Zyxel

Three ladies are playing the 4th hole at a members-only country club when a naked man, wearing a bag over his head, jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies look and are in shock at the size of his manhood. The first lady says "Well... he definitely is NOT my husband!" The second lady looks at his manhood and says "He for sure is not MY husband!" The third lady takes a good look and says "He's not even a member of this club!"

Frederick was the maintenance man at a Catholic church. One day the priest called him in. “Frederick, I must go to the hospital to perform the Last Rites for a long-time parishioner. I can’t just close the church because Mrs. Jones is coming to confession. She never does anything bad, so after she confesses her sins give her a few prayers as penance and send her on her way. Here’s my spare cassock. Have fun!” Frederick put on the cassock and got into the priest’s side of the confessional. Mrs. Jones entered. “Bless me father for I have sinned. I was with a man last night.” “Go on, my child.” “He took me back to his house.” “Please continue, my child.” “We began to kiss, and eventually I performed oral sex on him.” “Please wait. This is a very serious sin. I must have time to think about your penance.” Frederick left the confessional and went to an open window. He spots a young boy outside pulling weeds. “Hey kid! What does the father give for a <deleted>?” “A Snickers bar and a Coke.”

Abdul Hyderabadi on his wedding night finding that his wife was a virgin exclaims: "I want to kiss the one who took care of you and protected your virginity." She gives a naughty smile and says: "Kiss my a$$!"

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads...