the cultural issues or any of the above.

Hi, I am with Valjean on this... How we got to name calling, racism and class levels from "what a thai girl wants from a Farang", I don't know.. Wish someone would monitor these posts and delete the BS... Regards, BD

[Ijustwannateach]

Sometimes I think Heng has adopted the worst values of all his backgrounds. I don't know if he really personally feels that black people socially or racially "downgrade" those who date them (in that case, put me down a grade- I guess you don't want to introduce me to your parents, either! ) or if he's just making an observation about American society, as Katnip suggests- however, he probably holds these kinds of beliefs about Thai society from what I've read of him (that the class system is good, has "genetic" elements, etc.).

I'm glad someone commented about Japanese marriages. In Japan I often wished I was straight, because straight foreign men were so popular- mainly because the alternative was Japanese men, who are culturally and socially often a rather dismal choice in modern society (as the quotation suggests)- which left me in a bit of a bind. I would argue that if certain Thai women rarely go back to dating Thai men after dating foreign men, it could be attributed *both* to racist/nationalist factors (from the Thai men) and to a simple matter of preference socially on the part of those women. Both of these factors certainly apply in Japan.

"Steven"

[OlRedEyes]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote.

LaReina, bigots are everywhere. I tend ignore them as their small mindedness prove that they are of a much lower class than myself.

Unless, of course, they had the nerve to say it to my face (which they so rarely do) and then I'd probably kick them in the ahem, shins

Lovely sentiments

Whose? Mine? or the idea proposed that I, as a white woman, am somehow lessened because I choose a partner who is of a different color?

Personally, people with attitudes like that should be ashamed of themselves, esp ones who don't see a problem with a white man being in a relationship with a woman of color. Hypocrisy is an ugly personality trait.

But anyway, this isn't about some members and their hypocritical bigoted attitudes, but about the ever popular topic "what do Thai girls want".

The fact that the statement within the context appears to come from a small bigotted (if such a word exists) mind.

If it was reversed and made by a white male in relation to a white female, you would have been the first one to promise death and destruction.

Fair and balanced eh?

[sbk]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote.

LaReina, bigots are everywhere. I tend ignore them as their small mindedness prove that they are of a much lower class than myself.

Unless, of course, they had the nerve to say it to my face (which they so rarely do) and then I'd probably kick them in the ahem, shins

Lovely sentiments

Whose? Mine? or the idea proposed that I, as a white woman, am somehow lessened because I choose a partner who is of a different color?

Personally, people with attitudes like that should be ashamed of themselves, esp ones who don't see a problem with a white man being in a relationship with a woman of color. Hypocrisy is an ugly personality trait.

But anyway, this isn't about some members and their hypocritical bigoted attitudes, but about the ever popular topic "what do Thai girls want".

The fact that the statement within the context appears to come from a small bigotted (if such a word exists) mind.

If it was reversed and made by a white male in relation to a white female, you would have been the first one to promise death and destruction.

Fair and balanced eh?

Nope, I wouldn't, you are wrong there. My reference was to a bigot only. I dislike bigots of all types and if a white man encountered such bigoted behavior in a white woman I would be equally disgusted.

Anyway, to contribute a bit to the topic, I know a few local girls who married farang (none of them for the money). One is well educated and quite well off and would have been hard pressed to find a similar Thai man on the island who wasn't already married (by the time she came back and entered the "marriage pool"). So, what was she looking for in a partner? What most women want: a decent honest man who loves her, respects her and treats her kindly. She didn't need security, so that wasn't what attracted her to her partner. She was attracted to him by who he was, not what he had. I think, you will find, that scenario can occur in an honest relationship between people with similar hopes for their relationship.

If the man comes into it looking for a woman for only some very specific wants, it would seem any woman would do, so why should he find a woman who loves him for himself when it isn't reciprocated?

[OlRedEyes]

Ummm, ok.

[meadish_sweetball]

-Thai girl has dated a farang before and now thai men is not interested anymore (why?).

This doesn't only applicable to Thai girl. General speaking in Asia, if any Asian girl who had dated a farang man, generally Asian men are not interested in dating her anymore. The reason, I was told by one of these guys was, they were intimidated by the farang (be it in HK, Malaysia, Singapore or even in Shanghai). It's all about self-conscious...

Actually its only a small minority who think like that, the majority dont really care who they been with before hand. Its a myth thats been thrown around

I think it's more like the way some westerners feel about white gals who have been with black guys. You'd still shag'em, but would you really want to take Heidi Klum or J.Lo home to meet your folks? Intimidation hardly an issue, more of a class/hierarchy consciousness.

For me, it's all about the girl, not who she has been with before (although if she'd been with a jealous 7 foot crack dealer (regardless of skin colour) I might think twice. Not because of any racist concerns, rather out of plain and simple fear. )

[katnip]

If the man comes into it looking for a woman for only some very specific wants, it would seem any woman would do, so why should he find a woman who loves him for himself when it isn't reciprocated?

Indeed.

[GuestHouse]

I find it odd that the term bigot gets thrown out when comments are made about interracial relationships, where derogatory remarks have been made in reference to a white guy having a non white g/f wife.

But derogatory remarks about Thai men, or western women go un challenged.

[terry57]

-Thai girl has dated a farang before and now thai men is not interested anymore (why?).

This doesn't only applicable to Thai girl. General speaking in Asia, if any Asian girl who had dated a farang man, generally Asian men are not interested in dating her anymore. The reason, I was told by one of these guys was, they were intimidated by the farang (be it in HK, Malaysia, Singapore or even in Shanghai). It's all about self-conscious...

Actually its only a small minority who think like that, the majority dont really care who they been with before hand. Its a myth thats been thrown around

I think it's more like the way some westerners feel about white gals who have been with black guys. You'd still shag'em, but would you really want to take Heidi Klum or J.Lo home to meet your folks? Intimidation hardly an issue, more of a class/hierarchy consciousness.

For me, it's all about the girl, not who she has been with before (although if she'd been with a jealous 7 foot crack dealer (regardless of skin colour) I might think twice. Not because of any racist concerns, rather out of plain and simple fear. )

i usually agree with your posts meadish but on this one i beg to differ.

for me its all about the girl as well but if she has been around the block a few hundred times i would not dare think i was good enough to have a relationship with her.

my mind would always revert back to her past when we had an argument.

this is why i could never be with a working girl.

i know this is not the correct way of thinking but to be perfectly honest i know that would happen.

so hence, it is important to me that a girl must have a fairly clean back ground.

cheers

[meadish_sweetball]

I find it odd that the term bigot gets thrown out when comments are made about interracial relationships, where derogatory remarks have been made in reference to a white guy having a non white g/f wife.

But derogatory remarks about Thai men, or western women go un challenged.

Well, both this post from you as well as sbk's posts earlier do challenge those remarks, do they not?

[GuestHouse]

So that makes one other member willing to challenge the bigotted remarks against Thai men or western women.

[meadish_sweetball]

Some remarks are not worth wasting time on, is my view. I'll let you handle them, you do it so well.

[Heng]

I think it's more like the way some westerners feel about white gals who have been with black guys. You'd still shag'em, but would you really want to take Heidi Klum or J.Lo home to meet your folks? Intimidation hardly an issue, more of a class/hierarchy consciousness.

That is quite an interesting statement. So when a white girl has been with a black guy, she drops down a class?

It's all relative. For some folks, sure. For others, no, she steps up a class. And for others, it's all the same. And that's an observation from growing up in fairly integrated schools stateside... I would assume that it's even more evident in areas with more racial issues.

My point was that IMO, locals who were of the type that they wouldn't have anything to do with gals or guys who dated outside of their racial group were more likely to fall into the first group (those that felt like it 'dropped the individual down a class' as you put it).

[katnip]

Here are some interesting comments from a Chinese Australian :

We might compare the plight of many Filipino brides who have been brought to this country by white Australian men to that of gay Asian men here. Sometimes the characteristics of such relationships include the less savoury aspects of sexual colonisation. These relationships often involve an older white male, economic dependence by a younger ‘Asian’, an assumed cultural, intellectual and social inferiority of the Asian partner, and, finally alienation of the Asian partner from his own culture.

A not atypical advertisement from Capital Q, a Sydney gay newspaper, reads: ‘I’m looking for a young Asian guy, 18-25 years old, who would like to have an older (50 years old) Aussie guy as a friend’. There is a common belief among older, white Australians that Asians have greater respect for their elders than do white Australians, and that while it would be difficult for most older, white gay men who are not wealthy to find a white sexual partner much younger than themselves, ‘Asian’ gay men are available.4 For the uninitiated, in gay parlance the advertiser would be known as a ‘Rice Queen’, whereas a Chinese man who prefers a Caucasian lover would be a ‘Potato Queen’. ‘Sticky Rice’ is when two Asians do it. These are not complimentary labels; after all, rice queens are often objects of derision as men whom only Asians could possibly find attractive.

Film-maker and writer Tony Ayres’s most famous work is the documentary China Dolls, in which he examines the plight of growing up and subsequently negotiating emotional survival as a gay Chinese Australian in an unfairly skewed world of intercultural sexual relationships. Flattered at first that white men found him attractive, albeit men twice his age, Ayres came very quickly to the realisation that ‘according to the predominant rules of Caucasian Western sexual attraction, being Chinese was actually a distinctive sexual category in a racial hierarchy. Asians were behind Black and Latino men in the scale of things. Of course, white men were on top’.

http://www.api-network.com/articles/index.php?jas72_leong

"Western" cultures are a long way from being free of racist attitudes and these attitudes affect relationships in significant ways; from both inside the partnership and without.

Perhaps, while foreign men are considered desirable by Thai women in certain ways, and may bring status accordingly, they may also come at a certain social "cost".

Edit : Just saw Heng's further comments above and they're in line with what I was thinking. The Thai woman's exisiting level of status and attitudes of those around her would be important factors in the equation. In other words, the situation is a rather complex balance.

Edited October 11, 2006 by katnip

[Heng]

I find it odd that the term bigot gets thrown out when comments are made about interracial relationships, where derogatory remarks have been made in reference to a white guy having a non white g/f wife.

But derogatory remarks about Thai men, or western women go un challenged.

Not odd at all. Those who are going to get the most worked up about something are going to be those in the most precarious (often insecure) situations. The LOS is one of the few places in the world where the avg. white fella is actually in that category, below the white female and Thai male on the food chain.... hence the need for repeated self assuring on threads like these. That's a compliment by the way. Feel better guys?

[katnip]

The LOS is one of the few places in the world where the avg. white fella is actually in that category, below the white female and Thai male on the food chain.

Interesting comment. May I ask why the white female is "ranked" above the average white fella ?

(Genuine question, btw, not being sarcastic. Oh dear - maybe that makes it worse ... . Anyway, asking out of genuine curiosity.)

Edited October 11, 2006 by katnip

[roytheboy]

This was a very interesting thread without to may stupid comments, and good to hear some womans comments.

So is the Sweedish man going to take his chances, or did all this advice just confuse him, all life is just one big learning curve, and basicly you have to find out for youself.

The man/woman debate will go on for ever, as there thinking and wants are so different, other issues are, ie most men sex rules there brain "as in my case" where for most woman it is not important.

Woman are difficult enough to fathom out in your own country of origin, let alone a different language/ culture/ customs, and to my mind it's a brave man that takes on one !!!

If you have a faled relationship/ or two in your own country, it is stupid to think a small beautifull asian girl will solve all your problems, but good luck to those who do succeed !

Having done the dutifull husband thing once, I definately know what I want and what I dont,

Some of you guys should have faith in yourself ! Ihave no problem getting girls here in UK 25 years my junior, and in Thailand a problem just keeping them at bay ! and before you comment they are all not bar girls.

I give woman the biggest smiles, treat them well, open car doors for them, and ALL tell me I am the best man in the bed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call me a big head , I don't give a toss !

My current g/f is a half Jamacian, half english beauty of 20, why is she with me ? for me and my personality, not money, togther 2 months and only ever paid for dinner for her.

Too many people are just dreamers, thinking the grass is allways greener, it ain't

Oh before someone says why did the ex wife leave me , and 3 small kids ? answer for another country.....Australia now dying of ms !!!! Thailand I will be back, just for the good time only !

[ray23]

Why is the why so important?

Whatever motivation you had put you where you are.

Whatever motivation she had has put her where she is.

If it's good then it's good. Seems like very little to question to me.

In case none of you have figured it out we never meant to understand women now matter where they are from.

Wonder how many thousand of relationship book have been written?

I don't find Thai women all that different then the western women I have spent any length of time with. I just happen to be more attracted to Asian women. I don't make it confusing.

Why they want to be with me, I really don't care. It's just a good thing that they are there

[terry57]

This was a very interesting thread without to may stupid comments, and good to hear some womans comments.

So is the Sweedish man going to take his chances, or did all this advice just confuse him, all life is just one big learning curve, and basicly you have to find out for youself.

The man/woman debate will go on for ever, as there thinking and wants are so different, other issues are, ie most men sex rules there brain "as in my case" where for most woman it is not important.

Woman are difficult enough to fathom out in your own country of origin, let alone a different language/ culture/ customs, and to my mind it's a brave man that takes on one !!!

If you have a faled relationship/ or two in your own country, it is stupid to think a small beautifull asian girl will solve all your problems, but good luck to those who do succeed !

Having done the dutifull husband thing once, I definately know what I want and what I dont,

Some of you guys should have faith in yourself ! Ihave no problem getting girls here in UK 25 years my junior, and in Thailand a problem just keeping them at bay ! and before you comment they are all not bar girls.

I give woman the biggest smiles, treat them well, open car doors for them, and ALL tell me I am the best man in the bed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call me a big head , I don't give a toss !

My current g/f is a half Jamacian, half english beauty of 20, why is she with me ? for me and my personality, not money, togther 2 months and only ever paid for dinner for her.

Too many people are just dreamers, thinking the grass is allways greener, it ain't

Oh before someone says why did the ex wife leave me , and 3 small kids ? answer for another country.....Australia now dying of ms !!!! Thailand I will be back, just for the good time only !

i would never call you a big head,

but i would call you a very lucky guy with one hel_l of a positive attitute.

more power to you brother.

PS. anyone who slams you is only jealous.

[Donz]

Wow, I was going to respond based on the fact that I assumed you both are white based on the racial undertones of the quote. But now that I know different (with regards to Heng), I am not sure what to think.

You thought only white males are racist?

I'd say they are on average less racist than many other groups.

Really? I wouldn' t