Racism amongst family

[TuskegeeBen]

My condolences regarding the passing of your father. However, did your father ever "stand-up", as the patron (head) of the family, in defense of your wife? Did your father ever take the initiative to pay a visit to your family home, on his own?

If you can honestly answer "no", to both those questions, then why have you not "stood-up", in solidarity with your own wife. Sometimes that "blood is thicker than water" nonsense, is an age-old philosophy, that can truly cloud the common senses.

Why have you not completely disowned those people, you call your family, but whom, in fact, have disrespected you the most, and are clearly not your friends?

You need to man-up, in solidarity with your wife (best-friend, as you claim), bloke, or you risk that your wife will eventually lose her respect for you, assuming that loss hasn't already (quietly, on her part) come to pass. I hope you are paying attention

Edited January 26, 2016 by TuskegeeBen

[Blackheart]

To recap;

- You were a bankrupt;

- Your father was impoverished and in need of assistance;

- Your brother is an alcoholic and is frequently arrested;

- Your family is hostile to your wife and did not show an interest in your daughter.

Quite a collection of winning attributes you have there. I have a feeling there's a wee bit more to this wonderful story.

I can see why you would have sought out a Thai spouse. She must be quite "special" to pick a man who has all these enticing attributes.

My father was old and needed help sometimes,not financial help.

My brother gets paid more then most politicians.

And I had a temporary financial problem.

So your way of thinking is a woman who picks a man with financial problems is a bad girl, how backwards is that.

At least I could see from the get go she was not after my money, that's a woman you

Pray to find unless your view's are twisted.

Bankruptcy was seven years ago remember, at least I can be sure of her intentions

Do you class money grabbing leaches as a fine pick.

On another note read my posts properly before you incorrectly quote them.

I bet a few wise thai woman have seen you coming.

Edited January 26, 2016 by Blackheart

[Blackheart]

My condolences regarding the passing of your father. However, did your father ever "stand-up", as the patron (head) of the family, in defense of your wife? Did your father ever take the initiative to pay a visit to your family home, on his own?

If you can honestly answer "no", to both those questions, then why have you not "stood-up", in solidarity with your own wife. Sometimes that "blood is thicker than water" nonsense, is an age-old philosophy, that can truly cloud the common senses.

Why have you not completely disowned those people, you call your family, but whom, in fact, have disrespected you the most, and are clearly not your friends?

You need to man-up, in solidarity with your wife (best-friend, as you claim), bloke, or you risk that your wife will eventually lose her respect for you, assuming that loss hasn't already (quietly, on her part) come to pass. I hope you are paying attention

My father never had a relationship with my

Brother and sister.

It's difficult when you do not know the full story but try not to add your own imagined parts as it's not going to be correct.

For eg, rather then saying your father should have done such and such, perhaps you could have used common sense and said did your father do such and such.

[mcfish]

Thai women have a terrible reputation both in and out of thailand so you can't blame friends and family for being protective. I bet thousands of farangs would of wished they listened to family and friends before they were broken

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

[Aussieroaming]

their loss...move on

[Gecko123]

People are much more open-minded here.

I am now sure that you do not speak Thai.

BudRight:

Ironically, the myth that Thais harbor deep-seated prejudices and people would know this if only they spoke Thai always seems to be promulgated by people who can barely ask, "Where's the bathroom?" in Thai. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that if you gave most of these people a language proficiency test, the scores would be dismal at best.

I've studied Thai since '94, and can speak, read, write, and touch type Thai. I've provided you with evidence to support this claim (see post #14). Your post kind of implies that you can speak Thai and because of this skill, you know what Thais are really thinking, doesn't it? Care to provide any evidence of your Thai language skills which serve as the foundation for your superior knowledge about what Thais really think? The same challenge is extended to the numb nuts who liked your post.

Also, take a look at the attached thread. You'll see that most of the testimonies from long term expats who are fluent in Thai consistently refute the contention that Thais are racist.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/705760-racism-among-expats-in-thailand/page-4

Edited January 27, 2016 by Gecko123

[SOTIRIOS]

........time will tell....

[Mot Dang]

Sounds like some of my family members 34 years ago. As soon as I retired I moved full-time to the LoS. Rarely have contact now.

Just remember:

Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue with any of them. A farmer doesn't bother telling a pig his breath smells like sh*t.

[Mot Dang]

Thai women have a terrible reputation both in and out of thailand so you can't blame friends and family for being protective. I bet thousands of farangs would of wished they listened to family and friends before they were broken

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

And to the opposite, I bet thousands of falang that would of wished they had not listened to family and friends and missed out on a wonderful life with a loving Thai woman, like many of us. But instead they have turned 50, they have their favorite seat at the local, and still single, gazing into the fire of lost dreams.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Mot Dang

[MaeJoMTB]

People are more open minded here !! What planet are you on ?? !!

Thai people are just as racist as the rest of the world.

We are farangs, whether we are married to a family member or not.

Family talk about the farang even when speaking about you with your Thai wife.

Don't speak for all of us.. never had that problem. You assume because it happens with you it happens everywhere.

I thought you were getting divorced?

Not much point in you telling us yours (or her family) were different.

[MaeJoMTB]

BudRight:

Ironically, the myth that Thais harbor deep-seated prejudices and people would know this if only they spoke Thai always seems to be promulgated by people who can barely ask, "Where's the bathroom?" in Thai. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that if you gave most of these people a language proficiency test, the scores would be dismal at best.

You don't need to speak Thai to hear them going on, 'farang this, farang that'.

Or to catch them double pricing you in the shops and markets.

[MaeJoMTB]

Thai women have a terrible reputation both in and out of thailand ........

Loose knickers!

And that's why we're all here.

[MaeJoMTB]

My Father had heard horror stories from a friend who lives in Thailand of his who happens to be an overweight 60 plus expat.

These types often have very negative views on Thai women, as the only ones they get to meet are bar girls,

who obviously are with them only for their 1000 pound a month pension.

Why would you want to meet any girl that isn't a bar girl?

Leave England to the guys with low sex drives, they deserve English women.

What is it they say about English women?

When you meet an English girl, buy a jar, and for the first two years, put a 1 pound coin in every time you have sex.

After the first two years, take 1 pound out every time you have sex.

For the rest of your relationship, the jar will never be empty.

[Gecko123]

People are more open minded here !! What planet are you on ?? !!

Thai people are just as racist as the rest of the world.

We are farangs, whether we are married to a family member or not.

Family talk about the farang even when speaking about you with your Thai wife.

Let's compare.

The West.

If you move to the West with a woman from Southeast Asia, and there is either a big age difference between you and her, or she does not speak English well, or her skills do not match up well with high paying job opportunities, your social status will suffer. Men will be jealous and envious of your younger wife, and women of your generation will often be resentful and dismissive. There is enormous stigma in the West against non-native English speakers. If your wife is unemployable in anything other than menial or unskilled labor, your family income and social status will suffer further as well. The stereotypes of Thailand being a haven for sex-tourists are widespread, as are the stereotypes about mail order brides, and younger women who dupe unsuspecting older men into marrying them for mercenary motives. In the TV show '90 Day Visa,' which profiles couples where one partner comes from outside the US, couples routinely encounter these prejudices.

SE Asia.

Yes, your wife may initially be stigmatized as a bar-girl for having married a foreign man, but that stigma will fade in most cases far quicker in SE Asia than in the West. You will not encounter that much jealousy and envy from local men who are jealous that you have a younger wife. Women of your generation will not be giving you the 'stink eye' because your wife is younger. No one is going to put you down because you can't speak Thai on a native level. Your efforts to speak Thai, no matter how fledgling, will be encouraged far more than your wife's efforts to speak English in the West, where, unless you speak English on a native level, you are rarely complimented on your language skills. In SE Asia, a foreign husband is seen as a social asset, a good catch, if only for the financial security you presumably will be able to provide.

So, yes, in terms of tolerance and acceptance of an inter-racial couple from different socio-economic backgrounds, I continue to maintain that Thais are far more "open-minded" than most people in the West.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Gecko123

[bark]

People are more open minded here !! What planet are you on ?? !!

Thai people are just as racist as the rest of the world.

We are farangs, whether we are married to a family member or not.

Family talk about the farang even when speaking about you with your Thai wife.

I was with my wife of 4 years at a Thai restaurant. After eating lots of food, she said she was still hungry. She decides to order French fries.

When the server came to take the order; my wife orders in Thai. the name sounded like Farang. I got pissed off, as I thought she was saying " Farang wants french fries "

[Docno]

BudRight:

Ironically, the myth that Thais harbor deep-seated prejudices and people would know this if only they spoke Thai always seems to be promulgated by people who can barely ask, "Where's the bathroom?" in Thai. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that if you gave most of these people a language proficiency test, the scores would be dismal at best.

You don't need to speak Thai to hear them going on, 'farang this, farang that'.

Or to catch them double pricing you in the shops and markets.

Look, we farang (the word doesn't bother me anymore than 'westerner') have it pretty good in Thailand. [Trying being Indian. I've travelled there several times with Indian friends, and there's a real difference (and these guys are/look professional).]

Racism is part of human nature, but I haven't experienced any truly nasty forms of it myself over the past 15 years... I don't get riled by the occasional attempt to higher-price me. I have more money simply by dint of where I was born, and I benefit massively from Thailand's lower cost of living.Yes, I know there are some Thais with negative attitudes toward farangs, but when I see some of what goes on, I can't blame them for mistakenly concluding that we are all a bunch of brutish, alcoholic, bar-girl chasers... they see what they see.

[robblok]

People are more open minded here !! What planet are you on ?? !!

Thai people are just as racist as the rest of the world.

We are farangs, whether we are married to a family member or not.

Family talk about the farang even when speaking about you with your Thai wife.

Don't speak for all of us.. never had that problem. You assume because it happens with you it happens everywhere.

I thought you were getting divorced?

Not much point in you telling us yours (or her family) were different.

I have been divorced.. but I was never called the farang or had problems with her family. Bottom line was she wanted kids.. and I absolutely did not.. That is something you cant work around and all other things can be good.. But in that case its better to each go your separate way. I had a divorce without any money grabbing and she could have. So yes she was different, probably because we met when we were both a lot younger and no large age gap. I see the same with her friends who also have foreign b/f's they were not interested in old foreigners.. just in cute ones. (i know totally different from your experiences.. but I came here when I was relatively young 31)

[martijn12345]

Sad to hear all this. You can't pick you family. So count your blessings together and enjoy the things in life that you do have. Maybe some day in time there will be a moment where you can start this conversation with a certain family member and explain them how it's been for you and your wife.

[brewsterbudgen]

Wheres the RaciSm?

Yes, I can't see how this is racist. Just an unpleasant family feud.

[bazza40]

People are much more open-minded here.

I am now sure that you do not speak Thai.

Also, take a look at the attached thread. You'll see that most of the testimonies from long term expats who are fluent in Thai consistently refute the contention that Thais are racist.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/705760-racism-among-expats-in-thailand/page-4

Gecko, I have to disagree. My Thai GF won't eat at an Akha restaurant, thinks they are dirty. In the north, you only have to see how Burmese construction workers are treated - in the eyes of the Thais, they are disposable.

Thai bar girls frequently won't go with Indians or Arabs. Given the sexual proclivities of those two ethnicities, I can't say I blame them.

[Gecko123]

People are much more open-minded here.

I am now sure that you do not speak Thai.

Also, take a look at the attached thread. You'll see that most of the testimonies from long term expats who are fluent in Thai consistently refute the contention that Thais are racist.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/705760-racism-among-expats-in-thailand/page-4

Gecko, I have to disagree. My Thai GF won't eat at an Akha restaurant, thinks they are dirty. In the north, you only have to see how Burmese construction workers are treated - in the eyes of the Thais, they are disposable.

Thai bar girls frequently won't go with Indians or Arabs. Given the sexual proclivities of those two ethnicities, I can't say I blame them.

I won't eat in dirty restaurants either. Does that make me narrow-minded or racist?

I don't care who Thai bar girls might or might not go with based on their sexual proclivities, and I'm not prepared to generalize about Thais based on their behavior.

Edit: And by the way, I never said Thais are never, ever, ever, ever biased, prejudiced or racist against other people. I just said that in my experience on average they are more open-minded, accepting, less judgmental and welcoming than people in the West.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Gecko123

[crickets]

The trick is not to care what people say. People who talk like that are unhappy people anyway.

[kinmaew]

boot on the other foot I am sorry to say

[Laza 45]

With your father's passing it seems there is little for you to hang around for.. I'd say get out of there as quick as you can... I think that it wouldn't be long before you wished you had done it sooner. Your family are probably aware deep down of their own failings.. they are jealous.. they are toxic and very unlikely to change..

Good luck to you and your lovely wife.. enjoy what you have and make some new friends..

[hdkane]

I think your wife's response to the situation is valid, and kudos that you support her. However, this is not racism. Your friends and family act this way because you married someone from a 3rd world country. Individuals from impoverished countries simply do not have the same conception of "love" as 1st world countries. Marriage is forged from desperation. Your success story is the exception to the rule, not the norm. So certainly you should understand their behavior. However, after 8 years, it might be time for your friends and family to revise their opinions...I think you could take the lead and have a rational talk with them...and let them know what they are missing by not having you and your wife in their lives...good luck

[puffy]

My Father had heard horror stories from a friend who lives in Thailand of his who happens to be an overweight 60 plus expat.

These types often have very negative views on Thai women, as the only ones they get to meet are bar girls,

who obviously are with them only for their 1000 pound a month pension.

Why would you want to meet any girl that isn't a bar girl?

Leave England to the guys with low sex drives, they deserve English women.

What is it they say about English women?

When you meet an English girl, buy a jar, and for the first two years, put a 1 pound coin in every time you have sex.

After the first two years, take 1 pound out every time you have sex.

For the rest of your relationship, the jar will never be empty.

I agree I don't like English girls and am glad to be married to a Thai girl, however by far the

majority of Thai girls are not Bar girls. I also don't believe they have a higher sex drive than any other

girl, just are more willing to have sex even when they don't want to.

I will now give your question a shot?

Because they have sex with anybody for money.

They have chosen this job because they are lazy and greedy. Many poor girls just get normal jobs like working in a shop.

They are often jaded and bitter towards men in general.

You know they are only with you for your meager amounts of money.

They probably have a Thai boyfriend on the side.

They probably think you are grotesque and the thought of having sex with you almost makes them vomit, but they are good at hiding it,

They hate everything about you except your ability to pay for things and are probably hoping you die soon and give them everything.

If you don't die soon they have a tendency to expedite the process.

[Doc46]

Sorry to hear that they feel that way. It is their loss.

My wife is a blessing to me and i am fortunate that my family all accept her.

It is a pity we can't choose our family.

You can choose your Friends But not your Family,,,Same as the other saying Never do Business with Friends or Family ,you will get Burned. Choose wisely.

[i claudius]

Just goes to show-unfortunately you can't choose your relatives.

With the next comment i make please nobody take ofence , because i used to date a village girl many moons ago and her and her family were very good to me , but i really believe it depends on class , the wife's family although no way hi so are quite well educated and i have never even heard any of them use the term farang except when we are having a laugh about "crazy farangs"

[bazza40]

Also, take a look at the attached thread. You'll see that most of the testimonies from long term expats who are fluent in Thai consistently refute the contention that Thais are racist.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/705760-racism-among-expats-in-thailand/page-4

Gecko, I have to disagree. My Thai GF won't eat at an Akha restaurant, thinks they are dirty. In the north, you only have to see how Burmese construction workers are treated - in the eyes of the Thais, they are disposable.

Thai bar girls frequently won't go with Indians or Arabs. Given the sexual proclivities of those two ethnicities, I can't say I blame them.

I won't eat in dirty restaurants either. Does that make me narrow-minded or racist?

I don't care who Thai bar girls might or might not go with based on their sexual proclivities, and I'm not prepared to generalize about Thais based on their behavior.

Edit: And by the way, I never said Thais are never, ever, ever, ever biased, prejudiced or racist against other people. I just said that in my experience on average they are more open-minded, accepting, less judgmental and welcoming than people in the West.

"And by the way, I never said Thais are never, ever, ever, ever biased, prejudiced or racist against other people."

"consistently refute the contention that Thais are racist." Those two statements don't hang together too well.

I was making the point my Thai GF won't eat in an Akha restaurant. It doesn't matter how clean or dirty it looks. If you want to twist the statement around to suit your argument, fine.

I did notice you dodged the statement concerning Burmese construction workers.

In your experience on average could relate to two or three Thai acquaintances, or 50. My own observation is the Thai lower class are hardworking and good-humoured. Some of the upper-class Thais are a great argument for euthanasia at birth.

If you want to wear rose-coloured glasses when looking at Thais, up to you as they say. I prefer to be realistic.

[NoshowJones]

Are you fat or ugly? If not, they are clearly jealous.

What about tattoos, facial hair?