@Op,how old are you?
You seem to think like you are a victim of some sorts.
Look at what you all have,much more then a lot of people around you.
Not a nervous break down but a depression imo.
I have had that for a very long time and i can tell you you need help.
When you have a depression even a simple task like making a cup of coffee can seem too much.
It is up to you if you are going to get help or not,not easy to get good help in Thailand but being in Thailand was the help i needed for me.
You feel like people can see that there is something wrong with you,i get that from some of your other posts.
Accept who you are and you will have to make some decisions .
Like other people already said,a change of scenery maybe good for you.
Start with little things.