BAKABAS Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Hi ladies, Excuse me for butting in on your forum ( Man from Australia here) but i would really like to know the Thai etiquette when it comes to the ring finger. Is it the same as Australia for example.? Like, When i come to Thailand in Feb 2007 and i would like to get to know someone better, if there is no ring, does that mean they are single? or do Thai ladies sometimes / often leave their rings at home. Us single guys only have this as an indication. It is not very polite to ask a lady " are you married". What value does a thai lady place on wearing their rings? I presume the ring finger is the same as western culture, is that true? Thankyou for any comments. Wazza Sydney, Australia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guardian Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Not sure, but is wearing the ring a Christian / Western culture? Majority of Thais are Buddhist. So, I don't think you would see rings on their fingers if my initial query is correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 yep, Many Thai women don't wear wedding rings. totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaReina Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Why is it impolite to ask a woman if she is married?? Was it impolite to ask ANYONE if they are married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy_bare Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 As far as i know, some ladies will not wear their ring for various reasons. Most cos the ring is seen as valuable and they may be scared of having it stolen. Your right as in most countries its impolite to ask about a ladies martial situation, same here. Hard one to answer about how to broach the subject. I have found the fun and excitement of courting normal thai girls (no offence to anyone with a bargirl, i just don't know of a better way to illustrate my point) very enjoyable. I have found an excellent way to meet many people. Start to learn thai from a children's book, when you need help ask any thai girl you like and they will help. It's a great ice breaker and quite innocent (well that's up to you and the lady). If you really fancy someone, it is normal to have a friend tell them as it save face and seems the way they do it here. Good luck """""(@ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaReina Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 (edited) As far as i know, some ladies will not wear their ring for various reasons. Most cos the ring is seen as valuable and they may be scared of having it stolen. Your right as in most countries its impolite to ask about a ladies martial situation, same here. """""(@ I am so sorry, but a woman who says she is not going to wear her ring for fear it will get stolen??? STOLEN?? Actually ANYONE who comes up with a line like that is full of crap. IMHO MOST people wear their ring with pride, as a symbol of someones love and commitment to them. They also want people to know they are not on the market. In addition, quite a few people have a hard time getting their ring off their finger so i fail to see how it will get stolen unless they are suggesting that people go around thailand wacking off womens wedding fingers for their rings! Now engagment rings are another story as they usually have a stone on them that a woman MIGHT be worried about scratching. Or if you said that a woman while working (depending on the job) opts not to wear her ring as she is worried about getting chemicals on it, then that would be more plausible. I still do not see how it is impolite to ask a person if they are married or not. It was not impolite for girls to ask guys this question where I come from (in fact it is a MUST if you want to save yourself some possible heart break) nor was it impolite for guys to ask women that either. Here in Thailand, when people begin a conversation with me I am asked am I married, do I have have kids, what country I am from, and my age. This is also in a country where people ask you the moment you walk out the door "Pai Tinai"? Sorry, my 10 baht. Edited December 10, 2006 by LaReina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 As far as i know, some ladies will not wear their ring for various reasons. Most cos the ring is seen as valuable and they may be scared of having it stolen. Your right as in most countries its impolite to ask about a ladies martial situation, same here. Hard one to answer about how to broach the subject. I have found the fun and excitement of courting normal thai girls (no offence to anyone with a bargirl, i just don't know of a better way to illustrate my point) very enjoyable. I have found an excellent way to meet many people. Start to learn thai from a children's book, when you need help ask any thai girl you like and they will help. It's a great ice breaker and quite innocent (well that's up to you and the lady). If you really fancy someone, it is normal to have a friend tell them as it save face and seems the way they do it here. Good luck """""(@ Teddy Bare I am confused, since when did it become impolite to ask about a ladies marital status?? I think you will find that those who are happily married have no problem with this at all, are very proud to be married and yes, also flattered (but not intersted b'cos married) if a guy is asking for any other reason than making general conversation Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiG16 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 as someone answered.....it is not thai custom to wear wedding rings...thats more a christian thing I believe? so unless the lady is married to a farang guy, it is unlikely you will be seeing wedding rings even on the married ones. so that wont give you any quick screedning device unfortunately in terms of asking if lady is married.....again I get the feeling its not something you can ask outright. LaReina...I understand your views about the need to be able to bring this up..but I believe it is not something the OP should raise so directly to women he meets. perhaps if they have started to date you might ask if she has a boyfriend...in thai you use the word 'mee fan rue yung krub' fan being the word for BF or GF...but very often thais will take that to include anyone they are in relationship with..so that covers partner/husband/wife. again having said that...i would say still not the first thing you can ask. good luck any how Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I would say it all depends on who does the approaching, if you were to approach a lady, it may be sensible to ask first.. saying that, if she does the approaching, it may be wise to ask all the same. totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Quixote Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 This is also in a country where people ask you the moment you walk out the door "Pai Tinai"? This is asked but not usualy expecting a real answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 (edited) This is also in a country where people ask you the moment you walk out the door "Pai Tinai"? This is asked but not usualy expecting a real answer. I disagree, Bpai nai.. and bpai nai ma are all about being polite, almost like a greeting, same as gin kao reu yang.. anyway.. this is off topic carry on please. totster Edited December 10, 2006 by Totster typo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I don't know that it is a Christian thing, many married Thai women I know wear rings on their ring fingers. The ones that don't are either because they are doing manual work or can't afford it. Even my 67 year old very traditional mother-in-law has a ring on her wedding finger. Just asked one of my staff that has a wedding ring and she was confused by the idea put forward that Thai women didn't wear wedding rings, its nothing she's ever heard of Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BAKABAS Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 yep,Many Thai women don't wear wedding rings. totster Hi totster, you have made many posts here and from that i deduce that you are fairly well in touch with Thai culture. Thanks for the reply, i will need to assume that the lady that catches my eye, MIGHT be married if there is no ring. As far as i know, some ladies will not wear their ring for various reasons. Most cos the ring is seen as valuable and they may be scared of having it stolen. Your right as in most countries its impolite to ask about a ladies martial situation, same here. Hard one to answer about how to broach the subject. I have found the fun and excitement of courting normal thai girls (no offence to anyone with a bargirl, i just don't know of a better way to illustrate my point) very enjoyable. I have found an excellent way to meet many people. Start to learn thai from a children's book, when you need help ask any thai girl you like and they will help. It's a great ice breaker and quite innocent (well that's up to you and the lady). If you really fancy someone, it is normal to have a friend tell them as it save face and seems the way they do it here. Good luck """""(@ I know i am getting off the post subject ...but i Love it! tell me more , is it the fact that asking for help with language or is it asking for help for language help, using a childrens book. Does that bring a little of the mother instinct out? or will any old book be good enough? We all a brought up differently and in different environments, you agree? i am a product of my " bringing up" when i believe that you shouldn't go up to a lady and ask if she is married. Same sort of thing if i went up and asked' how old are you'. So please don't think i'm strange or tell others they are full of it. We are human beings. Mutual respect. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 You should also remember that many thai people are "married" without being married. Living together or a buddhist ceramony with out legalising it is still, to many thai people, married. So in this instance, a ring may not be present but I, like sbk, know that all the thai women in my aquantance, wear wedding rings. My own MIL too even though she has been a widow for 15 years . I personally dont' think that in the course of a chat up, asking if the lady has a bf or parter is offensive. When I met my hubby I was 100 percent convinced that he had a thai wife somewhere in the woodwork as thai men his age (30's) generally have an ex & some kids somewhere (massive generalisation but stil... ) He didn't but I asked most of the first 2 months anyway, witht he threat that if he was lying he would have his goolies ripped off so better to tellt he truth now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 (edited) My husband and my father-in-law also wear wedding rings, so many men do it too. That said, I wanted to get my husband a really nicely designed ring from the US but he prefers the softer gold in a ring because he likes to go fishing and wouldn't want to lose a finger if the ring got caught in the engine or some other such accident. Anyway, off topic note there As for asking, well, it can't hurt you but you may not always hear the truth either. Best to just get to know the person if you don't feel comfortable asking marital status Edited December 10, 2006 by sbk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainx Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 As far as i know, some ladies will not wear their ring for various reasons. Most cos the ring is seen as valuable and they may be scared of having it stolen. Your right as in most countries its impolite to ask about a ladies martial situation, same here. """""(@ I am so sorry, but a woman who says she is not going to wear her ring for fear it will get stolen??? STOLEN?? Actually ANYONE who comes up with a line like that is full of crap. IMHO Years ago a Thai woman appeared on TV. She gave an interview about how a burglar broke into her house while she was asleep; the burglar chopped off two of her fingers because he wanted the rings on those fingers. I have also heard stories about Thai women with diamond earrings. Be careful or you might lose part of your ear. I wouldn’t want to walk around Bangkok with any expensive jewelries. Some criminals don’t steal; they mug or maim or kill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 (edited) boo sbk,, up country i did not see one married woman wearing a ring, however a large majority of them had the baht necklaces which they get from the sinsot so that could be an indication. on the other hand, when i wore my baht necklace,the taxi drivers in bangkok recommened to not wear it as he had also been recently mugged for his necklaces... we exchanged rings at our village wedding ceremony but everyone at the ceremony asked us why we needed rings; he had given me an other smaller gold necklace for everyday and for him, thats the 'marriage' proof. it seems to be the clue for the thai guys herre as well; they all recognize the necklace as thai baht gold and ask who my husband is. anon wears a ring here in israel for the same purpose , to show that he is indeed married although many israeli men dont wear rings, all the women do and when we are together it kind of inhances the fact so they dont always treat him as my 'foreign labourer' as in 'this is my husband and they check his hand to see the ring...but it is an encuberance since he works physical labour-- its 21 karat arabic gold so quite soft also. like anything else havin to do with thais, if u want to know if someone is married/a couple, then u must inquire from a third party. Edited December 11, 2006 by bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Maybe Isaan people don't wear rings then but (non-Muslim at least) Southerners most certainly do. I recall admiring an aunt-in-law's beautiful pink ruby ring (huge stone!) many years ago and she told me her husband gave it to her when they got married. And she is around 75 years old now. Interesting such a thing could vary so widely from region to region. So, it seems to me that if you want a ring, go for it. Who needs an excuse for more jewelry? Not I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 My MIL Is from Khon Kaen & all the women I referred to are in hubbies home town, it is a towen rather than a village though so maybe thats where the difference is but the issan women I know do wear their wedding & sometimes engagement rings too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 One thing that I think needs to be made clear here, however, is I don't believe there is a ring ceremony and perhaps this is where the confusion lies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BAKABAS Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 One thing that I think needs to be made clear here, however, is I don't believe there is a ring ceremony and perhaps this is where the confusion lies? Hiya sbk, No confusion at all, relax. Now, when i have seen videos of Thai marriages, i have seen the " milk money tray" ( what do you call that? ) that has the cash and gold necklaces, but i haven't as yet seen gold ring/s. I allways thought that maybe the Lady is wearing them, so its not on this " Dowry plate". Now after reading the few posts here, i am beginning to think that it is very similar to Australia. It seems to be a personal choice to accept and wear gold rings on the finger. In your experience, does a traditional Thai wedding include rings ? whether or not a person chooses to wear them. as i said, perhaps it is a personal ( or money orientated ) thing. YES , that is the next question to all, Do only people that can afford rings , have rings? Any comment appreciated. Wazza Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 tried to upload pics but couldnt so... not a single woman in any photo i have of muubaan khok soon near korat wears a ring as a wedding ring. anon's mother wore a ring made of elephant tail hair which she once bought/was given and she gave it to my daughter as a present... and a daughter of her's gave her a gold ring with stone... i think most muu baan women could afford the ring but the baht gold necklaces were given instead and were more acceptable to them... but these are real country folk and not even korat town folk... many of the women also dont have their sinsot necklaces either anymore as they were apparently sold when harder times hit and instant money was needed. this fits with what the thai guys working here had always told me also... none of their wives wore rings as everyone works physical labour and the necklaces are not for sentimental value but as 'instant money' like for emergency doctor etc. i find that since i also work physically with my hands, the ring is sort of a problem so i often have to remove it like for milking as it hurts the goats' udders... maybe wearing jewelry, like long 'clean' polished nails, is a sign of 'office worker, not day labourer ' etc. but take a woman in to a gold shop, and u will learn really quickly what her tastes are... u may regret it bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oxymoron Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 I think not wearing an wedding ring may be an Asian thing. My TW has not worn hers for 15 years but as 'bina' said when she goes out each hand has her diamond engagement ring and other diamond rings she gets for each wedding anniversary. My Chinese/Indonesian daughter in law also never wears a wedding ring, and interestingly she wears her diamond rings ( from the milk tray as you call it although hers was mote like a 20 litre bucket) on her right hand. Rings on the right hand in our western culture used to signify divorced if I can remember back that far. Regarding bina's comment on gold being a thais liquid funds, this is very true but another interesting cultural difference between my TW and Chinese DIL is she cannot ever sell the "milk bucket stuff" is has to pass it down to her children when they marry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Some may do but some just don’t Thai people do not wear a wedding ring as a sign of “hey, look I’m wedded!”, unlike in the west. In a thai wedding ceremony, we do not exchange the rings, so I guess it’s not that important to us to be wearing one at all times. Wearing a wedding ring it’s the western culture thing, not so much is the requirement of a married person here in Thailand. However the thais still love to wear all kinds of jewelries, but mainly because to showing off how wealthy you are, or wearing for just a fashion adornment. Hey nowadays even the kids will want to wear them too – it’s just only a fashion statement to them that’s all. However some thai just don’t wear them at all because it may pose hazardous during working or personal safety being seen with it. So there nowadays we still can’t tell who is married or not, unless you get to talk to them. Thai people do looove to talk about their families though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BAKABAS Posted December 12, 2006 Author Share Posted December 12, 2006 Some may do but some just don’tSo there nowadays we still can’t tell who is married or not, unless you get to talk to them. Thai people do looove to talk about their families though. Hi teacup, i thank you for your input , as i do all that have contributed to this thread. I guess i will just have to treat everyone as married before i make a conversation and wait for the right time to bring up conversation about family. I to feel that family is the core fabric of our existence and place a lot of respect toward where we come from, our upbringing and our family relationships. Can't wait to meet some Thai families during my holiday in February. all the best to everyone. Keep the thread going! this is a interesting subject. Keep posting your views. Thanks, :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.png.3b3332cc2256ad0edbc2fe9404feeef0.png)
Recommended Posts