Devastated- Dumped by my beautiful TGF

[doctormann]

I guess you'll have heard all this before but I just want to know where I went wrong - if I went wrong.

I met this beautiful girl in a Pattaya bar, where she was a dancer. This was back in summer 2003. We seemed to get on quite well so I bar fined her, took her out for a meal, and then back to my hotel. I paid her an appropriate amount of money the next morning and we arranged to meet back at her bar that night. Apart from the bar fines I never paid her any more money and she never asked me for any. I did buy her little presents but nothing more than a few hundred Baht. We had a great week together but then I had to come back to the UK. I gave her some more money then - again not very much - and that was that. She seemed upset to say goodbye.

So, I'm back in the UK and I can't get this girl out of my mind. We start to correspond by email over the next few weeks and I start to think that it would be good to see her again. She never asked for money - no sick buffalos etc. - and the tone of the emails was always very affectionate. I send her little gifts for Christmas and Valentine's day - I get a lovely card off her, complete with photo. I start to think that a proper holiday with this girl would a great idea - she agrees.

So, now its April 2004 and I fly out to Thailand again. I meet the girl in Pattaya - not in the bar this time. She says to me that she doesn't want me to pay bar for her so she has taken a holiday. We spend a couple of days in Pattaya, meeting some of her Thai girl friends, then we fly off to Samui for two weeks. We had a great time and she seemed so happy. We started to talk about setting up home together and having a long term relationship. Back in Pattaya we go looking at houses and I visit her room a couple of times. She has my photo on display.

I say to her that I have to go back to UK to sort out my affairs but I will be back in September / October with a long stay visa. I suggest we live together for a few months and if all goes well we think about permanent relationship. She seems happy with this. We part at Don Muang and I put her in a taxi back to Pattaya. I give her some money as she has not been earning while on holiday.

Now I'm back in UK sorting things out, including jumping bureaucratic hoops for long stay visa. Keep corresponding by email - she says she's not working, living off money that I gave her. Right, visa gets sorted, plane ticket booked and I say to her that I will definitely be out to Thailand early October. I say to her to look for somewhere for us to live.

Now it all starts to go wrong. First I get an email saying that she is having a nose job 'to be more beautiful'. Now, this is not that expensive in Thailand but I did not think that she had that sort of money. She has the nose job - will send photo of new nose when swelling gone down, she says. Then I get another email - she is going to Europe for three months to see her 'cousin' but will be back in Pattaya early October. I'm getting a bit suspicious now. Then I hear zilch for a month.

Now comes the crunch - she is staying in Europe with her new BF. She is very happy and is going to marry him and have baby. We correspond by email again but there is no moving her - its a done deal. Gets worse - she is now pregnant so it's definitely a done deal. I'm out of the picture and feeling absolutely devastated.

I suppose that I should know better - after all she was thirty years my junior but, and I know you've heard it before, she really did seem different. The only thing that seems untypical of this affair is that she never really asked for money or anything else. She certainly didn't try to rip me off in any way. She did have the nose job, by the way, I have the photo.

Anyway, I'm still coming back to Thailand and we'll see if I can mess up again with a different TGF. Getting a TGF isn't a problem but getting the right one certainly will be.

Anyone had a similar experience?

[rainman]

I think if you would have met her on the skytrain, you would have gone wrong when you picked the woman sitting on the left of you instead of the one sitting right of you. Get it? Hint hint. Not to sound rude, but if she wants to go, let her go. If she goes, she's not worth it. Another point where you may have gone wrong could have been the "little bit of money". That's a nono with a BG, almost every time. Is a non-BG out of the question?

[rainman]

I met this beautiful girl in a Pattaya bar, where she was a dancer.

By the way, see your line above? You were dating a hooker and you're shocked when you found out she's a hooker. This never ceases to amaze me ..

[doctormann]

Thanks Rainman

Non-BG certainly not out of the question. Where do you find one, short of hanging around department stores? I don't speak Thai apart from a few stock phrases (this will be remedied - know a good language school in Pattaya?) so the BG route is an easier option, although probably not the best one.

Yes, I never had any doubt that she was a hooker but the TGF experience was very good until ...

[MadFrankie]

yawn.....

[Santini]

There is a book 'Private Dancer'.... read it, it has all the answers to your questions and then some.....

Download it free here....

http://www.stephenleather.com/unpub.html

Its also a quality read. It should also help you in future

[medicinebox]

Is a non-BG out of the question?  

You make it sound sooo easy Rainy. But in fact its not. I stayed with a non BG for 13 months. We used to argue about money all the time, then spend most the week not talking. And she was a scruffy cow who never tidied up after me. I stayed with her that long just because she was a non BG. Like she was something special. But she wasn't. She was a shit head. So I binned her.

BG or NBG, money plays a big part in any Thai/Falang relationship. Oh yeah, and if that's your pic/avatar, i'm just as pretty as you, as you can see by my pic, so don't think its about looks either.

Decent Thai ladies who will have anything to do with a falang are rare. Maybe you're lucky.

[siam]

I am also a very lucky guy then,

[Kringle]

I met this beautiful girl in a Pattaya bar, where she was a dancer.

By the way, see your line above? You were dating a hooker and you're shocked when you found out she's a hooker. This never ceases to amaze me ..

Rainman, where in his post did he say he was shocked about her being a hooker, I couldn't find it. What I do be believe is the doctormann didn't take into consideration that she already had the other guy and didn't care that he was giving small money. You are the one that amazes me with your attitude of you know everything. He11 you can even teach your girlfriend to say Rs & Ls correctly in record time. If you're so in tune with relationships and how people should act, then why did your other one fail?

[butt_trumpet]

I met this beautiful girl in a Pattaya bar, where she was a dancer.

This is her job, as soon as you understand that it will make more sense.

Apart from the bar fines I never paid her any more money and she never asked me for any.

Just because she didn't dig her claws in right away doesn't make her honest. You and many other guys adds up to good income.

I gave her some more money then - again not very much - and that was that. She seemed upset to say goodbye.

It could have been because she was expecting more money at the airport. Did you expect her to be laughing and happy, acting is part of the job.

We started to talk about setting up home together and having a long term relationship. Back in Pattaya we go looking at houses and I visit her room a couple of times. She has my photo on display.

She was in the process of setting you up. The house may have happened but some BGs grab the rent/deposit money and bolt or have it 'stolen' (thai boyfriend)

Now I'm back in UK sorting things out, including jumping bureaucratic hoops for long stay visa. Keep corresponding by email - she says she's not working, living off money that I gave her.

Did you really expect her to stop working? She has a job, that means maintaining the most clients possible and making every single one of them feel they are the only one.

she is going to Europe for three months to see her 'cousin' but will be back in Pattaya early October. I'm getting a bit suspicious now. Then I hear zilch for a month.

Kissing cousin

Now comes the crunch - she is staying in Europe with her new BF. She is very happy and is going to marry him and have baby. We correspond by email again but there is no moving her - its a done deal. Gets worse - she is now pregnant so it's definitely a done deal.

You don't even know how true this is and it doesn't matter, she wants to cut the ties.

The only thing that seems untypical of this affair is that she never really asked for money or anything else. She certainly didn't try to rip me off in any way.

It is not untypical, usually there are different routines for different clients. She may go for the throat and milk a first timer to Thailand. If she had done that with you it wouldn't have worked, so she strung you along (and got a nose job out of it)

Anyway, I'm still coming back to Thailand and we'll see if I can mess up again with a different TGF. Getting a TGF isn't a problem but getting the right one certainly will be.

You shouldn't be devastated, as long as you understand that the girls are working at a bar for money and not love you will be fine.

[Ijustwannateach]

I can sympathize, but once again: Date a bar girl, get a bar girl. If you want "reality," get a long-stay visa and look for girls with real jobs- it means your selection will be limited, you'll have to court a longer time, and almost certainly wind up getting married- and it means you may have a cold, empty bed for a little while- but it'll be real.

The "relative in XXXX European country" always means visiting another client. There are no relatives in Europe for 99.999999999% of these bar workers.

If you insist on dating dodgy people, before you give them money insist on them showing you their bank balance after withdrawing money. That'll give you new perspective.

Good luck.

"Steven"

[Up2U]

Yeah, she's not the only girl in the world and there are many more who would be very happy to spend the rest of your life with you. As you were thirty years older than her, I guess you are mid-fifties. And I further assume currently not married.

Forget all these offensive posts about 'hookers'. If you start to think of the girls in this way you will never be sure enough of the relationship to try to make it work. And that is something that both parties must work at. These girls are working for money - as do we all. They have particular skills (and some have pretty low levels of skill ) in their job. Same as a bank clerk, construction worker, whatever.

Most girls, when they find someone who will care for them - and, to an extent, their family - will cleave to them and will be faithful. What went before was exactly that - before. More than can be said for most Western women.

The culture and mores are different here. Not better, not worse, just different. And anyone living here, marrying a local girl (from whatever background) has to adjust to some of those differences. But in the end the relationship of two people, man / woman, mutually supporting and caring for each other, having differences but solving problems together, trusting each other to make the partnership work, will remain solid despite the differences.

You both have to work hard at the relationship, which is what most of the slaggers seem unable to comprehend.

[pnustedt]

There's plenty of fish in the sea - enjoy the fishing

[chanchao]

:-) 'ere we go again..

> You make it sound sooo easy Rainy. But in fact its not. I stayed with a non

> BG for 13 months. We used to argue about money all the time, then spend

> most the week not talking.

Not talking about you or this individual case, but many people think there are only 2 distinct groups in society, bar-girls and good girls, without looking at social class/background. Many non-bargirls come from exactly the same poor rural background as those who chose that kind of work, and many people find pretty much the same issues in relationship with these girls that were, waitresses, sales girls in stores of malls, worked in hotels, etc, etc, etc.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Ijustwannateach]

^agree with the above- there's a broad spectrum of dodginess, with just about all levels that one "wishes" available. Gogo girls are more dodgy than bargirls who are more dodgy than waitresses who are more dodgy than hairdressers who are more dodgy than saleswomen, etc., etc., etc.

"Steven"

[splitlid]

^agree with the above- there's a broad spectrum of dodginess, with just about all levels that one "wishes" available. Gogo girls are more dodgy than bargirls who are more dodgy than waitresses who are more dodgy than hairdressers who are more dodgy than saleswomen, etc., etc., etc.

"Steven"

im not sure that your correct here steven.

Chanchao is, i feel, stating that it dosnt matter what walk of life a girl comes from,anyone of them can be devious or dodgy.

youve gone into classing them with their occupations!!!!

by your theory all bargirls are dodgy and all street cleans are honest good girls you would like your mother to meet!

or am i reading your post wrong?

[Ijustwannateach]

You're right, splitlid- I *was* generalizing. But I don't think my generalizations are too far wrong- a better bet than horseracing!

I think it's more likely that the better job someone has here, the more educated they have been and the less likely their life has involved a lot of dodginess- that doesn't mean there aren't a lot of types out there who HAVE the education and the good job because of past dodginess- but I'd bet on the trend, myself. Of course, it's always up to the individual- but when you have limited time and have to choose the venues most likely for success, I think these kinds of hierarchies are useful tools.

"STeven"

[Tufty]

I met this beautiful girl in a Pattaya bar, where she was a dancer.  Apart from the bar fines I never paid her any more money and she never asked me for any.

She never asked for money - no sick buffalos etc. - always very affectionate.So, now its April 2004 and I fly out to Thailand again.  I meet the girl in Pattaya - not in the bar this time. and I visit her room a couple of times.  She has my photo on display.

I suggest we live together for a few months and if all goes well we think about permanent relationship.  She seems happy with this.

Now comes the crunch - she is staying in Europe with her new BF.  She is very happy and is going to marry him and have baby.I'm out of the picture and feeling absolutely devastated.

I suppose that I should know better - after all she was thirty years my junior but, and I know you've heard it before, she really did seem different.  The only thing that seems untypical of this affair is that she never really asked for money or anything else.  She certainly didn't try to rip me off in any way

Anyway, I'm still coming back to Thailand and we'll see if I can mess up again with a different TGF.  Getting a TGF isn't a problem but getting the right one certainly will be.

I think I had the same girl (exactly the same script) between April and Sept 2003 but with a short break in between, she called me last April and told me she had been living in France working as a child minder and was considering going back because she didn't want to dance, but one of her friend told me recently my princess was now married to a frog

Her name was Poo

I've been with my new girl almost one year now and she is absolutly brilliant we stay together 24/7 and if I go out for a drink with mates for more than 2 or 3 hours she calls to see if I am ok (but checking to see if I go short time)

[duke69]

Everyone plays its role, it's like a movie.

The "client" always promises to these BGs a future in Europe, always tries not to pay them, just "small gifts" are enough because they think to give these BG big sex with their "big penis".

Same for the BGs, they act knowing that 99% of the Falangs are liars, the make promises and than the piss off back in Europe (may be with their wifes), so they have to keep as many open relationships as they can.

May be in the bedroom drawer she had photos of 5-6 clients, and everytime there is a "visit" she uses the right one!!

As long as you understand this, welcome to Thailand.

Your competitor in Europe just apparently won against you, at the end you will realize that you are the lucky winner: she will go to Europe, deliver the baby, marry him, after 1 year she will have the citizenship and passport ...... than she will act very upset, sad, and one day she will piss off back to Thailand and the only letter he'll get will be from a lawyer.

She will end up having (according to European Law) a monthly check for the baby, she will leave the baby with her parents in the village and she will go back to Pattaya looking for a new chicken (having assured 18 years of checks from the former husband).

always the same sorry story .......

[butt_trumpet]

Everyone plays its role, it's like a movie.

The "client" always promises to these BGs a future in Europe, always tries not to pay them, just "small gifts" are enough because they think to give these BG big sex with their "big penis".

Same for the BGs, they act knowing that 99% of the Falangs are liars, the make promises and than the piss off back in Europe (may be with their wifes), so they have to keep as many open relationships as they can.

May be in the bedroom drawer she had photos of 5-6 clients, and everytime there is a "visit" she uses the right one!!

As long as you understand this, welcome to Thailand.

Your competitor in Europe just apparently won against you, at the end you will realize that you are the lucky winner: she will go to Europe, deliver the baby, marry him, after 1 year she will have the citizenship and passport ...... than she will act very upset, sad, and one day she will piss off back to Thailand and the only letter he'll get will be from a lawyer.

She will end up having (according to European Law) a monthly check for the baby, she will leave the baby with her parents in the village and she will go back to Pattaya looking for a new chicken (having assured 18 years of checks from the former husband).

always the same sorry story .......

So true, and the worst part is sometimes the baby isn't even his. Academy award performances at the hotel, airport, everywhere.

A sad topic, maybe it is best to drink beer and just watch them dance.

[Begs]

^agree with the above- there's a broad spectrum of dodginess, with just about all levels that one "wishes" available. Gogo girls are more dodgy than bargirls who are more dodgy than waitresses who are more dodgy than hairdressers who are more dodgy than saleswomen, etc., etc., etc.

"Steven"

Illegal Teachers calling other people dodgy eh?

Get a life Steven , you don't know what you are talking about.

[penelope]

Anyone had a similar experience?

No , hookers aren't in my social circle.

[orchis]

a circle of one, perhaps

[falong]

yawn.....

This is that wind up artist with the ladyboy boyfriend, and exwife who had affair with brother--any many more.

Cant believe people respond to this crap.

[IamMaiC]

I have been wondering Do foreign men just go from the airport to the nearest bar?? It never ceases to amaze me of this fact. There are other places in thailand to meet a decent girl, My wife her friends well some of them have asked me if i could find someone for them, I mean it's not that easy.

I don't think that all Thai women want a foreign man?? Or am I wrong?

[cutter007]

I have been in Thailand, for two years, speak decent Thai compared to most of the farang, I have listened to. And have dated poor girls and rich girls, BG and non-BG, alike.

From what I take of this forum, every topic that concerns women comes down to money..............everyone wants to be with a girl that cares about you and not your money, well there is only one sure way to know.

Find a wealthy or middle class girl, and then tell her your poor.

My last girlfriend I dated for 3 months, she had plenty of money because her family owned quite a few restaurants.

She was constantly taking me out to places like the Hyatt, Convent, and Oriental.

Did it work in the end? No.

But I definitely knew that she wasn't after my money, because I consistently pretended that I made about 20% of what I actually do.

Of course this scenario won't work for a poor isaan BG, but then again, if your 20 years older than a girl, you speak her language like a 2 year old, and you think she is with you for some reason other than money, than maybe you need to close the valve on the canister of nitrous oxide, that you've got your lips rapped around.

[IamMaiC]

Hey Thaigirlteen They asked me I didn't go and asked them Two of her friends actually What I get from this forum is that some foreign guys think Ohhh I get any girl I want and it's just not true. I am Half thai Born in Thailand but grew up in the states So I may be foreign man but my wife and I have many things in common

[ThaiGirlTeen]

But I definitely knew that she wasn't after my money, because I consistently pretended that I made about 20% of what I actually do.

So she thought you was earning 2000 Baht a month.

[IamMaiC]

Money Matters of course But I mean Use some common sense A girl that works in a Bar That is why she is there Plus Trying to find a man Well Some bar girls I'm sure I mean What the thread starter had happen to him is wrong!!! But You have to go with your gut instinct sometimes

[igotworms]

There are other places in thailand to meet a decent girl,  My wife  her friends well some of them have asked me if i could find someone for them,  I mean it's not that easy.

Please dont think of anybody on this forum, they are poisonous.

Most farangs think they are so superior to Thai people and in this forum it is no different. If you don't like one of your wifes friends than try to fix her up with one of the idiots from this Forum.

If she is a nice girl how could you do that to her?

In most cases it's the Thai woman that ends up with the rubbish farang, not the other way round.

Bloody devils. The whole lot. Too bad we all can't be like Justin Timberlake. Sensitive, yet creative on the dance floor. I think we should take a long look at ourselves, the posion that we are.