She wants kids, I do not

[ggt]

Try not to focus on the obvious negative aspects of having a child...there can be many positives also...if one is not too self-centered to share one's love, compassion, and resources...

[1FinickyOne]

The fact that you fear this, is probably a really healthy sign that you will be fine and make a great dad... And my guess would be that like many many other good parents, you will be thoughtful in doing it and having a child will change your life, but you will never ever want to go back on having one... it doesn't mean the kid won't get sick sometimes and you will be up half the night taking care... and you will worry - but you will have a love in your life that you could never have imagined - beyond anything you have ever felt... sure, this scares you even more. My guess is you won't be sorry.

We took in a niece when she was 1.5 yrs old and i was 56 - The Thai family here has done most of the heavy lifting but I am thrilled to have her in my life - she is ten now and the light of my life.

I am not much for parties, but New years Eve, i went to a friends for a meal and by 7:30 pm was back in my office, my niece playing with her ipad nearby and listening to her chatter happily while i was working on the computer - the realization came that there was nowhere else that i would rather have been... just our daily routine and nothing could come close to being as enjoyable for me...

And if you have ever questioned concepts like "purpose" - you won't ever again...

Or not.

[Toscano]

First I would like to say you have psychological problems with your apparently obsessive health and other fears , I'm not sure you should have married at all .

As others have said children should have been discussed well before marriage . I think you are right though , this is a terrible world and not getting any better .

I live in rural Thailand where there are some mixed race children , as a foreigner whose own adult children were privately educated , I would not have been happy to see my Thai child grow up in the local educational system . Children of mixed race are neither Thai or their father's race : of course in Canada you have many orientals .

I think it unlikely unless you were living in Canada that your wife would seek legal action there. Many women married to foreigners have been married before and already have children , so there is no need to have more . As I see it , you should have a serious talk with your wife and make clear to her you don't want children and why .

As already suggested a vasectomy would assure no children .

[theguyfromanotherforum]

First I would like to say you have psychological problems with your apparently obsessive health and other fears , I'm not sure you should have married at all .

As others have said children should have been discussed well before marriage . I think you are right though , this is a terrible world and not getting any better .

I live in rural Thailand where there are some mixed race children , as a foreigner whose own adult children were privately educated , I would not have been happy to see my Thai child grow up in the local educational system . Children of mixed race are neither Thai or their father's race : of course in Canada you have many orientals .

I think it unlikely unless you were living in Canada that your wife would seek legal action there. Many women married to foreigners have been married before and already have children , so there is no need to have more . As I see it , you should have a serious talk with your wife and make clear to her you don't want children and why .

As already suggested a vasectomy would assure no children .

Oh, thanks doc :-P

On that note do you think "I" have psychological problems or is the whole world just hell?

My parents brought me up protecting me from everything, so when the civil war happened and I saw the first images on TV with people on the streets decapitated and their brains blown off I was shocked. When my 17 year old friends went to the "military" and were bragging about blowing old people with a bazookas I got scared. I wasn't scared of them, but the world in general as I did not realize that psychopaths were all around me.

Now I am subject to worse images from the most peaceful religion on earth and I gotta tell you with everything being recorded, do I want my child growing up in the environment like this?

Also many people suggested vasectomy. Why? I just pull it.

[saakura]

Why do you worry that your child may have 'genetic mental disorders'. Do you or wife have mental problems?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Why do you worry that your child may have 'genetic mental disorders'. Do you or wife have mental problems?

I don't believe in genetic mental disorders. I believe in conditioning. Hence the religion.

[dotpoom]

Pity you did not discuss this with her before you married.

If my parents had told me that they only brought me into this world so that they would have something to play with on their holidays.....I would quickly tell them to go and f - - - themselves..... and you wouldn't see my heals for dust.

Edited February 5, 2016 by dotpoom

[SoiBiker]

I think that you should put the issue of having children one side for a while, and concentrate on yourself.

You have outlined the fears, anxieties and your depressed attitude to the future. I don't know, but I suspect that these negative thoughts, feelings and behaviour apply to you, not only on the topic of having a child or not, but in most other aspects of your life.

If so, and I maybe wrong, may I suggest you seek professional advice/counselling to identity the underlying issues that are at the source of all this.

Once you are more at ease with everything, you can then concentrate on the issue of having children or not.

I wish you the best of luck and good health.

Good luck telling a 35 year old woman 'let's just wait a while'.

[muffy]

Just what I never wanted , A CHILD !!!!!

Edited February 5, 2016 by muffy

[puffy]

I don't think your too old, near the upper age limit would not want to have children much older, and for her slightly higher risk pregnancy but

not significant.

The only thing I know about you is from your post, and from that I think you should not have children.

It sounds like you have some really deep seated anxieties and insecurities bordering on extreme paranoia , which would probably be projected on the child.

You said you discussed it before marriage, What was the result?

[saakura]

To those who are saying get her a dog and she will understand, change her mind etc.... i wish your father had done the same.

[saakura]

I'm 60 and my son is 4.

Jump on in, there's nothing to worry about.

We're all having a great time together.

I hope your almost constant and extreme negativity on this forum towards women and thai's does not pass on to the little one.

[JHolmesJr]

All over the world, people who have no right to be breeding due to economic means are popping out half a dozen kids while those who have every right to (ie the OP) are hesitant.

[momtaz]

the age of the man 42 is fine, the age of the lady 35 is ok, even a bit late age for her to be a mom,

everything depend on the person, not a matter of age or any,

[fireplay]

I feel the same way you do in many respects. In fact the only reason i am remotely interested in kids is if And when I become old man winter I have those to take care of me....

One solution might be to adopt....when they are old....you can skip the whole fragile crying totally dependent infancy years and get one that is like...8 or 12 or something. Boom ya got a kid who is halfway to moving out.

[smotherb]

Did you tell her your feelings about having kids before you got married? Seems a bit unfair, if you didn't.

Using the word "unfair" is being extremely polite.

[Happy Grumpy]

Well if you don't, perhaps she'll meetanotherguyfromanotherforum.

[fasteddie]

I share your fear of having children and lost the love of my life over it, if she wants and you don't, set her free.

[mrfaroukh]

Then use condom every time if you want to make sure you will not land up having a child

[falang khinok]

well thai ladys seems to always want kids...as soon u get intimate with them (except hookers for sure ) but if your real gf/wife that subject will arise like the ammen in the prayer...so no money no time in thailand this is no problem ( well it will be yours for sure )...

anyway fear is never a good adviser....fear of this and fear of that.....

so if she wants to have aliving beeing around get a dog....best solution for all.when my gf came up with that wish (sic) i told her no way ....and offered the dog .... than she say oh no time bla bla bla...so I say no time for dog ? and what about baby no time too...so I think she dropped the idea to become a mother with 40...but sometimes this still arises in her conversation and I jump in and ask her where the nearest pet shopis...problem solved....

[Minnie the Minx]

It's a passing fear about parenthood OP which many experience. Children enrich your life, there is nothing more wonderful than hearing the laughter of little ones running around and being there for all their growing up milestones, happy times, tears and experiences.

Go for it, forget all these phobias, what you will regret is being really old one day and not having any and then, it's too late and you will look back and kick yourself.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Well if you don't, perhaps she'll meetanotherguyfromanotherforum.

I loled

[rasg]

Also many people suggested vasectomy. Why? I just pull it.

Good luck with that. Still a very high chance you will end up with a couple of kids then.

[csabo]

https://youtu.be/31pQOiclaTo

Edited February 6, 2016 by csabo

[mesterm]

Bottom line you have 3 options:

1. Divorce her

2. Give in and have the kids she wants

3. Get a vasectomy

Bear in mind she's a Thai woman, so whichever of the 3 options you choose, be prepared for anything

[rogeroc]

Not much point discussing children (pre marriage) with any woman between 20 and 40. Whatever she says or agrees, at some time before 43 or 44, if she can have one she will almost certainly want a child. In my personal opinion no man should expect to have a permanent relationship with a woman and deny her child bearing. If she wants a child and you do not i think the decent thing is to let her go so that she can find someone who will / wants to provide.

[mihalis]

You've entertained us before about how little you contribute $$$. That's all about to change. As for being too old, that's nonsense. Send the kid to a local village school, free gov.hospital, no problem.

I agree that being too old is nonsense.

However,my biggest fear would be bringing up a child in Thailand. The education system here would be a complete no-no for me. There is no way i would want my child standing outside in hot weather singing the national anthem in front of the flag, not being taught how to think for him/herself and absorbing a retarded culture.

If you want kids and you care about their future, be prepared to move back home.

Well, iv seen many a child educated in Australia, come out illiterate.................. You could always help, along with your wife....

[smokie36]

You just have to roll with life sometimes.

You will enjoy it...and if you don't there is always the solace of the pub.

[rasg]

The problem if you do have a vasectomy is if further down the line she finds out you've had one and not told her. I think you may lose a bit more than the ability to father children when she finds out.

[TuskegeeBen]

Duh! That was an "issue" discussion to be had, and resolved, prior to getting married.

Edited February 6, 2016 by TuskegeeBen