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Confused abit about a thai girl.


Nerdling

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Hello guys.

 

I really thank some of you for all these good repleys really means alot to me.

 

Alot of people talking about marriage. And i undertand that is something big in Thailand. and i should have mention that in my post as well. She knows that i am atheist so marriage is not something that is on top of my list to do.

 

and when it comes to her job i dont get the feeling that she is trying to scam me. We talk while she is on job and text as well she seems like she truly cares about her job and is proud of what she is doing. she works in a hospital handling the flies and bills. some kind of accountant i would call it.

 

So fare most of the negative comments here i didnt get any of those vibes. and some of them even makes me wonder if that is just trolling. because that seems so fare off and unrealistic that i have no words for it.

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3 minutes ago, Nerdling said:

Hello guys.

 

I really thank some of you for all these good repleys really means alot to me.

 

Alot of people talking about marriage. And i undertand that is something big in Thailand. and i should have mention that in my post as well. She knows that i am atheist so marriage is not something that is on top of my list to do.

 

and when it comes to her job i dont get the feeling that she is trying to scam me. We talk while she is on job and text as well she seems like she truly cares about her job and is proud of what she is doing. she works in a hospital handling the flies and bills. some kind of accountant i would call it.

 

So fare most of the negative comments here i didnt get any of those vibes. and some of them even makes me wonder if that is just trolling. because that seems so fare off and unrealistic that i have no words for it.

These are not Trolls, these guys have been there, done it and paid the price.

A mate of mine lived in Bangkok over 20 years and never found a Thai girl he liked, but he went on an internet dating site and thought all his dreams had finally come true.

Since the child was born it has become a complete and utter disaster.

You need to spend some time here and learn, but even 20+ years is often not enough.

If you ignore the advice, do NOT come back on here moaning about what has happened in two years time.

There is the one in a million girl of course, but when did you last win the lottery?

I rest my case...

 

 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

These are not Trolls, these guys have been there, done it and paid the price.

A mate of mine lived in Bangkok over 20 years and never found a Thai girl he liked, but he went on an internet dating site and thought all his dreams had finally come true.

Since the child was born it has become a complete and utter disaster.

You need to spend some time here and learn, but even 20+ years is often not enough.

If you ignore the advice, do NOT come back on here moaning about what has happened in two years time.

There is the one in a million girl of course, but when did you last win the lottery?

I rest my case...

 

 

 

 

i dont expect to find a girl that is 10 years younger than me or more nor do i expect to find a girl that is looking way better than i myself do. i wouldnt mind it, but i also exspect that would have a price. Atleast that what it would here in Denmark. the girl i talk with is around the same age as me and she is what i would call average. and thats where i see myself. 

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1 minute ago, Nerdling said:

i dont expect to find a girl that is 10 years younger than me or more nor do i expect to find a girl that is looking way better than i myself do. i wouldnt mind it, but i also exspect that would have a price. Atleast that what it would here in Denmark. the girl i talk with is around the same age as me and she is what i would call average. and thats where i see myself. 

So what's wrong with Norwegian girls, The Beatles seemed to like them?

At 32 have you no experience with women?

Sorry, but is seems odd you don't mention any past gfs.

 

 

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6 minutes ago, swissie said:

After 13 years of marriage, my Thai-Wife foud out that I was "rich". That's when the "Demands" regarding herself and the "Family" started to pour in. My legal paperwork, indicating that after my passing, she would "get it all" anyway, did not impress her much.


To her, and more so the Thai-Family, the Freddie Mercury song of "I want it all and I want it now" applied from then on.


6 months later, we were divorced. The Farang Judge found, that 97 % of all the assets were earned by the Farang before marriage. The whole court proceedings lasted less than 15 minutes.


As I gather, ex wife has now (at the age 58), resumed farm-work on the Family-Farm. Basically, where she started out from, a very long time ago. Uncontrolled greed and "Family-Pressure" has put her there, not me, I had other plans!


What is the moral of the story? None, directly linked to the OP's comment (he is too early in the game). To all others: Keep records of all your major investments in Thailand (especially when income/assets were aquired before marriage, especially when generated in Farangland.) This is the stuff of what painless 15 minute divorces are made of.)


Easy to do. Rarely have I heard of a Farang English-Teacher, amassing a furtune working for AAA, while married to a Thai-Lady.


At last: If a Farang feels the urge to erect a mansion on some "Family-Land", do it before marriage or don't do it at all. It makes a big difference, if "the shit should hit the fan", sometime in the future.


Fortunately, OP does not seem to be able to make major "financial-mistakes", even if he wanted to. Hard to make "Major Financial Mistakes" if you have no or very little money.
Cheers.

 

6 minutes ago, swissie said:

After 13 years of marriage, my Thai-Wife foud out that I was "rich". That's when the "Demands" regarding herself and the "Family" started to pour in. My legal paperwork, indicating that after my passing, she would "get it all" anyway, did not impress her much.


To her, and more so the Thai-Family, the Freddie Mercury song of "I want it all and I want it now" applied from then on.


6 months later, we were divorced. The Farang Judge found, that 97 % of all the assets were earned by the Farang before marriage. The whole court proceedings lasted less than 15 minutes.


As I gather, ex wife has now (at the age 58), resumed farm-work on the Family-Farm. Basically, where she started out from, a very long time ago. Uncontrolled greed and "Family-Pressure" has put her there, not me, I had other plans!


What is the moral of the story? None, directly linked to the OP's comment (he is too early in the game). To all others: Keep records of all your major investments in Thailand (especially when income/assets were aquired before marriage, especially when generated in Farangland.) This is the stuff of what painless 15 minute divorces are made of.)


Easy to do. Rarely have I heard of a Farang English-Teacher, amassing a furtune working for AAA, while married to a Thai-Lady.


At last: If a Farang feels the urge to erect a mansion on some "Family-Land", do it before marriage or don't do it at all. It makes a big difference, if "the shit should hit the fan", sometime in the future.


Fortunately, OP does not seem to be able to make major "financial-mistakes", even if he wanted to. Hard to make "Major Financial Mistakes" if you have no or very little money.
Cheers.

Oh, what a nice story.

Only one question: how did she find out about your money after 13 years? Of course only a small slip up since you were well covered.

That divorce settlement should be in the Guinness Book Of Records...

 

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11 hours ago, Straight8 said:

This seems like a classic case of finding a suitable provider for her and her family, and if you can do that, you stand a good chance to prosper.

Even though Straight8 is skeptical of this girl's intentions, there is a universal truth here worth commenting on.  I believe you can generalize that Thai women seeking farangs and farangs seeking thai women have similar goals in mind. Both are seeking something better, more exotic, and potentially more promising than what they can find in their home country.  

For the Thai women, it includes what the farang husband can bring to the proverbial table.  It's natural for her to seek a provider, not only for her, but for her family as well.  

It doesn't matter how successful she is.  If she makes 3 million baht per year, she's not going to give you the time of day if you make less. She's not going to want to introduce her Kee Nok farang to Mom and Dad, when she's a successful Bangkok Lawyer.  She may bang a few good looking westerners, but only for sport, not marriage.

The OP's girl could have a big payday in mind by desiring to introduce him to her family, or she could simply be eager to show her family that she's being a good daughter and actively attempting to bring wealth and prestige to the family.  So while her ultimate goal is the hope and promise of a better life and higher prestige for her family, it doesn't make her intentions ignoble, it makes her a good daughter in Thai culture.

However, these dreams of the future, and promises of a better life, soon meet head on with the reality of marriage and living in a cold western country.  Hence the 90% hypothetical, yet believable, divorce rate as quoted earlier.  

Op, it's not an easy road you're planning, not for you, or for her.

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11 hours ago, Kabula said:

If she is beautiful and always doing selfie's and looking in the mirror she's probably a narcissist.   If she tells you she's not a good person, and makes odd statements, admits to being ignored, taking cell calls and running, and tells you she feels nothing without getting cash, she could very well be a covert narcissist with absolutely no soul.  A very dangerous creature.

Agreed.  Over-selfie is a good indicator.

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Meeting the parents, especially if they live in a different city hours away, is usually something you'd only want to do once you're relatively sure about someone and thinking about getting married.

 

If the Thai girl takes you to meet her parents out-of-town, that's what she's thinking about in terms of the purpose of the visit. If you're thinking the same, that's fine. If you're not ready to be thinking that yet, then politely suggest meeting the parents can wait till another time in the future.

 

Bringing the farang BF to meet the Thai parents here is not quite the same thing as a casual, polite social call visit might be in one's home country. At least the Thais don't think about it that way.

 

 

Edited by TallGuyJohninBKK
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12 minutes ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

Meeting the parents, especially if they live in a different city hours away, is usually something you'd only want to do once you're relatively sure about someone and thinking about getting married.

 

If the Thai girl takes you to meet her parents out-of-town, that's what she's thinking about in terms of the purpose of the visit. If you're thinking the same, that's fine. If you're not ready to be thinking that yet, then politely suggest meeting the parents can wait till another time in the future.

 

Bringing the farang BF to meet the Thai parents here is not quite the same thing as a casual, polite social call visit might be in one's home country. At least the Thais don't think about it that way.

 

 

Good but far too polite, an early trip to the village is no more than looking at how to carve up the pig... I've seen it too many times.

Marry the guy in a few months, rip him off later. Get all his pals to come to the wedding and set the sisters and cousins on them like locusts.

Call me a cynic, but I've seen it done.

:whistling:

 

 

 

 

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15 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Hmmmmm. So your relationship advice is to start by lying to the intended and to sleep with a woman ( ?several women ) that is not a hooker but is willing to jump into bed with a guy on the first date BEFORE going to meet the intended.

 

add in a week or 2 before you see her.................No need to do 4 or 5 a day but try to meet at least 5 or 6.

So that's one every day if only a week, but they're not hookers.

Perhaps one could enlighten him where to find these independently wealthy Thai women at their sexual peak that are just waiting to jump into bed with him, even though he has never been to Thailand before, because there is zero chance he knows.

 

Sure. 

He should start at any serious groups like trancendental meditation, high end fitness gyms, landmark education... these sorts of groups allow for social interaction and are expensive so will weed out the lower class uneducated. 

 

Think it through and you can see the wisdom and practicality in my post. 

 

I may have made it sound easy. It wont be , particularly for him, but for me it was easy. Also some dating sites or matching sites that are pay to participate are not all bad and would produce candidates but if only here for week it does not apply. 

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Just now, Minnehaha said:

Sure. 

He should start at any serious groups like trancendental meditation, high end fitness gyms, landmark education... these sorts of groups allow for social interaction and are expensive so will weed out the lower class uneducated. 

 

Think it through and you can see the wisdom and practicality in my post. 

 

I may have made it sound easy. It wont be , particularly for him, but for me it was easy. Also some dating sites or matching sites that are pay to participate are not all bad and would produce candidates but if only here for week it does not apply. 

Did I suggest he lie to anyone? Why not be open about intentions?

And yes, sleeping and sex are important to relationships and should be tested at some point. You suggest first night but that is not smart with most of the class of women to target... although some may want to. 

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14 hours ago, Nerdling said:

Hello guys.

 

I really thank some of you for all these good repleys really means alot to me.

 

Alot of people talking about marriage. And i undertand that is something big in Thailand. and i should have mention that in my post as well. She knows that i am atheist so marriage is not something that is on top of my list to do.

 

and when it comes to her job i dont get the feeling that she is trying to scam me. We talk while she is on job and text as well she seems like she truly cares about her job and is proud of what she is doing. she works in a hospital handling the flies and bills. some kind of accountant i would call it.

 

So fare most of the negative comments here i didnt get any of those vibes. and some of them even makes me wonder if that is just trolling. because that seems so fare off and unrealistic that i have no words for it.

17

 

I am telling you now this not as a troll; take some of these negative posts onboard. All I can say is do not go home to meet the parents yet. Maybe another trip. Say if they are not a good family. Like one above poster said, 'you are just going to get carved up like a pig.' Yes, this is true. Seen it done now just too many times. If they are a good family, it is going to take you a long time to find out this fact, and you will need a lot of time to discover this. The I want it now mentality is very much still intact here and demands usually start pretty quick from the girls and family. Can you pay 3,500 baht every month for the sister's motorcycle bank payments? Another few thousand to the parents? Can you pay for the cousin's University fees? The father may want to buy a car for 'transporting vegetables to market'. The list goes on and on, and I have seen it time and time again happen. This is what you may be in for; it is even possible to happen with out you even know what is going on. 

 

You then got to get over the first hurdle of meeting the girl and then no matter what you do or say; she will think you are rich. Many Thai girls I have dated over many years, once they see the fact I had nothing to give them, it never went much further as they just saw I was not useful to them to keep the family. Keep your cards to your chest; show them you have nothing. As for the 'vibes.' I know more than several girls with good office jobs with several Thai giks on the side. One of my wife's girlfriends who has an excellent hotel job has two Thai guys on the side while also seeing a farang. She just thinks it's normal. Another girl friend also has a high government job; she has two Thai guys again as giks, and she asks me often to find her a farang so she can support her giks better. Another girl friend I know has a farang boyfriend that lives with her, supports her but is the Mai Noi of a Thai official.

 

I am not trolling; just stating what does go on here. Most Thai girls I know have several Thai men on the run and do not be surprised if she does as well. It is just her covering all bases, and for them, that is just normal.

 

All the above may not be true in your case but I have been in Thailand long enough to know, you need to cover all your bases as well and don't let a pretty girl sway you easily. She is not the only one; you only need to come to my markets on a Saturday night to see hundreds of very pretty Thai girls, just willing to smile at you and I can tell you that there is no shortage of takers.

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16 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

why you don't just try to meet someone locally

 

Having tried someone "locally", I would NEVER get involved with a woman in my country again. Have you never wondered why so many men look abroad for a partner?

so many men looking for partners abroad? i would guess its less than 2% of the world's population that can't find a suitable partner locally. If you expect thai women to be some how magically different than the women in Denmark boy are you in for a shock.

 

good luck is adjusting to the Thai culture. if you read the Thai visa forums you should already there are quite a few bitter x pats.

 

 

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Hello guys.
 
I really thank some of you for all these good repleys really means alot to me.
 
Alot of people talking about marriage. And i undertand that is something big in Thailand. and i should have mention that in my post as well. She knows that i am atheist so marriage is not something that is on top of my list to do.
 
and when it comes to her job i dont get the feeling that she is trying to scam me. We talk while she is on job and text as well she seems like she truly cares about her job and is proud of what she is doing. she works in a hospital handling the flies and bills. some kind of accountant i would call it.
 
So fare most of the negative comments here i didnt get any of those vibes. and some of them even makes me wonder if that is just trolling. because that seems so fare off and unrealistic that i have no words for it.



What a hell does atheism have to do with getting married?

I am an atheist and got married twice and one of them was also an atheist.
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there is only one question when it comes to love in Thailand..long time or short time...and what the barfine is...nowadays the business went to the net ...all freelancers  get their love customers now online...and generally i think the thai girl topic is already such an old stinking shoe that it should be thrown to the rubbish heap of mental deficits... get a good looking girl in ur own culture if u cant u have issues...

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Listen to all the advices here for even what sound extreme still have an element of truth, believe me.

 

The money thing IS, and always will be number one with Thai lady.

 

Im suprise how so many guys DO know this, yet they come at 30-40y.o, get sucked in to buying house and car and bike for a girl..

 

Next lashing out on holidays and toys, gold, paying out for family

as if the money will never runs out. 

 

and for most, forget about getting any good income here, as you limited to basically teaching English for pennies.

 

so unless you go home to work every so on..how long do you think will your savings last?

 

Take Thailand as a holiday place and a not serious good time and you will be ok.

 

If you get duped by one of these girls, the truth is she musy think you are the biggest mug out of the 10 she got hanging 
and all that means is she thinks you gonna be the easiest and quickest to fleece.

 

Seen it all before.

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You will get all sorts of replies from as above "run" to follow your instincts.

If looking for a "match" go stick your finger in the water."

I did, 17 years ago,,,, went to the village saw the family she is sitting on the couch talking to her friends now.

Wonderful person that sometimes I do not understand but the love is there.

Go try

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19 minutes ago, natway09 said:

You will get all sorts of replies from as above "run" to follow your instincts.

If looking for a "match" go stick your finger in the water."

I did, 17 years ago,,,, went to the village saw the family she is sitting on the couch talking to her friends now.

Wonderful person that sometimes I do not understand but the love is there.

Go try

This is also a issue here.

 

Am not saying you cant get a good Thai girl, but you must know the girl you met 17y ago is a lot different thinking than the girl this op will meet today.

 

Same with me, the ex gf ( i met some 12 years ago) at least had a simple expectations.

 

She i could have married, but why? 

Now am over 50, visa sorted. What is the advantage for me?

(Which is what the girl ask also)

 

If married..

 

Still cant really own land/house. 

 

married, you are legally liable for 50% of any debt she can make without even have to tell you

 

You are often signing all sorts of papers you cant even read

 

No rights, checked up on like a criminal and if marriage over or wife dies you are turfed out quicksmart

 

Marriage and the average Thai single girl of today-forget it 

 

To much monkey business

Even Chuck Berry would agree

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My problem is that i read so many bad topics about thai girls being fake all the way to the bone. 

Ask her to take off her shirt & bra and take a good look at her boobs while she jumps up & down. Look at them carefully when they bounce to make sure they have the natural bounce of the fleshy fat and aren't too hard like those fake boobs. I'm not sure about fake bones but make sure she doesn't have any Synthol injected into her body or butt like Rich Piana or those Brazilian girls.

 

Quote

But when we talk about me going to take a vacction to her she talks about what we can do plus she wants me to go see her mom and dad and rest of her family too. 

Don't do that because you'll be expected to marry her if you meet the folks, or they'll hit you up with a sick buffalo story and ask for money when you go there.

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This is in the WRONG forum.

This is the "Ladies forum" FOR Ladies not about them.

 

MOVED.

Maybe the OP is thinking about getting some "snip snip" action and switching over? Who knows...

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From experience with my previous (ex-)girlfriend, never ever send money to her or her family.
They existed before you and will exist also without you, no matter what heartbreaking stories she's gonna tell you.
If she threating to leave you because of this topic, look for another one.
May sound harsh, but trust me, there are many other nice girls out there.

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2 hours ago, bamukloy said:

You are often signing all sorts of papers you cant even read

 

No rights, checked up on like a criminal and if marriage over or wife dies you are turfed out quicksmart

 

 

I'm married to a normal, every-day, feet on the ground Thai woman who works for a living in a regular job. So far, so good.

 

1. I'd never sign all sorts of papers I can't even read, not even for her. If need be, I'd have them translated by a professional service. Never yet had to do that, however.

 

2. I'm eligible for a marriage-based extension of stay. But I've never given up my retirement-based extension of stay for exactly those reasons. I qualify for the retirement extension based on my own situation, and it's not dependent on me continuing to be married and isn't going to disappear were my wife to pass away or if we ever were to divorce.

 

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16 hours ago, hanuman2543 said:

Your knowledge about Thai behaviour, character  and culture is virtually  non existent. Following your advice is the safest way to turn her away. Where have you acquired such a wealth of knowledge ? Some of your questions would guarantee a very violent answer from every Thai woman, including the ones working at Nana Plaza, Soi  Cowboy etc.

I'm LOL at your response!  I've lived full time in Thailand for 12 years and lived with a Thai women for 7 years.  If the women in Nan Plaza ran that is the best thing that could happen.  

 

If you get a violent answer then they are probably covert narcissists and can ruin your life and even kill you or make you kill yourself!  Do your homework and study psychology.  Understand human behavior when involving mental illness, poverty,  alcoholism, drug addiction, mental and sex abuse, bipolar disorder, and manic-depression. Those disorders are found in bars as that is their playground. Single ads too!

 

Understand psychological terms like Hoovering and flying monkeys.  No joke...look them up. You will never find harmony with a bar girl.

 

 If you hang with poverty,  alcoholics,  drug adicts, and depressed people you too will have similar problems.

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If you have money to burn, why not give it to the GF or family. However, If you have no money better follow the advice from members above.
In the 17 years together I gave a lot of financial support, and if tomorrow all is finished, so be it, no regrets.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

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Some things I wish I knew before I went down your future path:
 
1. Your name on here! If you have a similar name on the website, it makes you a target. If you are a romantic, or a nice guy, you probably said too much already. The girls here are looking for weakness and tell you those are the traits they admire in a guy, but they are lying the whole time. There is a reason she wants you to meet the parents and yes it is because you are being used. Read about narcissistic relationships, they take a lot of tactics from those types of people.
 
2. The girls that stay here try to find guys from other countries because the foreigners that live here already have already been through this entire process and are less easy targets, or have lost money already. You are going to come here and you are going to be helpless for most everything. Unless you are in certain parts of town, hardly any Thais are even willing to admit they know any English and talk to you. This means even after you spend time with her, you might not know what really went on most of the time and what she said about you in front of your face to other Thai people.
 
3. If you are speaking to her in English and she can understand most of what you say, she probably should be making more than 12,000 / mo. in Bangkok. Also, find out how she got good at English. It is usually an indicator of previous relationships or working in a bar.
 
4. The girls here are pretty tech savy (or know someone who is) and have a lot of free time. Don't underestimate their ability and willingness to manipulate data on a website or act as other people to give you bad advice. If you met her on TF, you might as well give up any hope already.
 
5. The girls here know enough to not ask for money before you get here. They have already tried it before on someone else and it didn't work.
 
!!!!!! Instead of spending time getting lied to and confused and trying to figure out what the truth is from a website, just get a detective here in Bangkok. It might feel somewhat dishonest, but once you find out how many of these girls think, you would feel stupid not to, Every good girl here has known a foreigner that has gotten screwed over bad and I think would not be offended by the research as they know the kind of reputation that Thailand has. If your girl gets offended, it usually mean she has something to hide.!!!!!!!!!

Some of your suggestions sound pretty paranoid.
The thing with her English skills, give me a break...
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2 minutes ago, Kabula said:

I'm LOL at your response!  I've lived full time in Thailand for 12 years and lived with a Thai women for 7 years.  If the women in Nan Plaza ran that is the best thing that could happen.  

 

If you get a violent answer then they are probably covert narcissists and can ruin your life and even kill you or make you kill yourself!  Do your homework and study psychology.  Understand human behavior when involving mental illness, poverty,  alcoholism, drug addiction, mental and sex abuse, bipolar disorder, and manic-depression. Those disorders are found in bars as that is their playground. Single ads too!

 

Understand psychological terms like Hoovering and flying monkeys.  No joke...look them up. You will never find harmony with a bar girl.

 

 If you hang with poverty,  alcoholics,  drug adicts, and depressed people you too will have similar problems.

Do you speak read and write Thai? Did you ever read books about Thai customs and psychology?  Do you know what "krieng jai " means? I stay here more than 15 years and I told my Thai wife about your post and she fully agrees with me. 

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