Zyxel

Two statues, a male and female, stood in Central Park for 50 yrs. One day a fairy came along and granted them 24 hrs to be human. POOF!! Off the dashed into the bushes!!! There’s a lot of brush shacking and grunting and huffing!!! Six hours later the male comes out, ”Phew, I’m getting tired!” The female says, “Hey, we’ve only got 18 hrs, get back in here and handle business!” So, off he goes again and there’s bushes shaking, dirt flying, huffing, puffing and screaming going on. 12 hrs later, the male comes crawling out, grabbing dirt and can no longer stand! “I, just can’t go anymore, you’re killing me!” The female says, “Look, be a man! We’ve only 6 hrs left and we’re back on that perch forever!” The male, looks up at the perch looks back at the female, wipes his brow, looks up again, and back. Then he says, “Alright, but this time, I’LL hold the pigeons and YOU sh-t on them!”

One day, the US military decided to take a poll to see how the different branches handle a specific situation, in this case a scorpion in a service member's tent. One representative from each major branch is selected, and each answers privately. The question was a simple one: "There is a scorpion in your tent. What do you do?" Army: "I would crush it with my boot and throw it outside." Navy: "I would pick it up by the tail and throw it outside." Marines: "I'd bite its head off before cooking and eating it." Air Force: "I'd call down to the front desk and ask why there's a tent in my hotel room."

Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night. Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog without sweating or being short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat a loaf of rye bread every day. It keeps my energy level high and I always have great stamina with the ladies.” So; on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery along the way. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, “do you have any rye bread?” She said, “yes, a full shelf would you like one?” The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.” She said, “my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you start eating the third loaf, it’ll be hard.” The old man smiles and says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this but me!

The morning after the high school prom, a mother gets a text from her daughter. “Mom, I’m freaking out. I got really drunk last night and don’t remember what happened. I just woke up on the beach with cum in my hair.” Mom texts back, “Wow, I’m really so glad that you can be so open with me. That’s what good relationships are all about. As for your worries, most times a guy will pull out or pull it out of your mouth and simply shoot his load on your face, but occasionally some of it will get caught in your hair. No big deal, jump in the water it will wash right out. The daughter texts back, “Thanks for all that information mom, but I meant to type gum.