What if your Daughter did it

[SoiBiker]

Can't buy me love. No, no, no ... No!

If the Beatles sang it, it must be true surely?

[Blackheart]

Buddhism is very much against sexual misconduct.

That obviously includes sex without love, many like to twist the teachings to suit their lifestyle.

[chiang mai]

Buddhism is very much against sexual misconduct.

That obviously includes sex without love, many like to twist the teachings to suit their lifestyle.

Oh but wait, the OP doesn't say anything about there not being any love involved, we have to presume the couple are in love, despite their age difference.

[rogeroc]

Sexual misconduct is presumably more likely to mean 'non consensual or exploitative'

[chiang mai]

Sexual misconduct is presumably more likely to mean 'non consensual or exploitative'

The OP doesn't mention sexual misconduct and neither is it implied. Marriages and relationships between younger girls and older men are common in Asia, do you think they are all exploitative or could it mean that's simply a feature of many Asian cultures.

[i claudius]

I suppose I depends on if he is a multi millionaire or not,they seem to get young wives

[CharlieH]

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[1FinickyOne]

Interesting question - never thought about this - I was more hoping for the Billy Crystal contract - she can date after I am dead...

My niece/daughter is only ten -

I think that where your question needs some definition is in the term "old man" - - I am 20 years older than my wife. i met her when she was 30 - if my niece were 30 and unmarried and she met a respectable man of age 50 - I would not have a problem. 45/25 even 40/20 I guess is ok. The largest factor would be the quality of the person.

I would rather my niece marry a kind man who will treat her well even if he is older, than someone her own age who will get drunk and hit... even if he is handsome w/a world of personality...

[seajae]

from talking to my wife and her friends over the years the reason some of them want a farang husband older than themselves is due to the way thai men act, they want someone that is dependable and secure within themselves, this does not mean financially wealthy either. As for age difference I see nothing wrong with a 20 year age difference when both are middle aged or older(man or woman can be the elder too), thai women seem to be too immature till they get to around 30 anyway , thai men at least 40 or 50. My daughters partner would depend entirely on her, if she loves someone what right do I have to say no but if she was under 25 and the guy over 45 I would probably have a good talk with her to understand her reasoning and explain my thinking but I would not tell her what to do, that would be wrong I would simply be a concerned father.

[thaiduncankk]

from talking to my wife and her friends over the years the reason some of them want a farang husband older than themselves is due to the way thai men act, they want someone that is dependable and secure within themselves, this does not mean financially wealthy either. As for age difference I see nothing wrong with a 20 year age difference when both are middle aged or older(man or woman can be the elder too), thai women seem to be too immature till they get to around 30 anyway , thai men at least 40 or 50. My daughters partner would depend entirely on her, if she loves someone what right do I have to say no but if she was under 25 and the guy over 45 I would probably have a good talk with her to understand her reasoning and explain my thinking but I would not tell her what to do, that would be wrong I would simply be a concerned father.

The old excuse 'the way Thai men act.

This is always used to try and justify them wanting a farang, as opposed to financial greed.

So every Thai man is the same ? Even their own brothers and fathers ?

[MaeJoMTB]

So every Thai man is the same ? Even their own brothers and fathers ?

Dunno about all, but mine doesn't think much of her father or brother.

She's not keen on her sister either.

[TuskegeeBen]

I'm really just wondering if peoples stance differs with others doing it such as their children.

Are they truly ok with it, and does the let them be rule apply, trying to write this without appearing inflammatory.

Nothing about your OP is inflammatory, in the least. But, then again, its not my call, and since this forum is more of the "thin-skinned" person's meeting place, you definitely need to cautious, by posting in accordance with the forum rules.

The young girl, old man marriage syndrome, is an Asian tradition, dating back thousands of years. Many senior-aged western expats, simply plug-themselves into a ready-made system of things, again, traditionally Asian.

In the western world, I'd definitely have a problem with my daughter getting pregnant with any man, of my generation. The varied psychological reasons of why they (farangs) do it, particularly with a "born-in-Asia" Asian girl, is a totally different OP topic of discussion.

Edited February 6, 2016 by TuskegeeBen

[elgordo38]

You get what you pay for however, and you cannot buy love,

If you think you can't buy love, then you don't have enough money.

Ha ha ha I can see MaeJoMTB you have been around the block a few times. Respect+some money=Love and at my age and her young age that that is all I ask for. Its an age old formula. After 4 years together I guess I just got lucky.

[fireplay]

Im back visiting the States now and I gotta say my friends that I grew up with have some really hot daughters...my gf is their kid's age ranges (23...I'm 41)

[ttthailand]

My daughter is the same age as my Gf. Once when I was visiting family in the U.S. My daughter asked me who the lovely young girl was I was chatting with online. I told her my new Gf. Her response was that my Gf is beautiful and that she was happy for me. She also said if I am happy she is happy. If my daughter met a nice guy same me who loved her and could take good care of her and she loved him I would be also happy for her.

Now what would upset me is if she had a relationship with a looser who was lazy, tattooed, stupid and her own age. Or... A fat ugly stupid guy who treated her badly.

It's about the person not the age !

[Blackheart]

Its good to see everyone posting well and not fighting.

I feel if two people are really in love it would very sad for them not to move forward and continue the relationship.

The ones who are genuine deserve happiness however those who rush in and are in a cash based relationship and let's be honest it's rampant, they are often fooling themselves more then the female leech is.

To those that have found love well done, regardless of age.

On another note I know several thai men who are really good to their partners.

[impulse]

Living in China, I had a French doctor who gave me the "universal formula" for the optimum woman.

Take the guy's age, divide by 2 and add 7.

Strangely, it seemed to work- until I realized I needed to trade down every few years to keep current.

Edited February 7, 2016 by impulse

[Berkshire]

As a Thai father in Thailand the answer is that it's OK.

As a Western father in the West it's sociably unacceptable hence it's not OK.

As a Western father in Thailand it's most probably not acceptable, to the father.

As a Thai father living in the West, it's probably OK, so what does that tell you about the West.

Not sure how you can answer for a Thai father if you yourself are not Thai. A Thai father can be against it, but will most likely relent to the will of his daughter. That would be the same as any western father. Yes, there are cases of young western women with older men (that we hear about). I would guess that the father may harbor private disagreement, but would support his daughter's decision.

To answer the OP, I would prefer my daughter be with a responsible older man than a punk irresponsible younger man. But regardless, it's her choice. I'm assuming the question is about an adult woman and not a teenager.

"Not sure how you can answer for a Thai father if you yourself are not Thai".

I'm making the assumption that must be the case given that here in Thailand there as so many young daughter/older man relationships and very few fathers seem to object to it.

And if they objected, how would you know exactly? They can object, but not stop it. Nevermind.

In most older farang/younger Thai relationships, the woman is a single mother, impoverished, with few prospects. If the man is willing to take on this responsibility, more power to him. In fact, I find this admirable.

[Blackheart]

As a Thai father in Thailand the answer is that it's OK.

As a Western father in the West it's sociably unacceptable hence it's not OK.

As a Western father in Thailand it's most probably not acceptable, to the father.

As a Thai father living in the West, it's probably OK, so what does that tell you about the West.

Not sure how you can answer for a Thai father if you yourself are not Thai. A Thai father can be against it, but will most likely relent to the will of his daughter. That would be the same as any western father. Yes, there are cases of young western women with older men (that we hear about). I would guess that the father may harbor private disagreement, but would support his daughter's decision.

To answer the OP, I would prefer my daughter be with a responsible older man than a punk irresponsible younger man. But regardless, it's her choice. I'm assuming the question is about an adult woman and not a teenager.

"Not sure how you can answer for a Thai father if you yourself are not Thai".

I'm making the assumption that must be the case given that here in Thailand there as so many young daughter/older man relationships and very few fathers seem to object to it.

And if they objected, how would you know exactly? They can object, but not stop it. Nevermind.

In most older farang/younger Thai relationships, the woman is a single mother, impoverished, with few prospects. If the man is willing to take on this responsibility, more power to him. In fact, I find this admirable.

Its ok but I would not say it's admirable to take only what you can get.

A bear craps in the woods not through choice, access to better facilities are not possible to a bear.

Would a woman take an old man or a young man of equal fortune, I would reject both woman opting for a girl who seeks love.

That or stay single,if the girl is genuinely in love with an old man that's ok though.

If it is nothing more then a business transaction that's fine to as long as both are aware and don't mind.

Just don't pretend it's not a sham if it is.

[mamypoko]

If I had a daughter, which I don't, I would not approve of her dating or marrying anyone.

As for ya'alls daughters, I'm cool with it.

[1FinickyOne]

"A bear craps in the woods not through choice, access to better facilities are not possible to a bear.

Would a woman take an old man or a young man of equal fortune, I would reject both woman opting for a girl who seeks love.

That or stay single,if the girl is genuinely in love with an old man that's ok though.

If it is nothing more then a business transaction that's fine to as long as both are aware and don't mind.

Just don't pretend it's not a sham if it is."

Yo Blackie - what makes it a sham - it just is what it is - and like it or not, there is a business side to every relationship, even if it is just ifguring out how to spend their pay checks... sex & money are the 2 biggest reasons for marital failure... love fades or changes, - but I like your thoughts here - we should get out and build better facilities in the woods for bears...

[PEAP]

Would be interesting to read a few answers on the definition of "Love"?

Regardless to all despite ?????? from,

PEAP

[John1012]

Unacceptable except where age difference is not such a big deal....for example a 55 year old and a 35 year old...both middle aged adults. But an 18 year old and a 55 year old not acceptable.

I must politely disagree. The 18 yo woman makes a choice, providing the 55+ yo man has adequate funds and an agreeable nature, then the woman is consenting to a partnership which provides her and possibly her family a financially secure future. Her parents have adequate food and shelter, her siblings have adequate schooling and the probability of a finacially secure future, from being properly educated. There might not be wonderfully gratifing sex, there might not be deep enduring love, but she could have a secure and comfortable life and the male could have a desirable and helpful companion as he gets older and more infirm. One has to take a pragmatic view of what the society that one lives in gives to poor uneducated women/men to understand their choices and not judge from the soft nanny state attitude of some western countries.

[EmptyHead]

Well, I wouldn't be very please with the prospect, but then again I would not really be pleased with her getting a boyfriend at all, lol.

I suppose an old guy who treats them right is better than a young guy who treats them badly.

But, yes, it would still be really weird if he were ages with me, or older.

[EmptyHead]

Maybe a little off topic, but.....

...how long do you think these large age gaps will continue in Thailand? It probably depends on the economy.

I think that in 20 years from now they will be almost unheard of, like in the west.

Edited February 8, 2016 by EmptyHead

[ggt]

What is bugging you blackheart? Appears you have an unspoken beef with older chaps enjoying younger ladies...is that so bad? Older men are generally more financially secure, generous, dependable, loyal and committed when in a relationship...is there something wrong with this picture?

[prakhonchai nick]

As a Thai father in Thailand the answer is that it's OK.

As a Western father in the West it's sociably unacceptable hence it's not OK.

As a Western father in Thailand it's most probably not acceptable, to the father.

As a Thai father living in the West, it's probably OK, so what does that tell you about the West.

Not sure how you can answer for a Thai father if you yourself are not Thai. A Thai father can be against it, but will most likely relent to the will of his daughter. That would be the same as any western father. Yes, there are cases of young western women with older men (that we hear about). I would guess that the father may harbor private disagreement, but would support his daughter's decision.

To answer the OP, I would prefer my daughter be with a responsible older man than a punk irresponsible younger man. But regardless, it's her choice. I'm assuming the question is about an adult woman and not a teenager.

You don't need to be Thai to see what goes on everywhere (certainly in rural Thailand).

As long as sin sot, or a regular income is received from a relationship I doubt any Thai father would make any judgement.

GiveThai Father a couple of bottles of lao Khao and he wouldn't even know or care what was happening.

[kingstonkid]

Not sure what the issue is the answer is simple.

If he is going to treat her like the lady she is and look after her well, make sure she is always happy and she truly loves him then there is no question even in western society all you can ask is that.

BUT

If he mistreats her then I think an approximate Loren bobbit would be the order of the day.

[Roomuck]

Not sure, but if my son wanted to marry a fat, smoking, drinking, swearing Western woman old enough to be his mother/grandmother I would forbid it.

That would be really sick.

[gandalf12]

I would say it is up to her. I assume you are referring to a girl who is not a child but a young woman