The poisonous Brother in Law

[Andrew Dwyer]

To think that before this thread I thought this only happened to me, that either I did something wrong, or I was extremely unlucky in my choice of wife. Aaaaargh! Now you guys tell me......
 
Still I do not understand why this happened to us.
Did we not see the signs when we first met them?
Did they manage to control their psychosis when we first met them?
Did we somehow encourage them to lose all brakes ?
Yes, in Farangland there are nutters too, and divorces can get ugly, but what happened to us here is "hors categorie", in English that's maybe "in a league of it's own".
 
And I am not referring to the lazy BiL from the beginning of this thread.
I am talking about the women that we once truly loved, and actually still care for.
I spent 3 years in Polynesia. Nothing comparable to this ever happened to me there.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Well it's not only Thailand that breeds these types !
I was married to a Brazilian and lived in Brazil for 20 years.
At first I was a novelty, I was loved by all the family, I was the " importado rico " !!
Then when they realised I wasn't gonna be their meal ticket things changed, I became the second class citizen, the family came before all else.
Things gradually deteriorated with the family trying to milk the cash cow for all it was worth.
I alienated myself from the bloodsuckers but the wife had to choose and more often or not chose the family and left me even more isolated......... sound familiar yet ?
We split up for almost a year, and as Brazil is a very liberal country I was happy just to whore around for a while !! It was at this point I should have pulled up stakes and gone back to Blighty but I chose to stay and re-united with the wife, worst thing I could ever have done !!
Things were never the same and I got into the same situation as Dark Lord is right now, until eventually I packed 2 suitcases and left for Thailand !!
Was not an easy decision and it took a lot of soul searching but for me it was the right decision, probably 10 years too late but the right decision.

So now I'm in LOS starting a new life with a new lady, hopefully 5 or 10 years from now am not going to follow in the footsteps of some of the posters on this thread !! ( been there done that )
I'm a lot more worldly wise than I was back then and a lot more cautious in not burning my bridges but I'm confident that this time things will work out fine.............maybe !!

[sandrabbit]

8 hours ago, oldhippy said:

I spent 3 years in Polynesia. Nothing comparable to this ever happened to me there.

because they're hard <deleted> and you don't mess with them ........

[Been there done that]

7 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Listen troll boy what's the deal?

 

Anyone trying to be clever like you is clearly only experienced in failure and that failure drives you on in your besmirch  campaigns which has been to death by plenty of plonkers like you.

 

So would you mind explaining why you are the hardest working fool when it comes to trolling?

 

Rodent 

 

Tat angry, are you not  ?

[The Dark Lord]

3 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Well it's not only Thailand that breeds these types !
I was married to a Brazilian and lived in Brazil for 20 years.
At first I was a novelty, I was loved by all the family, I was the " importado rico " !!
Then when they realised I wasn't gonna be their meal ticket things changed, I became the second class citizen, the family came before all else.
Things gradually deteriorated with the family trying to milk the cash cow for all it was worth.
I alienated myself from the bloodsuckers but the wife had to choose and more often or not chose the family and left me even more isolated......... sound familiar yet ?
We split up for almost a year, and as Brazil is a very liberal country I was happy just to whore around for a while !! It was at this point I should have pulled up stakes and gone back to Blighty but I chose to stay and re-united with the wife, worst thing I could ever have done !!
Things were never the same and I got into the same situation as Dark Lord is right now, until eventually I packed 2 suitcases and left for Thailand !!
Was not an easy decision and it took a lot of soul searching but for me it was the right decision, probably 10 years too late but the right decision.

So now I'm in LOS starting a new life with a new lady, hopefully 5 or 10 years from now am not going to follow in the footsteps of some of the posters on this thread !! ( been there done that )
I'm a lot more worldly wise than I was back then and a lot more cautious in not burning my bridges but I'm confident that this time things will work out fine.............maybe !!

Hi Andrew thanks for sharing and welcome to the thread, sorry to hear about your less than perfect experiences in Brazil. When I was at sea I visited Brasil quite a bit and it was only due to my girl down there having more sense than me that I did not end up jumping ship and staying there. Oh they are foxy those ladies but the passion can also be easily turned into anger if you take a wrong step. 

 

It was also the very first time that I was pick pocketed but that's another story for a different thread, suffice to say I was distracted in Santos.

 

I also had had a really good friend of mine from Singapore ( he is danish) who ended up there too with a Brazilian lady and was utterly heartbroken when she left him.

 

i have taken a lot of comfort from this thread and as you no doubt have read, the stories all resemble each other's but the posters ( I do not include myself here) put it so well that sometimes you find yourself laughing at an experience that perhaps should not be laughed at. 

 

Wry humour, gallows humour, sharp wit and some unbelievably eloquent story telling  have made for a fantastic 35 pages and almost 500 posts of reading. 

 

I hope you get as much out of it as Ihave and I guess most of the other guys have too. 

 

All the best

 

TDL

[The Dark Lord]

5 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

Tat angry, are you not  ?

Hey man, why is it necessary to barge in on the thread that has been meandering along in a very happy and positive manner with your negativity? 

 

In all honesty, if you don't have anything positive or constructive to say and all you are trying to do is up your post count ;( obviously not trying to make friends are you) why not leave us alone and go but someone else for your kicks. 

 

Trolling for the sake of trolling is neither a demonstration of intellectual might nor a measure of maturity. It is obvious you have an education so why not put it to good use and try to be more positive eh? As is often said out here"it's up to you" but I believe you have sufficient intelligence to realise what a fool you make yourself look with all these unfunny one line attempts at put downs.

 

surely you are a better person than that!

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

3 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Well it's not only Thailand that breeds these types !
I was married to a Brazilian and lived in Brazil for 20 years.
At first I was a novelty, I was loved by all the family, I was the " importado rico " !!
Then when they realised I wasn't gonna be their meal ticket things changed, I became the second class citizen, the family came before all else.
Things gradually deteriorated with the family trying to milk the cash cow for all it was worth.
I alienated myself from the bloodsuckers but the wife had to choose and more often or not chose the family and left me even more isolated......... sound familiar yet ?
We split up for almost a year, and as Brazil is a very liberal country I was happy just to whore around for a while !! It was at this point I should have pulled up stakes and gone back to Blighty but I chose to stay and re-united with the wife, worst thing I could ever have done !!
Things were never the same and I got into the same situation as Dark Lord is right now, until eventually I packed 2 suitcases and left for Thailand !!
Was not an easy decision and it took a lot of soul searching but for me it was the right decision, probably 10 years too late but the right decision.

So now I'm in LOS starting a new life with a new lady, hopefully 5 or 10 years from now am not going to follow in the footsteps of some of the posters on this thread !! ( been there done that )
I'm a lot more worldly wise than I was back then and a lot more cautious in not burning my bridges but I'm confident that this time things will work out fine.............maybe !!

Best of luck, I hope you learned your lesson and have found a trustworthy Thai lady.

Proceed with caution, as you said you intend to do, but stick to that precursor or you might slip back into the abyss.

Remember the warning signs and act accordingly come what may.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

I have to ask the two guys that are in a difficult situation: how are things progressing?

Getting all this off your chests is fine and no doubt therapeutic, however after reading all the other sad stories I wonder if you have the mind set to get out of your situation, or just try to cope with the abuse and monetary and emotional expense?

I would really like to hear that even one of you has made the brake and is on the way to a new and less stressful life.

We are not talking about digging a tunnel, just getting in a taxi when nobody is watching.

Action speaks louder than words, and if neither of you get as far as the airport, I believe the wives might just get the message you have had enough and will stand for no more!

Time to go for it and do a Steve McQueen...

 

 

 

 

[Odysseus123]

7 hours ago, oldhippy said:

To think that before this thread I thought this only happened to me, that either I did something wrong, or I was extremely unlucky in my choice of wife. Aaaaargh! Now you guys tell me......

 

Still I do not understand why this happened to us.

Did we not see the signs when we first met them?

Did they manage to control their psychosis when we first met them?

Did we somehow encourage them to lose all brakes ?

Yes, in Farangland there are nutters too, and divorces can get ugly, but what happened to us here is "hors categorie", in English that's maybe "in a league of it's own".

 

And I am not referring to the lazy BiL from the beginning of this thread.

I am talking about the women that we once truly loved, and actually still care for.

I spent 3 years in Polynesia. Nothing comparable to this ever happened to me there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ol'hippy,

 

Well..as you can see now you are most definitely not in a league of your own.

 

I have seen the "white knights" around here endeavour to deal with all of this then despair and depart.As another poster has observed, it generally takes about three years from "go to woe (sic)"

 

On the other hand the various "Stockholm syndromists"  in the area tend to obscure the very real issues,offer unsound advice and allow you to proceed on your merry path to self destruction whilst you keep repeating to yourself "It must be me..it must be..."

 

That constant feeling of isolation and being on edge all the time has rather got me down.What happened to the guy at the other end of the village "I am in control..they'll never put one over me.." only reinforced my determination to regain control of my own affairs,concentrate on my self esteem and re-group elsewhere.

[rhodie]

9 hours ago, oldhippy said:

To think that before this thread I thought this only happened to me, that either I did something wrong, or I was extremely unlucky in my choice of wife. Aaaaargh! Now you guys tell me......

 

Still I do not understand why this happened to us.

Did we not see the signs when we first met them?

Did they manage to control their psychosis when we first met them?

Did we somehow encourage them to lose all brakes ?

Yes, in Farangland there are nutters too, and divorces can get ugly, but what happened to us here is "hors categorie", in English that's maybe "in a league of it's own".

 

And I am not referring to the lazy BiL from the beginning of this thread.

I am talking about the women that we once truly loved, and actually still care for.

I spent 3 years in Polynesia. Nothing comparable to this ever happened to me there.

 

We hang in there because we hope they will change. They are on such a good ticket it's hard to understand why they can't see the light. But they never do change. And eventually we see the light.

[rhodie]

Day 3 @The Dark Lord. Hope it's all getting easier to digest mate. And I hope those around you are helping. 1 day at a time!

[owl sees all]

Well guys; I've had 4/5 days or normality. 

 

Good luck to all my down trodden pals out there.  Thinking of you!

 

After reading the posts for some time now I do think - my own predicament included - that our wives boasting has got a lot to do with our problems.

 

Let me explain: We didn't have a car or pick-up for our first 12 months together. Right out of the blue she wanted one. I was not opposed to this idea and on and off we went window shopping. After a few weeks we heard that a not-so-local guy was selling either his nearly new Isuzu D Max or a 6 year old Toyota Tiger (TT) 'cause he needed cash to get to work abroad. She had her heart set on the Isuzu but I liked the TT 'cause it was 4 wheel drive (and a lot cheaper).

 

I had the most awful time of it when I suggested that we go for the TT. Anger, fits and sulking.

 

I bought the TT from him - and still have it 7 years later. It has proved to be an outstanding buy - but buying it meant another round of sulking.

 

There is a little bar in our village and two days later Liverpool Mick and his misses were at large. Over a drink he asked me how the Isuzu was. What Isuzu is that Mick; I bought a Toyota Tiger. I found out that the whole village was expecting to see a black Isuzu.

 

I thought no more of it.

 

Anyway; a couple of days after that and again over a beer. Mick - tongue in cheek as only Liverpool lads can do - said "pity about the Isuzu; you had the money in your pocket but it got sold to another farang just 5 minutes before." More grapevine news from him.

 

The penny dropped. The fits, anger and sulking were due to her boasting not coming to fruition. Boasting, losing face, lying even. Thainess!! I still can't get it. Never will.

 

 

[LannaGuy]

19 hours ago, totally thaied up said:

This has been an interesting read. Before I jumped into this thread, I wanted to see how things panned out. I want to wish TDL the best for the coming future.

 

Been here for ten years. Seven years in one relationship. It taught me a lot about Thai people. Sometime back I left my last partner because of just toxic reasons and of my sexuality. Many things written here have resounded with me. I loved my partner very much. The saddest day in my life was when I packed one bag, left a great business and a house I built with my own hands behind me. That hurt so much as I loved this person, but I knew in time, I was just wasting effort. It was mostly my fault as I knew too much now about this damn country, the fact the family could not bully me anymore, and I was young enough to get this right.

 

I should have got out years before; I had a brick thrown at my head in a public park after a hissy fit a few years prior in front of a lot of people, and I should have gone then, but in many ways, I was in love and maybe scared of this person. We all think we can work things out, but sometimes, it is just not possible.

 

I took that sadness and everything I learnt about this country and the people and vowed never to get put back into such a position. I did not want to leave Thailand, and I did not want to be lonely, but I knew just about all the drawbacks after eight years that this country has to offer. That eight years of knowledge brought me after literally meeting 100's of women (and yes, many just wanted security and did not give a damn about me) me now to my current wife. I had learnt enough to blanket out all the rubbish and for me to be the person in power. I am finally with a decent human-being. It is possible.

 

I feel for all you guys here. I am content now but nights like tonight and reading all of this gave me the insight that I am still very much hurt over my past mistakes here in Thailand. That what I did was right, but it still hurts, and I did destroy someone's life leaving in the process, and it leaves you much like TDL says, battered, confused and mostly for a long time, in shock.

 

I have seen it all here; friends knifed by the girlfriends, houses locked out, BIL's that were in fact boyfriends. If you are in a toxic situation, you're the only one that can get yourself out of it. Mostly, what most of us have given up to start again here in Thailand, very few can do. Most men I know leave within three years. 

 

This is to TDL; that feeling of walking out and leaving them with what you feel is nothing is something that even to this day is hard to shake for me as it proves we are good people and that we do have a heart. Do not let it get to you because from my personal experience it eats slowly into your mind. You self-doubt; many things will never be the same. My ex is now living a very, very hard life. For her, it was not quite back to zero for her due to our house and business; she fell a great height in front of her friends and family, and now, she cannot even get a 100 baht loan off any of them. She is now regarded as useless as she lost her farang. That loss of Face was her undoing, and some of that was my fault, and I attain to that fact. 

 

It also makes me understand that the hurt that I feel even tonight in leaving her in an unfortunate predicament, it was better than another fight or a chance of a brick in the head. The problem is for a long time you may view things through Rose Coloured Glasses. Just see the good times. It is funny how our mind works. Remembering the bad stuff is hard to do. Well for me, it is or was like that. I still remember the first lunch I had with her on a beautiful lake. The laughter and the fun of that afternoon linger almost ten years later. It is just how our mind works, but it all passes in time.

 

All our stories are complicated but just one day at a time from this point on. Tears will come, heartache at times will follow and so will feelings of guilt. I had them all but time believe me heals everything. I do not open up like this on a public forum. Doing this on ThaiVisa is like committing suicide and inviting attacks by those with ill intentions of the gang of ''I told you so'', but I do hope this helps others in some sense.

 

Best of luck.

 

toxic reasons and of my sexuality

 

what did you mean by that?  anyway glad you are ok now but learn to look forward never backwards: remember Omar's words:

 

 

“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.”

[Odysseus123]

2 hours ago, owl sees all said:

Well guys; I've had 4/5 days or normality. 

 

Good luck to all my down trodden pals out there.  Thinking of you!

 

After reading the posts for some time now I do think - my own predicament included - that our wives boasting has got a lot to do with our problems.

 

Let me explain: We didn't have a car or pick-up for our first 12 months together. Right out of the blue she wanted one. I was not opposed to this idea and on and off we went window shopping. After a few weeks we heard that a not-so-local guy was selling either his nearly new Isuzu D Max or a 6 year old Toyota Tiger (TT) 'cause he needed cash to get to work abroad. She had her heart set on the Isuzu but I liked the TT 'cause it was 4 wheel drive (and a lot cheaper).

 

I had the most awful time of it when I suggested that we go for the TT. Anger, fits and sulking.

 

I bought the TT from him - and still have it 7 years later. It has proved to be an outstanding buy - but buying it meant another round of sulking.

 

There is a little bar in our village and two days later Liverpool Mick and his misses were at large. Over a drink he asked me how the Isuzu was. What Isuzu is that Mick; I bought a Toyota Tiger. I found out that the whole village was expecting to see a black Isuzu.

 

I thought no more of it.

 

Anyway; a couple of days after that and again over a beer. Mick - tongue in cheek as only Liverpool lads can do - said "pity about the Isuzu; you had the money in your pocket but it got sold to another farang just 5 minutes before." More grapevine news from him.

 

The penny dropped. The fits, anger and sulking were due to her boasting not coming to fruition. Boasting, losing face, lying even. Thainess!! I still can't get it. Never will.

 

 

Oh yes-quite a considerable loss of face involved there.

 

I know a quite obnoxious psuedo hi-so here who is always boasting about her foreign husbands wealth and her enhanced social position,She also attends various Thai restaurants and then walks off without assisting in picking up the tab which she leaves to her supposed lower class "sisters".

 

It was only quite recently that my wife informed me that,in actual fact,she did not have a penny to her name before she married the foreigner and was known as a perpetual miser.Still,she and another horrible one rule the roost around here.

 

It is the superficial presentation that counts in Thai society not the reality.No prizes for those who cannot buy the Isuzu-on whatever grounds.

 

The worst mistake I ever made was to buy ol' granny a second hand-but very good motor scooter.Less than 300 miles on the clock.How she hated that motor cycle!

 

Before that she had ridden a hand me down reject from the Vietnam war.

 

Bad farang!Stupid farang!

Edited July 15, 2017 by Odysseus123

[LannaGuy]

12 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Best of luck, I hope you learned your lesson and have found a trustworthy Thai lady.

Proceed with caution, as you said you intend to do, but stick to that precursor or you might slip back into the abyss.

Remember the warning signs and act accordingly come what may.

 

 

 

 

 

 

George your comments are welcomed and it can be seen you are a genuine guy but my advice would be slightly different. I would say to anyone don't get involved for a variety of reasons:

 

1. You don't need to there are tons of welcoming arms and, as Elvis said, "why buy a cow when you can get milk under the fence"
2. You can't trust Thais - period - different thinking, different culture and those 20+ years younger than you are not in it for "love"  sorry but it's true - you are a means to an end
3. You will never, let's say it again, NEVER, be considered a Thais equal either in law or family or anything else. Don't forget:  their family 1st, their friends 2nd, their pets 3rd and you, dear farang, are after all things Thai

Stay single, find a GF/Gik and give an allowance but always have an 'escape route'. Most Thai ladies will accept this 'deal' and if it don't work out it's bye, bye and welcome the new one. Do I sound cynical?  the hell YES because of the comments on here and 1000s more.

[transam]

4 minutes ago, LannaGuy said:

George your comments are welcomed and it can be seen you are a genuine guy but my advice would be slightly different. I would say to anyone don't get involved for a variety of reasons:

 

1. You don't need to there are tons of welcoming arms and, as Elvis said, "why buy a cow when you can get milk under the fence"
2. You can't trust Thais - period - different thinking, different culture and those 20+ years younger than you are not in it for "love"  sorry but it's true - you are a means to an end
3. You will never, let's say it again, NEVER, be considered a Thais equal either in law or family or anything else. Don't forget:  their family 1st, their friends 2nd, their pets 3rd and you, dear farang, are after all things Thai

Stay single, find a GF/Gik and give an allowance but always have an 'escape route'. Most Thai ladies will accept this 'deal' and if it don't work out it's bye, bye and welcome the new one. Do I sound cynical?  the hell YES because of the comments on here and 1000s more.

 

[LannaGuy]

 

[Odysseus123]

As I am loading up the suitcase and getting ready to go I thought that I would share one last story.

Whilst dining out with the hideous psuedo hi-so,her husband and her friends the hi-so started to sneer about my own Heath Robinson motor scooter commenting that it was second hand.(its a three wheeler on account of me only having one leg)

 

She then went on to comment about how lucky I was that I had a wonderful son and daughter in Thailand...

 

I shot back-because I was totally irritated-"They are NOT my son and daughter,they are NOT of my blood and if they were I would hang them both up by their ankles and give them a good caning!"

 

Uproar!Pandemonium!Thankfully an Aussie mate came by and rescued me....

 

That was probably the beginning of the end...

[The Dark Lord]

15 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

I have to ask the two guys that are in a difficult situation: how are things progressing?

Getting all this off your chests is fine and no doubt therapeutic, however after reading all the other sad stories I wonder if you have the mind set to get out of your situation, or just try to cope with the abuse and monetary and emotional expense?

I would really like to hear that even one of you has made the brake and is on the way to a new and less stressful life.

We are not talking about digging a tunnel, just getting in a taxi when nobody is watching.

Action speaks louder than words, and if neither of you get as far as the airport, I believe the wives might just get the message you have had enough and will stand for no more!

Time to go for it and do a Steve McQueen...

 

 

 

 

Hi Georgie old chum, well I am not at the airport now but I am about five hours drive away from the house of crazy and by myself. Just sorting out my bags ( a chum will store my gear for free) whilst I go back to UK.

 

i have started to get the texts begging me to come back, declaring deep love, and hinting at her forthcoming poverty. 

 

I expect to be in in the U.K. For about six to eight weeks to sort out my less than honest estate agent and complete my filial duties, attend both sisters birthdays, drink reasonable quantities of half decent beer and get my head right. 

 

The future? Sorry guys but I really cannot see into the future but I have already set some stiff preconditions to be met if I am even to consider and reconciliation but as I say that's way away right now.

[The Dark Lord]

10 hours ago, rhodie said:

Day 3 @The Dark Lord. Hope it's all getting easier to digest mate. And I hope those around you are helping. 1 day at a time!

Hi Rhodie old chum, yup, the dark lord is slowly recovering his darkness whilst, and oddly, becoming increasingly illuminated by my "cyber chums"

 

not wishing to belabour the point but without you guys it was looking like a trip to Koh Tao to chance my arm. 

 

Still nobody interested in the short story idea? 

[The Dark Lord]

Hi Ody old chum, 

 

hope i I am not too late to wish you "Bon voyage" ( nod to old hippy dude there) the absolute best wishes in your fight with big c and my undying gratitude for your uplifting posts and stunning sense of humour. 

 

I am am sure I am not alone in wishing you a full and lasting recovery. 

 

As our cousins over over the pond are reputed to say; "don't be a stranger!"

[Odysseus123]

4 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Hi Rhodie old chum, yup, the dark lord is slowly recovering his darkness whilst, and oddly, becoming increasingly illuminated by my "cyber chums"

 

not wishing to belabour the point but without you guys it was looking like a trip to Koh Tao to chance my arm. 

 

Still nobody interested in the short story idea? 

Hi Count,

Short stories?

 

Hmmm..I gotta a bit on my plate at the moment an 'I sure ain't no Ernest Hummingbird...err..Lemmingway...hang on..I'll get it right soon.

 

Good to see you out and about

[The Dark Lord]

Just now, Odysseus123 said:

Hi Count,

Short stories?

 

Hmmm..I gotta a bit on my plate at the moment an 'I sure ain't no Ernest Hummingbird...err..Lemmingway...hang on..I'll get it right soon.

 

Good to see you out and about

You too my friend, stay safe and get well.

 

[owl sees all]

What was I thinking; 4/5 days of normality smashed by this evening's tantrum.

 

Why the tantrum?? Some insurance money had arrived in the post for the daughter (not the 7 year). I asked the the wife if she would ask her daughter to return some of the money she stole from me (yes stole not borrowed).

 

WW3 has started.

 

 

[Odysseus123]

12 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

What was I thinking; 4/5 days of normality smashed by this evening's tantrum.

 

Why the tantrum?? Some insurance money had arrived in the post for the daughter (not the 7 year). I asked the the wife if she would ask her daughter to return some of the money she stole from me (yes stole not borrowed).

 

WW3 has started.

 

 

Aahhhh!

 

Sorry, Wise Old Owl......

[sandrabbit]

21 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

What was I thinking; 4/5 days of normality smashed by this evening's tantrum.

 

Why the tantrum?? Some insurance money had arrived in the post for the daughter (not the 7 year). I asked the the wife if she would ask her daughter to return some of the money she stole from me (yes stole not borrowed).

 

WW3 has started.

 

 

she didn't steal she was entitled ..........

[sandemara]

On 7/9/2017 at 3:16 PM, sanemax said:

 Many of us adhered to that mentality and got involved with classless uneducated backward people, expecting then to "all be the same" as us

    I do not mean this in a derogatory way , but I went to a zoo recently and stood watching the small monkeys for quite a while, observing their behavior , and it dawned on me that my (now ex) gfs families behavior was very similar to theirs

The irony in your defence of the indefensible is hilarious. Why would any sensible person attach themselves to "classless, uneducated backward people" and expect any other result but personal disaster? Of course, it had nothing to do with an exaggerated sense pf innate superiority - possibly for the first time in your life - that enabled you to feel justified in lording it over all and sundry in your new community in the guv'nor's role you were certain you finally deserved? Oh no., you just wanted to elevate those poor noggies with the benefit of the vast complex of sophisticated western white cultural knowledge you apparently absorbed by osmosis during your own years of dullard servitude. A great opportunity to elevate yourself from white menial to white masta can be hard to resist, but dressing up that need for smug superiority is delusional. Most insular westerners  need to maintain that illusion of superiority due to the financial disparities between the west and other parts of the planet. Many don't seem to understand, when they ventuire out from the cocoon of their privileged existence, how their ill-hidden arrogance has damaged human relationships across the planet. You're making the same mistakes thousands of missionaries over at least two centuries have made, and continue to do so.

[Been there done that]

5 minutes ago, sandemara said:

The irony in your defence of the indefensible is hilarious. Why would any sensible person attach themselves to "classless, uneducated backward people" and expect any other result but personal disaster? Of course, it had nothing to do with an exaggerated sense pf innate superiority - possibly for the first time in your life - that enabled you to feel justified in lording it over all and sundry in your new community in the guv'nor's role you were certain you finally deserved? Oh no., you just wanted to elevate those poor noggies with the benefit of the vast complex of sophisticated western white cultural knowledge you apparently absorbed by osmosis during your own years of dullard servitude. A great opportunity to elevate yourself from white menial to white masta can be hard to resist, but dressing up that need for smug superiority is delusional. Most insular westerners  need to maintain that illusion of superiority due to the financial disparities between the west and other parts of the planet. Many don't seem to understand, when they ventuire out from the cocoon of their privileged existence, how their ill-hidden arrogance has damaged human relationships across the planet. You're making the same mistakes thousands of missionaries over at least two centuries have made, and continue to do so.

Incorrect conclusion.

[rhodie]

1 hour ago, sandemara said:

The irony in your defence of the indefensible is hilarious. Why would any sensible person attach themselves to "classless, uneducated backward people" and expect any other result but personal disaster? Of course, it had nothing to do with an exaggerated sense pf innate superiority - possibly for the first time in your life - that enabled you to feel justified in lording it over all and sundry in your new community in the guv'nor's role you were certain you finally deserved? Oh no., you just wanted to elevate those poor noggies with the benefit of the vast complex of sophisticated western white cultural knowledge you apparently absorbed by osmosis during your own years of dullard servitude. A great opportunity to elevate yourself from white menial to white masta can be hard to resist, but dressing up that need for smug superiority is delusional. Most insular westerners  need to maintain that illusion of superiority due to the financial disparities between the west and other parts of the planet. Many don't seem to understand, when they ventuire out from the cocoon of their privileged existence, how their ill-hidden arrogance has damaged human relationships across the planet. You're making the same mistakes thousands of missionaries over at least two centuries have made, and continue to do so.

You totally missed the point mate. No superiority in this thread. Just a few guys trying to make some sense out of the positions they find themselves in. But maybe you didn't read all the posts, hence your MIS-judgement.

[sandrabbit]

5 minutes ago, rhodie said:

You totally missed the point mate. No superiority in this thread. Just a few guys trying to make some sense out of the positions they find themselves in. But maybe you didn't read all the posts, hence your MIS-judgement.

and nearly a week late ................

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

8 hours ago, LannaGuy said:

George your comments are welcomed and it can be seen you are a genuine guy but my advice would be slightly different. I would say to anyone don't get involved for a variety of reasons:

 

1. You don't need to there are tons of welcoming arms and, as Elvis said, "why buy a cow when you can get milk under the fence"
2. You can't trust Thais - period - different thinking, different culture and those 20+ years younger than you are not in it for "love"  sorry but it's true - you are a means to an end
3. You will never, let's say it again, NEVER, be considered a Thais equal either in law or family or anything else. Don't forget:  their family 1st, their friends 2nd, their pets 3rd and you, dear farang, are after all things Thai

Stay single, find a GF/Gik and give an allowance but always have an 'escape route'. Most Thai ladies will accept this 'deal' and if it don't work out it's bye, bye and welcome the new one. Do I sound cynical?  the hell YES because of the comments on here and 1000s more.

Point taken, and you make good sense of course. Trouble is women from all over the world are hard wired to having a "provider" as it is in their DNA and not just restricted to Thais.

Many guys like a woman about the house, as untidy and annoying as they can be. My current missus is both and has a worse memory than a Tandy computer, but she has a great sense of humour and constantly makes me laugh.

I do know exactly what you mean about being "superior" but in general Thais lack common sense and logic so will not win in any sort of argument and either sulk or get violent. I just get out of the way quick, and it all calms down in an hour or so usually.

I have met lots of Thais educated in Australia or the west that are indeed clever, but only very few I would consider highly intelligent or wise.

Good comment though, and I hope our friend takes note.