Advice - Is it time to give up?

[uthaithanirules]

10k a month is enough to live on and a bit more than a minimum wage, why throw more money away?

Well Score! just over minimum wage for having the honour of some falangs kid, Sheesh, some of the guys here

The kid is an infant, someone has to look after him all the time, besides the girlfriend, thats mostly likely her mother.

The two of them without that responsibilty could make 10K a month each

So its most likely a pay cut for her and her family

[BritManToo]

10k a month is enough to live on and a bit more than a minimum wage, why throw more money away?

Well Score! just over minimum wage for having the honour of some falangs kid, Sheesh, some of the guys here

The kid is an infant, someone has to look after him all the time, besides the girlfriend, thats mostly likely her mother.

The two of them without that responsibilty could make 10K a month each

So its most likely a pay cut for her and her family

In rural Issan 10k a month is 3x the normal adult monthly wage.

She isn't in Canada and neither is the child, so Canada prices don't apply.

[uthaithanirules]

10k a month is enough to live on and a bit more than a minimum wage, why throw more money away?

Well Score! just over minimum wage for having the honour of some falangs kid, Sheesh, some of the guys here

The kid is an infant, someone has to look after him all the time, besides the girlfriend, thats mostly likely her mother.

The two of them without that responsibilty could make 10K a month each

So its most likely a pay cut for her and her family

In rural Issan 10k a month is 3x the normal adult monthly wage.

She isn't in Canada and neither is the child, so Canada prices don't apply.

????

3x?

3333 for working 25 days a month would be 133B a day

10000 for working 25 days a month would be 400B a day, certainly doable with some food / market stalls

And if they are loan sharking themselves, a lot more than that, which every second one around here seems to be doing.

Never been further out than Phetchabun myself, but dont imagine the Tesco in Issan much cheaper than anywhere else in the middle of nowhere

She should be thankful for not getting anymore money out of a falang than everbody else around her living in a tin hut eating 20 baht noodles for dinner? Seriously?

[BritManToo]

3x?

3333 for working 25 days a month would be 133B a day

10000 for working 25 days a month would be 400B a day, certainly doable with some food / market stalls

Never been further out than Phetchabun myself, but dont imagine the Tesco in Issan much cheaper than anywhere else in the middle of nowhere

Normal salary in rural areas around Petchabun is 100-150bht/day. But the work would be seasonal.

Plenty of days work around when planting rice or processing tobacco leaves. I've done that near Lomsak.

Rural agricultural laborers don't shop in Tesco. They live on their family farm and have a field or two to grow stuff. They grow their own rice and eat it with whatever they can find in the fields. No shops in most of the villages, beyond a stick house with a few supplies for sale. No electricity in the village school. Unpaved mud roads.

Food would be, rice and snake, rice and frog, rice and stewed green stuff picked from the sides of the fields.

[stoneyboy]

3x?

3333 for working 25 days a month would be 133B a day

10000 for working 25 days a month would be 400B a day, certainly doable with some food / market stalls

Never been further out than Phetchabun myself, but dont imagine the Tesco in Issan much cheaper than anywhere else in the middle of nowhere

Normal salary in rural areas around Petchabun is 100-150bht/day. But the work would be seasonal.

Plenty of days work around when planting rice or processing tobacco leaves. I've done that near Lomsak.

Rural agricultural laborers don't shop in Tesco. They live on their family farm and have a field or two to grow stuff. They grow their own rice and eat it with whatever they can find in the fields. No shops in most of the villages, beyond a stick house with a few supplies for sale. No electricity in the village school. Unpaved mud roads.

Food would be, rice and snake, rice and frog, rice and stewed green stuff picked from the sides of the fields.

Don't know when you were in Phetchabun and specifically the Lom Sak area but I can assure you people aren't working for 100/150 baht a day there as of a couple of weeks a go.

More like 200 or realistically 250/300 a day.

I lived in Phetchabun province or more specifically Lom Sak for 7 years,I know the area very well all the way from Villages such as Ban Ta Pon,Bung Nam Tao,Bung Kla,Ban Dong Kwang right through to Lom Kao.

I'm well known in Nois place opposite the Honda shop.

[uthaithanirules]

Yes, so basically this guy paying his thai girlfriend 10K a month, kind of crap

She could get the same deal almost, from a local guy

That is if she could find one that isnt a drunken wifebeater that wont switch women every 2 years

[Apiwan2]

You want the kid . you gotta man up and be hard.

Stop all money and communication with her let her come to you .

Give her nothing and I mean nothing.

Let her go down to the lowest point of which she will be begging for a conclusion.

IE money. Then offer her a one off payment for full custody of the kid .

Take the little fella to Canada and be happy.

The more you give the more she will take and keep face.

When you stop giving she can't live the HISO of the village.

Trust me it works. Short term pain for long term gain.

[Apiwan2]

This is a very tricky situation.

A Divorce will have to be contested because you have a child. In reality this means you could come to an agreement, but that agreement needs to be authorised by a court. This agreement can involve settlement, custody agreements, visitation agreements, child support etc...

Courts tend to favour the mother (according to a Family Lawyer I know). Unless you can prove your wife is unfit to be a mother you will have to fight custody in the courts (contested divorce) - i.e. you would have to prove alcoholism, drugs, criminal record etc... just saying the child would be better off in Canada would not win you a custody battle. A drawn out custody battle with the best lawyers could cost you about US$100,000.

You could loose the only leverage you have (Money) if a court were to award your wife custody of your child, you would have to pay child support.

Thus: Given your situation it seems that Divorce through the courts is a very risky choice.

In the meantime, keep a diary of any threats etc, keep any evidence (photos, Videos, recorded phone calls) that may indicate your Wife is an unfit mother... keep anything which could support your case, and do nothing which could harm your case.

A court case like this costing $100 K

You sure mate..

BTW Thai village people don't do court

[uthaithanirules]

You want the kid . you gotta man up and be hard.

Stop all money and communication with her let her come to you .

Give her nothing and I mean nothing.

Let her go down to the lowest point of which she will be begging for a conclusion.

IE money. Then offer her a one off payment for full custody of the kid .

Take the little fella to Canada and be happy.

The more you give the more she will take and keep face.

When you stop giving she can't live the HISO of the village.

Trust me it works. Short term pain for long term gain.

And this post my friends, is exactly why many of them hate, mistrust falangs in the first place.

[Apiwan2]

You want the kid . you gotta man up and be hard.

Stop all money and communication with her let her come to you .

Give her nothing and I mean nothing.

Let her go down to the lowest point of which she will be begging for a conclusion.

IE money. Then offer her a one off payment for full custody of the kid .

Take the little fella to Canada and be happy.

The more you give the more she will take and keep face.

When you stop giving she can't live the HISO of the village.

Trust me it works. Short term pain for long term gain.

And this post my friends, is exactly why many of them hate, mistrust falangs in the first place.

We only have his version of events.

So what your saying is keep giving money and they will not hate you .

[WishWashMan]

We joke about it on there forums, but stereotypes exist for a reason.

Nephew crashed motorbike...buffalo sick...grandmother died (three times so far this year)...Mom need <pick something>

It will never stop

Never ending supply of stupid men.

[manarak]

You want the kid . you gotta man up and be hard.

Stop all money and communication with her let her come to you .

Give her nothing and I mean nothing.

Let her go down to the lowest point of which she will be begging for a conclusion.

IE money. Then offer her a one off payment for full custody of the kid .

Take the little fella to Canada and be happy.

The more you give the more she will take and keep face.

When you stop giving she can't live the HISO of the village.

Trust me it works. Short term pain for long term gain.

And this post my friends, is exactly why many of them hate, mistrust falangs in the first place.

hmmm... yeah... sure.

so you say they grab/scam all the money they can and spend it on their family because they distrust farang...

so I will steal from you today, because I'm sure you will scam me tomorrow - what crappy logic is that

[Apiwan2]

You want the kid . you gotta man up and be hard.

Stop all money and communication with her let her come to you .

Give her nothing and I mean nothing.

Let her go down to the lowest point of which she will be begging for a conclusion.

IE money. Then offer her a one off payment for full custody of the kid .

Take the little fella to Canada and be happy.

The more you give the more she will take and keep face.

When you stop giving she can't live the HISO of the village.

Trust me it works. Short term pain for long term gain.

And this post my friends, is exactly why many of them hate, mistrust falangs in the first place.

hmmm... yeah... sure.

so you say they grab/scam all the money they can and spend it on their family because they distrust farang...

so I will steal from you today, because I'm sure you will scam me tomorrow - what crappy logic is that

If they were a happily married it wouldn't come to this. .

My advice was for now after she has shown herself for what she is.

Remember we only have one version of events.

But so quickly married and to have a kid is a disaster IMHO

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Hello all, appreciate your time and will try to be as brief as possible.

I'm a Canadian. First trip here back in Oct. 2012. Quickly fell in "love" with (poor) village girl, living in a small village in Phetchabun with her family. She asked me to marry her after a few days of being together, I said yes, we married end Nov. 2012. She asked for 1 million sin sod (getting 800k back after marriage, the 1 million was more for show), back then I had the money, I said yes. After the village wedding, we got 800k back, deposited it in her bank. We - she - was pregnant by end Dec. 2012. End of Jan. 2013 I decided to go back to Canada, find a job, start a home to sponsor her over.

Everything seemed to be going ok until I learned, around beginning of Apr. 2013, all money was gone and now she was asking for 400k more to finish rebuilding family house and put down payment on new car. Never once in the time I was gone (Feb.-Mar. 2013) did she tell me about house or car. I was of course furious but still gave her the money and decided to come back to village and make a life there to eventually all come to Canada together.

I got back in June 2013, in time for the birth of my son. And in case you have doubts, he really is my son I stayed for about a year, tried teaching for a couple of months (that just didn't work for me). Ended up spending most of my time at home in village exercising, cleaning, working on the house, helped caring for baby. My time would have been much better spent learning thai and completing or at least starting on the sponsorship paperwork. I was lazy with the thai and still didn't trust my wife but still had hope time would change things. Money was getting low, I was lonely, felt powerless in village (the only foreigner) so decided once again to come back to Canada, start a home, sponsor the wife and baby.

Got back to Vancouver June 2014, found a decent job and apartment, things seemed to be going ok. But eventually the long distance relationship turned upside down and all we ended up doing was fighting, it got pretty bad. So once again, I decided to come back, fix the marriage, live here a while and eventually we'd come to Canada together. I also missed and worried about my kid terribly, wanted to be with him.

Got back to village August 2015. First couple of months were great, started really bonding with wife. Getting to know my son was a bit more difficult as I missed an important time in his very young life. He's white as snow, blond hair, looks exactly like me but is pure thai. I'm still pretty much his last resort as he prefers to be with his mom, grandma, relatives or villagers before me. I think he loves me, we spend good times together but definitely feel last on his list. Not sure why but the last 4-5 months have been the worst yet. We've tried a few different things to get us going as a family but it just isn't working and I still haven't started on sponsorship.

Some points to mention and i'll stop this confusing post -

-the wife has had many chances to work, has received some interesting job offers... she's refused them all. I've never seen her work.

-I feel completely powerless over any decisions made, especially over the my kid. Seriously feel the villagers have more power and custodial rights over my kid... i know it sounds stupid but that's how it feels.

-we're looking at getting divorced (probably our best decision ever) but i'm having a hell of a time leaving my kid. All I really want is to get him to Canada. This village is no place for him, extremely worried about his health and safety. He's loved here but is being raised all wrong. I've tried to change things, tried to show some power over the family.. that really didn't go in my favor, just made everything worse.

-the wife will not let me take my kid to Canada without her, I can fight for custody but will lose and how can I take a child away from his mom? also, don't have enough $ anymore for lawyers and legal fees.

ok, ok that's enough. Apologize for rambling on, just felt the need to get this off my chest. I know what I need to do: cut my loses, divorce, get out of here, support my kid from Canada.

hmm, also, I think Thailand's a great place, I respect the people and their culture. I got married too fast, had no idea what I was getting myself into. I'm the only one to blame for this mess.

wish you all the best.

The problem is in your last paragraph. You respect them, but you respect them more than yourself and your family. One million for sinsod? They get to keep 200k?

How much money did you give your mom in need? No respect for yourself whatsoever.

[bwpage3]

Couple things come to mind?

You either can get them to Canada or you have told her so many times that she has lost faith in you getting her there?

It all comes down to how important is your kid to you and how much you want to work it out for the kid?

In Canada she will have to depend on you 100% so then you will have the upper hand.

In the meantime, perhaps you should woo her by showing her Photos of where she will live and all the nice things she can have in Canada.

You need to understand the mentality of Thai village girls.

The first mistake was giving the money, the second was leaving her there with the money.

Thai girls do not think to much (Out of sight, out of mind) so when you were not there she probably had no idea whether you would come back and get her or not?

The big question is, can you get her to Canada ASAP with your kid, do you have a life in Canada for her that she will enjoy and be happy with?

Good luck.