New To All This And Need Advice.

[jimlad]

Hi,

Over a month ago I met a beautiful Thai girl named Kai while I was in holiday in Phuket. We spent 4 days together and We've fallen in Love. I've since come back to Sydney and we keep in contact every day by phone. We both want to get married and I'm comming back in early June next year to meet her Parents in Kalasin. I've spoken to her parents (briefly because they don't speak much English) and her sister on the phone and they all seem nice people. Kai also has a 2 and 1/2 year old Daughter from a previous relationship. Kai tells me that her Mother wants me to marry her in June, but I'm not sure that I should jump in so soon. Kai has already told me about the unfortunate Dowry that I'll have to haggle with her folks and I've already let her know about my probs in getting the funds for the dowry. (I'll probably end up having to get a personal loan)

She also wants to come and spend some time with me in Sydney before I come back to see her and her parents in June. She's already gone to the Visa office in Patong to get a quote for a Visa and air-fare to Sydney. The head boss of this office (I've already checked them out and they are legit) has yet to contact me with a quote for Kai's visa and air ticket to Sydney. Ultimately this will not be a problem (Providing the combined Visa and air fare aren't outrageously expensive)

So I guess the question is, where should I go from here? I'm insanely in-love with her and want to marry her, but I'm not sure of Spousal visas once we're married etc.... How difficult is it to obtain these? Will I have to go home, wait for Kai to obtain this visa and then come back for her? How soon after Kai obtains a spousal visa can she work in Australia? (I'm guessing she'll have to find some employment...) There's only me, my mortgage and my single income so far, Bit tricky if she wants to bring her daughter out here straight away. Will Kai be covered by medicare instantly once she obtains a spousal visa? What about her daughter?

Sorry about all the questions guys, but I'm totally new to all this!

[britmaveric]

Only spent 4 days with her and you want to marry her?

Personally I think you should take your time and get to know Kai , marriage is a big step and you barely know the lady. Why the hurry???

[farangsay]

Only spent 4 days with her and you want to marry her?

Personally I think you should take your time and get to know Kai , marriage is a big step and you barely know the lady. Why the hurry???

Hormones.

One of the very few advantages of growing older is the minor

brain coming up to par with the major brain.

[jimlad]

Only spent 4 days with her and you want to marry her?

Personally I think you should take your time and get to know Kai , marriage is a big step and you barely know the lady. Why the hurry???

We both love each other very much, I'm not exactly in a hurry to marry her, and she has told me that it's "up to me" when we get married, but her mother has suggested that we marry in June. Kai has also told me before that according to Thai custom, her parents seek the advice of buddhist monks as to when the best date (day, month etc) to get married for luck and prosperity purposes for the marriage.

[cuddleypete]

hi there i agree with britmaveric 4 days is very quick to think of marriage,i think you should go back first and spend some more time with her,also keep all photos ,emails ,phone call records etc because you will need them for visa application,i am form the uk so not sure on how us visa worksbut iam sure if you do some looking on this furum you will find stuff that will help,make sure ask lots off questions and you will get answers,just make sure you do plenty off home work before you go any further

all the best pete and som

[Mahout Angrit]

We spent 4 days together and We've fallen in Love.

Too short a time to make a lifelong decision and allow your bank balance to be cleared out

Kai tells me that her Mother wants me to marry her in June, but I'm not sure that I should jump in so soon.

Good thinking.

Kai has already told me about the unfortunate Dowry that I'll have to haggle with her folks and I've already let her know about my probs in getting the funds for the dowry.

Big dowries are usually only demanded for 1st time marriages. In Thailand very few men want to marry a woman who has been married and has kids and definitely wouldn't pay for the priveledge.

She also wants to come and spend some time with me in Sydney before I come back to see her and her parents in June.

Virtually no chance as you've been with each other 4 days and you have no real cash to act a sponsor.

How difficult is it to obtain these?

Very under the circumstances.

I'm sorry it's not what you had hoped to hear but if you listen to advice you've been given so far I think you'll be grateful. Get yourself a book or two and read up about Thai culture and look through these forums and read others experiences. If you still feel it's right get back to Thailand a few times to check her out, maybe surprise her by turning up unannounced. To stand any chance of Visa's for her you will have to show that you really know each other. Dont give up on it as I'm sure you wont but slow down, if it's true love as you say (on both sides) what's a couple of years planning going to harm

[gburns57au]

Hi,

1....Over a month ago I met a beautiful Thai girl named Kai while I was in holiday in Phuket. We spent 4 days together and We've fallen in Love.

2..... Kai tells me that her Mother wants me to marry her in June, but I'm not sure that I should jump in so soon.

3.....I've already let her know about my probs in getting the funds for the dowry. (I'll probably end up having to get a personal loan)

4.....She also wants to come and spend some time with me in Sydney before I come back to see her and her parents in June. She's already gone to the Visa office in Patong to get a quote for a Visa and air-fare to Sydney. The head boss of this office (I've already checked them out and they are legit) has yet to contact me with a quote for Kai's visa and air ticket to Sydney. Ultimately this will not be a problem (Providing the combined Visa and air fare aren't outrageously expensive)

5.....So I guess the question is, where should I go from here? I'm insanely in-love with her and want to marry her, but I'm not sure of Spousal visas once we're married etc....

1....known her for a month and spent 4 days together....What can you tell us about her ? Whats her most favourite food, who is her favourite Thai singer, when is her and her daughters birthdays, how old are her siblings if any and what are their names, what is her favourite perfume, what size shoes does she wear, does she have any allergies, what are her parents names and ages, what type of shampoo does she use (not the brand name), what are her hobbies, If you cant answer any of the above then you dont know her well enough to marry her and that is only a short list. Now you have tried that...make up a list of what she really knows about you....good heart and hansum man can be discluded. Even in June after 6 months talking on the phone everyday...what will you really know about her ?

2.... Why does the mother want you to marry so soon, Monks can pick several auspicious days in each month for a wedding. maybe mum sees you as a potential cash cow already. If Kai is willing to wait then that is a positive sign and probably a great idea.

3....I would advise against getting a loan to pay any dowry and before you even begin to negotiate a dowry I would read some of the posts here regards dowries. You should get a good insight into how much etc....make today the first day you start learning about Thai culture and the Thai way of things, because if you plan to go ahead with Kai then you will need to know these things.

4....You would find it difficult to get a tourist visa for her at this stage, it is not impossible but unlikely. You have to demonstrate that you have known her for a reasonable period of time and provide proof of this. This means photos taken over a period of time, phone bills, receipts if you are sending money already, letters, birthday cards sent etc...She will have to apply for a visa herself only at a VFS agency (The official visa office not a streetside travel office), if you are sponsoring her, your details will need to be on the application. The VFS agency will not arrange the airplane ticket for her. The VFS do have an office in Phuket.

5....At this moment you really dont need to know about spouse visas....once married and when you are in a position to lodge such a visa application then come back and ask us and we will assist in what way we can.

The emotional highways are littered with the bodies of men who have gone to Thailand for a holiday, fell in love and rushed into marriages. None of these men were fools, just ask them....they were all ripped off by these terrible Thai ladies...But none of these men would have married a western woman after spending just 4 days with them....Ah but you say..I love her and she loves me....yep! heard that before....but lets not fool ourselves here...you know in your own mind what the answers are....dont be blinded by love for loves sake...because love is only one aspect of a successful relationship. Nothing can replace the time taken to nuture and feed a relationship.

I have been in a situation similar to yours....it didnt work out.

[pumpuiman]

I know you wont listen. You are blinded by "love". But this is your situation.

1. You met your girl in a bar, and paid for all the time you spent with her in Thailand (bar fine and your "daily donation")

2. She never asked for anything....."It's up to you"

3. You offered to send her money...your idea...every month.

4. She told you she wont work at the bar anymore....or at least wont take "customers" home.

5. Sometimes her cell phone is "off"...or "have to charge battery, no work when charge battery"

I have been friends with many girls of ill repute in Thailand. Some have two or three falang on the line doing exactly what your doing.Again I know you wont listen.......but tread carefully. I know you think it is " impossible" that your girl would do such a thing. It is not.

It is a bar girls goal. Her co-workers do it. She does as all bar girls do.

Think with your big head.

I would take the advise of another poster here...pay her a surprise visit. Or hire a private detective in Thailand (cheap money) to try and see if she will leave the bar with him.......it's done all the time.

Again....you wont listen...your situation is different.....you "really" fell in love in 4 days, and sending her money was your idea.....right?

Good Luck.....be careful

[markr]

Although its a bitter pill to swallow, the advice you have been given is sound, thats just the way it is my friend.

I wish you the best of luck

Mark

[GU22]

She also wants to come and spend some time with me in Sydney before I come back to see her and her parents in June. She's already gone to the Visa office in Patong to get a quote for a Visa and air-fare to Sydney. The head boss of this office (I've already checked them out and they are legit) has yet to contact me with a quote for Kai's visa and air ticket to Sydney. Ultimately this will not be a problem (Providing the combined Visa and air fare aren't outrageously expensive)

Whether or not she gets a visa is not up to the head of a visa/travel agent in Patong, no matter how legit they may or may not be. It is up to the visa section at the Australian embassy in Bangkok. I know very little about the process of obtaining a visit visa for Australia other than what I have read here, but from what I have read it seems that the process is more difficult than obtaining a UK one; and I can tell you that based on a mere 4 day relationship she definitely wouldn't get a UK visit visa!

Patience is needed. If you are short of funds then get your head down and earn some to build up your savings. Get to know her more and if possible visit her a few more times.

Do not take out a loan for the sinsot! Negotiate with her parents, the asking price is always high, talk it down. It may seem like you are bartering for her in a market, but it is what a Thai man would do. It may seem harsh, but as she has a child then a Thai man wouldn't pay any sinsot anyway.

Tell her that your funds are low and you can't afford to get married yet. Tell her that getting a visa for her will be next to impossible until you have known each other for longer. Explain that because of this you both need to wait. If she is genuine she will wait.

But if she wont wait, well better to find out now before you have spent a lot of money you can't afford on her.

There are many bar girls who are genuine and do fall in love and go on with their partner to lead happy lives together. But there are just as many who see their many Farang boyfriends as mugs to be taken for as much as they can get.

[loong]

Oh Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear.

Assuming that this is not another Troll thread.

Take your time, come and visit her a few times before coming to a decision.

When in Thailand talk to the Farang who live here - Everyone will have an endless supply of horror stories about starry eyed people like you.

And I can assure you that these stories are true. They're so many unbelievable but true stories that nobody needs to invent them.

Unfortunately you have about 0.01 percent of happiness

[Mighty Mouse]

I'm giving you the benefit of a very strong doubt that this thread is genuine.

I suggest that you familiarize yourself with the visa requirements applicable for entering Australia.

Forget about the Spouse Visa at this stage, chances of a successful application being lodged are rather remote.

Start by reading the Australian Immigration site.

Particularly the "Visitor" section.

Despite what others have stated in this thread, you should be successful in obtaining a Tourist Visa.

You don't need to prove that your relationship is genuine and the short time that you have known your girlfriend should pose no barrier to a successful application.

She, and/or you will need to prove that you have sufficient funds to cover all costs during her stay in Oz, provide a valid reason for her to return to Thailand and guarantee that all visa conditions will be strictly adhered to.

Proving a genuine relationship will become a necessity with any subsequent Spouse Visa application, so I suggest that you take some time and read through the numerous threads on the subject in this forum.

In this regard you should start gathering evidence to support your claim that this relationship is genuine and continuing.

I also strongly suggest that you take your time in building your relationship through a series of tourist visas visits to Oz. This will allow you to both size each other up (so to speak), and give her time to explore Australia.

[jimlad]

1....known her for a month and spent 4 days together....What can you tell us about her ? Whats her most favourite food, who is her favourite Thai singer, when is her and her daughters birthdays, how old are her siblings if any and what are their names, what is her favourite perfume, what size shoes does she wear, does she have any allergies, what are her parents names and ages, what type of shampoo does she use (not the brand name), what are her hobbies, If you cant answer any of the above then you dont know her well enough to marry her and that is only a short list. Now you have tried that...make up a list of what she really knows about you....good heart and hansum man can be discluded. Even in June after 6 months talking on the phone everyday...what will you really know about her ?

Her favourite foods are anything with chicken, Spaghetti Bolognese and Issan Curries. Her favourite Thai music appear to be a ban called Pon Pui (not sure If I spelt that right) But she also likes Scorpian for a western band, her favourite song being "Wind of Change" Her birthday is August 23rd, but I have yet to find out her daughters birthday (However, I have seen photos of her daughter) She has two older brothers one older sister (Whom I've spoken to on the phone) and a younger sister who's still at school. I have yet to find out her perfume and what shampoo she uses. Her shoe size is 39 (don't ask me what that is in Australian women's shoe sizes) I'm not sure what her allergies are yet Her parents are in both in their 50's (Again can't remember their names) But they work on a farm in Kalasin. As for hobbies, she likes listening to music, jogging, going out with her friends, talking to me on the phone and shopping.

2.... Why does the mother want you to marry so soon, Monks can pick several auspicious days in each month for a wedding. maybe mum sees you as a potential cash cow already. If Kai is willing to wait then that is a positive sign and probably a great idea.

I have no idea. At first, Kai told me that her mother didn't even believe that I existed let alone wanted to marry her. So Kai asked me to call her Sister in Kalasin and speak personally to her mother which I did. (Very difficult as her mother hardly speaks any English) Kai has already told me that she can wait for me to marry her, and that it's not essential that we marry in June.

3....I would advise against getting a loan to pay any dowry and before you even begin to negotiate a dowry I would read some of the posts here regards dowries. You should get a good insight into how much etc....make today the first day you start learning about Thai culture and the Thai way of things, because if you plan to go ahead with Kai then you will need to know these things.

I'll be reading posts on this forum and I've ordered a book of the Internet called "Thai fever"

4....You would find it difficult to get a tourist visa for her at this stage, it is not impossible but unlikely. You have to demonstrate that you have known her for a reasonable period of time and provide proof of this. This means photos taken over a period of time, phone bills, receipts if you are sending money already, letters, birthday cards sent etc...She will have to apply for a visa herself only at a VFS agency (The official visa office not a streetside travel office), if you are sponsoring her, your details will need to be on the application. The VFS agency will not arrange the airplane ticket for her. The VFS do have an office in Phuket.

5....At this moment you really dont need to know about spouse visas....once married and when you are in a position to lodge such a visa application then come back and ask us and we will assist in what way we can.

The emotional highways are littered with the bodies of men who have gone to Thailand for a holiday, fell in love and rushed into marriages. None of these men were fools, just ask them....they were all ripped off by these terrible Thai ladies...But none of these men would have married a western woman after spending just 4 days with them....Ah but you say..I love her and she loves me....yep! heard that before....but lets not fool ourselves here...you know in your own mind what the answers are....dont be blinded by love for loves sake...because love is only one aspect of a successful relationship. Nothing can replace the time taken to nuture and feed a relationship.

I have been in a situation similar to yours....it didnt work out.

Thank you for the rest of your advice. Don't worry, I'm proceeding with caution but I still love her dearly and I hope this relationship does work out.

[jimlad]

I know you wont listen. You are blinded by "love". But this is your situation.

1. You met your girl in a bar, and paid for all the time you spent with her in Thailand (bar fine and your "daily donation")

I paid no bar fine for her nor did I pay for the time we spent together. I bought her lunches, dinners, a bathing costume and a small gold chain with a dolphin on it as a "Going away present"

2. She never asked for anything....."It's up to you"

She has never pressured me into anything. She's even stated that if I can't afford to send her money or buy her things it's O.K. at the end of the day, she still wants to be with me.

3. You offered to send her money...your idea...every month.

No.

4. She told you she wont work at the bar anymore....or at least wont take "customers" home.

You're the one that's assuming she's a bar girl.... she isn't.

5. Sometimes her cell phone is "off"...or "have to charge battery, no work when charge battery"

She's never offered this excuse for not answering her mobile or it being switched off. She rarely has it off and always usually answers even when she's out with friends.

Actually, she's more worried of me being unfaithful to her... She's more or less accused me several times of having another lady at home here in Sydney, to which I've gotten the silent treatment until I've convinced her at great lengths and endless, precious phone time that this is not the case. I'm sorry, but this doesn't fit in with your usual bar girl - farang financial relationship. Why would a Thai girl who only stays in contact with a foreign man for money give a sh*t about whether or not her farang boyfriend back in Australia is getting a bit on the side??

I have been friends with many girls of ill repute in Thailand. Some have two or three falang on the line doing exactly what your doing.Again I know you wont listen.......but tread carefully. I know you think it is " impossible" that your girl would do such a thing. It is not.

It is a bar girls goal. Her co-workers do it. She does as all bar girls do.

Think with your big head.

I would take the advise of another poster here...pay her a surprise visit. Or hire a private detective in Thailand (cheap money) to try and see if she will leave the bar with him.......it's done all the time.

Again....you wont listen...your situation is different.....you "really" fell in love in 4 days, and sending her money was your idea.....right?

Good Luck.....be careful

1. She's not a lady of ill repute, you're only assuming she is.

2. I am listening, why do you think I initiated this thread?

3. I love her dearly, but I am proceeding with caution, don't worry. I've had many failed relationships in the past, at 32 I'm not getting any younger. The slightest notion I get that I'm wasting my time with Kai, and I'll be bidding her "Goodbye" I can't afford to waste much more time on women. But at this stage, all vibes and evidence that I'm getting would suggest that she is genuine

Edited December 30, 2006 by jimlad

[jimlad]

Assuming that this is not another Troll thread.

No it's not. I wouldn't waste my time in here if it was.

Unfortunately you have about 0.01 percent of happiness

I sincerely hope that you're wrong.

[buriramboy]

because she has been married/had a child before, no dowry should be paid, Thais would not be expected to pay a dowry in these circumstances and neither should you.

BB

[jimlad]

I'm giving you the benefit of a very strong doubt that this thread is genuine.

I suggest that you familiarize yourself with the visa requirements applicable for entering Australia.

Forget about the Spouse Visa at this stage, chances of a successful application being lodged are rather remote.

Start by reading the Australian Immigration site.

Particularly the "Visitor" section.

Despite what others have stated in this thread, you should be successful in obtaining a Tourist Visa.

You don't need to prove that your relationship is genuine and the short time that you have known your girlfriend should pose no barrier to a successful application.

She, and/or you will need to prove that you have sufficient funds to cover all costs during her stay in Oz, provide a valid reason for her to return to Thailand and guarantee that all visa conditions will be strictly adhered to.

Proving a genuine relationship will become a necessity with any subsequent Spouse Visa application, so I suggest that you take some time and read through the numerous threads on the subject in this forum.

In this regard you should start gathering evidence to support your claim that this relationship is genuine and continuing.

I also strongly suggest that you take your time in building your relationship through a series of tourist visas visits to Oz. This will allow you to both size each other up (so to speak), and give her time to explore Australia.

I assure you that my situation is very genuine....

I thank you for your advice and I pray that Kai and I will work out.

[jimlad]

because she has been married/had a child before, no dowry should be paid, Thais would not be expected to pay a dowry in these circumstances and neither should you.

BB

Kai was in a previous relationship with a Thai man who left her shortly after Kai's daughter was born. Kai tell's me that she was not married to this man, so does the dowry still apply under these circumstances?

[Sporting Dog]

If she is as you say and 'love is all around" then you can wait....and she will wait if she is serious and true. Make it a little test....you want to spend a lifetime together so spend a year or two getting to know each other

Go see her parents in Kalasin - Kalasin is a LONG, LONG (financially, distance and culturally) way from Phuket.

Good Luck

[rahyumdee]

Oh Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear.

Assuming that this is not another Troll thread, .............

Bingo.

[gburns57au]

I must say I am impressed with the fact that you have responded to almost all of the replies to the original post....takes out the troll factor...

In the end, no matter what we say here, you will do what you feel is best...just dont feel pressured by her family or her into doing something before you are ready to do it, you said you dont have a lot of time to waste, is there a reason for that ??....I am about to marry my girl and I am considerably older than you are.

Go back and see her again and meet the family, see what they are like and what their expectations are. Be honest with them...tell the state of the play and see how they react. If everything goes well then you can see about bringing her over for a visit so she can see how you live and what sort of life she can expect if you go ahead with plans to marry. Start keeping everything such as phone bills, letters, etc... as these will be needed at a later date.

good luck with it all

Dont you just love it when you meet a Thai girl everyone assumes that you met her in a bar or that she is of ill repute...trust me you will get that from a lot of people back in Sydney also....it can be a pain.....

[loong]

Assuming that this is not another Troll thread.

No it's not. I wouldn't waste my time in here if it was.

Unfortunately you have about 0.01 percent of happiness

I sincerely hope that you're wrong.

Okay, I believe you are not trolling, just naive. If you go ahead, I hope for your sake that I am wrong.

Actually, she's more worried of me being unfaithful to her... She's more or less accused me several times of having another lady at home here in Sydney, to which I've gotten the silent treatment until I've convinced her at great lengths and endless, precious phone time that this is not the case. I'm sorry, but this doesn't fit in with your usual bar girl - farang financial relationship. Why would a Thai girl who only stays in contact with a foreign man for money give a sh*t about whether or not her farang boyfriend back in Australia is getting a bit on the side??

This sets alarm bells ringing! I am afraid that this is a classic ploy. It puts you on the defensive and fits precisely with every bar girl - farang relationship.

It goes along with...

I don't like Thai man

Up to you

I not want your money, I only want you

etc etc

Okay, she's not a bar girl, What does she do for work and where did you meet her?

I assume that you haven't slept together, a Thai girl would never sleep with a man for love after only knowing him a few days.

If you think that the posters here are cynical, it's because most have been in exactly the same situation as you. The difference is that it is in our past, so we have a very good idea how your future will turn out!

Believe me, happy endings to these stories are very few and far between.

Sorry but that's the way it is.

The best piece of advice is always think or ask yourself "would I be acting like this if this was an Australian girl and we were both in the same country.?"

The chances are that you would not even consider marrying an Australian girl after knowing her a few days, so why does being 1000's of miles apart make any difference?

Edited December 30, 2006 by loong

[britmaveric]

Dowery in a sense only belongs to a virgin, and definitely not with a child. If anything they should give you one for taking on the burden of an instant family. However that being said most farang are un-knowledgeable to this and well are taken advantage. Furthermore many thai ladies who fit the dowery criteria do not expect nor ask for it.

The best piece of advice that anyone has given here is to take your time. Get to know her and her family then decide on the marriage bit after careful consideration.

Far as the jealousy bit goes....this is normal, and one of the darker aspects one has to deal with. Every lad here goes through it on a daily basis.

[jimlad]

This sets alarm bells ringing! I am afraid that this is a classic ploy. It puts you on the defensive and fits precisely with every bar girl - farang relationship.

It goes along with...

I don't like Thai man

Up to you

I not want your money, I only want you

etc etc

So in other words I should dump her now because, as you put it.... it's consistent with a ploy that's characteristic of every farang-bar gir relationship?

I'm sorry, I stand by my conviction... why would any Thai girl that just wants to milk money out of me give a rats rectum if I was sleeping with other women at home?

For me, there's just too much evidence that she is genuine. I've spoke to her older Sister three times, and her parents etc. all are excited that I'm comming to see them in June. She's told me about Tahi wedding customs and been totally up-front and honest with me about the dowry etc.

Okay, she's not a bar girl, What does she do for work and where did you meet her?

I assume that you haven't slept together, a Thai girl would never sleep with a man for love after only knowing him a few days.

If you think that the posters here are cynical, it's because most have been in exactly the same situation as you. The difference is that it is in our past, so we have a very good idea how your future will turn out!

Believe me, happy endings to these stories are very few and far between.

Sorry but that's the way it is.

I'm not going to reveal her occupation or where she works in here as you'll always get the odd yahoo and moron saying "I slept with your chick last night!"

Actually, we have slept together, but I fail to see how this makes her any less genuine just because it is a deviation from the norm. Culturally, most Anglo-Australian women are supposed to be God fearing Christians that would never dream of sleeping with a man whom they have only known for a few days either. However it does happen. It doesn't make these Anglo Aussie girls any less "nice" or "genuine".Sexual desire is a strong human emotion, it doesn't matter what culture you are from.

No offence, but I hope your future prediction for my relationship with Kai is wrong.

The best piece of advice is always think or ask yourself "would I be acting like this if this was an Australian girl and we were both in the same country.?"

The chances are that you would not even consider marrying an Australian girl after knowing her a few days, so why does being 1000's of miles apart make any difference?

Don't get me wrong, I am proceeding with extreme caution. However, even in your Australian girl scenario, If i felt the same way about her, I would have exactly the same hopes.

[loong]

Jimlad,

I can assure you that nobody wants to rain on your parade, it's just that we have heard this exact same story many many times before. That's why the initial thoughts that you were a troll!

People here genuinely want to make sure that as few people as possible go through the same pain and anguish that they have already suffered.

Your story and responses are classic, heard so many times before. You think we don't know what we are talking about and this girl is different, I hope she is. But remember the people here have been there, seen it, done it. We are just trying to help you to take things steadily and not rush into something that you will regret.

I have met many wonderfull girls in my time and have eventually found that I am wrong about them!

I have visited Pattaya many times and now know many people here. I also meet many people like you.

I sit in the bar and have a drink with a Farang and listen to their stories about their wonderful girls, these are girls that I know personally and know that they are fooling the guys. The Farang goes back to his home country, sends money and the next week she is in the bar with boyiend nuber 2, 3 or 4.

Incidently, these are not "Bar girls". These are Cleaners, Restaurant Staff, Bakery assistants, hairdressers etc.

It does not particularly amuse me when I am told by a Farang that he is looking forward to marrying his girl, has been sending her money etc when I know for a fact that she was with a different Farang the week before and when he goes back she will be with another.

Why don't I tell them? They don't believe me and are quite likely to punch me in the face. Nobody thanks you for the truth.

Saying that, I do know a few girls that do appear to wait patiently for their Farang to come back without doing some extra business. It can and does happen. But not often.

I hope that it does in your case.

I am glad that you have ordered a book that can help with cross cultural relationships.

Another book " Money Number One " is a good humerous read, but still has a lot of truth in it. Probably not good for you, it's usually Farang who already know the score who enjoy the content.

"Private Dancer" is a good read as well, about a GoGo dancer, but the main character does not accept what is staring him in the face. It seems far fetched that somebody could be so naive, but I know that in Thailand, is believable.

You have known the girl for 1 month, but you've actually only known her for 4 days. If you can manage the time off work, come to Thailand with a strict Budget around 20,000 Baht a month for 3 to 6 months and live with the girl. You will get to know her. If you can stay within that budget you will not be living in the holiday experience, you will be living in reality world, but a lot higher than the reality of a Thai family with an income of 6000 Baht a month. If she is happy to live with you like this, you may well have a good one.

[jimlad]

Loong, I don't believe that you are raining on my parade, and I appreciate the fact that you are trying to warn me, however I've heard all the negativity before.

Believe me Loong, I am proceeding with extreme caution. I've been the victim of Bad relationships in Australia, which is why I'm looking for love Overseas. I get the picture that Thai women, (In this case, Kai) will be more loyal, honest, devoted and faithful than Australian women and I only hope to God that I'm right!

At the first sign that she's not genuine, don't worry, I'm pulling the plug. As I've said, I've little enough precious time to waste on women who aren't genuine as it is.

Cheers,

Jimlad.

[Mahout Angrit]

You asked for advice and you have been given it by the shed load in various forms, some constructive and gentle and some using shock tactics. You must realise that all of those contributors have spent collectively a lot of years in Thailand and have either personal experiences or know plenty of people who have thought like you are thinking and have been burned. Everyone of those contributors are hoping you are not going to be the next that’s why they are warning you.

Any Thai girl from Isaan who is in Phuket is working there or with family, you say she was not in a bar but she must have been doing a job which allowed her to go off with you for 4 days without question. She was there available to be met and whisked away so it's likely that is how she survived. Believe me a home country girl would not be sleeping with you on the first date or even after 4days. It is the job of girls in bars to be nice to tourists and tell them what they want to hear, that’s the way they survive and earn a living, the same reason the boat boys with a primary education learn to speak fluent Japanese…. to survive.

You presumably don’t know the dialling codes in Thailand so you wouldn't be the first guy to be speaking to her mates in her shared room thinking it was her family. Thais refer to close friends as brother and sister. They also often have friends who will vouch that they work in a 'respectable' place.

It never ceases to amaze me how perfectly sensible guys who in their home country would not even purchase a $100 vacuum cleaner without receipts and a 3 year warranty but come to Thailand and commit their life savings to some girl or hair brained business scheme in a culture and language they do not understand and with people they hardly know.

Just because the Thai people are gentle and understanding they think they cannot lie or cannot be smart enough to trick or scheme. Don’t believe it. Make sure you are not the next statistic. Take it slowly and doubt her stories until you are absolutely convinced. Everybody here wants it to work for you, don’t give up on her, no, but open your eyes and be realistic.

Getting a Visa for her to visit you under the current circumstances is going to be difficult, after a couple of visits to Thailand it will be easier and maybe you could help her apply while you are in Thailand as she will have to do it herself or use an agent who can give her no guarantees and will charge a hefty sum.

Don’t pay a dowry, no Thai would, tell her you wont and see if she still loves you. If it does develop to the marriage then you can give her parents some gold as a present to what you can afford. Do not get a loan to pay for it.

Good luck… and we hope you report back to these forums in the future with a success story but you have a long long way to go yet. Another book is "Culture Shock Thailand"

[gburns57au]

Believe me a home country girl would not be sleeping with you on the first date or even after 4days.

Oh yes they would...trust me.....

Why do guys think that rural Thai girls who have not been exposed to westerners are all innocent and pure....there are a lot of absolute ravers out there. Doing the deed is not a problem...getting caught is.

[britmaveric]

jimlad - give you an example and this is one of many. I have known a thai lady who does my hair for years. She has a bf, took her to finland for a 3 month holiday. I stop in to have my hair done and her boss tells me she won't be back until next week. I hold off and decide to come back following week. I come back and she's over the moon to see me. Basically asks me when I am going to take her abroad for a visit? She has a bf and just came back from a long holiday and now wants to go with me?? I politely declined because its not right and most importantly doubt that Ms. Brit would care for those plans much.

Point is I wouldn't say thai ladies are any more faithful than any other nationality. Chatting with the family is not an indication that you are anymore special than the next lad!!! BTW if you meet the family and go to the village, this is saying you will marry her. (village/family mind set, concept of face will be in play)

[jimlad]

Sorry, forgot to answer your question.

you said you dont have a lot of time to waste, is there a reason for that ??....I am about to marry my girl and I am considerably older than you are.

It's because I'm sick and tired of being single. It's been 6 and 1/2 years since I had a failed relationship with an Anglo-Aussie girl that was, for all intents and purposes headed toward marriage before it ended up on the rocks. I'm almost 33 and I've never even tasted marriage. I want to settle down and raise a family, and I'll go to any length to accomplish this goal.

Dont you just love it when you meet a Thai girl everyone assumes that you met her in a bar or that she is of ill repute...trust me you will get that from a lot of people back in Sydney also....it can be a pain.....

Very true...

I also cop flack from my married friends/work friends for going over to Phuket in the first place. Without any proof whatsoever they automatically assume that because I'm single I go over there for the sole purpose of having a cheap root-fest.

There the very same sort of people who want me to get married, but they also want me to marry an Anglo-Aussie girl who is not attractive, all because; "Let's face it, you're no Brad Pitt yourself and hence, can't afford to be picky!"

Edited December 30, 2006 by jimlad