Zyxel

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.. The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren," and *poof* she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks. "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun. St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. St Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

A man, somewhat drunk, goes into a bar and says to the bar tender “I bet you I can bite my left eye.” The bartender takes the bet, to which the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The bartender pays up. The next day the man comes back, again somewhat drunk, and says to the bartender “I bet you I can bite my right eye.” Thinking that surely the man can’t have two glass eyes the bartender takes the bet, to which the man takes out his dentures, and uses them to bit his eye. The bar tender pays up. The next day the man appears again, and this time he is super drunk, he approaches the bartender and says “Put a shot glass down the far end of the bar, and I’ll stay at this end and <deleted> into it, if I miss; I’ll pay you double the bet of the last two days.’ The bartender agrees, and the man straight out pisses al over the bar. “The bartender says “Well I guess I won, but you don’t look too upset about losing.” The man explains ‘Well you see; I bet this other guy that I could <deleted> all over your bar, and you wouldn’t care.”