Zyxel

Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog without sweating or being short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat a loaf of rye bread every day. It keeps my energy level high and I always have great stamina with the ladies.” So; on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery along the way. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, “do you have any rye bread?” She said, “yes, a full shelf would you like one?” The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.” She said, “my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you start eating the third loaf, it’ll be hard.” The old man smiles and says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this but me!

The morning after the high school prom, a mother gets a text from her daughter. “Mom, I’m freaking out. I got really drunk last night and don’t remember what happened. I just woke up on the beach with cum in my hair.” Mom texts back, “Wow, I’m really so glad that you can be so open with me. That’s what good relationships are all about. As for your worries, most times a guy will pull out or pull it out of your mouth and simply shoot his load on your face, but occasionally some of it will get caught in your hair. No big deal, jump in the water it will wash right out. The daughter texts back, “Thanks for all that information mom, but I meant to type gum.

A Kiwi farmer goes to Australia to visit his Aussie farmer cousin. They drink heavily in the outback pub…Flying down a gravel road in the Holden ute heading back to the farm , the Kiwi screams out “STOP THE UTE” His inbred , redneck hillbillly cousin skids to a halt. The kiwi jumps out and goes up to a sheep , his head caught in a wire fence. The Kiwi drops his daks (trousers) and starts giving the cute little sheep , what can only be described as , a jolly good rogering. He is pounding the fleecy victim , when the Aussie says “Can I have a go?” His magnanimous Kiwi cousin replies “Yeah mate” … and the Aussie goes over , and sticks his head in the fence…..

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “You’re just lazy.” The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.