Smiling isn't against the law

[SoiBiker]

Do you smile at every stranger in your own country.

Pretty much, yes.

I don't stop and say hello to them, or try to strike up a friendship, but if someone passes me in the street and our eyes happen to meet, I'll smile at them.

[louse1953]

If you're on a bicycle, I'll smile and say hello (race and nationality not important).

Will I smile at all random white guy's I don't know ...... definitely not ...... that's just crazy behaviour.

If we don't have some activity in common, I don't want to know you.

You don't have to stop and chat, or even say hello. But a smile as you pass by costs nothing, takes no time, and shows the world you're not a miserable old sod.

They think what they think,it costs more than a insincere smile,just for the heck of it,to change peoples attitudes.

[louse1953]

Do you smile at every stranger in your own country.

Pretty much, yes.

I don't stop and say hello to them, or try to strike up a friendship, but if someone passes me in the street and our eyes happen to meet, I'll smile at them.

You don't live in a city then.

[louse1953]

Maybe some farangs just have a different set of social skills. I agree that just a cursory nod to another faring in a shopping mall isn't too much to ask. We're all foreigners so it would be lovely just to see us acknowledge each other. Who knows, you might even make a new friend!!

But that just sets up the us and them syndrome.You either smile at everybody or nobody.

[Harveyg]

I smile at everyone. Thai people almost always smile back. Farangs almost never.

I went back to California last year. Standing outside the politically correct Berkeley Post Office I smiled at an older woman. Her reaction reminded me why I'm not there anymore. But hey, 3 cheers for you guys who smile, I'm with ya. But hai people know - farang Mai mee yim....

[SoiBiker]

Do you smile at every stranger in your own country.

Pretty much, yes.

I don't stop and say hello to them, or try to strike up a friendship, but if someone passes me in the street and our eyes happen to meet, I'll smile at them.

You don't live in a city then.

Yep. Bangkok. And London before that.

[SoiBiker]

If you're on a bicycle, I'll smile and say hello (race and nationality not important).

Will I smile at all random white guy's I don't know ...... definitely not ...... that's just crazy behaviour.

If we don't have some activity in common, I don't want to know you.

You don't have to stop and chat, or even say hello. But a smile as you pass by costs nothing, takes no time, and shows the world you're not a miserable old sod.

They think what they think,it costs more than a insincere smile,just for the heck of it,to change peoples attitudes.

So what if it doesn't change anything? You don't lose anything by trying.

I'm dumbfounded that there is anyone that would actually argue against smiling. What a miserable existence you must lead.

[geisha]

Ive lived in a lot of condos over 30 odd years in Thailand. My rare Thai neighbours have always been charming and polite. Can't say the same for the foreign ones I'm afraid. Not a smile to be seen! Lots of the places I've stayed have been Scandinavian built/ owned/ rented.

Mainly because they are very well built and maintained. Despite seeing the same people, day in day out, no one speaks , says hello or good morning ! It's hard to believe, I don't think there's a problem with the way I look, and I'm a quiet neighbour. My other home is in France where people have a reputation for not being welcoming or over friendly. Well, I can honestly say that they are at least much more polite than the foreigners here. I often wonder why. I have no problem with Thai people and generally have good friendly relationships with them.

[SouthernMan3]

I like your post and am in general agreement. I find giving a grin to a Thai always gets one in return, and if you're in a service situation such as a restaurant, repair shop or similar, it generally breaks down the barrier and you tend to get better service and less of the "mai mee".

However, doing the same with foreigners presents me with some difficulties. If they look, sound, act normal then I'm the first to say a Gidday or Owzitgoin.

Bbut some of the slobs on their two week millionaire vacation that have the manners, language, dress, and behaviour of a Bogan or Chav will still only illicit a contemptuous smirk from me.

Agreed !

And by the way, I live where there are hardly any Falang and tourists are very rare.

So all good there.

I smile at everyone and get a smile back at least 85%ish (if not more) if the time kap

[williet98248]

I smile at everyone. Thai people almost always smile back. Farangs almost never.

Yup. Same here. Smile at everyone and hope for the best. Take what you get.

[SaintLouisBlues]

This post shows a fundamental ignorance of Thai culture. Thais smile as a way of avoiding inter-personal conflict - no more, no less

[fishbrando]

One time I was walking down the street in Krabi; I was smiling at something that had occurred a few minutes ago when I heard one of the restaurant hustlers say in Thai, "What the hell are you smiling at?"

So apparently you're right, some Thais don't like it when people are just smiling to themselves.

[Laughing Gravy]

Just because you don't smile doesn't mean you are unhappy. A widely misconception here in Thailand. As just because people smile it doesn't mean they are friendly and genuine. often I walk around without a smile as I am thinking but I am bursting inside with laughter and happiness. Do people say hello and smile at everyone in the country they were born? So why do it here? If someone smiles at me and I see them, I will reply but too much is suggested, on a smile here in Thailand. It is a bit like people saying you walk fast you must be stressed. Totally untrue.

I don't see the big fuss about smiling to be honest. We don't have to copy all of Thai peoples traits. We can still keep some of our identity.

[DrTuner]

Baring your teeth is an act of aggression. Thais only get away with it because they are smaller.

[DrTuner]

I'm not here to integrate into Thai culture. I hope that's OK with y'all.

Now I'm scared that if I smile too much, I'll wake up in the morning and find I've turned into a Thai.

What a horrible thought. I'm not sure if I'll dare ever sleep again.

[2008bangkok]

Thirdly, the 'I hate all other foreigners and I'm going to pretend you don't exist' mentality needs to change. Thais see how we interact with one another, and the cold shoulder, 1000 yard stare doesn't go unnoticed by Thais. I'm not calling for BFF status be extended to one and all, but the expat community could be friendlier to one another.

A good place would be to start here on TVF.

End of rant.

Smiling is a waste of energy.

Kind of like reading your posts.

Pot calling the kettle black perhaps?

[wabothai]

Well, surrounded by so many Russians in Jomtien, a culture where smiling at strangers is considered a sign of mental retardation, my inner Russian has emerged.

Jingthing:

You adopt the best aspects of a different culture, not the worst.

That's your value judgment about the Russian attitude towards smiling when you have nothing real to smile about.

Russians really don't invite a smile. And this is not about Russians, but amount common politeness, appreciated by most of us.

Better the world and................

[johnhw]

Watched a pair of ladies practically shove their yard-long Look-At-Me-I'm-With-Nat.Geo Nikon lens up the nose of an elderly lady sitting on the pavement selling veggies at the Chiang Rai street market. She smiled at them, and they returned her smile stone-faced, like she had two heads, then glanced at each other and laughed.

A pair of ladies I think not !. I see far too many tourists acting that way and worse. I was asked by friends in the states why I don't post more pictures of things and people in my neighborhood. I explained that you don't nose around and take pictures of your neighbors...I am not a tourist...it takes a good 3 to 6 months to get your neighbors to become accustomed to you in their space, you don't go screwing it up by acting like a ninny fresh off the Lonely Planet bookshelf.

Indeed...the whole "photos or it didn't happen" mindset is nonsense.

I would rather experience what is going on than have my eye to a camera or phone cam.

Photography is one of my hobbies...but I do not feel the need to record everything.

I get the impression that I'm being misread. I couldn't care if folks record...on Facebook or on film...their daily trips to the toilet.

What I consider disgusting ignorance is A)Shoving a lens up somebody's nose, and B)then refusing to smile, even as a thanks for the intrusion.

...I spend winters here only...so perhaps unfair to comment, but I find the behaviour of many of my fellow farangs (particularly in groups)embarrassing.

[nervona81732]

I think your spot on with this opinion. A smile some compassion and understanding go along way. Bar stoolers GET BACK IN YOUR CORNER. Get to know your audience and further more get to know your real self. You be be amazed. Not like that in the west. You came here for a reason. Was it just for the P@#$Y or the economics or was it to have an adventure and really learn what and how other cultures live and what they have to do to survive.

I live in Issan and the folks here are wonderful and I'm not the most sabai soul to deal with. But they always cut me slack and forgive my actions.

They have my total respect.

On another note, I didn't come here for the girls. I came here because at an early age I found myself in S.E. asian culture ( use your imagination on that one ) hint RVN! Went back to western civ and was total turned off by my culture after experiencing S.E. Asia. A bunch of you falangs don't even comprehend what life is like for a lot of these folks. Honest. hard working loyal and simple people that don't need a bunch of synthetic crap to be happy and content.

I rest my case. Be here and discover REALITY and don't judge according to what you have assumed life should be. You are in their turf so man up and pay some respect and take your lumps or your a wimp. Cheers. Have a nice day.

Happy in Issan

[arminbkk]

And farangs, at first sight of you they usually have the "ugh, there's another one" expression.

Not in my experience. Maybe its you?

Yeah, maybe I should be less open and smile less.

[bangon04]

What's a 'real smile', anyway?

People smile for all sorts of reasons.

Like the broad smile of a friendly Nigerian in lower sukhumvit. Always happy to get into a happy conversation.

Or the benevolent smile of an indian tailor as you try to pass his shop without asking about having a suit made..

Or the warm welcoming smile of a young lady standing outside a bar trying to entice you inside.

Or the knowing smile of a Tuktuk driver as he gives you his genuine (free of charge) recommendation for visiting his favourite gem store.

Or the all embracing smile of the taxi driver in Soi 11 as he recommends a day trip to Pattaya with him.

Or the relaxed smile of the street vendor as he shows you his packets of fake Viagra..

Yes indeed, it's a happy smiling world out there.

[SoiBiker]

What's a 'real smile', anyway?

People smile for all sorts of reasons.

Like the broad smile of a friendly Nigerian in lower sukhumvit. Always happy to get into a happy conversation.

Or the benevolent smile of an indian tailor as you try to pass his shop without asking about having a suit made..

Or the warm welcoming smile of a young lady standing outside a bar trying to entice you inside.

Or the knowing smile of a Tuktuk driver as he gives you his genuine (free of charge) recommendation for visiting his favourite gem store.

Or the all embracing smile of the taxi driver in Soi 11 as he recommends a day trip to Pattaya with him.

Or the relaxed smile of the street vendor as he shows you his packets of fake Viagra..

Yes indeed, it's a happy smiling world out there.

Interesting that you talk about the 'world', and yet everything you describe takes place in a rather specific area of Bangkok.

If you don't like the animals, don't go to the zoo.

[arminbkk]

I gave up the "give a smile first" approach after years of doing that, because it was of no use:

99 out of 100 times I got back an indifferent look, a dismal look, and even a "w-t-f are you looking at" look.

Really? Not sure where you live but out in the countryside, I find coaxing a smile out of Thais is easy.

Bangkok.

Yes really. Mind you, I am talking about just a brief smile in passing, not prolonged interaction.

And I am a tall, white, handsome (Thais say this, not I) farang.

Should add that most Thais, again just general strangers that you see/pass outside, don't exactly have an expression that invites a smile.

And mostly I get an indifferent blank look back, or they just look the other way.

As for when asking for something in a shop (prolonged interaction), my friendly smiling apologetic approach usually gets a cold response.

I am not Thai bashing, I am just disappointed (that this is the same here as in the west).

I always exchange smiles and greetings with my Thai landlord when I leave in the morning and return in the evening.

[SOTIRIOS]

.......unfortunately........a smile........ is NOT a smile...is not a smile........

...you may be smiling for a particular reason.....to display pure, healthy happiness or emotion.....

..a smile can be much more connived and sinister......

...back in Canada we had an Asian student in our Telecom program....she never had to do anything...just smile.....

...when I confronted her about it, she replied, 'Back in our country we are taught how to deal with westerners...simply smile and you will get whatever you want'

...there you have it....

...as for macho or male on male situations....a smile can be deadly...given or taken....

Edited January 21, 2016 by SOTIRIOS

[HerbalEd]

If you're on a bicycle, I'll smile and say hello (race and nationality not important).

Will I smile at all random white guy's I don't know ...... definitely not ...... that's just crazy behaviour.

If we don't have some activity in common, I don't want to know you.

Then you miss out on a lot of potential new friends, or at least a friendly exchange. To each his own, of course ... but while I mostly befriend those with my same interests, I also enjoy meeting someone different in order to broaden my experience, hear a new/different view on life, and perhaps even make a new friend. How boring to know only those who think like ourselves.

As a life-time world traveler, my main reason for traveling and expat life has been to meet "different" people, not necessarily people who are the same as my friends in my home country.

Edited January 21, 2016 by HerbalEd

[HerbalEd]

Smiling is a waste of energy.

So are troll posts.

[SoiBiker]

You know, I think what the "Of course, it's not a real smile" crowd are actually saying is "Of course, they're not actually being as deferential to you as a Thai person should be to the mighty Farang".

[FolkGuitar]

Do you smile at every stranger in your own country.

Pretty much, yes.

I don't stop and say hello to them, or try to strike up a friendship, but if someone passes me in the street and our eyes happen to meet, I'll smile at them.

I walk through the middle of Chiang Mai every day. I pass dozens of Thais and dozens of foreign tourists.

I'm generally smiling when I walk, just 'cuz I tend to be pretty happy most of the time. And when my eyes meet with a Thai's, and my smile broadens into a silent 'hello! nice day!' I ALWAYS get a broad smile back. I don't find anything lurking behind those smiles, as I might from the tailor trying to sell a suit or the Indian who tells me that he knows what my dead mother wants me to understand. The usual smile is just two people being cordial. Nothing more. Polite smile to polite smile, acknowledging the existence of the other person as a valid human being. Actually, I pass the same vendors every day, and although they know that I'm not going to make a purchase, they are still polite, cordial, and smile.

Yet when you pass the typical foreigner, it's as if they think it's a crime to acknowledge anyone's presence. Of course, they usually behave that way inside restaurants and temples too. When walking along the moat, on the narrow strip along the north side, groups will form a single file to pass, yet not one will meet your eyes or say 'good morning.' If you, on the other hand, say 'Good Morning' to them, it's as if they've been hit with a Tazer! They stiffen up their whole bodies, raise their eyes so they can be sure of not making eye contact, and hurry past.

While it's true that in some cultures, holding eye-to-eye contact... for too long... is a no-no, Thais don't get angry about a brief look and a smile. Neither do I. I think it's polite.

[HerbalEd]

Astounding quite how misanthropic some people here have allowed themselves to become.

I know the meaning of "misanthropic" but I often like to look-up words to refresh my memory. According to my dictionary, the word misanthropic means -- "a person who dislikes humankind and avoids human society -- which well describes many older expats in Thailand, and especially on tv.com.

[HerbalEd]

I gave up the "give a smile first" approach after years of doing that, because it was of no use:

99 out of 100 times I got back an indifferent look, a dismal look, and even a "w-t-f are you looking at" look.

It does not matter whether it is outside in passing, walking through shopping aisles or at check-out counters.

And as the poster above, the "thank you" is almost a rarity at places like Big C, Tesco Lotus and some 7-11s.

I hardly ever see a Thai waitress/waiter smile when waiting on you.

I have really observed Thais and what I noticed is that they don't smile at strangers.

Now I do as Thais do.

And farangs, at first sight of you they usually have the "ugh, there's another one" expression.

I don't know you, and meaning no offense, but maybe it's you ... not them.

After thirty years experience as a frequent traveler to Thailand and the last 4 years as a resident, I still get many smiles from Thais pretty much every day ... and my expat friends say the same thing. Many times they initiate and I respond back with a smile, and vice versa.

Edited January 21, 2016 by HerbalEd