Zyxel

On their first night together, the newly weds decided to set up signals concerning their "urges". The lady said "If you want it, squeeze my BOOB once, if you don't want it, squeeze my BOOB twice." The gent said "OK, if you want it, pull my DONG once, if you don't want it, pull my DONG 48 times."

A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?" "Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years." The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then the interviewer asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M." The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?" "This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in for that."

I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.” I said, “I think my penis tastes funny…”

A guy with a lisp goes to a bar, he approaches the service desk and says “Excuth me, could I have a beer pleathe?” The bartender replies “Thure, hereth your beer.” ”Hey! Thop imitating me.” ”No, I thpeak this way too.” ”Oh….I gueth that’th alright then.” Just then another customer comes in and says “Can I have a beer please?” and the bartender says “Yep, sure thing mate.” The guy with the lisp is pissed. “Hey! You were imitating me.” The bartender comes over and says “No, I wath imitating the other guy.”