why are thais never ashamed?

[smotherb]

My God Dazzz...how long have you been here? Thais seldom get anything right the first time...seldom redo the work if they have already been paid...and think nothing of selling everything a farang gives to them...

Many farang gifts end up in the pawn shop...only to be reclaimed with the next sucker comes along to pay the pawn bill...

This is Thailand...do not get upset over the small stuff...stick to the big picture...

Your are happy here, right?

Sounds like an utter cop-out. How could someone possibly be happy if their wife takes her utterly worthless brother's side over you? You tried to be good to him, he blows it. Enough is enough.

[bbbbooboo]

just a guess......in this case maybe no standards or conscience

[Roomuck]

Thais never ashamed???

That is a big generalization and completely wrong.

Some don't seem ashamed, like bar girls who marry customers, and their families, but I reckon normal Thais feel ashamed often more easily than farangs, loss of face and their reactions is often caused by being ashamed. They lose sleep over being ashamed.

I can't believe you got sucked in to give the motorbike to someone you didn't like! Shameful.

[bazza40]

Your wife does not respect you. Who is supporting her? You.

Make it clear to your wife "mai bpen rai" won't cut it. Either she gets rid of the brother, or you will walk away and the money supply dries up.

Thais are like children. You have to set boundaries.

[Kabula]

Not all Thais are the same!

Your living a bit of a nightmare and if you don't see it getting better soon, you will need to make a life change to prevent the fights from getting physical.

I've seen similar red flags and those fights ended up with death/s.

I prefer to live alone and rent everything!

I avoid the mentally challenged, criminals, drug users, drunks, scammers, beggars, religious folks, angry, needy, irrational, negative, women, including their family, and stupid people.

A problem free, stress free, healthy life is great.

[shaggy851]

Cant be ashamed when u never admit fault, and being drunk as an excuse or defense for any behavior, therfore also not their fault.

[neeray]

Hitting him will only get you in deeper do do.

But I do like the story about the gun in the throat.

However, what works for one may not work for another. Different circumstances.

As for selling the motorbike; three little words of advice "get over it".

Stealing food and being a bum, you better get your wife to handle that one. Personally, I would not put up with that "my house" crap.

Remember, you are farang. There are many fish in the sea !

[ChrisKC]

Hence why i would never deal with family..farang or thai in a business sense.

The actual job was so small and easy . 3000 \baht a few beers and some white whisky . The hard bit for me was getting the wire off and lifting the posts back out . The ground was very soft black earth from the lake so easy to dig , but not for her brother . He knew they all fell down but still came to my house without a blush or

care . But this motorbike thing left a bad taste in my mouth as i could have had 10,000 baht myself but gave it to him on my wifes advice then he lost the money playing cards .;

Still looking for the same advice , should i not be upset with and stop him first comign to my house every day secondly stealing food ?

You seem very upset over losing 10,000 baht. If tomorrow you lose 10,001 baht, are you going to go on a murderous rampage through the village?

Seriously, the quantity of money you are referring to is an insignificant amount. Move on with your life. Stopping living it as if it were you are a drama queen.

This thread is little about money, it's about the principle. There was a recent thread about people being short-changed by satang but it is obvious they were not concerned about the money itself.

You are able to dismiss in a one-minute judgment the long experience of the OP who has had plenty of time to feel the way he does and hopes he can attract a bit of sympathy and SOME support by sharing his plight with others on here.

[shaggy851]

My gf had a 2 bikes and one was nearly paid off and gave it to the brother and his wife because he had no transport. Had 2 payments left to make and it was all his but didnt make the payments and she neary lost the bike. Only found out when the shop came around to repossess the thing. sometimes you just cant help people, im sure he would have sold it anyways when times got tough so in this case we are better off to keep it collecting dust than to give it away.

[Stevemercer]

I think that a man's home is his castle. You need a place where you can relax and be content. If your brother-in-law is always hanging around, and he pisses you off, you can never be happy at your home. Something has to change. Maybe you could knock down your wife's old home, get an aggressive dog or somehow try to make it unattractive for him to hang around. While it is unreasonable to expect your wife to turn against him, she must be made to understand how his continual presence is eating away at you and threatening your marriage. If you give your wife a regular income then she must take responsibility for him with her own money. If she has to give him her own money, for drinking and gambling, she will be more reluctant to accommodate him.

If nothing changes after a few months, you might have to give your wife an ultimatum. Mate, you have to look after your own physical and mental health and happiness as the top priority.

[rocketboybkk]

So many guys bang on about how great Thai women are.

"Slim", "good skin", never (or hardly ever) says no to a shag, deferential etc but, behind the facade, the dark shadows in the back of their minds tell the true story and that is, they're absolutely miserable.

These wives/girlfriends place family, friends and even acquaintances above their husbands in the pecking order.

The only time the poor sods are given the semblance of any respect is when the wife/girlfriend needs to soften them up for a handout or some form of generosity they want extended either to themselves or to family members.

These men know they're mugs but all too often, they're "all in". Kids, house, cars, scooters

Every time they're asked for money, or to allow a family member to camp out in the family home for the week that turns into a month or 3, or to lend a SIL/BIL the scooter that comes back with no gas or with scratches . . . their inner voice says, "She's taking the piss; the whole family's taking the piss" but they tell themselves, "I'm living the dream in Thailand with a hot wife".

Obviously, there are some kickass Thai women who wouldn't dream of carrying on this way but very few of them are married to foreign guys

Excellent post

Agree fully

A lot of men are being mugged off & their wives/extended family/Thai friends are laughing & talking about them not only in secret but while they're in the room behind they're backs on some slang given language they'll never understand

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Goong Ying]

most of the issues you have are of your own making. if you took time to observe and learn about thai culture and behavior then you would not be getting so stressed;

- your wife clearly put her family before you - you should have looked for this before marrying her if you are not able to accept it

- never pay a thai to do a job up front

- never explain to a thai what needs doing and then leave them alone to get on with it

- you gave him the bike so it is up to him what he does with it, judging by past behavior it sounds like it was likely he'd either pawn it, write it off in an accident or write himself off in an accident - and it would be your fault for giving him the bike

- you've given him an inch and he's taken a mile, you should have stood up for yourself from the start with your wife and the brother

Yup how easy to be wise after the event. Tell me about it.

A saying comes to mind--- "Don't start something you wont be able to stop"

Good luck mate. and remember "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" means we could be all walking half blind and toothless.

BUT, I did like one post where a gun was involved, the table was turned and now the poster is respected.

Again good luck and good choices mate.

[rethaier]

On the bike topic, your wife is correct. You gave it to him, it was his possession to do with as he wishes. That's true everywhere in the world. Would it have made any difference if it was sold after 5 years? If you wanted to control it's destiny,you should have lent it to him.

[Goong Ying]

Many westerners in Thailand should be ashamed of their own behavior, not just the Thais.

Yes.

And just an observation;- The westerners often (not always) look the part of scum from their appearance but the family complications in this topic are insidious and quite often undetected till you are in the midst of it.

The word "Quicksand" comes to mind.

[Goong Ying]

Hence why i would never deal with family..farang or thai in a business sense.

But this motorbike thing left a bad taste in my mouth as i could have had 10,000 baht myself but gave it to him on my wifes advice then he lost the money playing cards .;

Still looking for the same advice , should i not be upset with and stop him first coming to my house every day secondly stealing food ?

Lock him out of the house and lock the food in a storage cabinet that he can not open.

Should not have to resort to that....but.... it seems in this case you have to make the effort to stop him from entering the house and or access to the food.

Ignore the wife's protests.

If it becomes an argument then pack you bags and let her know you are leaving for a week or so and let her know that every time she does not control or reprimand the little dick head then you are going away for awhile....and maybe not coming back.

Seems the brother has a gambling and alcohol addiction? If so, "all addicts are liars" even they have told me. So that's just another worm in the proverbial "can full of worms".

Just a thought about "locking him out" and you "leaving for a week" and "maybe not coming back".

Could you be so sure you may be locked out on your return because of changed locks from her unchanged mind.?

A very divisive and decisive turn of events that could provide an instant answer for you, or could it be just keeping brother out if he for example ever had a key?

Again--- good luck, or better still I wish you good management.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

Wow!After reading the shit that you have to put up with from this guy and your wife's lack of respect and help,i am wondering,with all the help and support she gives this guy,have you ever checked that he is really her brother???

No sarcasm or nastiness intended,it wouldn't be the first time.

[Goong Ying]

On the bike topic, your wife is correct. You gave it to him, it was his possession to do with as he wishes. That's true everywhere in the world. Would it have made any difference if it was sold after 5 years? If you wanted to control it's destiny, you should have lent it to him.

Agree Rethaier.

"We cant be responsible for other peoples decisions" and ouch that is a hard one to learn sometimes.

Giving with "NO strings attached" is another adjunct to this and can be just as hard to learn also.

It could be that lending it to him was going to be a disaster also?

Whatever lessons the brother needs to learn, so be it, maybe he will never learn, but if you have an open mind to accept; "what can I learn from this" you will be infinitely better off than he may ever be.

And give thanks for the opportunity that life provided you to learn for who knows what is later to come?

You are worth more than going to jail or simply having a criminal record because of a scum brother in law and a wife with indecisive faithfulness.

[JD77]

The moment that my wife threatens with the police it's over . Pack your things and leave her and she can let her mutt brother support her...or at least take a personal long vacation for a month .

[Khon Kaen Dave]

There are many who advise you to sling the ponce out and leave the vampire by cutting off her blood supply.But think carefully before you choose this form of action.Guns,no matter how old are a sign of 'its time to get out.' while you are still young enough to do so.This wife and brother are a win double.And could even conspire in your demise(dont for get you live in a remote place and elderly people can always fall down the stairs????)

I think that leaving is the best thing to do.Take only what you need and do while she is out,why dont you suggest she go out with the brother for a day?go as far away as you can and then tell her,ever so nicely that her funding has been terminated.

Change your simcard!She.They need teaching a lesson. Have no contact for a month or so,and then call her and tell her you are fine and just enquirer as to how she is doing.

her answer will tell you whether she has any real feelings for you.

DO NOT GO BACK,under any circumstances.Do not arrange to meet her somewhere else for a week end break that includes a hotel with high balconies.

Now,the hard part.I know this is easy for me to say,and i dont know your financial position.

If the house has cost you nearly everything then this is the reason why you should never have done it.As for the bike? I'm afraid you are going to have to swallow that brother as a big mistake,that you did when in 'stupid mode' convinced by a woman who you thought cared for you.

She does not,get that very clear and she never will.

She has been given power over you by you.(p##sy struck comes to mind)

I wish you luck and a long and happy vampire free life.

[inzman]

You are a rug and your wife and her brother wipe their feet on you. You gave no control of your home or wife. She threatens to call the police on you? What a duche bag for allowing this witch to control you.

[Doc46]

There are Two ways to do things,,The Thai way that's the way they do it,,And the Right way,,You don't want to see him on the property,,Tell you're wife ,, Either he stays of the property or you go back to you're Home country, problem solved One way or the Other

[mikiea]

Firstly why are you with your wife she obviously does not respect you.

Secondly stop worrying about it, these things happen getting stressed wont help.

And lastly lesson learnt, don't pay thais upfront for building work and always supervise them.

Good luck and chill, its just the Thai way.

remember this , you are 61 years young , leave it all , your wife treats u like a rented donkey . start over there are many women that will take care of you with more respect than the one you have now . just go .

[Suradit69]

he is family, what do you expect? your wife will always prefer him over you when it comes to conflict. this is not a thai thing, it happens in every culture - everywhere.

next time, when your wife is unwell, invite your bil to an excursion somewhere nice and...

Every family has at least one ne'er-do-well and one cranky old f--t who feels hard done by. I feel sorry for your wife having to cope with you both.

Interesting how you can generalize your problems with one person to "why are Thais never ashamed."

If you had the same issues with a relative back in the US or Britain or wherever, would you then ask why Americans or Brits are never ashamed?

[elgordo38]

Firstly why are you with your wife she obviously does not respect you.

Secondly stop worrying about it, these things happen getting stressed wont help.

And lastly lesson learnt, don't pay thais upfront for building work and always supervise them.

Good luck and chill, its just the Thai way.

Your in a pickle my friend. If you agitate the wife to much you could loose it all. Family first. Although the brother seems stupid I am sure he is aware of the control he has over you through his sister. Never hire family members to do work my g/f did and they did 15% of the work and quite to drink. She does not respect you and I doubt this will change. Your on a leash.

[elgordo38]

Lesson learned , never pay in advance for any jobs here if you can avoid it. And if you give someone an expensive gift , forget about it, its not yours anymore.

I keep explaining this to my g/f for after I am gone. Making a loan to a family member is not a loan but a gift. Its goodbye money.

[elgordo38]

Hence why i would never deal with family..farang or thai in a business sense.

The actual job was so small and easy . 3000 \baht a few beers and some white whisky . The hard bit for me was getting the wire off and lifting the posts back out . The ground was very soft black earth from the lake so easy to dig , but not for her brother . He knew they all fell down but still came to my house without a blush or

care . But this motorbike thing left a bad taste in my mouth as i could have had 10,000 baht myself but gave it to him on my wifes advice then he lost the money playing cards .;

Still looking for the same advice , should i not be upset with and stop him first comign to my house every day secondly stealing food ?

In his eyes your rich and the gift that keeps on giving. Your his winning lottery ticket.

[georgemandm]

Firstly why are you with your wife she obviously does not respect you.

Secondly stop worrying about it, these things happen getting stressed wont help.

And lastly lesson learnt, don't pay thais upfront for building work and always supervise them.

Good luck and chill, its just the Thai way.

Very true

[Linden]

Nature or. Nurture?

Bloods thicker than water

Am I leading you towards thinkiing whats around you.

Wake up..

"She's different" I can hear you now..... YES. No f * n different

Respect Gold n Money ...but only fear can keep them in order..

[Fairynuff]

Just tell him not to come to your house again

Sorry just read this , i have told him lots of times and threatened to chock him but he ignores me and still comes

In his opinion, and most likely your wife's too it's not your house. It's hers and her brother has more right to it than you.

[ExoticMatter]

Its a sweeping statement, but IMO the deeper cultural significance is the often lengthy (christian like) guilt complex that westerners seem to suffer from even on trivial stuff and Thais generally do not.

For example, baring a grudge can happen for like 20 years, Thais are good at not carrying over petty squabbles,

(look at western media - they will repeat the same nonsense for years and play on guilt, but thats another story best not go there as off topic)

Anyway, lets say I have carried over a 'heated discussion' from the night before, I seriously get told off for it, Thais do not like lengthy discussions, this I thank my wife for because she has taught me just to move on and not get stuck on repeating stuff (that no longer matters)

Thais are good at only living a day at a time, many westerners do not live in the 'now' they worry either the past or the future.

The Buddist way teaches not to feel bad about yourself and the lack of shame/embarrassment is part of this none derogatory mentality.