MJCM

"No we don't mind. We've got the records at home" John Lennon when asked at a press conference if he was bothered the band couldn't hear themselves sing at concerts.

I hope she had ???? but he didn’t on his return from the pub that is

At a wedding ceremony, a shy priest greets the wedding guests into the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much... As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter! After the vows, the priest is extremely shy again and barely says a word to anyone. The groom approaches the him and asks, "Why are you so shy? You seemed like a different person when you were giving that speech!" "I know..." Says the priest, " That was my altar ego".

Last night, I gave my wife a medieval battle uniform to polish whilst I went to the pub. She always said that she wanted a night in, shining armour.

A Expert on Wasps is walking down the street on his way to a convention, when he pass a music store and in the window it says 'Just Released, New LP, American Wasps & the sounds that they make. Available Now!' Unable to resist the Expert goes into the shop and says, "I am the world expert on American wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd like to listen to the LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly" the shop owner says, "let me get you headphones" and they go to the booth, where puts the LP. on for the Expert. Five minutes later he comes out and says, "I am a world expert on American wasps and the sounds that they make and I do not recognize any of those." The shop keeper says "I'm sorry, I can give you ten more minutes in the booth." The Expert goes back in booth, ten minutes later he comes out and says, "I am a world expert on American wasps and the sounds they make and I can not recognize none of those." The shop keeper says "I'm sorry, I can give you fifteen more minutes in the booth." The Expert goes back in the booth. Fifteen minutes later, the Expert comes out of the booth shaking his head. 'I don't understand it, I am a world expert on American wasps and the sounds that they make, and I still can't recognize any of those!' The shop owner looks at the LP and says to the Expert."I'm so sorry, I just realized I was playing you the B side."

A woman in a hot air balloon realised she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted,” Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.” “You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist. “I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.” The man below responded, “You must be in management.” “I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!”

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me. Do you have any widdle wabbits?" The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fluffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?" The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers. "I don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a f***!"

Did you know that you can often tell the clan of a Scotsman by feeling under his kilt? If he has a quarter pounder, he's a MacDonald.

Maybe to reduce his costs further have him get a blood test done at a local lab instead of at a Hospital. (And show the results to the Doctor when visiting) For example this one in Pattaya http://lifecare.siam2web.com/?cid=1209618 @Sheryl could maybe post which blood tests he need to have done? edit: they also can do an EKG, at 350 Thb

Our local auctioneer has passed away. He was somewhere around 30? 35? 35? 40.

Do you realize that if you are sitting on the toilet at 11:59PM, and the clock strikes midnight. It’s same <deleted>, different day.

I prefer to use the word “spelling Police” ????

Unfortunately I think so.

How do you comfort a grammar fanatic? Their, theyre, there.

???????????????????? another confused emoji again. No fun explaining a good joke for that guy that posted that emoji here s link https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_West

555555555555 someone posted a confused emoji to that post Plethora means a lot ???????????? https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/plethora

The OP knows (and you and I know) but he is looking for a cheap option for his friend which the BPH hospital someone quoted (and I replied to) ABSOLUTELY isn’t

May I ask if you read the OP? the friend of the OP has little to no money. BPH will be much too expensive for him.

+1 but he better be prepared for a long wait as it’s a busy hospital and maybe also a good idea to take a Thai speaker with him