The art of making conversation...

[Bassosa]

One of my many observations of my Thai relatives is that it's very difficult to make meaningful conversation with them. I see conversation as a two-way process where both parties show an interest in each other's situation and give each other room to talk.

In reality, it ends up being me asking a million questions. Almost ends up sounding like an interrogation so I've toned it down a bit, given up basically.

Don't want to sound like a narcissist but when I've been on an overseas trip I would almost expect them to ask how it went?

My in-laws are all highly educated, well traveled and speak excellent English.

Does this sound familiar?

Edited March 7, 2016 by Bassosa

[richard_smith237]

Very!!!!

I simply put it down to Thai's being extremely self centered... That seems like a huge negative Thai bashing comment, but it's not intended that way.

I'm very close with my In laws... But their interest in their daughter's and Grandson's life is a polar opposite to my folks in the UK.

I put it down to simply cultural difference...

If we've been on a holiday My Mother wants to know everything down to what we had for breakfast. Conversely my Thai In laws are not even interested in thr slightest.

[Bassosa]

They're definitely up for a bit of banter. And do love to talk about what's going on in their life.

They just never reciprocate...

[CMKiwi]

Either that or they've got their noses firmly planted in their smart phones!

They are certainly the death knell of polite conversation (As we once knew it)

[orchis]

[JannerBoy]

Either that or they've got their noses firmly planted in their smart phones!

They are certainly the death knell of polite conversation (As we once knew it)

Definately something quite nice about going out without a phone for an hour and watching how many live in their phones. Social skills are becoming less common.

[mesquite]

Either that or they've got their noses firmly planted in their smart phones!

They are certainly the death knell of polite conversation (As we once knew it)

Definately something quite nice about going out without a phone for an hour and watching how many live in their phones. Social skills are becoming less common.

Not limited to the Thais. Young people of all nationalities do not fear technology.

[anto]

I only talk to them (my wifes friends ) when they ask or make a comment directly to me .I have little interest in their lives ,and they seem to have more interest in mine .Being quiet by nature though its probably just me .My wife speaks almost non stop .

[JingerBen]

Your observations are familiar to most - if not all - of us who have married into Thai families.

My own experience is that it took a while to feel totally relaxed around them.

When my wife and I started to bring up children of our own, the relationships with the extended family improved in all sorts of ways that have continued to this day.

Some I enjoy talking to, some I prefer to keep at a distance... just the way I feel about my family back in Farangland.

[SantiSuk]

Talk about the price you just paid for eggs at a local market. They'll talk about everyday prices for hours!

Most common words in the thai language? "loi" and "baht"

[Berkshire]

Most Thais prefer to speak Thai in social situations, even if they can speak some English. Speaking a foreign language is just hard work. But another explanation could be that they are just not interested in the things that interest you. Surely you've met people who want to discuss things that are of no interest to you. I normally just nod and try to find a graceful exit.

[mamborobert]

General chit chat witth family I am fine....but anything topical, political etc then there is no hope. To me it is not about any Thai reserve. They simply do not know and do not care.

I read the news, watch the news, read generally, try to observe my surroundings ina broader sense, In the last 7 years I have never seen any of my Thai family read a book or newspaper, and may have seen them stumble across a TV news broadcast half a dozen times for all of them combined. They much rather Facebook for thei news, and the news they view on that is generally graphic violence stories, paparazzi snapshots, and religious stuff.

The US elections, war in Syria, refugees in EU, even Thai politics is not discussed as they are simply unaware and have no interest (beyond a blind allegiance to the Shin clan). I could have the same conversation on shopping today that I held with any of them 5 years ago, and probably in 5 years time as well.

I don't see this as purely a family thing though, generally their extended network is pretty much the same and dare I say the broader society. Perhaps a poor education system, and inwards Thai focus, a focus on sanook, and just generally trying to make a living day to day makes the average Thai converation understandably focussed on more immediate needs and issues.

Edited March 8, 2016 by mamborobert

[TheSiemReaper]

Talk about the price you just paid for eggs at a local market. They'll talk about everyday prices for hours!

Most common words in the thai language? "loi" and "baht"

This pretty much. 99% of people I've met across Asia only really want to talk about money in some form or another - salaries, prices, gambling, etc. if the conversation isn't about money, there's next to no interest in having it. The 1% of exceptions, on the other hand, are genuinely fascinating.

[zyphodb]

What I find is that they're not so much self centred as Thai centred, they're interested in talking about things that happen in their daily lives & Thailand in general but nothing at all that happens outside of Thailand, I'd say its the upbringing, Thailand is the centre of the world & nowhere else matters. eg. I have thousands of photos of places Ive lived & been to all over the world, but when I show them to any of my family anything thats not of Thailand barely gets a passing glance no matter how beautiful or interesting it is...

[Bill97]

What I find is that they're not so much self centred as Thai centred, they're interested in talking about things that happen in their daily lives & Thailand in general but nothing at all that happens outside of Thailand, I'd say its the upbringing, Thailand is the centre of the world & nowhere else matters. eg. I have thousands of photos of places Ive lived & been to all over the world, but when I show them to any of my family anything thats not of Thailand barely gets a passing glance no matter how beautiful or interesting it is...

Many Americans are the same.

[jobin]

Well, Sleepy Isaan what would you say to me if i ardently told you that only white skin girls could be 'beautiful'?

[Rhys]

Actually, they tone it down to safe topics... all superficial, yet polite. However, when you need help, they are ready and help.

[JaseTheBass]

I usually get more sense out of a brick than most older Thais I've known. The younger ones are a lot more 'worldly'.

As for the outlaws; Mae just grins inanely (I suppose the missus will follow suit in 20 years time) and Por, when at home, is either sleeping or watching Chong Kwai on the telly (a bit like me already).

Edited March 8, 2016 by JaseTheBass

[zyphodb]

Well, Sleepy Isaan what would you say to me if i ardently told you that only white skin girls could be 'beautiful'?

If you were Thai there would be no point in saying anything at all & if you were not Id say stop trying to wind me up & go get a life...

[villagefarang]

This is just another “Why don’t they do it my way?” topic. Why should Thais be expected to have Western style conversations? Okay you said, “meaningful” but that is based on your personal opinion of what is meaningful. If you are in the minority, isn’t it up to you to adjust to the way they communicate and try to talk about something they find interesting? Why do people expect Thais to be little Farangs and do everything our way?

Regardless of how good you think their English is, I have found all of my friends prefer to speak Thai, if for no other reason than it is more inclusive and doesn’t leave the majority of the people in the room wondering what is being said.

I, too, have conversational preferences but feel it is up to me to find people who are predisposed to the same kind of conversation and not try to change the habits of others to make it easier for me.

Edited March 8, 2016 by villagefarang

[maoro2013]

I have travelled extensively for work for decades. No one at home in Australia cared to hear about what happened on my trips sometimes interesting stuff. I just didn't talk about travel anymore. So not just a Thai thing.

[sharktooth]

Wait until the water buffalo gets sick. You won't be able to shut them up and you'll be centre of attention!

[GlutinousMaximus]

I'm with the OP on this.

The times when I do try and make conversation, I get the feeling that they just want to shut the conversation down as soon as possible - hence one word answers, no responses/follow-on questions to something I've said. It almost seems uncomfortable to a lot of them to even engage in conversation - I have the impression they're thinking "what's this farang twit on about?"

If they do ask something, it's often pretty mundane and I've heard most of it before - can you eat spicy food? what football team do you support etc. ?

It's quite strange when you see groups of people en masse - e.g. at the DMV waiting to get a licence. There are often people who clearly know each other and have gone there together, however they just sit there in silence whereas in the West it would be a loud hum of chit-chat.

So now I don't bother apart from very brief pleasantries - a quick wai, a smile, ' how are you?' etc. and leave it at that.

Edited March 8, 2016 by GlutinousMaximus

[Berkshire]

I'm with the OP on this.

The times when I do try and make conversation, I get the feeling that they just want to shut the conversation down as soon as possible - hence one word answers, no responses/follow-on questions to something I've said. It almost seems uncomfortable to a lot of them to even engage in conversation - I have the impression they're thinking "what's this farang twit on about?"

If they do ask something, it's often pretty mundane and I've heard most of it before - can you eat spicy food? what football team do you support etc. ?

It's quite strange when you see groups of people en masse - e.g. at the DMV waiting to get a licence. There are often people who clearly know each other and have gone there together, however they just sit there in silence whereas in the West it would be a loud hum of chit-chat.

So now I don't bother apart from very brief pleasantries - a quick wai, a smile, ' how are you?' etc. and leave it at that.

This thread of full of the usual farang ethnocentric nonsense, but this one takes the cake. So because of your isolated observation at the DMV--which I doubt is even true--you're saying that Thais don't talk to each other? Are you freakin serious? Lordy.

[Linden]

Dear Mr ATM Why you would want to talk to your outlaws beats me

Apart from that.

I have witnessed an asian man coming back from working overseas he is king for a fortnight then he is dropped like a hot potatoe even by the Grandkids.

Get back to work bring the money home..

Conversation is a pleasant sociable thing not really found in Asia

Most conversations are one way dictating to their f&f.

Or telling a story that has no meaning.

So I am not surprised they are not interested or concerned about you.

Yes maybe I have been here to long.

[GlutinousMaximus]

I'm with the OP on this.

The times when I do try and make conversation, I get the feeling that they just want to shut the conversation down as soon as possible - hence one word answers, no responses/follow-on questions to something I've said. It almost seems uncomfortable to a lot of them to even engage in conversation - I have the impression they're thinking "what's this farang twit on about?"

If they do ask something, it's often pretty mundane and I've heard most of it before - can you eat spicy food? what football team do you support etc. ?

It's quite strange when you see groups of people en masse - e.g. at the DMV waiting to get a licence. There are often people who clearly know each other and have gone there together, however they just sit there in silence whereas in the West it would be a loud hum of chit-chat.

So now I don't bother apart from very brief pleasantries - a quick wai, a smile, ' how are you?' etc. and leave it at that.

This thread of full of the usual farang ethnocentric nonsense, but this one takes the cake. So because of your isolated observation at the DMV--which I doubt is even true--you're saying that Thais don't talk to each other? Are you freakin serious? Lordy.

I though my post might raise a few hackles

It's just my observation (ethocentric or not) after nearly 10 years here and hundreds of stilted conversations.

Obviously the language barrier plays a huge part - if I could communicate freely in Thai using idioms,slang etc. then conversation might flow more freely.

I feel it's more than this however - that a cultural gulf exists, and that our frames of reference and cultural/conversational norms are vastly different.

While it is possible to have a conversation of sorts, I've never found them particularly interesting, or thought to myself 'hmmm that was a really stimulating chat, must see more of so and so'

It's also more pronounced where I am in the NE compared to the (probably) more cosmopolitan metropolis. The few occasions where I've met more 'worldly' locals, then communication has certainly been easier.

I still stand by comment about lack of chit-chat among the general population - I'm not saying they don't talk to each other, but my feeling is that there are socio-cultural norms at play and a lot of locals choose to keep quiet rather than saying something which might offend, cause loss of face, be 'above their station' etc. - things in the West which just don't apply.

Edited March 8, 2016 by GlutinousMaximus

[DrTuner]

Now if they only stopped the useless small talk as well, it would be optimal.

[Jing Joe]

Talk about the price you just paid for eggs at a local market. They'll talk about everyday prices for hours!

Most common words in the thai language? "loi" and "baht"

And;- how about during a home cooked meal just talking a lot about the food?

And during a restaurant meal condemning or praising the meal, its quantity and the ratios of ingredients especially chilli?

How many times does one usually compliment the wife's meal? Arroy mak mak etc.

Sometimes up to 5 times during the meal? and into next day if it was really good.

Polite? sure, but encourages her for future special meals. Win win.

Discovering "her language of love" is a recognized art for husbands to learn.

How do you guys go at joke telling? Now there's an inter-cultural art to explore and try to master.

My wife forgets them and 6 months later the same joke is a hit again.

All in a days work of conversation making.

[MaeJoMTB]

I only talk to them (my wifes friends ) when they ask or make a comment directly to me .I have little interest in their lives ,and they seem to have more interest in mine .Being quiet by nature though its probably just me .My wife speaks almost non stop .

Same for me.

If her mates try to speak to me, I tell em I don't speak Thai.

The Misses is nonstop in English, I tell her I can't understand her accent (In reality I filter her out as background noise).

Not so much anti-Thai, I just don't like talking to women that much.

Edited March 8, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[MaeJoMTB]

And;- how about during a home cooked meal just talking a lot about the food?

And during a restaurant meal condemning or praising the meal, its quantity and the ratios of ingredients especially chilli?

I don't eat with Thais, at home or in restaurants (except my Thai/English son).

I only go out with my English speaking male pals.

Edited March 8, 2016 by MaeJoMTB