Racism amongst family

[NoshowJones]

My wife and I have been married 23 years,there is a quite large age gap,much of that time we lived in the UK with our son ,my family love her ,my friends all liked her and we only ever once had a bad word spoken to us and that was when a Pakistani guy was rude and even asked how much I paid for her. We have now been back here for 10 years and her family are as nice to me as mine were to her

I know from your posts that you are a decent person, and do not deserve this sort of treatment, so I hope you sorted this Pakistani guy out.

[dave_boo]

Are you fat or ugly? If not, they are clearly jealous.

What about tattoos, facial hair?

Or the worst...nasal hair!

[NoshowJones]

My condolences regarding the passing of your father. However, did your father ever "stand-up", as the patron (head) of the family, in defense of your wife? Did your father ever take the initiative to pay a visit to your family home, on his own?

If you can honestly answer "no", to both those questions, then why have you not "stood-up", in solidarity with your own wife. Sometimes that "blood is thicker than water" nonsense, is an age-old philosophy, that can truly cloud the common senses.

Why have you not completely disowned those people, you call your family, but whom, in fact, have disrespected you the most, and are clearly not your friends?

You need to man-up, in solidarity with your wife (best-friend, as you claim), bloke, or you risk that your wife will eventually lose her respect for you, assuming that loss hasn't already (quietly, on her part) come to pass. I hope you are paying attention

A very sensible post, take heed Mr OP.

[Blackheart]

It is racism because every negative comment begins with she is thai, that's what they do, they are all the same.

We have a great relationship for seven years, beautiful children.

Three year age gap, she was an accountant but is now studying to be a teacher in Oz.

Good honest background,polite,but judged from day one before they even met her

It's openly said it's because she is thai, how Is it not racism.

On another note let's stop the who can speak thai the best competition

[NoshowJones]

Thai women have a terrible reputation both in and out of thailand so you can't blame friends and family for being protective. I bet thousands of farangs would of wished they listened to family and friends before they were broken

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

I just do not believe this at all, a terrible reputation???? I have never seen any bad in any of my friends wifes here in Thailand.

and may I also say that most of them are ex bargirls.

[Alwyn]

As someone before me said, you can't choose family. Sounds to me as if they are jealous of your happiness, big time! The fact you are happy in your marriage is galling them. My question is "so what"? You're guilty of letting others decide what your mood is going to be today, and only one person has that right - you. I have the same issue but the other way around! My wife's family are nasty money-grabbing scum. I cannot stand them. It got to the point where my wife could see through this Thai "but she is my mama" nonsense and just blanks them now. No confrontation, just changed her phone number and has totally nothing to do with them. Took the pressure right of of her. I would do the same if I were you.

[Tom Cahill]

They'll just be your typical British losers. Fat, depressed, ignorant, cowardly and jealous. It's not their fault, but you've got to be careful to shield your child from their negativity, as it's infectious. It's better to have no family than one who brings you down. It's much more serious when you've got a child as you're responsible for them.

Most British people who object to Thais marrying into their race are just jealous that they're being cut out of the picture for being fat, mouthy c*nts who can't and won't go anywhere, so spend their time pulling other people down.

[Tom Cahill]

My wife and I have been married 23 years,there is a quite large age gap,much of that time we lived in the UK with our son ,my family love her ,my friends all liked her and we only ever once had a bad word spoken to us and that was when a Pakistani guy was rude and even asked how much I paid for her. We have now been back here for 10 years and her family are as nice to me as mine were to her

I know from your posts that you are a decent person, and do not deserve this sort of treatment, so I hope you sorted this Pakistani guy out.

That one seems to have been riding his luck. He knows full well they don't come off well in any argument based on race. You could have had a lot of fun there, because they would have to pay a lot to get what's free for white people.

[faraday]

You don't have to like or love your family. They appear to not like or love you.

Sounds as if you've got a lovely wife & child, concentrate all your love & time on them.

Just don't bother with your UK family.

Oh, & good luck.

[zzo]

If people don't respect you, you need to end the relationship. Family or not. Find good friends and forget the family.

[NoshowJones]

My wife and I have been married 23 years,there is a quite large age gap,much of that time we lived in the UK with our son ,my family love her ,my friends all liked her and we only ever once had a bad word spoken to us and that was when a Pakistani guy was rude and even asked how much I paid for her. We have now been back here for 10 years and her family are as nice to me as mine were to her

I know from your posts that you are a decent person, and do not deserve this sort of treatment, so I hope you sorted this Pakistani guy out.

That one seems to have been riding his luck. He knows full well they don't come off well in any argument based on race. You could have had a lot of fun there, because they would have to pay a lot to get what's free for white people.

All I will say is that if anyone except a Thai (I don't fancy taking on six of them) was rude to me and asked me how much I paid for my wife, I would not take kindly to it.

[dotpoom]

Look at it this way...at least they are talking about you....I am a recovered alcoholic fot the past 15 years...but my fanily couldn't give a flying <deleted> if I was dead or alive.

[federico]

My wife and i live in paris, we met in 2009, married in 2011 and live happily together with my daughters since then. She s 46 i am 55. She was not a bar girl (as far as i know...?). She has been welcomed by my family and friends.

She socializes very easily so she has many thai friends here. I met most of those ladies and i was amazed how almost all of them were nice girls (most come from issan), honest, weĺl educated and caring and loving their husband.

But i hear from my wife some of the problems they encounter with their farang family in law only because they come from thailand, considering a thai woman can only marry a farang in order to have a comfortable material life and are unable to have true feelings. That sounds sad to me but i guess racism and prejudices are not only from farangs against thais but the other way as well. This is the most sharing thing on earth, only have to read newspapers to understand it...

I think if my family didn't accept my wife, i would stop seeing them but choice is painful and not easy.

[mcfish]

People are more open minded here !! What planet are you on ?? !!

Thai people are just as racist as the rest of the world.

We are farangs, whether we are married to a family member or not.

Family talk about the farang even when speaking about you with your Thai wife.

Let's compare.

The West.

If you move to the West with a woman from Southeast Asia, and there is either a big age difference between you and her, or she does not speak English well, or her skills do not match up well with high paying job opportunities, your social status will suffer. Men will be jealous and envious of your younger wife, and women of your generation will often be resentful and dismissive. There is enormous stigma in the West against non-native English speakers. If your wife is unemployable in anything other than menial or unskilled labor, your family income and social status will suffer further as well. The stereotypes of Thailand being a haven for sex-tourists are widespread, as are the stereotypes about mail order brides, and younger women who dupe unsuspecting older men into marrying them for mercenary motives. In the TV show '90 Day Visa,' which profiles couples where one partner comes from outside the US, couples routinely encounter these prejudices.

SE Asia.

Yes, your wife may initially be stigmatized as a bar-girl for having married a foreign man, but that stigma will fade in most cases far quicker in SE Asia than in the West. You will not encounter that much jealousy and envy from local men who are jealous that you have a younger wife. Women of your generation will not be giving you the 'stink eye' because your wife is younger. No one is going to put you down because you can't speak Thai on a native level. Your efforts to speak Thai, no matter how fledgling, will be encouraged far more than your wife's efforts to speak English in the West, where, unless you speak English on a native level, you are rarely complimented on your language skills. In SE Asia, a foreign husband is seen as a social asset, a good catch, if only for the financial security you presumably will be able to provide.

So, yes, in terms of tolerance and acceptance of an inter-racial couple from different socio-economic backgrounds, I continue to maintain that Thais are far more "open-minded" than most people in the West.

Jealous? I Doubt it. The guys I hung around with referred to the thai lady as a slope, definitely something you bought into the country because you're desperate and can't score a local

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

[khundon]

Blackheart, your family sound like a real bunch of shits.

I cannot imagine what they have put your wife through over the years, yet you still keep in touch with them?

Do yourself and your wife a favour and kick them into touch for good.

Tell them they are a@@holes and that you never want to see any of them again.

Both your lives will be better without them.

[William C F Pierce]

If they do not respect both you and your wife. They are not your family. Their foreigners cut them off and be happy.

[MaeJoMTB]

The guys I hung around with referred to the thai lady as a slope, definitely something you bought into the country because you're desperate and can't score a local

And the people your Thai lady hangs around with call you a 'farang'.

[MaeJoMTB]

The guys I hung around with referred to the thai lady as a slope, definitely something you bought into the country because you're desperate and can't score a local

And the people your Thai lady hung around with call you a 'farang'.

Edited January 27, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[brewsterbudgen]

It is racism because every negative comment begins with she is thai, that's what they do, they are all the same.

We have a great relationship for seven years, beautiful children.

Three year age gap, she was an accountant but is now studying to be a teacher in Oz.

Good honest background,polite,but judged from day one before they even met her

It's openly said it's because she is thai, how Is it not racism.

On another note let's stop the who can speak thai the best competition

Thai is not a race it's a nationality. Maybe they're just typical English bigots and xenophobes. Edited January 27, 2016 by brewsterbudgen

[TuskegeeBen]

My condolences regarding the passing of your father. However, did your father ever "stand-up", as the patron (head) of the family, in defense of your wife? Did your father ever take the initiative to pay a visit to your family home, on his own?

If you can honestly answer "no", to both those questions, then why have you not "stood-up", in solidarity with your own wife. Sometimes that "blood is thicker than water" nonsense, is an age-old philosophy, that can truly cloud the common senses.

Why have you not completely disowned those people, you call your family, but whom, in fact, have disrespected you the most, and are clearly not your friends?

You need to man-up, in solidarity with your wife (best-friend, as you claim), bloke, or you risk that your wife will eventually lose her respect for you, assuming that loss hasn't already (quietly, on her part) come to pass. I hope you are paying attention

My father never had a relationship with my

Brother and sister.

It's difficult when you do not know the full story but try not to add your own imagined parts as it's not going to be correct.

For eg, rather then saying your father should have done such and such, perhaps you could have used common sense and said did your father do such and such.

Excuse me, bloke, but you're the one who posted your sadsack family story, to the very public TVF. If you can't handle an honest, direct communication reply, then perhaps you'd be better advised to seek the professional help of a marriage counselor, instead.

Plus, considering the attitude you have, then its no small wonder, that you have an absurd "can-of-worms" to deal with. My sincere, deepest sympathies go out, to your most unfortunate Thai wife. Best wishes, and good luck

Edited January 27, 2016 by TuskegeeBen

[JAFO]

People are more open minded here !! What planet are you on ?? !!

Thai people are just as racist as the rest of the world.

We are farangs, whether we are married to a family member or not.

Family talk about the farang even when speaking about you with your Thai wife.

Let's compare.

The West.

If you move to the West with a woman from Southeast Asia, and there is either a big age difference between you and her, or she does not speak English well, or her skills do not match up well with high paying job opportunities, your social status will suffer. Men will be jealous and envious of your younger wife, and women of your generation will often be resentful and dismissive. There is enormous stigma in the West against non-native English speakers. If your wife is unemployable in anything other than menial or unskilled labor, your family income and social status will suffer further as well. The stereotypes of Thailand being a haven for sex-tourists are widespread, as are the stereotypes about mail order brides, and younger women who dupe unsuspecting older men into marrying them for mercenary motives. In the TV show '90 Day Visa,' which profiles couples where one partner comes from outside the US, couples routinely encounter these prejudices.

SE Asia.

Yes, your wife may initially be stigmatized as a bar-girl for having married a foreign man, but that stigma will fade in most cases far quicker in SE Asia than in the West. You will not encounter that much jealousy and envy from local men who are jealous that you have a younger wife. Women of your generation will not be giving you the 'stink eye' because your wife is younger. No one is going to put you down because you can't speak Thai on a native level. Your efforts to speak Thai, no matter how fledgling, will be encouraged far more than your wife's efforts to speak English in the West, where, unless you speak English on a native level, you are rarely complimented on your language skills. In SE Asia, a foreign husband is seen as a social asset, a good catch, if only for the financial security you presumably will be able to provide.

So, yes, in terms of tolerance and acceptance of an inter-racial couple from different socio-economic backgrounds, I continue to maintain that Thais are far more "open-minded" than most people in the West.

Jealous? I Doubt it. The guys I hung around with referred to the thai lady as a slope, definitely something you bought into the country because you're desperate and can't score a local

@Gecko123 and MrFish

It is very hard not to generalize on debates like these and they are complicated and complex. Racism and personal bias is rampant everywhere. Going off on a tangent a bit from the OP's post but speaking a bit further on the West versus East debate, I have found that the west stigma is all about where you land and live. If you and your wife move back to the US and you land in Wyoming or Nebraska, she speaks very little English you might likely get the stare and the snide comments. You land in California and it goes completely unnoticed. Its all about location. The cultural diversity and ethnic backgrounds in California are so vast people do not give it a second thought(actually Oregon and Washington are the same). There is a high level of broken English acceptance in these parts. My wife speaks very well and has never felt uncomfortable at all anywhere we have gone or social events we have attended. I am a business professional exec and she works part time helping a Thai friend she met in a catering business. My social status has never been scrutinized or looked at negatively based on her employment. We do social events with my colleagues all the time and she fits right in and they know she works in the catering business. Sure she could stay at home but she never wanted to, she wanted to assimilate and have her own set of friends no matter what the job was. Her only heartburn has been that there are so few Thais here. It is predominantly Chinese and Vietnamese and they talk to her thinking she is one and she has no idea what the hell they are saying. I always get a good laugh when it happens.

Furthering the discussion I personally think its all about the circle of friends people associate with (as they say) and what they make of it, how they behave and the persons character in general which is why I stated to the OP ignore the family and their nonsense. If the individual is a professional and well rounded people do not talk negatively about the relationship. In fact usually quite the opposite. Most people are interested in how you met and where etc. Conversely if the individual is a blue collar fat slob, dirty old guy type and talked openly about women in a poor way and then goes and "Finds" one or "orders" one and shows up married and she is significantly younger the couple will likely be talked about and heavily judged.

As for acceptance in the East....Same rules apply, generally speaking. The perception it is more readily accepted in Thailand I think is a misnomer. I think foreign men go to great lengths to convince themselves its not talked about but according to the Thais I know and have worked with, it is talked about. But again I think this could be a demographic thing as well. What some have said is they know the young gal has accepted the man for the financial security he offers no matter his look or age. In many regards its no different than the west. People will frown on the old white guy with the young white girl much the same. People talk and its usually those people that are always comparing themselves to others to some how justify their status on the ladder rung of success or whatever. I have found those people are never really happy and have an identity complex of some sort.

But I do agree with you 100% Gecko123, There will always be men and women jealous of your relationship and the women will always be snippet if it doesn't align with their boundaries. But that is a jealously dynamic and should be ignored. Besides why worry about what they think unless of course the individual is struggling with it internally anyway.

[flyingdoc]

Rise above it ! There will always be detractors !

[Blackheart]

My condolences regarding the passing of your father. However, did your father ever "stand-up", as the patron (head) of the family, in defense of your wife? Did your father ever take the initiative to pay a visit to your family home, on his own?

If you can honestly answer "no", to both those questions, then why have you not "stood-up", in solidarity with your own wife. Sometimes that "blood is thicker than water" nonsense, is an age-old philosophy, that can truly cloud the common senses.

Why have you not completely disowned those people, you call your family, but whom, in fact, have disrespected you the most, and are clearly not your friends?

You need to man-up, in solidarity with your wife (best-friend, as you claim), bloke, or you risk that your wife will eventually lose her respect for you, assuming that loss hasn't already (quietly, on her part) come to pass. I hope you are paying attention

My father never had a relationship with my

Brother and sister.

It's difficult when you do not know the full story but try not to add your own imagined parts as it's not going to be correct.

For eg, rather then saying your father should have done such and such, perhaps you could have used common sense and said did your father do such and such.

Excuse me, bloke, but you're the one who posted your sadsack family story, to the very public TVF. If you can't handle an honest, direct communication reply, then perhaps you'd be better advised to seek the professional help of a marriage counselor, instead.

Plus, considering the attitude you have, then its no small wonder, that you have an absurd "can-of-worms" to deal with. My sincere, deepest sympathies go out, to your most unfortunate Thai wife. Best wishes, and good luck

Marriage counselling, did you read the part where I said our marriage is fantastic.

Problem is with me and my family, my wife cut them off way back in a very in your face way.

She is fine, they just piss me off however I have recently set them straight.

It's a forum, we vent here, seek advice, share experiences.

Why would I seek marriage counselling for a happy marriage.

[Blackheart]

For the record guys I'm Australian not British.

Hi to my British Brothers.

[Blackheart]

I should add that is obviously hard to put everything in a small thread, the wife had full support from my father and I.

They would not dare speak I'll in front of us, I did post that it was mostly behind our backs, like cowards.

At first it was to her face but they were quickly shut down by us all.

Continued behind our backs,can't stop that.

[Ghostnigel]

My first mrs was the opposite, all my family thought she was an angel. Then one of her friends told her, if she gets a police report for domestic violence, it will fast-track her residency visa (?)

So she made shit up, got me arrested, but they didnt have anything to go on, so let me go, then nothing happened. Even my next door neighbor went on her side, although i had been her neighbor for 15 years.

we divorced, and she did similar to her next mug.

she conned him into bringing her kids over, then blew him out. Nice girl...555

now she is in the UK, probably conning everyone she meets, and i am in the LOS.

Edited January 29, 2016 by Ghostnigel

[Berkshire]

I should add that is obviously hard to put everything in a small thread, the wife had full support from my father and I.

They would not dare speak I'll in front of us, I did post that it was mostly behind our backs, like cowards.

At first it was to her face but they were quickly shut down by us all.

Continued behind our backs,can't stop that.

Have you ever confronted them, tell them to their face that they're cowards? May not help if they are hardcore racists...but it should make you feel better.

[Gecko123]

People are much more open-minded here.

I am now sure that you do not speak Thai.

I am now equally certain that you and those who "liked" your post can not speak Thai.

Anybody want to prove me wrong?

Just embarassed silence? Come on, guys, I know you can do better than that!

Maybe you guys know more Thai than you realize. Baaaaaaaaa? Isn't that a Thai word?

Edited January 31, 2016 by Gecko123

[AZBill]

I have a big family where we live and they all adore my wife. Even my grown daughter from my first marriage who is very protective of me gets along with her great. She was quite concerned at first but over the years she has seen what a great marriage we have and knows her dad is loved and well cared for. If you got family that doesn't appreciate your good wife then that's their problem. What matters is what the two of you have together.