Married With An Asian

[Axel]

You live together, you get married, that's when the problems start.

Your partner is from another city, state or even another country, different language, more problems must be expected.

Your partner is from Asia, from Thailand. You add cultural differences/shock and more problems.

How do you cope? How do you learn to adjust?

Give us your ideas, experiences, suggestions. Perhaps on my 1000th posting we all can learn something!

[Pink Mist]

Suggest you start a poll Axel

[Stocky]

I'm not married, but my girlfriend of 7 years is Thai, and the most important thing I have learnt is to listen.

With both language and cultural differences it is all too easy to reach completely the wrong conclusion and head off down the wrong track and maybe end up in an argument.

So I say less and listen a lot.

[Drewcifer]

Axel,

I'm an American and my wife is Thai and your right... It can be tough. I dont know about others, but miscommunication has always been an issue with us. But with enough love and patience (and sometimes a whole lot of yelling), you can always find your way through it.

Lol, I guess the best advice I can give is actually Thai... Jai yen, Jai yen.

[wamberal]

Firstly, do not come into the relationship/marriage with the view that your culture is superior to your partner's...genuinely learn about your partner's culture and only continue into a deeper relationship/marriage if you sincerely accept the other's beliefs, ethics, worldview as being as important and valuable to the relationship as your own.

Secondly, learn how to communicate properly -- to really listen to each other, and have some ways of resolving differences of opinion/outlook that work for both of you.

Thirdly, ensure that you each have a compatible set of priorities in what you expect from marriage -- they might not be the same, but you must both be able to understand and live with the priorities of the other party.

Fourthly, realise that the other's attitude towards money and finances might be very different to your own. As a mate of mine in Hong Kong said after he married his Chinese girlfriend, she just took charge of the finances and sorted things out. But, he recognised that she would never really feel relaxed about the idea of his retiring and not having a source of income!

Finally, a sense of humour really helps.

As I have said elsewhere on this forum, it would be really useful for there to be some sort of pre-marital counselling assistance to be available to couples from different ethnic backgrounds.

[pnustedt]

No. 1 requirement - a good sense of humour!

[Stocky]

No. 1 requirement - a good sense of humour!

That's for sure

[Pink Mist]

number 2 requirement : hearing impairment

[plachon]

number 2 requirement : hearing impairment

Come again Bronco (as the young filly said), I missed that.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

You live together, you get married, that's when the problems start.

Your partner is from another city, state or even another country, different language, more problems must be expected.

Your partner is from Asia, from Thailand. You add cultural differences/shock and more problems.

How do you cope? How do you learn to adjust?

Give us your ideas, experiences, suggestions. Perhaps on my 1000th posting we all can learn something!

1001 Axel. Congratulations ... well done ... proud of you

[astral]

I agree with listening,

then ask questions to be sure

you have fully understood on important issues

and that she has understood.

Misunderstanding causes our few arguements.

I am amazed at how often we think in exactly the same way.

particularly in respect the children. If anything, she is more strict

than I am. We can do the good cop/bad cop routine quite well.

[astral]

I agree with listening,

then ask questions to be sure

you have fully understood on important issues

and that she has understood.

Misunderstanding causes our few arguements.

I am amazed at how often we think in exactly the same way.

particularly in respect the children. If anything, she is more strict

than I am. We do the good cop/bad cop routine quite well.

[Goat Roper]

I am not sure if having a Thai wife, Philippina wife and that old regular white one makes it any easier, I think one has to learn what the Thai people do about many situations and that is to "Thaam Jai", Just accept some of the differences as just that, differences, of course this deal is a two way street, the main thing is stay cool.

[otherstuff1957]

I'd agree that misunderstandings are probably the biggest issue. You may find that you two have entirely different ideas about something major that you thought that you agreed upon! My wife and I are house shopping and one of the first houses that we saw looked almost perfect to me. However, she pointed out that it only had two bedrooms and one bath. Where would her nieces and nephew sleep when they moved in with us! Anyway, we've compromised - we're looking for a bigger house and the kids will have to pay rent or go to university if they want to move in.

As others pointed out, listening and talking to each other are really vital to making a relationship work.

[Boon Mee]

#3 Requirement: Feign ignorance when you hear the expression: Caw satang pai teeow"!

[Goat Roper]

#1 Rule, Learn the pharase,"Satang Moat laeow."

[Pink Mist]

#3 Requirement: Feign ignorance when you hear the expression: Caw satang pai teeow"!

pardon !!!! cant hear you again darling

[BlissfullyIgnorant]

Mutual respect. 'nuff said.

[medicinebox]

Why do guys always have to be the ones to listen, understand, compromise etc.....

Bunch of fairy's....

Theres nothing more demanding than a woman, and thats any race colour or creed.

If your not careful she will have you putting shelves up on a Saturday night....

What if she is pretending to misread you and taking the P1SS to get her own way?

I'm a bit old fashioned but my grandpa used to say "A woman is like kitchen lino. Lay it right in the first place, and you can walk all over it for years". Well this applys to men as well.

[thaimee]

A Wealthy Relationship / Full of eastern Promise

I can't say you have to learn in entirty Thai culture as I don't think it is humanly possible. Could you change Thai mentality, No! Could Thai's think the way of the Foreigner, No! None of these arguements would finalise a long lasting relationship.

I've found and observed that the best way to get along with a Thai lady is to be familiarised with Thai men's miss-comings. If you can match step for step the actions and avoid the end botch up you will be greatly appreciated, sure!

A foreigner can win most often by offering the 'edge', and as the white skinned Foreigner is wealthy this must be the turning point in the relationship.

The foreigner is by nature more caring, so in conclusion be as thai men do, but don't out do yourself and make an assertive effort once in a while to show the difference a Foreigner can bring to the table.

To really get credible results be as non-chalant as Thais. However do not be distant! Imho, you are better understood when you open up and are Tongue in Cheek with your GF or Wife.

The other difference is being Less serious. I assume we are all familiar with this? Perhaps as the guest in the Kingdom I should learn to be less serious. Imho, this is the achilles heel of the foreigner's attempts with the nice lady you are supposed to love?

Above all else Thai ladies will feel especially loved when the Foriegn man shows the family respect, don't you agree?

Thaimee.

[Boon Mee]

I'm a bit old fashioned but my grandpa used to say "A woman is like kitchen lino. Lay it right in the first place, and you can walk all over it for years". Well this applys to men as well.

My grandpa used to say: "Women are just like a bus. There will be another one along any minute". He was right...just got to catch the right bus!

[tutsiwarrior]

'women are like oysters...same smell and texture and better by the dozen...'

[pnustedt]

'women are like oysters...same smell and texture and better by the dozen...'

Bought some in Essex Uk a couple of weeks ago - riddled with worms - but still ate them (oysters that is)

[tuky]

Keep a vice, for example drink plenty of chang each night...she will have something to complain about, but she will also realise how lucky she is when your not p1ssed during the day.

Works for me...

[Padkapow Guy]

I learned when arguing with women I am always wrong.

With thai women I am wrong in 2 languages.

this is why the have the local pub.

[sonthaya]

I have been married now for more than 11 years with a lovely Thai girl, I'm from Denmark, and have no difficulties with the difference in culture, respect her for who she is, and you will have no problems.

[Pepe']

Really the only difficulty we have had in four years of marriage is when I show I am stressed or deppressed or worse case senario talk about it.

I am in family practice as well as some research and my job used to be extemely stressfull.

Now that I'm retiring I don't give a dammm anymore and everything is fine.

My wife is an angel and coundn't understand why I was not happy (stressed out recovering type A personality) Just because I have $70,000 in outstanding insurance reimbusment that the ####ing insurance companies refuse to pay.

So now I gave up and we're moving to Thailand. Things have been incredible since I stopped worrying about my practice here.

My Brother in law ( from England) married to her sister in Bangkok says you must allways smile and never show that you are unhappy.

Seemed and sounded very artificial and strange but the longer I'm acting like everything is Mai pen rai/no problem it's becoming more that way.

Of course it does help having money.

[Axel]

'women are like oysters...same smell and texture and better by the dozen...'

Bought some in Essex Uk a couple of weeks ago - riddled with worms - but still ate them (oysters that is)

pnustedt, for a moment I was worried, until you said 'oysters that is'

[davethailand]

you bought oysters from essex, why? (and where in essex, thats where i'm from) the seafood stall outside the local?

[pnustedt]

the seafood stall outside the local?

No, from the sea food hut near the oyster farm at West Mersea