Contract With America

[Boon Mee]

Contract With America - Part Deux

After 11 years it's apparent that the Republicans failed to honor the Contract With America that got them in power. Realizing, however, that even a failed contract can bring political longevity Hilary, Dean, Feinstein, Pelosi and the rest have written their own called "Contract With America, Part Duex"

Mandatory homosexuality

Drug-filled condoms in schools

Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses

Osama Bin Laden to be Secretary of State

Allow France, Germany & Sweden to appoint 1 cabinet member each.

Withdraw from Iraq, apologize, and reinstate Hussein

Bring 1st Amendment rights to all Iraqis.

Ban all Iraqis from saying anything negative about Israel.

English language banned from all Federal buildings

Math classes replaced by encounter groups

Allow wealthy lobbyists a 'one time pass' to change their views.

Socialize cable news.

Change the 3-strikes-your-out law to read "3 strikes and your out unless your really really sorry"

All taxes to be tripled for those making over $50,000

All fortunes over $100,000 to be confiscated

Apologize to Germany & Japan for harm done in 1945, give each veto power over future American war efforts.

Require that all future presidents' vacation homes be located some where people will actually want to visit.

All church flyers to post disclaimer "Views listed here are not proven by fact."

Welfare regardless of age, race or income for all who "really need it"

Jail any cops accused of racial profiling. Mandate that colleges identify minority applicants and widen racial quotas.

Tofu-key to be named official Thanksgiving dish

Replace UN Secretary John Bolton with Michael Bolton

Give Veteran benefits to all "socially conscience" lawyers and activists.

Freeways to be removed, replaced with light rail systems & moped lanes.

Provide a free flight to Washington and a lawyer to any Iraqi with a grievance

Only allow drilling for vegetable oils

Appoint an Organic Farmer as Secretary of Energy

Inform Muslim Nations that gender roles are artificial but being gay is natural

Give every student an option to say the Pledge of Allegiance or burn the flag in homeroom.

Send Barbra Streisand to North Korea to sing a song of freedom to Kim Jong-il

Officially acknowledge that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.

Stem cells allowed to be taken from any fetus who states in front of witnesses that their rights have not been violated.

Comatose people to be ground up and fed to poor

Change the focus of the no-child-left-behind program from schools to prisons.

Require all Army recruiting offices to have in-house anger management counseling.

Redirect the FBI's mission from "finding terrorist" to "finding why terrorists are disappointed with us"

Dissolve Executive Branch: reassign responsibilities to UN

Jane Fonda to be appointed Secretary of Appeasement

Outlaw all firearms but forgive all those who apologize for using them

Texas returned to Mexico

Rename Christmas to Chimpmas

Carter added to Mount Rushmore

[Tornado]

nothing to see here, move along...

[suegha]

Wow Boon Mee this is dead heavy! Some of it is also dead funny!!!