Zyxel

A man, somewhat drunk, goes into a bar and says to the bar tender “I bet you I can bite my left eye.” The bartender takes the bet, to which the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The bartender pays up. The next day the man comes back, again somewhat drunk, and says to the bartender “I bet you I can bite my right eye.” Thinking that surely the man can’t have two glass eyes the bartender takes the bet, to which the man takes out his dentures, and uses them to bit his eye. The bar tender pays up. The next day the man appears again, and this time he is super drunk, he approaches the bartender and says “Put a shot glass down the far end of the bar, and I’ll stay at this end and <deleted> into it, if I miss; I’ll pay you double the bet of the last two days.’ The bartender agrees, and the man straight out pisses al over the bar. “The bartender says “Well I guess I won, but you don’t look too upset about losing.” The man explains ‘Well you see; I bet this other guy that I could <deleted> all over your bar, and you wouldn’t care.”

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a blonde in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your degrading blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype us that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonde, but women at large ... all in the name of humor." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize when the blonde says, "You stay out of this, Mister! I'm talking to that little punk on your knee!"

Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.' Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered 'THE F***ING TEETH!!!