She wants kids, I do not

[bazza40]

"........... I also think we are both a bit old to have kids... me being 42 and she 35............"

Seriously?????????????

Too old to have kids?????????

Mah......

The probability of fathering a child with Downs' syndrome escalates significantly with women 35 and older. That's a life sentence when it happens.

[bark]

Bring in a surrogate father,win win. She has a baby and it's not your responsibility.

Well, thanks for the advice, but under Canadian law I would be 100% responsible.

I know of examples where a guy gets a girlfriend who has underage child from a previous relationship and he is still responsible for that child even though it is not even his.

However, it is not even the issue of money.... just fear.

Really maybe good reason to worry. Very common for Thai girls to move on for a younger man with more money.

Why not just go to hospital and get it cut. Then no condoms, or chance of accident ( forgetting birth control ) . 30 minutes and done. I did it 5 years ago at Bangkok Hospital. I think about 5,000 bt. Easy for you to move to different girl if she turns out to be a bitch in 3-4 years.

Good luck.

[bark]

Bring in a surrogate father,win win. She has a baby and it's not your responsibility.

Well, thanks for the advice, but under Canadian law I would be 100% responsible.

I know of examples where a guy gets a girlfriend who has underage child from a previous relationship and he is still responsible for that child even though it is not even his.

However, it is not even the issue of money.... just fear.

When it comes to children laws of other lands mean nothing only Thai law. Go and get a vasectomy then you can try twice as hard with no "mistakes" I really think your point of how the future plays out is important. At present the future does not look overly promising. Women want children because they think they will provide for them in their old age. This idea of sending money home is becoming less relevant and by the time your child starts working it could be almost non existent as we seem to be heading for a "its every person for themselves" world. If she has a boy it could be the reverse when he grows up he will come to your door looking for a sucker sorry succor.

While I appreciate your point of view which is probably correct, it does not really apply here.

My wife works and her parents are completely independent (in a rubber tree province) and are also enjoying a decent pension and benefits.

If anything, our child would have a pretty good life in Thailand as my wife would be the only one who would inherit a large chunk of land due to her other family members not having any children.

I completely disagree about laws of other land meaning nothing. My wife could go to Canadian government (through a lawyer) and demand the same as any other Canadian wife. This, however, is not the issue. I simply fear having children.

In laws have a rubber tree farm ? Do you get free condoms

[chilli42]

You got married and never had a discussion and arrived at a conclusion on something this fundamental to marriage? Asking people on a forum like this for input on something so deeply personal and unique to you and your wife? I have to say I am speachless ... well almost. My own view, as this is all I can offer, is that there is absolutely zero point in getting married at all if not for having children. Marriage legitimizes children and perhaps gives the woman some small sense of security. Other than this, marriage is a very bad idea and gives you nothing of value in return that you could not have without it.

[mesterm]

You got married and never had a discussion and arrived at a conclusion on something this fundamental to marriage? Asking people on a forum like this for input on something so deeply personal and unique to you and your wife? I have to say I am speachless ... well almost. My own view, as this is all I can offer, is that there is absolutely zero point in getting married at all if not for having children. Marriage legitimizes children and perhaps gives the woman some small sense of security. Other than this, marriage is a very bad idea and gives you nothing of value in return that you could not have without it.

Very much on point.

Did he come thinking he'd meet some perfect woman and have everything easy (and in his favor) in this "tropical paradise" called Thailand? Then again, he has made 1,369 posts on this forum, so... didn't he know better?

Edited February 5, 2016 by mesterm

[SoiBiker]

You got married and never had a discussion and arrived at a conclusion on something this fundamental to marriage? Asking people on a forum like this for input on something so deeply personal and unique to you and your wife? I have to say I am speachless ... well almost. My own view, as this is all I can offer, is that there is absolutely zero point in getting married at all if not for having children. Marriage legitimizes children and perhaps gives the woman some small sense of security. Other than this, marriage is a very bad idea and gives you nothing of value in return that you could not have without it.

Apart from a visa.

[monkey4u]

Give her a small puppy

I did now so busy with the dog no time for kid

[theguyfromanotherforum]

You got married and never had a discussion and arrived at a conclusion on something this fundamental to marriage? Asking people on a forum like this for input on something so deeply personal and unique to you and your wife? I have to say I am speachless ... well almost. My own view, as this is all I can offer, is that there is absolutely zero point in getting married at all if not for having children. Marriage legitimizes children and perhaps gives the woman some small sense of security. Other than this, marriage is a very bad idea and gives you nothing of value in return that you could not have without it.

Nonsense.

Since when is marriage a license to have children?

In the West people don't even get married anymore and still have children.

Since when is marriage = children?

No wonder there are so many retarded parents around. Anyone can get married. Does that mean anyone should have children.

As a matter of fact, it is me who's speechless.

Edited February 5, 2016 by theguyfromanotherforum

[Gillyflower]

Are you sure you are 42? You sound like a brat who needs a good smack across the chops.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

No, I am fifty two with a 19 year old who love me true.

[MRH1959]

An understandable situation, and one that may have been better sorted before marriage.

Couples can be happy together without children, if they both feel the same.

I don't have any 'blood' children, though have a step daughter and I suppose I was somewhat happy that, at 5 years old [when we met] she was a healthy, yet scared little girl. Now she is an adult at University in New Zealand.

Personally, I believe having children gives 'one self' a meaning for life, though each to their own.

You are both young enough to have children and in today's world, many women are waiting until they are in their 30's before having children.

Look at your wife's family and see how their children have been raised and how they behave. If all is happy, let your fears subside, and I'm sure if a child does come along, you will be a great dad.

Don't let your fears control you, control your fears, and remember there is always help for those that need it.

Good luck for the future.

[sead]

You talking about kids after marriage!??

You guys never talked about the future?

Maybe someone already made her pregnant and now she want it quickly....

Edited February 5, 2016 by sead

[Brer Fox]

When you were boasting about how little you contributed financially you came across as a youngish man who perceived, as many younger men do, that he was winning the "short game".

Men are good at the short game.

You are in the process of discovering how very, very, good women are at the "long game".

I wasn't "boasting" about my non existent financial contributions. I was also not playing any "games". I was merely respecting myself which my parents taught me to do from the very early age.

This is the problem with many "Expats". The inability to admit defeat and learn from a process because of your ego. So one girl rips you off and you move in with the exact same one. Or marrying a girl 20 years younger because you are a hot stuff. Do we really need to go through this again? Well, you started it.

There is no "process"... there is only life.

I will not be discovering anything about the long "game".... because there is no "game". Just 2 people trying to get through life.

You should have discussed this prior to marriage. If "no kids" was so important to you why did you not raise the matter with her in the first place..

Man up or get out of her life. Every woman should have a right to bear children if they choose to have them. Let her find someone else who would be proud for her to be the mother their children. You are selfish.

[Cypress Hill]

I feel sorry for the OP's wife - she should consider cutting her losses

That said, I sympathise with the guy over his fear of fatherhood and admit to sharing his concerns over education and society in general

Recently, though, my main squeeze took the decision out of my hands.

I was not best pleased but the kid's grown on me big time and, if I'm being truthful, I may have subconsciously wanted one all along

F*** marriage and/or co-habitation though; see no advantages whatsoever to that nonsense, especially here . . .

[catman20]

my point of view is, first I've been married once in the uk and had kids never again, been there seen it bought the tee shirt,not all its crack up to be. at your time of life now is for you to enjoy, if you say to your wife you don't want kids she will just get pregnant and tell you when she is pregnant , as my Thai girl did. you need to go and have a vasectomy I did it is the best thing I ever done. I should of done it 20 years ago

[bridge2bridge]

You should of told her how you felt about having children BEFORE you got married.

On the other hand DO NOT give into Thai Women ALL the time.

Other wise they will run all over you.

And want their own way ALL the time.

IMHO.

[muffy]

Get her a dog , and let her baby sit , she will change her mind .

[catman20]

Each situation is different. My wife and I married at 45/25 but we had thoroughly discussed the fact that I did not want children so there were no surprises or tears. Sure there will be pressure but mainly it is just talk in my experience.

No one should be forced to have kids but you may want to take a more positive approach and focus on all the amazing things you can do without the burden of children. We have been together for more than 18 years, married for a little over 16 and we are still very happy with no regrets.

sound advise and also nice to hear a happy positive ending

[Cypress Hill]

No, I am fifty two with a 19 year old who love me true.

Hahahaha

[BuaBS]

Don't have kids man. It is the most selfish thing to do. Do you really want to take responsibility to put kids in this sh-tty world ? They are going to hate you for it , I know I do. Is your DNA , financial situation, and your partner good enough to ensure a good life for them ?

Are you willing to make the sacrifice to compromize your time/life/money for your offspring ?

Can you live with the fact that you ruined your wife's body. You know , the wide hips , the saggers and the wider p----y. Do you know that you will be responsible for thousands of animal getting murdered to feed your kids , and their kids, and their kids,....

[ianf]

I want kids. She does not. Shall we swap wives?

[Ulic]

First of all, for the record, I don't have kids and have never been married. I am only

going to make four of points.

1/ You don't really have much say if you are having sex with your wife. I have friends that

were happy with just one child and there position was 100% clear. Then one day out of

nowhere they were getting a surprise BJ and jiggle, jiggle, squirt, squirt, and a month

later there wives told them that #2 was on the way.

2/ All my brothers (3) and friends, even the divorced ones tell me having kids was the best

thing they ever did. (even the single ones that became accidental fathers)

3/ There is no reason to get married if you are not going to try to have kids. Of course

just my opinion.

4/ Take everything in stride, if it does happen, embrace it and hold on. Everything will be

fine. You will find your way. My brothers and friends all have.

Best of luck.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Ulic

[rasg]

Within a month of me and I my GF meeting she mentioned kids and the possibility of having them. I was 58 and she is 36 and a year on my answer is still a flat no. I am way too old to contemplate the idea of nappies, sleepless nights etc but we sorted it out not long after we met because we wanted to spend the future together. She already has two from her marriage.

Just my opinion but the idea of being 70 with a 10 or 11 year old just sounds so very selfish to me. To the kid. Every time I hear of older guys having kids with much younger women it makes me cringe.

One of things I remember so well from school is my best friend's parents were very old in comparison to the other kids parents. His dad died when my school pal was 12. His dad was in his 70s at the time and he was always embarrassed to take friends home too.

42 years is not too old to be a dad. If the OP doesn’t want them get the snip.

Now. On to my sin sod problem.

[SoiBiker]

First of all, for the record, I don't have kids and have never been married. I am only

going to make four of points.

1/ You don't really have much say if you are having sex with your wife. I have friends that

were happy with just one child and there position was 100% clear. Then one day out of

nowhere they were getting a surprise BJ and jiggle, jiggle, squirt, squirt, and a month

later there wives told them that #2 was on the way.

2/ All my brothers (3) and friends, even the divorced ones tell me having kids was the best

thing they ever did. (even the single ones that became accidental fathers)

3/ There is no reason to get married if you are not going to try to have kids. Of course

just my opinion.

4/ Take everything in stride, if it does happen, embrace it and hold on. Everything will be

fine. You will find your way. My brothers and friends all have.

Best of luck.

Either you're confused about what a BJ is, or you're confused about where babies come from.

[MaeJoMTB]

I'm 60 and my son is 4.

Jump on in, there's nothing to worry about.

We're all having a great time together.

[MaeJoMTB]

Anyone can get married. Does that mean anyone should have children.

It's considered normal.

[AlexRRR]

Get a vasectomy don't tell and your fine.....because i can assure you somewhere along the line there is going to be one of you slipping up.

[mankondang]

I think that you should put the issue of having children one side for a while, and concentrate on yourself.

You have outlined the fears, anxieties and your depressed attitude to the future. I don't know, but I suspect that these negative thoughts, feelings and behaviour apply to you, not only on the topic of having a child or not, but in most other aspects of your life.

If so, and I maybe wrong, may I suggest you seek professional advice/counselling to identity the underlying issues that are at the source of all this.

Once you are more at ease with everything, you can then concentrate on the issue of having children or not.

I wish you the best of luck and good health.

[MaeJoMTB]

Get a vasectomy don't tell and your fine.....because i can assure you somewhere along the line there is going to be one of you slipping up.

No point in the vasectomy, if she wants one, she will still have one.

It just won't be yours.

[TechnikaIII]

Really, you should have covered this territory long before you married.

Anyway, the way to be miserable is to succumb to your fears, ... and be miserable.

Alternatively, lighten up and enjoy some time together. It's all about choice.

What have you got to lose ......... hmmm ?